Allison Baden-Clay, GENERAL CASE DISCUSSION THREAD -#31

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Oh possum me too..... : (

Thank God Mine's out of town working, when he comes back for a couple o days each month, I race round 'pretending' to be a dedicated housekeeper, cook, etc.:floorlaugh: And of course, I've had to swear the kids to secrecy as they have discovered my 'addiction' (darn)!!! They can't say too much though as they all have things they're a little bit addicted to too!!:floorlaugh:
 
And it's known that leaving can escalate the violence and then you have the joint custody of the children leaving you and them more vulnerable. It's not as easy as "take the kids and run" it's hard to prove family violence and even in instances where there has been violence and documented injuries etc and the police have been involved, the children still have the right to contact with both parents. There's the mindset in the law that just because they hurt you, doesn't mean they'll hurt the children. The children are then often used to get at the other party. There are no simple answers.
My post was referring to that Allison did not seem to have an acute perception of imminent danger of being murdered that night, not the chronic family violence situation which, sadly, many choose to remain within. Hope that is helpful. MOO.
 
There are too many "issues" to find a simple solution - one size fits all. While not a victim of domestic abuse myself, i do find some of my husband's conversations are conducted in a disrespectful manner and that his own inadequacies colour his tone. I see how HIS father speaks to his wife and realise that it is self-perpetuating through generations. It takes a strong woman to express her feelings about being spoken down to and accepting behaviour that is less than respectful.

This then I believe is the key to reducing domestic abuse in the future - the generations to come, our children, need to be taught the meaning of respect and acceptable behaviour. This I feel lands significantly at the feet of the mothers. I hope that my son's future behaviour is respectful, helpful and polite, and that my daughter is able to be friends with men who are nothing less than respectful of woman. A hard ask, but just like manners, grammar, habits etc, it is a never-ending task that becomes automatic.

I was listening to an interview on today's ABC Radio Cairns (for the life of me can find it on the website!!) about what it means to be a man. In past generations knowledge was handed down, but in this generation we are lacking "mentors" and this has lead to a breakdown in acceptable behaviours and control of risk-taking behaviours in teen boys. They look to each other to validate there behaviour. Don't know where this is going........ anyone???...

thanks for the welcome - thought I had it bad as a lurker but now I am participating...oh dear...... anyone for baked beans on toast for dinner?!:blushing:

Hi MaxwellSmart...
The moment that you have pressed that Quote button you have cooked your goose. lol :floorlaugh:

I above all have many reasons why I should not be here as well. Welcome aboard.
 
Thank God Mine's out of town working, when he comes back for a couple o days each month, I race round 'pretending' to be a dedicated housekeeper, cook, etc.:floorlaugh: And of course, I've had to swear the kids to secrecy as they have discovered my 'addiction' (darn)!!! They can't say too much though as they all have things they're a little bit addicted to too!!:floorlaugh:

Oh me too :floorlaugh: mines away 5weeks then home 5. Amazing what you can get done in record time
 
The first pictures of flower tributes I saw on the fence at Allison's house was a picture of flowers and white ribbons as well. I have the picture but need help on how to attach or imbed a picture on a post:please:

The significance of the white ribbon is

White Ribbon is an organisation that is working to prevent the most common and pervasive form of male violence – that towards women. All forms of violence are unacceptable. White Ribbon believes the prevention of violence against women will change society for the better.
This the website where men pledge not to commit Dv
http://www.whiteribbon.org.au/what-is-white-ribbon

I am not alleging any BC is guilty of this. Maybe who ever put the white ribbons on the fence knows. As maybe some of the residents of Brookfield knew about his affairs.

RIP Allison.

Thanks Flinders for telling us about White Ribbon. It's great to know that there are men who are committed to stamping out the notion that women are just 'useful objects' rather than human beings with needs, wants, thoughts, valid opinions and feelings, worthy of genuine respect.

Just wish there were a few more who had the 'balls' to truly and genuinely relate to women, rather than just use us.
 
