Domestic Violence - Our Stories and Information

[Humdinger]

Hugs to all of you amazing women xo I'll come back later and share mine.

 

[linette]

What about emotional abuse also .. you know the style - when your needs are completely ignored and if you dare to voice them it's the silent treatment and refusal to adjust as if to prove a point. I guess this is how it starts, in subtle little ways before anything you can actually 'pin down' as abuse really starts. Hard to know where that grey line starts. Has anyone else experienced the early stages and is aware of the red flags before the first big row that gets completely out of hand?

Yes, you're right. It is grey area. The emotional abuse is the one that drains you of everything. Some never move on to the physical violence, but alot do.
When they start the emotional stuff, we don't even know what's happening. Before we know it we're already blaming ourselves, because they're good at that. These people {men & Women}can come across as lovely people in the beginning. They have to or we'd never go near them.
You end up so down and out you don't even know who you are or who you use to be. I remember when I left my ex, a friend was saying to me how it would al be ok... I said to her "But I don't even know how I use to be to even be able to get back my old self." I couldn't remember what I use to like or dislike, I couldn't even remember what type of sense of humour I had because it had been so long since I was allowed to use it. I didn't think that I'd even be able to think for myself again, as that privellage had been taken away years before. I felt like a shell of a person, barely even getting by.

It's even hard to tell when it goes from emotional to physical aswell, a little shove here and there... before you know it's out of hand.

Nobody should put up with any of this, but they suck us in and we don't realise til it's too late.

 

[Aussie_expat.sg]

well....I read your stories a couple of nights ago, and was dumbfounded. Couldn't think of anything worthwhile to say to all of you who have suffered so much. I stared and stared at the page and just felt numb. I still will not be able to find words adequate to console you all, or explain how I feel for you, but I have to say SOMETHING because I am very moved by your pain.

How brave you all are to dust yourselves off, get up all bruised and battered and have the courage to carry on. I keep trying to put myself in your shoes and although (of course) i think that I just would not put up with that stuff, who knows ....at different times of our lives we are vulnerable or strong...if they catch you when you are vulnerable, then they have the upper hand.

I am so lucky to have grown up in the warm love of a wonderful father and even though my marriage failed, we are still friendly and warm to each other. I have never had violence in my life, and I'm awfully scared of it in others. Once Were Warriors was pretty much one of the worst movies I have ever seen, but I know people from NZ (my ex for one) and they tell me about people they know who are in the same boat. This happens all over the world. I have experienced much sadness in my life - infidelity, death of loved ones, but I am still a whole person because no one has tried to take me down.

I wish there were millions more Hawkins to tell you ladies how wonderful and valued you are in his articulate and caring manner. I wish there were a million rainbows to give you joy and hope. And I wish for you all to find love as it should be - warm and embracing and safe.

 

[Bayside]

I am not sure if I am allowed to post this here, if not mods please delete.

http://www.facebook.com/MummySmiles

There is an auction on now and over the weekend to help raise money for Domestic Violence Refuges in Australia.

All items have been donated.

 

[Jackalyn]

I don't tell my story except face to face but if anyone with Christian beliefs is helped by it I do have a web forum (Hope it is OK to provide a link,) www.jesusheals.org.uk and we minister to women there and on facebook. (Mostly fb these days but maybe the posts or info will help someone. Whatever, -my prayers for all who have suffered whatever their beliefs. (mods if the link is not ok people can always message me and I will give them the forum address.)

The one thing I can say for sure. Your story does not have to end with abuse and you do not have to live with a label.

 

[believe09]

http://www.cnn.com/2012/07/19/us/cnnheroes-crawford-domestic-violence/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

Grants help abused women start over...

http://www.webofbenefit.org/

 

[Katie1Eighty]

YoureNicked

THANKYOU for posting this site. :fence:

Thank you! I'm also finding that site very therapeutic! It reminded me that
I still haven't written my goodbye letter! The music it lists is also helpful for grieving.

 

[Katie1Eighty]

ok - let me kick it off by saying again, thanks to Kimster and Summer Breeze for this.

Legal Assistance for victims of DV -
Your local Community Legal Service can provide advice free of charge and it is not means tested.

Ipswich, Tmba and South West Qld - The Advocacy and Support Centre (TASC) www.tascinc.org.qu 07 46169700 has a presence in Ipswich, Tmba and outreach via its Rural Women Outreach Legal Service (RWOLS) to main centres in South West Qld eg Chinchilla, Roma, Charleville, Cunnamulla, St George, Goondiwindi, Warwick etc.

Legal Aid Qld have fact sheets and telephone advice lines. www.laq.qld.gov.au

Your own Solicitor

Support Services
There are many DV services in our communties. Often Ozcare, St Vincents de Paul, Centacare and Lifeline are good start points. They can provide advice, counselling and support.

