PTSD sufferers - please post here

[Gummishoe]

Ok I was in a terrible car accident in 1998 on a 2 lane highway. Serious head trauma, I had tests given to me by a clinical Psychologist who also was an assistant Professor of Psychiatry and human behavior at Brown University school of medicine. Diagnosed with PSTD benefited from Psychotherapy. I walked on the highway dazed after the accident. I had difficulty with loud noises or the sounds of Sirens. increased startled responses and panic attacks. Which I have never experienced. My memory of the accident was not clear the only think I remembered feeling afraid and why was I still getting hit by cars, at least 3 or 4 cars because I was pushed into a land of traffic. I am much better now I don't jump at the sound of noised too much, my memory is still not 100 percent, but I attribute that to age. I still have difficulty with word finding but I believe it has to do with my cognitive problems. I also felt frightened all of the time for no reason. :twocents:

 

[Tiger09]

I was molested as a kid. It was by my ex stepfather, father of my half sister. I tried to tell my mom, but she didn't believe me and accused me of lying and trying to ruin her life. She "won" me from my dad in the divorce because my dad cheated and my stepmom couldn't handle raising a child like me- undiagnosed bipolar. When I was 13 I faked a mental breakdown to get away because I knew what I was being primed for so I could live with my dad. My dad and stepmom basically left me alone to raise myself. Which I did. I lived there and got money, but I was like an adult living there. I was bullied constantly and isolated myself and had horrible death threats - one girl murdered my cat. My parents chose a dog over me and my mom replaced me with another daughter that she cherishes and never threatened to kill. I got into a string of abusive relationships- one where I was raped and beaten. I finally left. No one believed me. I went to school, then almost died from Crohn's. slowly, I've been working hard to get my life back really to get a life. So yeah I have PTSD. I realize my parents weren't perfect- my dad had an undiagnosed mental illness - his family didn't believe in treatment- so he self medicated with alcohol. But he loved me and my brothers and he told me I had the world my the you know what- it was up to me to take it. He died of brain cancer in 2011. I miss him. But it hurts but I go to therapy and I try everyday. It took them nothing to hurt me but I'm stronger than them because I'm going to survive. Whew that was hard sorry for the long post

 

[Nellie]

I've suffered from PTSD for many, many years. Without going in to detail I was sexually abused from the age of 4 until I was 12 - when my mother finally divorced the man (she had no idea). My mother had 5 children (including myself) and was also a victim of various things but the main one was domestic violence. Because she was suffering abuse, she too emotionally and verbally abused us. It was awful and something I had re-occurring nightmares about for years. Being the oldest, I was left to tend to my siblings often hiding them in closets to save them from his abuse.

After my children were born the nightmares began until I sought help. Because of what I went through I have all the symptoms they describe during this trial and it's frustrating to hear about her trivial events.

Fight or Flight? She isn't even an example of that - whatsoever. I think one of the things that intrigues me the most with this trial is the outcome of her problems and how she is trying to blame the victim. I never connected my encounter with a murderer (killed 3 women) and my ability to escape from him as a Fight or Flight mechanism but through this trial, I believe that is exactly what it was. My childhood actually helped me escape a very serious situation.

What is sad is that a very mentally ill woman brutally murdered a man and is trying to use a very real diagnosis to get away with it. What kind of examples are we setting up for future generations? If these jurors buy in to her bs then I feel we're seriously in for some hard times with our justice system.

JMO of course...

 

[Beccaboo]

20 years ago I was diagnosed with Complex post-traumatic stress disorder , major depression, and a non specified dissociative disorder(meaning I lost large hunks of time, but did not fit the criteria for a specific dissociative disorder. My illness was a result on going physical, emotional and sexual abuse growing up. Much healing and therapy later, my life is my own again. I used to suffer from insomnia, night terrors, panic attacks, flash backs, paranoia, and a lot of rage.

I am finding it very difficult to watch and listen to list woman on the stand. She insults every single abuse victim on the planet with her sweeping declarations. My children are not victims of abuse. I did not grow up and marry an abuser. In my case the opposite happened. I never once had the desire to abuse my children and never once has my husband abused me.

 

[barrysgirl]

I was abused as a child. I have completely struck it from my memory and have no recollection at all. It was made known to me by numerous therapists as a teenager because of my behaviors, especially hypersexuality, alcoholism and drug addiction, etc.
I married at 23 to a man that was diagnosed with a rare blood disease. I had no outside help from family. He suffered greatly and I struggled to care for him, work, care for everything alone. Not meaning to sound like a victim martyr. He was on a ventilator for 2 weeks, everyday the docs telling me he would die. I was alone during those weeks, struggling to still care for everything and not wanting to leave his side. He survived. We divorced years later after 14 years. I remember almost nothing of our marriage now.

So memory loss/amnesia is possible with PTSD.

Unless of course you are making it all up, then you have nothing to forget, like Jodi. She infuriates me.

