GUILTY CA - 13 victims, ages 2 to 29, shackled in home by parents, Perris, 15 Jan 2018 #12

[Stunned]

Well, familial abuse is different than being a pow. When it's your parent, it's not the same. Just speaking from experience in working with abused children. When one child watches another receive favor while they are being abused...that can really mess up the psyche and feelings for your family. I don't know that this happened in the home. It's just not uncommon for some to be more abused than others and some to be more favored. I obviously cannot say what happened in the home, how they feel now, and what their relationships are like. As I said, I don't want to know that much about them. I want them to continue to have their privacy. But, yes...hierarchy in abusive families can absolutely ruin sibling relationships.

Like I said, I hope they didn't. They will need each other as long as they are alive.

Yes it can. Brother/ Mom dynamics ruined our family. Brother a junkie, mother an enabler. Awful

 

[Doghairrules]

No. She was at the end of her reproductive capabilities. She also had fertility assistance from what we've seen of comments she's made in the past. So I think it wasn't easy for her to get pregnant with the last.

And I have to say one more time: so much for God “blessing” them with all the children. There is a huge difference between not preventing pregnancy and seeking medical assistance to ensure a pregnancy. Moo

 

[Doghairrules]

IMO, many children have an attachment to their mother and/or father because they think they should due to the titles.

It takes time and maturity on the child’s part to actually let go of that apron string. They have to grow up themselves to see what occurred during the childhood that was so wrong.

Many of the Turpin children are not of an age to accept that parents aren’t “perfect” human beings. Something most children, in my day and time believed.

It is my sincere hope the children will in time, with therapy, come to the point of acknowledging the trauma their childhood was, so they can move on. Semding many wishes and much love to them.

I agree. And I’m also glad that there are experts out there who have figured out how to undo some of the damage in the brain caused by abuse and other adverse childhood experiences. I trust that an expert in that area has been consulted and they have incorporated this into the children’s therapy.

 

[mickey2942]

Most therapists now use a Cognitive Behavioral approach, CBT, that rather than focus on the trauma, focus on how that trauma affects your thoughts, feelings and actions. And move forward to healthier thoughts, feelings and actions.

People are can be normal even after the most horrific events.

If we stay rooted in the theory that you are forever damaged after a traumatic childhood, that re-victimizes the "victim". It is within the same realm of stating that Elizabeth Smart and Jayme Closs will never be normal functioning people. They are, and while they are not the same as before, they are not condemned to lifelong mental illness and PTSD that cripples their life.

 

[Doghairrules]

Great post, thank you for taking your time!

One thing that I think of, is how many of us here on the threads that have gone through many of what you have posted above. But yet, we ourselves, consider us well functioning adults. We are proud of our lives, and what we have become. Moo ( using the generalized term, we, not everybody who is posting here)

I guess that's where I have a brain block. I'm trying to understand some of what you're saying. If folks grew up having been abused in the past, and have compartmentalised it and feel like they are doing well as adults, should they feel ...??
what??

Please bear with me to try to understand what you were saying, again thank you

One of the things the latest research is discovering is that trauma lives on in the body and there are relatively new therapies for dealing with it and completing the circle so that it doesn’t affect your health of mental health negatively. So there are psychobiology based therapies, some as simple as mindfulness and others that are hard to explain, like somatic experiencing. I hope that the children are having those kinds of treatments because I know from personal experience that compartmentalizing it often means it will come back to bite you in the butt.

https://is.muni.cz/el/1423/jaro2013/PSY403/um/Developmental_Trauma_Disorder_Kolk.pdf

 

[jash]

It's wonderful that the children are entitled to express their own thoughts and feelings (even if some are surprising to us). I hope they all are able to establish healthy, loving relationships when they are ready.

 

[gitana1]

It's wonderful that the children are entitled to express their own thoughts and feelings (even if some are surprising to us). I hope they all are able to establish healthy, loving relationships when they are ready.

True. It's so unlikely they could ever do that before. They're expressing their agency. Good for them.

 

[Stunned]

Agency?

 

[SeesSeas]

True. It's so unlikely they could ever do that before. They're expressing their agency. Good for them.

Agency?

Not gitana1, but here ya go. . .
Your Sense of Agency: Are You In Control of Your Life?
Your ability to take action, be effective, influence your own life, and assume responsibility for your behavior are important elements in what you bring to a relationship. This sense of agency is essential for you to feel in control of your life: to believe in your capacity to influence your own thoughts and behavior, and have faith in your ability to handle a wide range of tasks or situations. Having a sense of agency influences your stability as a separate person; it is your capacity to be psychologically stable, yet resilient or flexible, in the face of conflict or change.
[...]

