Another Victim Has Come Forward

[mysteriew]

There are many reasons for a victim to decide not to tesify. It is hard to get up on the stand and talk about such terror. In some ways it can make them 'relive' it, because the questioning can be so detailed they have to really dig down and try to remember the event that they have tried so hard to forget. And they feel so vulnerable, and to have to get on the stand and talk about a time that they were their most vulnerable. It is a very personal crime, they spend a lot of time thinking 'why did it happen to me", many people don't realize that they are only a link in a chain, that if they don't take the stand and testify the perp might get off and do it again to someone else.

Smart blonde never feel bad because you didn't testify. You did what you had to do to cope. For some people coping means a chance to confront their perp, some people it is necessary for them to feel they are protecting others. For some, they need more time to emotionally heal before they can talk about it. Your talking about it now means you have healed, and your words now can help others in the same situation.

PS I forgot to say how sorry I am that you had this terrible experience. And how happy I am that you have recovered from it and I must say you appear to have put it into perspective.

 

[smart blonde]

There are many reasons for a victim to decide not to tesify. It is hard to get up on the stand and talk about such terror. In some ways it can make them 'relive' it, because the questioning can be so detailed they have to really dig down and try to remember the event that they have tried so hard to forget. And they feel so vulnerable, and to have to get on the stand and talk about a time that they were their most vulnerable. It is a very personal crime, they spend a lot of time thinking 'why did it happen to me", many people don't realize that they are only a link in a chain, that if they don't take the stand and testify the perp might get off and do it again to someone else.

Smart blonde never feel bad because you didn't testify. You did what you had to do to cope. For some people coping means a chance to confront their perp, some people it is necessary for them to feel they are protecting others. For some, they need more time to emotionally heal before they can talk about it. Your talking about it now means you have healed, and your words now can help others in the same situation.

PS I forgot to say how sorry I am that you had this terrible experience. And how happy I am that you have recovered from it and I must say you appear to have put it into perspective.

I thank everyone for the emotional support.

I just realized it has been almost 30 years.

What's interesting is that even as I was typing about how I rarely think about it anymore, and I truly don't, by the end of my post, my hands were shaking so badly I could hardly type, and am still feeling a bit light-headed. A bit nauseous, too. But, I know I am safe, and have been for almost 3 decades.

I guess there is really no way to gauge the trauma to the psyche these monsters leave behind with their victims.

 

[Missizzy]

I would like to point out that even though our judicial system has come far in the last 25 years concerning rape cases, it's still brutal on the victims. When we went through our trial, ten years ago, it absolutely shocked me as to how "protected" the rights of the rapist were. Every scrap of information about our children, the victims, was allowed in as evidence. Not one iota of personal information was allowed in about the rapist. To this day, that fact just amazes me.

Our children who were raped all have special needs (moderate mental retardation, developmental delay, deafness, multiple mental disorders, spectrum disorder, etc.) and they were only 7-12 years old at the time they were put on the stand and yet they testified for hours under intense pressure. The highly paid defense attorney had them all in tears. Unless you've gone through the experience, you just can't imagine how hard it is to walk your small child past his/her rapist and help them get seated in the witness stand. I felt like I was leading lambs to slaughter. I was on the stand for nine hours. The trial drug on for eight long days. The rapist was on the stand for less than 15 minutes. My point is that justice does not come cheap. It extracts an incredible emotional toll.

Smart Blonde, my prayers are with you. You've done what you needed to do to heal and I thank you for sharing your experience.

 

[Wise Old Owl]

And what you just spoke of is exactly why I don't want this to go to trial. Haven't these women suffered enough? 18 years FGS.

Thank you and bless you for sharing such intimate, horrific moments.

 

[Kimster]

{{{smart blonde}}}

 

[thatswhatshesaid]

I thank everyone for the emotional support.

I just realized it has been almost 30 years.

What's interesting is that even as I was typing about how I rarely think about it anymore, and I truly don't, by the end of my post, my hands were shaking so badly I could hardly type, and am still feeling a bit light-headed. A bit nauseous, too. But, I know I am safe, and have been for almost 3 decades.

I guess there is really no way to gauge the trauma to the psyche these monsters leave behind with their victims.

:hug: Thank you, Smart Blonde, for getting through your discomfort to share your story and insight with us. :hug:

 

[Spangle]

IT use to be that a woman's only choice in life was to get married. And if her husband died, to get remarried quickly. The other option was to be considered a prostitute r someone who was free with her favors. An out cast.

Women couldn't afford to admit they had been raped. THey would no longer be considered 'good.' By both men and women.

Kept even more hidden is the rape of men and boys. The shame is considered even worse. They were considered no longer a man. Going after rapist that attack boys is a modern thing.

Much of the shame that is given by/from society to rape victims is gone today. It is no longer considered their fault. They are no longer considered permanently damaged, unmarriageable. Women no longer need to be 'pure' to be married. OR considered a *advertiser censored* for having sex. And men now know that boys that are raped, don't mean they are guy or will turn guy. "Gay" isn't something a person catches.

I in no way, shape or form, blame someone who didn't come forward about a rape. It was more the norm, then reporting it. A matter of survival.

Many years ago, it was pointed out that if victims are continued to be harassed, blamed, treated like trash, then they can NOT come forward. The system knows it has a problem. Some things have changed. Some things have not.

These young ladies have been through a lot. Instead of being shamed, society is excited that they are 'home'. Cause it shows hope that others can come home as well. No shame, JOY!