 

[angelcee]

Several posters have indicated in various threads that they have suffered from PTSD or are closed to someone who does. I also suffered from it at one point in my life. Would like to gather in one thread the experiences of others.

My own: After a traumatic event - automobile accident. Symptoms were anxiety attacks, insomnia, generalized nervousness, tearfulness, horrible nightmares when I did sleep. I did not, repeat NOT have memory loss for the traumatic event. If anything, I remembered what had happened all too well.
It kept "replaying" in my head.

I was also in pain from physcial injuries sustained during accident for almost 3months. Was treated by family doctor for about 3 weeks after I was discharged from the hospital, then referred to a psychiatrist who specialized in PTSD treatment. Saw him for almost a year. Medication was Xanax, with doses decreased over time. And thanks to good treatment, I did get over it.

Years later I was in a relationship with a man who had PTSD as a result of combat in Vietnam. He had never been treated. He also did not have loss of memory for event(s) that caused it.

I am curious if others who have suffered PTSD have suffered loss of memory for the actual event that caused it?

My PTSD is very similar to yours. My husband and I were in a terrible car accident. We rolled our Expedition 7 times...I was driving. We had a double blow out and my husband's upper body went through the passenger window and he hit the pavement and eventually the field as we rolled. I can't really go to far into it because talking about it brings back problems..but lets say he was life flighted. We were both hurt...and stayed in Austin, Texas for six months recovering. The doctors call him the Million Dollar Man because that's what it cost to get him well enough to come back to Houston. The guilt of driving when we had the accident..the trauma...the horror...everything resulted in me having PTSD. I remember everything very clearly...that's the problem..every rolll of the car...I counted them..not being able to find my cell phone...the mercy of strangers helping us...and the 19 days in critical for my husband..the hospital after and rehab. It has been a while since the accident and still if I think of it...or something reminds me of it I have flashbacks...and they're not memories..I'm back in the car ..or hospital..wherever reliving that time. My husband had multiple injuries..one being head trauma..he doen't remember leaving home...he says he's blessed. No way....does Jodi have PTSD..no way.

 

[KristiPetit]

I would like to give each and every one of you survivors a hug, and tell you how truly beautiful you all are for having the strength and resolve to push through the hard times, to find the beauty in life.

My name is Kristi ~ I am a 12 year Veteran of the United States Army and mother to 3 beautiful Children. I am a victim of childhood abuse, different in the conventional sense to most because I still have a relationship with my abuser. My step-mother. I grew up in a "yours" "mine" & "ours" household in the 80s. Typical for the time from what I understand @ 21 I decided to join the military, I met and married someone who made me laugh but quickly changed once he got his orders to go to Iraq. He would drink a fifth of Crown in one sitting and become verbally and physically abusive. Once I was deployed to South Korea, he left me for another woman. A week before returning home, I was sexually assaulted in my barracks by someone who had been a good friend to me during my divorce. He was kind of like the dorky little brother who is always nagging to go places with you. Through all that I had been through, and all that I had overcome that was my low point. There are many triggers to PTSD. I had made leaps and bounds over where I was in 2005, until I deployed to Afghanistan. The worst part, was the rocket attacks and not knowing if that was your time to go. Being close enough to feel the concussion balst and feeling your body to make sure the rock pieces that hit you weren't shards of metal ripping through your flesh. Seeing your battle buddies wheeled in after their convoys get hit with an IED and smelling the metallic scent of blood and burnt meat. Having those images seared into your mind. Not being able to see, eat or even smell brisqit because it kicks in some feeling of dread and a wave of fear so heavy roots you to the ground and every sense is on high alert.

Not even for one second do I believe that Jodi suffers from PTSD. I believe with all my heart that her trip was calculated. I think she took the .25 whether she staged it to look like a burglary or lucky event where the gun was reported stolen, I think she did take it. Ran the gammet on ex boyfriends (excluding Bobby Juarez cuz he hated her) Darryl & Matt & Al~ borrowed money, gas cans, bought a gas can, turned off the cell phone and went to visit Travis with an agenda. You take me to Cancun, or I am going to kill you. Having PTSD after you WITNESS something like that would be believable. Not when you are the perp and you obviously have Sociopathic tendancies. You can see it in the way she carries herself. The faces she makes, her mannerisms and the way she tried to DOMINATE Mr. Martinez. Just my humble opinion.

Thank you all for sharing your stories

 

[MandyLeigh]

My PTSD is very similar to yours. My husband and I were in a terrible car accident. We rolled our Expedition 7 times...I was driving. We had a double blow out and my husband's upper body went through the passenger window and he hit the pavement and eventually the field as we rolled. I can't really go to far into it because talking about it brings back problems..but lets say he was life flighted. We were both hurt...and stayed in Austin, Texas for six months recovering. The doctors call him the Million Dollar Man because that's what it cost to get him well enough to come back to Houston. The guilt of driving when we had the accident..the trauma...the horror...everything resulted in me having PTSD. I remember everything very clearly...that's the problem..every rolll of the car...I counted them..not being able to find my cell phone...the mercy of strangers helping us...and the 19 days in critical for my husband..the hospital after and rehab. It has been a while since the accident and still if I think of it...or something reminds me of it I have flashbacks...and they're not memories..I'm back in the car ..or hospital..wherever reliving that time. My husband had multiple injuries..one being head trauma..he doen't remember leaving home...he says he's blessed. No way....does Jodi have PTSD..no way.

