WA WA - Sky Metalwala, 2, Bellevue, 6 Nov 2011 - # 6

[Chris_Texas]

I can think of at least 3 children that have gone missing since Casey was acquitted whose mothers are most likely involved. That is one of the reasons I was so upset at the verdict. It sent a message that not only can you get rid of your child and not face any consequences but it can be profitable, too.

Yep. The Casey Anthony lesson was not lost on our nation's maniacs.

1. Kill Kids
2. Hide the body
3. Profit!

 

[MsFacetious]

And because a mother cleans the floor that her children play on, she is OCD? And so OCD that she does not let the children eat, sleep on the beds, etc? When my kids were crawling I cleaned the floor often, because I knew they would be on it. I am not OCD at all. Not even a little bit. I agree she may have OCD but I am saying that she may not have it as bad as he is claiming she does.

I am OCD but not so much about cleaning. More safety and organization... laundry, dishes, toys, holiday things...

However, I vacuum every day and more than once a day if the kids make a mess. It is a "minor OCD" thing of mine.

The difference between Julia and I, is that my kids are fed BEFORE I start cleaning.
I do not clean 6-7 hours a day unless there is an event coming up.
I do not demand perfection from anyone except myself, I do not make negative statements around my kids.
I do not restrict my kids... I just bite my lip and clean it up... reorganize the closet, whatever.

The difference between being clean and being obsessive compulsive is when it interferes with your life. Just like an addiction.
When you are cleaning instead of feeding your children, that is a problem.
When you won't let your children sleep in their beds, or wear their clothes, or eat in the house... that is OCD (or something.)

I think that CPS and the family courts have a very good idea just how spectacularly they blew it here and might be compensating through potentially excess caution.

They might also feel that it is best to take it slow, and it might well be that dad agrees with them. We don't know what kind of psychological landmines mom might have planted in her daughter's mind.

Finally, I suspect that dad is working WITH them and has probably not tried terribly hard for custody just yet. He has a LOT on his plate at the moment. He might just be thrilled that his daughter is safe, and content to leave it at that for the time being.

I agree with the below.
I would also consider that if he has custody then people will know where to find her.
As long as she is in foster care, no one knows where she is.

There MAY be a less than pure motive for Julia recommending she be placed with her father... it would certainly make her easier to find.

Is it possible Sky starved to death?

Two weeks since he was last seen?? Sure... especially dehydrating.
Solomon had to feed M because Julia didn't allow food in the house.
How did they eat once Solomon was no longer allowed in the picture.

How have they eaten for the past 10 months?

 

[Rougelatete]

In this thread #355 I quoted one of your posts I had bookmarked. Thanks for your insight especially on the effect of disorganized cognitive thought I bookmarked that too.:smile:

Thank you so much, MizStery! I apologize for the sidenote here, but I sent you a PM and am new to the website so I wasn't sure if you received it or not. Posting here, because I, at least, know how to do that. If you didn't receive my PM, please let me know and I'll try again. :blushing:

 

[DairyGirl]

Women allege abuse all the time, not just in custody fights. It's an EASY allegation to make. It automatically allows the woman to claim victim status, it offers a blanket excuse for anything she might have done herself, it is accepted as fact -- without evidence -- by a good percentage of people, and she knows that 99% of the time it cannot be disproven anyway.

I learned this when I had to stay in a women's shelter with my kids years ago. I was leaving an alcoholic, abusive man and many of the women in there were acting like they were on vacation. They talked about how they got tired of their mate so they alleged abuse so they could get a place to stay and help with getting assistance and rent subsidies. They were giving out tips on how to take advantage of the system.

 

[Zuckerschnecke]

I agree with you. It's pretty obvious to me that he loved her very much, and probably still does to an extent; however, he KNEW she was spiraling out of control and needed to protect his children. It's a disgrace that NO ONE listened to him.

Having said that, I am left to wonder why he is not in custody of his daughter after a week.

I can imagine that they would be concerned that the Dad would give in and let her have access to the daughter. He is very vulnerable now and giving the daughter time alone might also help them if they want to talk to her further. I can only imagine what she's been told by the mother. But I know nothing on the law, I can only speculate where their thinking is. I'm sure they think by Dec 5th they are going to have some answers and Mom getting custody will be mute point.

