These words are inadequate. I'm sorry you and your family had to endure what you did and continue to, as those experiences no doubt left their mark on each of your lives.
Thank you for sharing your informed thoughts and opinions with us and for your genuine care and concern. It really comes through in your writing. I can tell you have a huge heart and love for people.
Just some thoughts in response, and please don't take these as a challenge to anything you wrote. They are absolutely not intended that way.
As far as abuse on both sides, I'm not sure we've seen evidence of abuse within the Rhoden family. As you said, there is plenty of evidence of a love for each other and for life. One can look at pot use as abusing a substance, and while legal true currently in some states, it is debatable whether its use causes harm to the user or to those around that person. Also, to my knowledge, we don't have any evidence that the Rs used pot.
There is evidence of rape, as Jake was well outside the legal age limits when he began a sexual relationship with HR. (Charges for which he now stands accused.)
I don't know of proof of abuse on either side, aside from the rape charge. Granted, severe abuse goes on all the time without "evidence" to those outside of the situation, such as a police report. I do think it's quite possible that abuse was present and ongoing within the W family. However, I also think it's possible that there wasn't abuse. The W parents, even with mama F's resources, had been involved previously with felony theft on what I consider to be a large scale. It seems they didn't need to steal with mama F's resources available, or at least her job offers available to them.
I think we also have to consider that there may not have been abuse in the W home. It's possible that the right blend of whatever science has yet to be able to explain (genetic coding, wiring...) collided with hideously disastrous consequences. Sometimes people who had many advantages in childhood and who grew up in a loving home without abuse inexplicably choose to do monstrous things.
For those of us who have compassion for others and possess the ability to feel true emotions and empathy, their actions don't compute. So, as rational people we try to look for reasons to answer the question, "What caused them to make these choices?" Often, there is a long-standing history of abuse within the family, frequently spanning generations. But sometimes we ask that question and the answer is simply because they wanted to. It's not couched in any obvious abuse or mental illness. As hard as that is for the rest of us to grapple with and make sense of, it does happen.
I'm certain at trial that the defense attorneys will proffer much evidence of abuse within the Ws, in the penalty phase anyway. That is their duty to present mitigating facts. But I doubt if we'll ever know the real truth as to whether or not abuse occurred.
And they'll probably smear the Rs. But the Rs aren't here to refute those assertions. I think the best we have to go off of there is prior actions, surviving family, and, perhaps, social media. They all seem to indicate a multi-generational family, dedicated to each other and to living honorably and harmoniously within their community.