200 years ago, if Jaycee was being returned being held captive by Indians, etc. Where it would be assumed she was a sex slave, etc. The thought was that it would have been better if she died. People would be 'happy' she was alive. But wouldn't want to have anything to do with her. No man would want her, etc. So no marriage would be for her. Mix joy. Joy she was alive. Saddness, because she would have no life. And saddness that THAT would effect her whole family. Shame.

We have came along way.

 

[Cubby]

Remember - this happened in 1972. Back then - when women were raped and they testified - they were "ripped apart" on the stand! It was horrific. Defense attorneys would criticize what they were wearing, they were "asking for it", they were asked how manay other boyfriends they had - how times they had "sex". It was a terrible terrible thing to go through. With this girl only being 14 I'm sure her parents didn't want to traumatize her any more. And believe me - she left with him (willingly) - drugs were involved --- it would have been devistating for her to testify BACK THEN - things have changed since then.

This is exactly true. Last spring I spoke with a detective on a different missing persons case, 14 yr old who went missing- is believed to be deceased and has never been found. She was raped and killed by a man with a long rap sheet known to provide his victims with drugs prior to raping them. His explaination to me was if a female took drugs with the victim back in the 70's rape cases were incredibly difficult to prosecute - because the female would be viewed as willingly taking some drugs or having a few drinks, thus she was 'asking for it'. Thus, those who did choose to testify, the cases often went unconvicted. Incredibly sad, but that is how it was back in the 70's.

 

[minazoe]

This is exactly true. Last spring I spoke with a detective on a different missing persons case, 14 yr old who went missing- is believed to be deceased and has never been found. She was raped and killed by a man with a long rap sheet known to provide his victims with drugs prior to raping them. His explaination to me was if a female took drugs with the victim back in the 70's rape cases were incredibly difficult to prosecute - because the female would be viewed as willingly taking some drugs or having a few drinks, thus she was 'asking for it'. Thus, those who did choose to testify, the cases often went unconvicted. Incredibly sad, but that is how it was back in the 70's.

yes, yes, you put this so well.When I was abducted by a very bad guy in the 70's, I got away from him by jumping from a moving car in an alley. He had removed the plastic buttons off of the door lock , but I was able to get my finger in and coax it open. i coughed as the button came up to disguise the sound. Then I punched him in the face and threw myself out.

He tried to run me over. I was hysterical and could only make animal sounds.

after the cops and my boyfriend came ...their remedy for the situation was cocktails. My boyfriend telling me to never discuss it beyond him and my mother...ever...

the 70's oh yes , I remember well.

 

[thatswhatshesaid]

yes, yes, you put this so well.When I was abducted by a very bad guy in the 70's, I got away from him by jumping from a moving car in an alley. He had removed the plastic buttons off of the door lock , but I was able to get my finger in and coax it open. i coughed as the button came up to disguise the sound. Then I punched him in the face and threw myself out.

He tried to run me over. I was hysterical and could only make animal sounds.

after the cops and my boyfriend came ...their remedy for the situation was cocktails. My boyfriend telling me to never discuss it beyond him and my mother...ever...

the 70's oh yes , I remember well.

I hate that attitude that shamed so many innocent victims, but thank heavens you were so smart and brave and got away!!! :blowkiss:

 

[arielilane]

I didn't mean to write such a long post above, I guess I just want it on record I can understand why the 14 year old might not have taken him to trial.

(((((( hugs )))))

 

[soyesterday]

I thank everyone for the emotional support.

I just realized it has been almost 30 years.

What's interesting is that even as I was typing about how I rarely think about it anymore, and I truly don't, by the end of my post, my hands were shaking so badly I could hardly type, and am still feeling a bit light-headed. A bit nauseous, too. But, I know I am safe, and have been for almost 3 decades.

I guess there is really no way to gauge the trauma to the psyche these monsters leave behind with their victims.

I know what you mean.....about the physical symptoms you were having....
i'm 33 years old now, but when i told one of my best friends a few years ago about having been abused from 11 years old to 18 years old....
even though i was an adult and it wasn't happening anymore....
just having to type it to her was so much harder than i thought it'd be....
i was shaking so bad....i felt like i could barely breathe and like i was going to throw up all at the same time....
That was just one of the first of many people i finally started to tell....and now it's so much easier to talk about.....keeping it in for all those years was torture.....
I'm so sorry you had to go through such a horrible thing

 

[Kaley Smith]

Sorry for what some of you have gone through. Thanks for sharing your story Smart Blonde. I managed to escape two molesters and two potential rapists when I was young, and one guy in my apartment block just a few years ago who broke the 3-year order of protection I had against him after his attempted assault. He got 10 days in jail and never bothered me again. I consider myself extremely lucky.

 

[minazoe]

lots of disenfranchised kids in the 70's , if you were a girl, there was nothing much to hold you up. If someone older took advantage of an underage girl or young woman, the girl had few options.

the girl would get silenced by the parents, who would want to cover the shame
the girl would get blamed
the girl would be uncool
the girl would be stigmatized
the girl would ultimately be punished.

looking back I can say I knew many girls who shouldered the blame in silence and owned all the responsibility just to deny the hurt. deny their teacher/neighbor/father/cousin/newspaper boy/ whatever , had taken advantage and had sex with them at 13, 14 years old. Knowing full well.

it was a very crazy crazy world back then , and a girl was just chicken out there...mOO