 

[hollyblue]

I believe it is quite possible she deprived him of enough food and he may have become physically ill as a result. However, I do not think this was the COD (I am assuming he is no longer alive). It would appear more likely she intentionally killed him, in the least "messy" way possible.

MOO

IF she did cause Sky's death, I'm not so sure I can stomach it. It frightens me...because I think she is a very, very mentally sick woman. I don't want to go there.

 

[cluciano63]

I learned this when I had to stay in a women's shelter with my kids years ago. I was leaving an alcoholic, abusive man and many of the women in there were acting like they were on vacation. They talked about how they got tired of their mate so they alleged abuse so they could get a place to stay and help with getting assistance and rent subsidies. They were giving out tips on how to take advantage of the system.

I wish that shocked me...
Pretty sad way of abusing one of the few options open to the truly abused.

I often think defense attorneys even suggest abuse, if a client doesn't mention it, i.e wasn't there a time or two when he hit you or threatened you...JMO

 

[IHAVENOCLUE]

I just learned there is a PostPartum onset OCD, its a real thing! It makes sense.

http://www.babybluesconnection.org/about_ppd/symptoms.htm#Postpartum Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

It explains why she just wasnt attached to him. It would explain (if she did what I think she did) why he is missing and not his sister. It is however...NOT AN EXCUSE.

Thanks, ClassyT!
I wanted to look up post-partum onset of OCD, but had not done so yet!

 

[Hope32]

http://images.bimedia.net/documents/Decl+of+Solomon+Metalwala.pdf

I broke down some of the stuff in the doc. for those that can't read it:

She was not eating right (SM would bring her food so she would eat after he got home) One time she even passed out and neighbor called medic's.

She was not sleeping right.

She was depressed, bi-polar and Severe OCD per 2 doctors.

She would not keep food in the house and would call her husband to come get M. because M. was hungry.

She made M. sleep until 2pm.

She would not leave the house often or allow company to come over.

She made them moved from house to house because she was not comfortable. which caused them to loose the condo because it was intended for a rental.

She wanted pill's not any other alternatives. Later saying she never needed those pills and he forced her to take them.

She got severally worse after Sky was born.

She would not take M. to preschool forcing the husband too.

She made them all wear the same clothes everyday washing them each night not to upset the closet's.

Would not allow them to sleep in bed because it was a "perfect place" forcing them all to sleep on the floor in the living room.

Would not allow dad to say goodnight to M. for fear of dirt traveling around, he was only allowed in the bathroom and living room (soon after though he was not even allowed to go into the bathroom)

She started having dreams of strangling the youngest Sky.

She developed a unusual bond with her daughter.

She would make statements that M. would repeat back like a parrot. Most famous one was " I am going to kill myself"

She would bribe the daughter with toys ect. to get her to do what she wanted. bribed her with a dollhouse and let her play on her bike knowing she would not choice dad over those things.

after they lost the house he moved in with his mom and brother with the kids, mom moved in with her friend SO.

They were granted shared custody in sep. 2010, she became very angry
She retaliated against him frequently after this falsely (I say this because it was proven he did not do those things) pointing the finger at him 5 times each getting worse then the other.

M. started saying things like "the car belongs to mom, the store belongs to mom you took it away" and she stated he "took the condo away"

He thought she might be suffering from Munchhausen hurting the kids to draw attention to herself and blaming it on the dad. He passed the Poly regarding this abuse.

His greatest fear is that she will hurt herself and/or the kids.

She wanted more money ($500) a month. Even filed contempt of court on him when he missed 1 payment, which he has since payed.

She wanted stuff from the house he believes he does not have. He offers to take her attorney through the house to check.

Hope this helps some...MOO

BBM

From personal knowledge I know that OCD is often a common co-morbidity(occurs with) that comes with bi-polar disorder. So I am not all that surprised if she was both and also those with bi-polar can have many different faces they can put on depending on the group of people they are with.

