Thank you SO much for taking the time to post this. It made me cry, but that's a good thing right now. I'm going through something similar. It's the first time in this whole pandemic that I've felt really disheartened and anxious - this whole reopening thing (and kids) is just so hard.
It feels so sad when we see people doing this, because it means those of us who are vulnerable have to step back even further. My younger family members have to go on with their lives, and while they are being more cautious than your friends, I am reacting very emotionally.
There are selfish reasons (I want to be able to see and hug them), and then there's worry (a couple of these wonderful people are in their 40's, one of them seems to get nearly every virus that comes through the area, doctor has recommended a certain surgery that is now rescheduled - but how can he even think about that surgery if the people around him keep extending the "bubble")??
Deep inside, I really fear dying of this thing, too. I have a number of co-morbidities. TONS of people with the same profile have survived, but for most, it's been quite difficult. I'm sure that many, many people your age and with your profile have survived too but who wants to risk that? You are a vibrant, relatively healthy, independent person. You don't want to be transformed into a longterm patient of CoVid.
I was crying Sunday evening and all day yesterday. Do you have someone to talk to, at home?
I swing back and forth between feeling my own feelings (of worry for myself, but also for everyone in my family as they reopen - California is seeing an upswing in cases which the scientific side of my brain says, well, that's due to increased testing - the ICU rate is not climbing!)
This is the time to have a teleconference with your doctor. Ask them what they think preventative measures are (if they say "none," that's not good - they should be telling you to take Vitamin D, perhaps NAC, and a good doctor will tolerate you asking politely about other measures, such as nasal heparin). Ask if they know about early treatment for people at risk. How often should you be tested? While it would be uncomfortable to have a nasal swab once a week, I'd do it if I though I was getting exposed (I don't even go to the grocery store or pharmacy right now - my DH does those things). I do go for walks around our quiet neighborhood, and now, I'll see my two daughters and families, outdoors only, with masks, and not for a long period of time. Sigh. I do need to follow my own advice - I have to change doctors and I'm dragging my feet.
Have a plan. Don't be afraid to get tested. If you are found to have CV early, there's so much more they can do for you. Be insistent about your vulnerability. Define yourself as high risk, if you test positive, you want immediate intervention not "wait and see," and you want all the treatments that prevent going on a ventilator. There are lots of them. Find out what your doctor knows, you will not be seen as paranoid, trust me.
You're not paranoid. Now we're all worrying about our friends and families, and one of these days, someone in our broader circles will get something respiratory, and even if it is not SARS, the entire social network will feel it like an earthquake. The kids are going to be okay, we all know that (with rare exceptions) but...young adults are getting this and are in hospital, some for a long time. It can be life-changing at any age.
Anyway, I'm not particularly optimistic, myself, about surviving this - although I try to be and am generally an optimist. But this disease is too unpredictable and now, deaths in my area are back on the rise again, as are hospitalizations.
I have your same thought "Maybe I'm the crazy, paranoid one."
I can't tell if my kids agree or not, they're too polite. We had to remind them yesterday that...I have a gene that increases morbidity, just for starters. They knew that, but hadn't read the scientific research, so I sent it. Now they're sad.
But there's no way to put this back in the bottle. And people are going to go to what your friends do. While my family members are relatively cautious, each time they socialize with other people - no matter how cautious - just two or three degrees away are going to be some people like your friends. It's not an orderly reopening.
We need to know more. Do the asymptomatic transmit or not? What percentage of kids actually get CV when exposed? (Research strongly indicates that kids transmit the disease as easily as adults - but are not as susceptible to getting it in the first place). Do we even know how soon the disease is transmissible? Because scientists who are studying monkeys for the vaccine wear special PPE...because they don't want to come into contact with even a few virions in a monkey's nose...
I too worry about your parents and other family members - but I don't see how young people with kids to raise can stop allowing them to socialize a bit (although what you describe is simply horrifying to me - you are not over-reacting one little bit, IMO). {{{hugs}}}
