WARNING------LONG!!! AND ONLY PART ONE OF ONE PART OF MY THANG.
What reason other than laying the foundation for the pedo lie could the have had for manufacturing IM’s about that “Little Red Riding Hood” fantasy?
Here is another possibility. First, SHE is the one who slapped on that label for it, after the fact, in her journal, in one of the entries almost certainly written post-murder, after the June 10 call with Flores, and pre-arrest.
If someone with no knowledge about this case read the sex scenario outlined in the IM’s, IMO there is little to no possibility they would think the “fantasy” had anything in the world to do with pedophilia.
Here’s what we know about those IM’s: the wrote them, she sent them to herself, and she sent them to herself on May 2, 2008. It is most likely that she hacked into TA’s computer (used his passwords) in order to send them.
We don’t know for a fact that the and not TA first came up with the idea for this round of role-playing sex-scapades, but April’s texts strongly suggest that it was the ’s idea, and that she came up with it and proposed it to TA in late April.
And, here in both chronology and subject is a handy place to incorporate my thinking/reasoning about why it is unlikely she wrote the letters pre-murder.
To backtrack for a moment and reiterate what seems to be the consensus opinion here, one I agree with: the was not plotting murder when she left Mesa. She had been raging and destructive for days, yes, but, again the consensus I agree with: she likely thought returning to Yreka was a temporary separation, and that by whatever means, she’d have Travis in the end.
Enter DeMarte’s testimony about the ’s BPD and how specific traits of that disorder affected ’s behavior. Necessary disclaimer: please do not misinterpret what I’m writing as sympathy for the . Viewing events (up to May 26) from a BPD explanatory prism, I can muster up some degree of empathy, believe it or not, but given the deliberate and horrific choices she made, not a jot of sympathy.
(Relevant DeMarte testimony is from PP2, Day 30, beginning about an hour in. I have also read up more on BPD, and watched a few (hair-raising) videos on YouTube of actual folks with BPD having rage/freakout episodes. The wee bit of knowledge about BPD I’ve acquired sure doesn’t make me an expert. Reviewing DeMarte’s testimony though, convinced me that it is impossible to make even educated guesses about the ’s state of mind and intent (at any point in time) without taking into account her BPD.
(I keep going sideways, don’t I? Sorry about that, but please bear with me J).
Taking her BPD into account then, and considering what unfolded throughout April, here is one interpretation, leading up to May 1, when IMO an ultimately irreversible cycle began to play out.
The number one and driving fear of BPD’s is the fear of abandonment. As DeMarte explained, that fear is so intense it is TYPICAL for those with BPD, in their attempts to forestall abandonment, to ROUTINELY engage in behaviors that the rest of us consider obviously counterproductive, and in DeMarte’s words, “counter-intuitive.”
DeMarte provided a number of specific examples of such behavior by the , all under the rubric of “intrusiveness.” To condense and paraphrase (and to extrapolate somewhat for post-Mesa) the continually hacked into TA’s SM accounts, followed him on dates, snuck into his house at night, called or texted him for the most trivial of reasons, etc. etc., because she couldn’t bear to be separated from him or out of contact for any length of time.
She couldn’t bear it not because she was “obsessed” with him, but because she had glommed onto him from day one; “merged” with him, to use BPD terminology. Merging meant being that chameleon others, even including Brewer, observed her to be. TA was a Mormon, so too she would be; TA was a believer & proponent of self-help books and gurus, so she too was a believer; TA bought and thought Green, so she did too, etc. etc..
BPD merging explains that her emulations of all things Travis weren’t simply attempts to attract and to flatter Travis, but a mechanism to eradicate the boundaries between her Self and Travis. After all, how could he abandon himself?
To return to earth and the narrative.
The left Mesa in early April. Her explosions on the way out of town, and on and off over the several weeks prior, were evidence of a BPD being “triggered.” Her worst fear had come to be: Travis wanted her OUT and GONE and would not relent, even after she postponed her departure scheduled for April 1 and “fessed up” that day to many an intrusion, hoping, IMO, that TA would be guilted into understand the error of his ways and would ask her to stay.
He didn’t, off she slunk back to Yreka. Viewing what unfolded from her return through the end of April through a BPD prism, several dynamics stand out. TA seemed not just glad she was gone, but downright relieved, and most significantly, freer to express anger at her for her intrusions and “childish games,” to use his words.
Because they were now separated physically for the first time since she uprooted to Mesa against his will after their 2007 “breakup,” the , on the other hand, was fairly constantly in high anxiety mode, more desperate to know where Travis was, what he was doing, and who he was with; and, unfortunately, even more readily triggered.
One constant theme of the ’s communications with TA in April was Mormonism. As in, what a good Mormon she was trying to be (please don’t abandon me), and could he please give her advice on this or that aspect of Mormonism (I know you’ll be willing to talk with me about this, even if nothing else, I must be in touch with you, please don’t abandon me). Like that. TA’s letter to her in April (sent at her demand) is just one piece of evidence reflecting the story line IMO she spun and clung to in April (later twisted & exploited at trial), one that incorporated Travis believing and wanting the same outcome, all evidence to the contrary, of re-uniting after her self-chosen exile in Yreka, after she regained her spiritual purity (including the spiritual strength to just say no to temptations of the flesh).
(Relevant line in his letter, paraphrased- that he hopes she will use “this interregnum between who you have been and who you really are” to find her path, etc.)
Achieving or even just pretending to be in pursuit of spiritual purity, however, wasn’t the ’s strong suit, and in any case, Travis wasn’t even bothering to acknowledge the supreme sacrifice she was making for THEM. Instead, he was getting upset with her about the slightest little thing (he’s going to abandon me, isn’t he), and calling/texting her less and less.
AND, most alarming, Travis was still pursuing Mimi (thought she’d rejected him by now, and knowing that, I believed it was safe to leave Mesa for a little while).
What couldn’t and wouldn’t Mimi give Travis that the could, and knew that he wanted? Right.
