Man reported missing by partner found days later with his new wife

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MindHunter13 said:
"Why else would she have reported him missing?"

For the same reasons that killers report their victims missing. Additionally, it's not uncommon for spouses to report their significant other missing when they in fact left and the reporting spouse cannot bring themselves to accept this.

"The first woman should have known he intended not to return to their shared home".

And why exactly is this? You are making an assumption based on no fact. By your logic, the woman should have never reported him missing because she "should have known".

"I don't find myself in need of more info - regardless of what the first relationship was like or what problems might have existed. He caused LE to use resources to find him in order to be sure he was OK. So yeah, what a jerk".

Just because you dont think you need more info doesnt mean you don't. Again, you are formulating OPINIONS that are not based in fact but are instead based in speculation. Additionally, the man didn't call LE. The wife did. Therefore, she is responsible for any and all initiation of law enforcement efforts.

At the very least, ensure you don't pass off your personal opinion as a matter of fact. This is the very reason that others are ripping WebSlueths to shreds. We must be responsible for our own posts and it's common knowledge that this site is not intended for your personal opinions and biased accusations.
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BBM - Actually my logic was this guy should have told his partner of 27 years that he wanted to end the relationship, divide the assets and debt accumulated over that period and then leave.

Now I'm curious if he was gainfully employed before he left Scotland. If so, did he give notice to them or did he just stop showing up?

If he wasn't employed, I wish all the best for the new wife.
 
Woodland said:
BBM - Actually my logic was this guy should have told his partner of 27 years that he wanted to end the relationship, divide the assets and debt accumulated over that period and then leave.

Now I'm curious if he was gainfully employed before he left Scotland. If so, did he give notice to them or did he just stop showing up?

If he wasn't employed, I wish all the best for the new wife.
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Perhaps it was safer for him to just leave. He waited til the kids were all grown, and escaped. We don't know the whole story.
 
MindHunter13 said:
Do as you please. Point of the matter remains. People are literally going after the guy without knowing a single bit of information regarding his departure.

And no, the person that leaves is not responsible for law enforcement efforts. Hence why most police departments won't accept a missing person case for a certain amount of time. Because there is nothing illegal with disappearing (so long as you don't make yourself a fugitive) no matter the moral and ethical implications of that decision may be.

I apologize that you feel the way you do about my stated opinion. Nonetheless, I choose to deal with facts and not conjecture. My involvement in thousands of criminal investigations has taught me to let the facts and evidence tell the story.

It is baseless accusations and jumping to conclusions that can destroy a person's life before any facts are known (I have witnessed it first hand). And of course no one steps up to retract their statements just as vocally as they were when they were casting judgement.

Feel free to go by whatever "facts" you choose. I simply request that people refrain from making insulting and defamatory PUBLICLY available comments about someone who they didn't even know existed until a few days ago before knowing what is going on.
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MindHunter13 said:
Unfortunately that's what prompted me to say something here. No "IMO's". Just very direct and targeted comments.
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Hi MindHunter13, Just a friendly heads up to a new member that mods have told us repeatedly that requesting that members post a certain way is not acceptable thread etiquette. You haven’t been here long enough to know this. I’m sure your heart is in the right place, but if you feel someone is posting in a way that violates TOS, just report it and let a mod deal with it. That’s what they get paid the big bucks for (joke). :)
 
Lilibet said:
Hi MindHunter13, Just a friendly heads up to a new member that mods have told us repeatedly that requesting that members post a certain way is not acceptable thread etiquette. You haven’t been here long enough to know this. I’m sure your heart is in the right place, but if you feel someone is posting in a way that violates TOS, just report it and let a mod deal with it. That’s what they get paid the big bucks for (joke). :)
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Thanks for the tip! I try not to do the "report to mod" thing as many times people aren't even aware that what they are doing is a problem. So I try to say something first to let them make their own corrections.

I was simply trying to remind others that the site's TOS states that attacking a specific individual related to a posted case is not allowed.
 
I'm going to post an example of when it's ok for someone to do what he did. A very good friend of mine met a man on the internet 15 years ago, she lived DE and he lived in New Zealand. She flew there at his expense to meet him and spend time with him for 2 weeks.
Within 3 days he had her passport locked in a safe and she couldn't leave. I didn't hear from her for several months and the next thing I knew she called to tell me horror stories of what he was like, the fact that he was an attorney whose clients were members of mafia organizations. The things he did to her were so awful I can't even contemplate sharing them. He definitely changed her and took away all her self-esteem and eventually after a couple of years they married. He had brainwashed her to the point where she didn't think how he had treated her could even be thought of as abuse.
In 2010 the husband/abuser came out of the closet and said he was getting a sex change operation, he wanted to be a woman. They divorced but stayed together, she had never returned home for visits with her family, her brother passed away from cancer and she had not been able to come back to the US to see him before he died or attend his funeral. They remarried when same sex marriages became legal in NZ and moved to a small town, distancing her again from anyone and everyone she had become friends with while there.
3 years ago she was finally able to get a job and was able to stash $ so that she could plan her escape, she slowly started shipping things that were important to her back to her mom in Delaware and told her wife that she was cleaning things out and putting stuff in storage so they didn't get suspicious. She bought a plane ticket, went and obtained a new passport and flew home one morning after her wife went to work. At this point, her wife who was still self-employed as an attorney was also an elected politician. She was considered missing for more than a week until she contacted the consulate in NZ and made them aware that she was safe and would not be returning. Her story, which is completely condensed here for space and privacy is something books are written about.
You never know what a person's story is even if it comes out in the media. She is a very intelligent woman with a college degree and employment in social services for more than 15 years before she left to meet someone in person that she had found in a dating chat room.
The husband/missing partner deserves to not be dragged through the mud when no one knows his story.
JMO
 
Without referring to the details of any specific situation, I think it's wise in general to remain aware that we are speculating and that our opinions/interpretations might change as we become aware of more details, more context.

