I concur wholeheartedly with this post. I was in charge of the Domestic Violence and Family crime investigation unit and I covered a widespread area comprising of a huge area of poverty to the South and a huge area of affluence to the North and it was striking as to who reported DV to the Police and at what stage and who continued with seeing the report through to prosecution and who tried to withdraw (I say tried because in a large proportion of cases there’s now a zero tolerance policy so that even if the victim or should I say survivor decides to withdraw their statement of complaint, the Crown Prosecution Service will still go ahead). On average, it’s a researched fact that Domestic Violence Survivors will suffer 35 incidences of abuse before they feel compelled to report it. There are a myriad of reasons for this and many case studies to support this tragic set of circumstance. But what my point is that people, men and women, suffer in silence and often for a very long time because of fear of retribution from the aggressor or fear of losing the lifestyle currently afforded to them or fear of losing the love of their children for destroying ( their perspective) the family unit and tearing it apart.... so many reasons that unless you have walked a mile in their shoes, you can never hope to understand.
DV shatters families and shatters the confidence of those that suffer and often they are indoctrinated to believe that it is their own fault and the aggressor is right that they are useless( insert other abusive terms used to destroy the psyche of the victim).
I noticed that in the poorer areas, the victims often felt that they couldn’t leave because of having no place to go and no money to do so whereas in the more affluent areas, often they felt that they couldn’t leave because of the loss of the lifestyle that they and their children currently enjoyed and the loss of status and standing in the community and feeling the need to keep up appearances. In fact it was a common belief that in this more affluent area, their was more non or under reported DV than in the less affluent part of the area which we Policed.
And you know what, why I know this ? Because as the person in charge of this unit, I was quietly suffering behind closed doors and nobody knew!!!
There is help out there and anybody reading this and resonating with it, I will say that you are strong enough to break free of this cycle of abuse and you can survive without the presence of the abuse in your life. Your confidence will be built back up, brick by brick and once you have faced the initial revelation, you will find so much help and support is available from a myriad of sources. Take that step, you got this and are stronger than you think!