Thanks Fuskier and Maxwellsmart. IMO not all women will grab kids and flee family violence. There are many, many reasons why women stay in abusive situations - whether it be physical or emotional abuse. I don't think abuse was new to ABC. She was just like many others and stayed. And paid the ultimate price. I also think I read that ABC & GBC were attending counselling.

My post was referring to that Allison did not seem to have an acute perception of imminent danger of being murdered that night, not the chronic family violence situation which, sadly, many choose to remain within. Hope that is helpful. MOO
 
:tyou: Maxwell, and welcome! you're going to like it here.

I agree. The bottom line is RESPECT, something my partner and I value greatly, and strive to hand down to our children. Without it, I'm afraid mades bad things happen to good people.

You've hit the nail on the head. IMO the bottom line is RESPECT. Respect firstly for yourself. IMO respect is the most important thing in any relationship and it has to be mutual. Second is honesty and then comes communication.

Don't ever lower the bar of your expectations in what you want and how you expect to be treated. If partner's etc. don't measure up to that bar, then IMO they don't deserve to be a part of your life. I learned this the hard way and I'm now happy, contented and very much loved.
 
Oh good you are here Doc Watson.

Sorry if someone has already asked you this but earlier today there was a discussion about the age of blood.

Are you aware (or would any of your contacts be able to help with this) of a dedicated test that can state the age of blood i.e. the blood is 5 days old/5 years old/500 years old? I have heard that no such test exists and that blood (outside of the body) cannot be age tested.

Cheers
 
The significance of the white ribbon is

White Ribbon is an organisation that is working to prevent the most common and pervasive form of male violence – that towards women. All forms of violence are unacceptable. White Ribbon believes the prevention of violence against women will change society for the better.
This the website where men pledge not to commit Dv
http://www.whiteribbon.org.au/what-is-white-ribbon

I am not alleging any BC is guilty of this. Maybe who ever put the white ribbons on the fence knows. As maybe some of the residents of Brookfield knew about his affairs.
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/al...rged-with-murder/story-e6frf7jo-1226394768364

Link to picture of white ribbons that I've found
Link to white ribbons picture
:goodpost:
 
Wow BJS - I haven't heard that term before but boy do I know some gfs who have succumbed to this sort of manipulative BS before leaving their partners.
Very interesting. Thanks for the article. :)

The name came from a movie originally. The movie was from 1940 and called "Gas Light" In it, a man marries a wealthy woman with the motive to drive her insane and thereby gain her fortune. He starts lighting lamps around the house where she can't see them thereby dimming the lamps in the rest of the house. When she questions it, he tells her she's imagining it. She begins to believe she's going crazy and the ultimate effect is, she is going crazy and that was his intent.

The man above knew what he was doing and why, but most people are unaware that they are doing it because their covert agenda is unknown even to them. They're obviously fighting for something but they don't know what and neither do we.
 
What I have trouble understanding is, why would a parent who's son has been charged twice with domestic violence and had been a victim herself totally deny and refuse to believe her son has done anything wrong? Is it because thats how she dealt with her own situation? Our daughters ex's mum just wont have it he has done anything wrong. He is only 24 and it worries me what he will do to his next partner :(
 
You've hit the nail on the head. IMO the bottom line is RESPECT. Respect firstly for yourself. IMO respect is the most important thing in any relationship and it has to be mutual. Second is honesty and then comes communication.

Don't ever lower the bar of your expectations in what you want and how you expect to be treated. If partner's etc. don't measure up to that bar, then IMO they don't deserve to be a part of your life. I learned this the hard way and I'm now happy, contented and very much loved.

I can not see Allison getting the respect she deserved. It makes me sad.
 
The name came from a movie originally. The movie was from 1940 and called "Gas Light" In it, a man marries a wealthy woman with the motive to drive her insane and thereby gain her fortune. He starts lighting lamps around the house where she can't see them thereby dimming the lamps in the rest of the house. When she questions it, he tells her she's imagining it. She begins to believe she's going crazy and the ultimate effect is, she is going crazy and that was his intent.

