100% agree with every word of this. This is why true narcissists, I’m talking about people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, and possibly have other comorbidities that exacerbate maladaptive NPD behaviors, are SO dangerous. The word you used, blindsided, was apt, and often exactly the case in the situations where sadly, it’s already too late. By no means am I saying that every person out there with NPD is capable of this, that is an overgeneralization and simply not true… People with NPD *sometimes* DO seek treatment, because they honestly do not like these qualities in themselves and often do not want to lose the people they love — people who may otherwise leave if the narcissist does not acknowledge their behavior (just getting to this step, is like climbing Mount Everest for them… admitting they even have a problem), and seek help or attempt to change it. If you talk to any professional who specializes in treating individuals with NPD, or in treating victims of narcissistic abuse, they will tell you however, that the treatment of these individuals is often a very difficult, and very long road… And percentage wise, most individuals who seek treatment at some point, do not complete that treatment because it’s too difficult for the narcissist. Like I said, the “danger factor” is not the same for everyone, and comorbidities, or combined maladaptive pathologies factor into that (for one example, Google the term “dark triad”), but people with NPD do cause damage to those around them… it doesn’t have to just be through physical violence… in fact, more often than not, they abuse others psychologically, emotionally, verbally, etc. in addition to potentially physically.
This is all MOO, but I will say that although I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, I have decades of experience with this as I grew up the child of a father with NPD, and my mother, brother and myself are survivors of severe narcissistic abuse, which is a very unique type of abuse… lots of manipulating, gaslighting, purposefully being made to believe it is YOU who is the problem… abuse that consisted of psychological, emotional, verbal and physical… anyone from the outside looking in at our family, would think that we had the perfect lives, were a perfect family, everything glittered, so it surely must’ve been gold… The façade created by my father looked like a picture perfect world, and god forbid any of us do or say anything that could have called that into question to any outsider. So, my family ended up spending about two decades learning the ins and outs of every facet of what NPD is, how to deal with it, and how to heal from it. My father was one of the rare and lucky ones who DID eventually go on to truly get the professional help he needed to REALLY change, and because of that, the person he is today, is night and day from the man I grew up with… but it was an extremely long and painful road for everyone involved, and none of us made it out completely unscathed. We have all sought treatment to deal with how this uniquely affected each of us individually, and for the most part we’ve healed immensely and live pretty normal lives now, but even so, having experienced something so dysfunctional like that, there are still parts of it that will never completely leave you.
As I said in my last post, people throw around the word “narcissist” very casually without really understanding how serious it is. People think it’s just somebody who’s obsessed with themselves. That’s only slightly accurate, and the real deal is so much darker and heavier than that. Given my own life experience with it, I just think it’s important to point out that it’s a word that really shouldn’t be thrown around is lightly as it can be… it is a very serious thing… and when you are saddled with someone like that, you basically live a life as a victim of complete and total manipulation, whether you are even aware of it or not. SO - if this (NPD, and/or a combination of NPD and other personality disorders or psychological comorbidities) is indeed the pathology of BW, Ana is NOT to blame. No one should question her, or assume she should have known better, seen signs, etc.
Again, all MOO.
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