 

[Stunned]

Not gitana1, but here ya go. . .
Your Sense of Agency: Are You In Control of Your Life?
Your ability to take action, be effective, influence your own life, and assume responsibility for your behavior are important elements in what you bring to a relationship. This sense of agency is essential for you to feel in control of your life: to believe in your capacity to influence your own thoughts and behavior, and have faith in your ability to handle a wide range of tasks or situations. Having a sense of agency influences your stability as a separate person; it is your capacity to be psychologically stable, yet resilient or flexible, in the face of conflict or change.
[...]

Thank you.

 

[Amonet]

Maybe this is her way of dealing with all of this mess. She lost her parents. That was the life she knew. Sometimes, abusers can do no wrong in the eyes of the abused. Maybe she believes that forgiveness will bring her some peace. Maybe she is just trying to make sense of her parent's terrible actions, thus presenting excuses for said actions. If this is her way of getting some peace of mind and moving on, more power to her. For some people, forgiving is the best option, the only way to really be at peace and move forward. And, for some people, completely removing the people who hurt them from their lives for ever is the only way to go. Everyone is different, those siblings are different and the abuse they went through was not the same either. But all of them seem to understand that what they did was not okay and that's important.

I watched the hearing a few days ago, but it's taken me until now to read here about it.

I was very happy to hear the statements from the siblings with some of their examples of what they're up to now, from riding a bike to going to college, and that makes me feel very happy for them.

I was disappointed in what the 'father' had to say, "IF I caused them harm"? Yes, you did cause them harm, no ifs or buts about it. The 'mother' at least used more positive language saying that she's sorry for what SHE DID.

It was also very interesting to hear some of the things the siblings said, where they seemed to be looking for reasons why it happened the way it did. I think some of that comes from the parents telling them at the time that they were struggling. Some of that is probably due to human nature that people will ask "why?" and they will try and figure out possible answers. The siblings spent their entire lives in that situation with no real understanding that their life was not 'normal'. If they had it drummed into them that "if only you'd behave then we wouldn't have to do these things to you, like locking you in your room or chaining you" ...it's going to stick, and it's going to be hard to fully undo that through therapy.

What one of the girls said in her statement about the kids always being offered more food if they were still hungry....that flies in the face of the fact of the weight and malnourishment!

But for most of their comments about trying to understand that their parents were in over their heads, that they wanted to be good parents but encountered too many difficulties that they didn't know how to 'fix' and ended up doing wrong by the children....I think that's probably the healthiest way for the siblings to see it. Are there really any 'good' answers for the failings of D and L as parents? There's no point in the siblings being consumed by hate, they've got to move forward, learn things they never got to learn, experience things they didn't get to experience, and build good, happy, healthy, fulfilling lives.

 

[Amonet]

"I'm sorry for everything I've done to hurt my children," Louise Turpin said, adding she believes God has a special plan for each of them. "I love them more than they could ever imagine." Really!!! Jordan said in the 911 call, “I don’t know much about my mother. She doesn’t like us. She doesn’t spend time with us ever”.

Even in my wildest dreams I cannot imagine that she loves them or ever did.

"I thank God for all of my children," David Turpin's statement read, adding that he is sorry "if I've done anything to cause them harm." If ?????? This man is a monster and has shown no remorse. Tears? Yep, sure … but only for himself.

God must have heard some prayers ... "Deliver us from evil".

Turpin case: Parents sentenced to 25 years to life in prison after their children testify about years of torture - CNN

I was bothered by D and L reaching for tissues when the siblings statements were said and read, and how D and L smiled when the siblings said they loved their parents and forgave them and made excuses. Especially combined with what D said in his statement, it seemed like neither of them really understands and felt that those examples of the older siblings going to college and still loving them was like...well they're all doing so well, and they forgive us, so what have we really done wrong to them!

But at least D and L are gong to be locked away for a long time and the siblings now have a chance to spread their wings and make the most of being the decent, kind, bright people I believe they are (though I don't attribute any of that to their parents and share the view with the judge or prosecutor who said that what they're achieving now and in the future is despite their parents, not because of them).

 

[katydid23]

I watched the hearing a few days ago, but it's taken me until now to read here about it.

I was very happy to hear the statements from the siblings with some of their examples of what they're up to now, from riding a bike to going to college, and that makes me feel very happy for them.

I was disappointed in what the 'father' had to say, "IF I caused them harm"? Yes, you did cause them harm, no ifs or buts about it. The 'mother' at least used more positive language saying that she's sorry for what SHE DID.

It was also very interesting to hear some of the things the siblings said, where they seemed to be looking for reasons why it happened the way it did. I think some of that comes from the parents telling them at the time that they were struggling. Some of that is probably due to human nature that people will ask "why?" and they will try and figure out possible answers. The siblings spent their entire lives in that situation with no real understanding that their life was not 'normal'. If they had it drummed into them that "if only you'd behave then we wouldn't have to do these things to you, like locking you in your room or chaining you" ...it's going to stick, and it's going to be hard to fully undo that through therapy.