 

[Madilu]

I fixed the link in my original post - here is another...

http://images.bimedia.net/documents/Decl+of+Solomon+Metalwala.pdf

Thank you so much for posting this link. I am in the middle of reading it, but so far it is really pulling everything into focus. It explains the staged photos, and also why little girl is saying Sky was in the car -when he talks about how JB would make statements to her often enough that the girl would mimic them "M will say what she is told to say, as long as she thinks that there is some reward for continuing to play along." Now back to reading this lengthy document. I totally find the father to be credible -you can't make this stuff up...right?

 

[gitana1]

http://images.bimedia.net/documents/Decl+of+Solomon+Metalwala.pdf

I broke down some of the stuff in the doc. for those that can't read it:

She was depressed, bi-polar and Severe OCD per 2 doctors.

* Sorry for the edit, Miziree -- I wanted to focus on this one part, if that's okay. Are we sure she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder? If so, that would bolster my theory that she had some kind of psychotic break. I was having trouble fitting a psychotic break into her diagnosis of OCD, which was the only diagnosis I'd heard until now. But, people diagnosed with bipolar disorder sometimes do have psychotic breaks -- typically during a manic phase (which can also affect sleep, appetite, etc). Please don't get me wrong -- not all people diagnosed with bipolar disorder have psychotic breaks. But, it is known to happen in some so, if what you write is true, then it would fit with my theory. It would also explain how she can appear rational at one point and irrational at another, only to return to rational. Psychotic breaks are temporary. A manic episode might also explain the haircut/shoe buying, etc. People experiencing mania have high energy and low self-restraint so some go on shopping sprees.

If she's been holing herself up in the apartment and isolating, neighbors/friends/family may not have been aware of a manic episode or possible psychotic break. This also would help explain why one child disappeared and the other did not. If she had a psychotic break, she was not reality-based and thinking rationally and she could have experienced hallucinations that might have told her Sky was dangerous/dirty/a threat/had to be done away with, but not M. It's all speculation on my part, but if she's previously been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it would explain a lot more than the OCD diagnosis did, I think.

IF she did cause Sky's death, I'm not so sure I can stomach it. It frightens me...because I think she is a very, very mentally sick woman. I don't want to go there.

I'm thinking that if she was mentally ill enough to kill her son, or if he died as a result of her inability to care for him, then we will likely hear of her being hospitalized (or suicide) soon. She will continue to spiral as she recalls or is aware of what happened.

If, however, she is like casey anthony or (IMO) Terri Horman and coldly disposed of her child for whatever reason, she can keep on indefinitely, the way she is. But if it truly was a result of a massive mental breakdown, we will be hearing a lot more from her in one form or another, very soon.

 

[Madilu]

I'm thinking that the apartment complex was not aware that both of the kids lived with JB full time. Looking at the photos on flicker of the apartment it appears that the living room area was used as the kids playroom/bedroom. There is a box spring and mattress on the floor with sheets on it in a couple of pictures and then it is up against the wall in other pictures. This tells me that they lived in a one bedroom apartment. You can see that the kitchen is in the same open area as the bed on the floor is. I'm not sure what the laws are for the number of people allowed to to be in a rented home/apartment compared to the number of bedrooms but here in SC you can only have 2 people per bedroom. In other words, mother and two kids would have to have a 2 bedroom apartment. Perhaps when JB moved in to the apartment she told them on the application that the kids stayed with her overnight on visits.

MOO

After reading the court document that was posted (February 1, 2011), I have a hunch that there were plenty of bedrooms, but that due to her OCD illness, the family was not allowed to sleep in them. The father stated that at one point they all had to sleep on the living room floor, since JB did not want the bedrooms to get dust in them, and that the beds were perfect and they were not allowed to ruffle one sheet.

 

[Magdalyn]

Is it possible Sky starved to death?

I think, considering the lack of care she provided the children, it's a good possibility, though I think it would be more likely he'd succumb to affects of dehydration before he would of malnutrition.

My daughter was diagnosed with Faliure to Thrive, Dehydration and Malnurtition at 10 mos old, only it wasn't due to lack of feeding, it was due to a rare metobolic/gastro disorder in conjunction with projectile vomiting. (And she's totally fine now and 10 years old.)

Anyway, she was losing about a pound per week(!) while they were still convinced she just had reflux. It was severe dehydration that got her hospitalized, though I'm sure lack of nutrients was exacerbating things.

