Nearly every word in your post about Victorian life made me think and see in my mind, Virginia Woolf. (I'm a big fan.) That is exactly the way it was in her household -- learning the art of letter-writing, dressing for dinner, young girls learning to pour tea, etc., etc., while the boys were at Eton...
And, now as we all know, children are not small adults.
Excellent point. He must have panicked in the midst of all that he did. Suicide note/no suicide note. Slashed wrists or jugulars/No slashing. Not well-planned in spite of his earlier efforts.
IMO, he's in quite a jam. Serves him right.