Even when we can't imagine any explanation other than whatever we are picturing, if other explanations aren't ruled out via the rules of logic, then they remain possible.

I often hear people saying "Oh, well, knowing THAT changes everything!" and wonder why they didn't leave a little room for that possibility in the first place.

In fact, I've just been inspired to add a signature to my profile...
 
If he had good reasons for disappearing from his family and former life, turning up married mere weeks later is probably not going to do his side of the debate any favors!

Having been married for 20 years to a very passive-aggressive guy who ended our marriage by moving in with a new girlfriend instead of coming home from work one Friday (or even calling to let me know he wasn't dead), I find it difficult to not be biased against Mr. Newlywed (oh, who am I kidding? Just this once, I'm not even trying to be unbiased!). Really would like to hear this guy's version, though.
 
I realize they say he and "wife" are childhood sweethearts but if he is 38 and they have been "partners" for 27 years - he was 11 at the start of the "partnership"? I am really tired so I am not really saying that very clearly lol And I may have misread that. It sounded like they had a 27 year "marriage" type partnership then I noticed his age. Not that any of this matters, just something I noticed. I do hope he supports his children at the very least. People do the craziest things.
 
I am wondering if they actually met before - he is from Scotland and if he married the new girly in U.S., wouldn't they have to go through the K1 VISA Process?
 
LotsaLatte said:
I am wondering if they actually met before - he is from Scotland and if he married the new girly in U.S., wouldn't they have to go through the K1 VISA Process?
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Not necessarily. He could travel as a tourist, marry her, then being the applicant process as married partner.

I want to know how he got a divorce so quickly and without her knowledge!
 
bluesneakers said:
Not necessarily. He could travel as a tourist, marry her, then being the applicant process as married partner.

I want to know how he got a divorce so quickly and without her knowledge!
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Who's saying he actually got a divorce? My understanding is the guy just up and left.

From a completely legal standpoint, since he is not a U.S. citizen and the new wife is, only she is bound by the law stating you can only be legally married to one person at a time. He can come in and marry her and simply state he isn't married just like the average citizen does now. Only difference is if the government finds out you lied, they can invalidate the marriage. This doesn't apply in this case as the party who lied is not bound by the laws of the U.S.

Once he becomes a citizen (if that's a eventual path), then he will do so as the legal spouse of the new wife and so the marriage will remain standing and valid. Now I am no marriage/divorce lawyer but I do have a fairly in depth understanding of law in general so please, if I am wrong, correct me.
 
MindHunter13 said:
Who's saying he actually got a divorce? My understanding is the guy just up and left.

From a completely legal standpoint, since he is not a U.S. citizen and the new wife is, only she is bound by the law stating you can only be legally married to one person at a time. He can come in and marry her and simply state he isn't married just like the average citizen does now. Only difference is if the government finds out you lied, they can invalidate the marriage. This doesn't apply in this case as the party who lied is not bound by the laws of the U.S.

Once he becomes a citizen (if that's a eventual path), then he will do so as the legal spouse of the new wife and so the marriage will remain standing and valid. Now I am no marriage/divorce lawyer but I do have a fairly in depth understanding of law in general so please, if I am wrong, correct me.
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Assuming they were married in Utah:

Void Marriages
The following marriages are void in Utah:
  • When one party is married to someone else.
  • When a party is a minor, unless consent has been given (see above).
  • When a party is divorced, but the decree is not final.
Utah Courts - Marriage
https://le.utah.gov/xcode/Title30/Chapter1/30-1.html

30-1-4. Validity of foreign marriages -- Exceptions.
A marriage solemnized in any other country, state, or territory, if valid where solemnized, is valid here, unless it is a marriage:
(1) that would be prohibited and declared void in this state, under Subsection 30-1-2(1), (3), or
(2) between parties who are related to each other within and including three degrees of consanguinity, except as provided in Subsection 30-1-1(2).

Amended by Chapter 83, 1996 General Session

https://le.utah.gov/xcode/Title30/Chapter1/30-1-S4.html?v=C30-1-S4_1800010118000101

If he didn't divorce the wife he left his marriage in Utah is no good. Good luck applying for permanent residency after that.
 
carbuff said:
It doesn't sound like he and the long-term partner were ever married. I don't know whether Scotland recognizes common-law marriages.
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That's the angle I was just digging into. Based on the info BlueSneakers provided, it's the only other alternative that makes sense. Only problem is that there are friends of the original spouse who stated that they don't know why he just didn't seek out a divorce which leads me to believe that there in fact exists some form of legally binding relationship between the two back in Scotland.
 
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