The man above knew what he was doing and why, but most people are unaware that they are doing it because their covert agenda is unknown even to them. They're obviously fighting for something but they don't know what and neither do we.

I remember seeing that movie at my grandma's house (she was asleep) when I was about 11 or 12 with my slightly younger sister
We were petrified and mesmerized by the whole thing.
 
Save her own arse more like it

Mmmmm and a lot of it too IMO.

This could be related to the 12.30am facetime call...."oh I had to answer it cos hubby wouldn't hear it without his ear aids....and etc etc"

Would that get him out of it too?
 
What can we do? I think we "came together" here for a reason.
How can we help spread this message?
For a start, we're doing it collectively on this forum. Keep up the good work. The conference is another avenue to address these issues which may lead to some kind of sociolegal action. Many are making a start. There's a mens movement advocating an end to violence against women i.e. the white ribbon movement. This is also a start in the right direction. Let's keep going. Sometimes we have to find the answers along the way. It like people on this forum erecting a symbol (i.e.the sunflower cross) at Kholo bridge, that sends a message to others as well that there is a community here which is outraged by this murder. MOO.
 
My post was referring to that Allison did not seem to have an acute perception of imminent danger of being murdered that night, not the chronic family violence situation which, sadly, many choose to remain within. Hope that is helpful. MOO.

Yes, I see what you mean.
 
Oh good you are here Doc Watson.

Sorry if someone has already asked you this but earlier today there was a discussion about the age of blood.

Are you aware (or would any of your contacts be able to help with this) of a dedicated test that can state the age of blood i.e. the blood is 5 days old/5 years old/500 years old???

As I have heard that no such test exists and that blood (outside of the body) cannot be age tested.

Cheers

Hi Mani - yes, just sat down at the computer. But it would have shown me as being logged on here all day - the computer just sits turned on but with the screen blanked off, while email, this forum, and a couple of other things just update 24/7. Not very carbon-friendly, I know, but much easier than logging in and out all the time.

What a day...! Won't go into details though.

Re the ageing tests on blood - I'm not a forensic pathologist, as you know, (only a dumb surgeon) but the only thing I can recall reading about was some obscure test using RNA (not DNA) and the amount of breakdown of the RNA in the specimen. I vaguely recall reading something about that a few years ago, but I can't remember where. Or it may have been a presentation at a conference.

My overall impression is that determining the length of time since a bloodstain was created is very difficult and unreliable - but I stress I'm not up with the VERY latest in forensic testing in the lab.
 
It's called Gaslighting Nads! Sorry you had to go through that! xx
This is quite a serious matter for it makes the victim of the emotional abuse feel like they are defective and 'crazy'. Overtime they get worn down, feel helpless, lose confidence and you can see it written on their faces. It's called gaslighting by some, but in FT terms it is also called 'crazymaking' and there are families which make a member feel like they are crazy - but the family dynamics are toxic. IMO.
 
Hi Mani - yes, just sat down at the computer. But it would have shown me as being logged on here all day - the computer just sits turned on but with the screen blanked off, while email, this forum, and a couple of other things just update 24/7. Not very carbon-friendly, I know, but much easier than logging in and out all the time.

What a day...! Won't go into details though.

Re the ageing tests on blood - I'm not a forensic pathologist, as you know, (only a dumb surgeon) but the only thing I can recall reading about was some obscure test using RNA (not DNA) and the amount of breakdown of the RNA in the specimen. I vaguely recall reading something about that a few years ago, but I can't remember where. Or it may have been a presentation at a conference.

My overall impression is that determining the length of time since a bloodstain was created is very difficult and unreliable - but I stress I'm not up with the VERY latest in forensic testing in the lab.

Thank you for that. As BJSleuth has mentioned, it is going to be interesting when they eventually reveal the information about the blood in the car etc.
I guess we will have to wait and see.
Cheers :)
 
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