But I'm just thinking about Sky being left alone with a 4 year old. What if mom left before they woke up that morning? His last liquids or foods being the night before, maybe. What if M can help herself to water but Sky can't? What if Sky isn't able to properly communicate his need to M, and mom is ignoring both?

With dehydration, the child gets increasingly listless. For me, the signs were a sudden lack of interest in nursing, she was listless, her eyes dry, her fontanel suddenly sunken, and the worst was, she was non-reactive to everything. She didn't cry, wouldn't look up at sounds, etc. When we rushed her to the hospital, she didn't even cry/react to the needles when they drew blood. And she was concious!

So I'm imaging--if it went down this way, a combination of malnutrition and dehydration--Sky would become an 'easier' child for her to deal with, if this ocurred over the course of several days, he'd get increasingly more lethargic, and ironically, less interested in eating/drinking as he got weaker. And then, once your blood chemistry gets enough out of whack, it either affects your heart (potassium imbalance) or your kidneys/liver ... brain damage...everything can fall apart very quickly.

A side note--this could all happen fairly quickly if it's exacerbated by diarrhea either from a virus or as a side effect of teething. If a kid has diarreah and mom isn't replenishing with an electrolyte drink, that can be deadly. :twocents:

Sorry for the epistle! :seeya:

 

[Madilu]

What makes this even more heartbreaking is that there were warning signs (Time's Square style) everywhere that were ignored by a plethora of people.

I think the same thing -given all of the issues, and all of the professionals involved in this case (doctors, lawyers, the father, the family, friends, the court, case/social workers, etc., etc.) Collectively they failed Sky. Seems rigorous follow up and monitoring should have been in place given her diagnosis. Heartbreaking.

 

[TorisMom003]

After reading the court document that was posted (February 1, 2011), I have a hunch that there were plenty of bedrooms, but that due to her OCD illness, the family was not allowed to sleep in them. The father stated that at one point they all had to sleep on the living room floor, since JB did not want the bedrooms to get dust in them, and that the beds were perfect and they were not allowed to ruffle one sheet.

But SM was talking of when he lived with them as in the house that they shared. JB now has an apartment and from the photos that I saw it is not a large apartment.

Anyone remember the name of the apartment complex? I wanted to check if they have a website and look at some things that I found in some of the other photos that she posted.

 

[TorisMom003]

Too upset to talk with police about your missing child?
Please...

But not upset enough to the point that she was able to go online to her flickr account and place a sun on dads face in that photo of her, dad and M. I know that photo was NOT in there the past couple of days when I first saw the photos in her account. That was done recently.

 

[stunned again]

The brother (?) IMO, looks VERY uncomfortable in the photos!

 

[Magdalyn]

But not upset enough to the point that she was able to go online to her flickr account and place a sun on dads face in that photo of her, dad and M. I know that photo was NOT in there the past couple of days when I first saw the photos in her account. That was done recently.

Anyone wonder if the lawyer is advising her to stay under wraps and off camera (literally and figuratively) because her demeanor at this time is totally NOT appropriate for the mother of a missing child? I'm just wondering if the lawyer is spending time with her and thinking "If the judge and the public get a load of this, we're sunk." :waitasec:

 

[Madilu]

Is it possible Sky starved to death?

Good question. In my opinion, no -in pictures he looked well nourished. But then again -I don't know what is the most recent picture of him. Anyone? infants/toddlers can go down hill pretty quickly can't they?

 

[Rougelatete]

BBM

From personal knowledge I know that OCD is often a common co-morbidity(occurs with) that comes with bi-polar disorder. So I am not all that surprised if she was both and also those with bi-polar can have many different faces they can put on depending on the group of people they are with.

OCD is definitely comorbid with other disorders. So far as I am aware, there is not a stronger link with OCD and Bipolar than OCD with other disorders. In my work, I've seen OCD most strongly associated with another diagnosis of depression, but that's just within my personal experience. I have also seen medication-induced OCD as well as OCD linked with psychotic disorders. But, for the most part, it's been comorbid with depression in my experience.

If anyone has more information on this, I'd love to hear it.