Centrelink - have professional staff trained to assist eg social workers etc who are able to speak with individuals and refer/assist to appropriate services. They are also able to assist with some of the difficulties associated with complying with Centrelink obligations when in receipt of benefits.

Better Access program -referral by GP to allied health professionals for counselling, support etc. Used to be up to 10 sessions - not sure with current climate but is still available. Persons are able to access psychological support and counselling etc for minimal cost.

These are just an example of support available to victims of DV and just some quick thoughts before I head out the door.

Hope this helps someone.

Thanks for posting this! I just wanted to add that there is a not-for-profit called DVConnect that can also provide support for Domestic Violence victims.

 

[GEANIE]

:fence:

The brave Sheep and cow girl rocks:rocker:
Love your work :fence:

:fence:Sitting on the fence gives 'One' time to think how fox's work...and watch.
I was once the lamb at the slaughter of my x husband.....no matter how many times I called a truce:truce: he thought that made me selfless..:what:
Back to Allison....whenever we were to go somewhere important he would start abusing me. So once there I was very quiet....and reserved.
People would ask if I was OK....what is wrong.???????????????
Made me look like I was loosing the plot.....just what he wanted.:banghead:
I was to scared to look side ways....because I knew when we got home all hell would break loose.
Holes in the wall from :banghead: was the norm.....him banging my head into it.
Putting a gun to my head while ripping out phone lines....!!!!
These days am happy to sit on the fence....and protect the lambs...:fence:
I was once one of them.:rocker::woohoo: defenceless, to the fox.

 

[possumheart]

:fence:

I was once the lamb at the slaughter of my x husband.....no matter how many times I called a truce:truce: he thought that made me selfless..:what:
Back to Allison....whenever we were to go somewhere important he would start abusing me. So once there I was very quiet....and reserved.
People would ask if I was OK....what is wrong.???????????????
Made me look like I was loosing the plot.....just what he wanted.:banghead:
I was to scared to look side ways....because I knew when we got home all hell would break loose.
Holes in the wall from :banghead: was the norm.....him banging my head into it.
Putting a gun to my head while ripping out phone lines....!!!!

Um, is the ex in Arthur Gorrie or something? :nerves:

 

[Aunty]

:fence:

:fence:Sitting on the fence gives 'One' time to think how fox's work...and watch.
I was once the lamb at the slaughter of my x husband.....no matter how many times I called a truce:truce: he thought that made me selfless..:what:
Back to Allison....whenever we were to go somewhere important he would start abusing me. So once there I was very quiet....and reserved.
People would ask if I was OK....what is wrong.???????????????
Made me look like I was loosing the plot.....just what he wanted.:banghead:
I was to scared to look side ways....because I knew when we got home all hell would break loose.
Holes in the wall from :banghead: was the norm.....him banging my head into it.
Putting a gun to my head while ripping out phone lines....!!!!
These days am happy to sit on the fence....and protect the lambs...:fence:
I was once one of them.:rocker::woohoo: defenceless, to the fox.

Its discusting to think what you must have endured for so long
Glad your safe now. Keep looking forward and don't look back
Never look back
I hope your children never witnessed your abuse.
Here is something to cheer you up

:fence: :lamb::moo::moo::moo::fence:
Us both sitting on fence watching your sheep and cows - cheers

 

[possumheart]

:fence:

:fence:Sitting on the fence gives 'One' time to think how fox's work...and watch.
I was once the lamb at the slaughter of my x husband.....no matter how many times I called a truce:truce: he thought that made me selfless..:what:
Back to Allison....whenever we were to go somewhere important he would start abusing me. So once there I was very quiet....and reserved.
People would ask if I was OK....what is wrong.???????????????
Made me look like I was loosing the plot.....just what he wanted.:banghead:
I was to scared to look side ways....because I knew when we got home all hell would break loose.
Holes in the wall from :banghead: was the norm.....him banging my head into it.
Putting a gun to my head while ripping out phone lines....!!!!
These days am happy to sit on the fence....and protect the lambs...:fence:
I was once one of them.:rocker::woohoo: defenceless, to the fox.

This is a victim friendly forum. I find it disappointing that someone feels that they can come here and freely share stories of such abuse and say that they did nothing. :snooty: It flies in the face of all we stand for here as a group.

 

[alioop]

:fence:

:fence:Sitting on the fence gives 'One' time to think how fox's work...and watch.
I was once the lamb at the slaughter of my x husband.....no matter how many times I called a truce:truce: he thought that made me selfless..:what:
Back to Allison....whenever we were to go somewhere important he would start abusing me. So once there I was very quiet....and reserved.
People would ask if I was OK....what is wrong.???????????????
Made me look like I was loosing the plot.....just what he wanted.:banghead:
I was to scared to look side ways....because I knew when we got home all hell would break loose.
Holes in the wall from :banghead: was the norm.....him banging my head into it.
Putting a gun to my head while ripping out phone lines....!!!!
These days am happy to sit on the fence....and protect the lambs...:fence:
I was once one of them.:rocker::woohoo: defenceless, to the fox.