What one of the girls said in her statement about the kids always being offered more food if they were still hungry....that flies in the face of the fact of the weight and malnourishment!

But for most of their comments about trying to understand that their parents were in over their heads, that they wanted to be good parents but encountered too many difficulties that they didn't know how to 'fix' and ended up doing wrong by the children....I think that's probably the healthiest way for the siblings to see it. Are there really any 'good' answers for the failings of D and L as parents? There's no point in the siblings being consumed by hate, they've got to move forward, learn things they never got to learn, experience things they didn't get to experience, and build good, happy, healthy, fulfilling lives.

I totally agree with your well thought out post.

I will comment on one statement though:

What one of the girls said in her statement about the kids always being offered more food if they were still hungry....that flies in the face of the fact of the weight and malnourishment!

I totally agree that the kids were not fed enough, as they were malnourished. But the girl's belief that they were offered more food if hungry may be true from her perspective, in the recent years.

One of the things my friend learned, as a foster parent for many years, was that kids that came to her malnourished, often had very very small appetites and it was hard to get them to eat sometimes.

She did have some kids who were ravenous and never felt they could get enough food, and they'd hoard it in the backpacks etc.

But the kids that were truly malnourished for years, often had very weak appetites. She had to have special training to help her get them to eat enough to get to a healthy weight again.

 

[Jinkasaurus]

The abuse in this home was complex and long-term. Each child will have had his/her unique experience of that abuse. The age when abuse occurs also makes a difference. For example, abuse of a pre-verbal toddler will have a different effect than the same abuse of an 8 or 9 year old, due to the children being at different developmental stages. In such a case, the 8 or 9 year old may have clear memories that they can articulate, while the younger child may experience emotional and/or sensory reactions to triggers, but have no ability to put that into words.

This is one of the reasons that the relationships between siblings can become challenging as they grow older. Ideally, they will have access to good therapy that will help them understand some of the issues listed above. They will need to learn that each person in that home had a unique experience. They will need to learn the skills to nurture their relationships with each other even if they have different memories, perceptions, and beliefs about what they went through. It will be a life-long process, and some of the siblings have an easier time of it than others, due to temperament, age and other factors.

 

[2Hope4]

It was almost like the parents still hold some control over them, though seeing that only one had the restraining order dropped makes me feel better.

I have cousins who weren't treated like the Turpins, but who didn't have a stable home, or a nurturing Mom. Still to this day they will defend their Mom to no end. Even if she is telling an outright lie, they will defend it. My Mom never could figure it out.

 

[Pi Thoughts]

I had wondered what happened to the dogs found at Turpin home. Seems they were adopted out last year.....

“The two Maltese-mix dogs turned over by Perris torture defendants David and Louise Turpin have been adopted by a Perris family, the city said.
Animal Control received two applications to adopt the 1-year-old females, city spokesman Joe Vargo said. The city held a raffle and inspected the home before handing over the dogs Monday, Feb. 5. The family requested anonymity because of the extensive media coverage, Vargo said.
“We are pleased to know the two dogs will go to a home where they will be well treated and loved,” Vargo said in an email.”
Dogs formerly owned by California torture defendants are adopted out

 

[JudgeJudi]

Inside the depraved world of David and Louise Turpin | 60 Minutes Australia

This is simply shocking.

 

[mickey2942]

'House of Horrors' child abuse cases reveal how offenders nationwide use homeschooling to hide their crimes

Finally, mainstream media news decided to run a story about "homeschooling" and the correlation to child abuse. The Turpins are featured in this story.

I am surprised that this is coming from Fox news, usually very conservative...as most homeschooling families are conservative as well. Maybe there will be some state laws that mandate quarterly review of the home, and children by local school districts.

 

[1&2&3]

Totally agree that people doing homeschooling need the old checks and balances system throughout the school year.

No announced calls or appointments so teacher can be prepared and have “school room” looking good.

Haven’t thought about it much, but we are definitely hearing of more cases of abused children in homeschool situations.

In NC, homeschooled children are tested after kindergarten to see if they were taught significantly to continue in homeschool or must go to a certified school. Do not have knowledge on other grades. Any one?

Hopefully, this testing is required at the end of each school year.

 

[Doghairrules]

'House of Horrors' child abuse cases reveal how offenders nationwide use homeschooling to hide their crimes

Finally, mainstream media news decided to run a story about "homeschooling" and the correlation to child abuse. The Turpins are featured in this story.

I am surprised that this is coming from Fox news, usually very conservative...as most homeschooling families are conservative as well. Maybe there will be some state laws that mandate quarterly review of the home, and children by local school districts.

One easy place to start, although it wouldn’t have helped in the Turpin case, is to closely monitor (or perhaps even not allow) parents with CPS involvement to homeschool.