BIG hugs to you Geanie.

 

[DunnoZo]

tired :websleuther: I :dunno: but I'm kay:

I'm sure every circumstance is different. Lets move on and be here to show support.

 

[minni]

:fence:

:fence:Sitting on the fence gives 'One' time to think how fox's work...and watch.
I was once the lamb at the slaughter of my x husband.....no matter how many times I called a truce:truce: he thought that made me selfless..:what:
Back to Allison....whenever we were to go somewhere important he would start abusing me. So once there I was very quiet....and reserved.
People would ask if I was OK....what is wrong.???????????????
Made me look like I was loosing the plot.....just what he wanted.:banghead:
I was to scared to look side ways....because I knew when we got home all hell would break loose.
Holes in the wall from :banghead: was the norm.....him banging my head into it.
Putting a gun to my head while ripping out phone lines....!!!!
These days am happy to sit on the fence....and protect the lambs...:fence:
I was once one of them.:rocker::woohoo: defenceless, to the fox.

There is a thread that the moderators have made specially for stories about domestic violence. There is another they have provided kindly for us to discuss personal stuff like home life and work. The links are on the Allison Baden CLay of Australia page.

 

[alioop]

:computer:

Poss, I feel Geanie is just sharing what she went through at the hands of someone who sounds like they could have taken her life. If that had happened we may have been on a forum talking about her murder. We have heard many other poster's stories of abuse by men in their lives.

If we can understand how domestic violence can happen from people who are brave enough to share their stories and look for the signs, mainly in women who are suffering in silence then senseless deaths like Allison could be avoided.
It very much sounds like Allison suffered in silence and her family must feel so guilty that they didn't do more to help her but they just didn't know the reality.

I am lucky to say that I have never been abused and have a happy marriage so women sharing their stories is well and truly opening my eyes to what can be happening behind closed doors. Maybe because of that I can someday be alert to someone I know that is in a potentially dangerous situation.

I thank all the posters who have shared their very personal stories.

 

[possumheart]

Poss, I feel Geanie is just sharing what she went through at the hands of someone who sounds like they could have taken her life. If that had happened we may have been on a forum talking about her murder. We have heard many other poster's stories of abuse by men in their lives.

If we can understand how domestic violence can happen from people who are brave enough to share their stories and look for the signs, mainly in women who are suffering in silence then senseless deaths like Allison could be avoided.
It very much sounds like Allison suffered in silence and her family must feel so guilty that they didn't do more to help her but they just didn't know the reality.

I am lucky to say that I have never been abused and have a happy marriage so women sharing their stories is well and truly opening my eyes to what can be happening behind closed doors. Maybe because of that I can someday be alert to someone I know that is in a potentially dangerous situation.

I thank all the posters who have shared their very personal stories.

Having been bashed, raped and left in a ditch to die myself several years ago, I find it difficult when people say they did nothing about the abuse they chose to tell about. The 'did nothing' post however has disappeared. I say this only to clarify, and my personal story doesn't belong here. If anywhere it belongs in the chat section.
But rest assured I sought justice for myself as I do for Allison.

(random, not domestic)

 

[squizzey1]

Poss, I feel Geanie is just sharing what she went through at the hands of someone who sounds like they could have taken her life. If that had happened we may have been on a forum talking about her murder. We have heard many other poster's stories of abuse by men in their lives.

If we can understand how domestic violence can happen from people who are brave enough to share their stories and look for the signs, mainly in women who are suffering in silence then senseless deaths like Allison could be avoided.
It very much sounds like Allison suffered in silence and her family must feel so guilty that they didn't do more to help her but they just didn't know the reality.

I am lucky to say that I have never been abused and have a happy marriage so women sharing their stories is well and truly opening my eyes to what can be happening behind closed doors. Maybe because of that I can someday be alert to someone I know that is in a potentially dangerous situation.

I thank all the posters who have shared their very personal stories.

i know we are talking about poor Allison here but let me assure you it doesnt only happen to women , i know of men who have been physically abused by their wives more than once , and in all cases alchohol was involved, that is by wine infested wives

 

[alioop]

Having been bashed, raped and left in a ditch to die myself several years ago, I find it difficult when people say they did nothing about the abuse they chose to tell about. The 'did nothing' post however has disappeared. I say this only to clarify, and my personal story doesn't belong here. If anywhere it belongs in the chat section.
But rest asured I sought justice for myself as I do for Allison.

(random, not domestic)

Thank goodness you are still alive too Poss. Big hugs to you too.

 

[minni]

Possum, clearly they didn't stand a chance of leaving your warmth, spirit and funny sense of humour in that bloody ditch. I am glad you are here to keep me laughing with your posts and beautiful art xxxx big hugs from me too

Squizzey, I am borrowing the hilarious phrase 'wine infested wives'...it is so funny and I've seen them before so I know its not a myth!!!!!!