This is the first time I've read my own story from someone else. Your story is much like mine but the effects are mine. I can't express how sorry I am that you have the disease of reliving one of the worst days of your entire life.

I was the passenger in my mother's little suv, I asked her to come out with me and then we would go to lunch. We were on the highway when a monster coming the other direction was (by witness statements) fooling around for miles, once he hit the highway he put the petal to the floor, went out of control, crossed the middle divider and hit us head on. We were going highway speed, he was going faster.

It was a serious impact. The front of our vehicles didn't exist anymore. Witnesses say our car did a 180 in the air.

My mother, my rock, my best friend was trapped inside the car, we couldn't breathe very well, see very well but all I could think about was my mother dying. I was awake for every moment of it and I couldn't see how her body could sustain what it was going through. All we could do was hold hands and wait for rescue which, my god takes forever.

The kid who hit us went unconscious so he doesn't remember a thing. I did though, I saw him coming. I watched him weaving those few seconds and knew there was nothing we could do. Like Travis said it's amazing how many thoughts go through your mind in just seconds. So I didn't scream, I calmly told my mom to hold on and covered my face becuase I knew the airbag would go off and I was afraid of what it would feel like.

It didn't matter, the impact was so bad it shattered the teeth in your mouth. We stretched the seat belts. I had never broken a bone in my life and it left with with a body full of broken bones. I was in a wheel chair for a long time. Physical Therapy was a regular part of my life. Every. Single. Day.

It's been years now and my mom is disabled for life. My bones healed but my mind never has. My guilt never has. I get therapy with this amazing woman but she tells it like it is. It's always with you. Everyone is different as to healing time. When something very traumatic happens it's not just your mind but your body that remembers it.

Since I could not move my own body out of the car I have nightmares that our car caught fire and we burn inside of it. I have dreams that I am dying in a car and I am being pulled out of my body into death. And I'm watching the same for my mom but I have no hands anymore to grab her so I don't lose her.

Today even after all these years I can not sit as a passenger with out having issues. They MUST drive all the way to the right. Hug the right line. I still have flash backs, I can smell the airbags, my mind keeps replaying the 100 different ways I can die at that moment by using what I am seeing.

It's exhausting. PTSD is an injury that never goes away.

I am disgusted and full of rage that Jodi is playing this PTSD card when it was her hands that pulled Travis out of his body. My nightmares of death came true for that man and the evil who did it is sitting in a court room like an injured puppy.

All of you who suffer with this. You have my thoughts and prayers....and tears.

 

[Cat Lover]

I just want to say I'm sorry to everyone who has suffered from PTSD on here and thanks for sharing your stories.

My trauma was sexual abuse. In my young adult years, I was diagnosed with PTSD. I had bad dreams, depression and thought about stuff that happened to me. There are some memory losses but I remember what I do and that's bad enough. I've been on anxiety medication for years now and still do therapy sometimes so I still have problems.

I don't believe Jodi suffers from PTSD. So, can someone clear up something for me? If Jodi was to have suffered from it, then wouldn't she have not been a self confident, aggressive woman like I have heard people say about her? I know I sure wasn't. I had no self confidence, low self esteem, etc and I still lack some of it still today. These things tell me she didn't suffer from PTSD.

 

[MandyLeigh]

I've been thinking about this too. Look at how she reacts when she tells her stories in which the defense claims caused the PTSD. No tears, her voice never waivers. She doesn't shake. There is no negative reaction.

Even when she was talking about her now forever injured finger. Or looks at the photos of her baptism when she was supposedly raped afterward. She can tell it like a boring trip to the grocery store.

 

[KristiPetit]

I just want to say I'm sorry to everyone who has suffered from PTSD on here and thanks for sharing your stories.

My trauma was sexual abuse. In my young adult years, I was diagnosed with PTSD. I had bad dreams, depression and thought about stuff that happened to me. There are some memory losses but I remember what I do and that's bad enough. I've been on anxiety medication for years now and still do therapy sometimes so I still have problems.

I don't believe Jodi suffers from PTSD. So, can someone clear up something for me? If Jodi was to have suffered from it, then wouldn't she have not been a self confident, aggressive woman like I have heard people say about her? I know I sure wasn't. I had no self confidence, low self esteem, etc and I still lack some of it still today. These things tell me she didn't suffer from PTSD.

There are different things that influence self confidence or self esteem. I dont think PTSD in and of itself causes it. The trauma itself, and relating feelings of self worth to the trauma may cause that for you. For Jodi, the Narcissim makes her feel superior to others. Telling her she isnt pretty, won't hurt her feelings, it will just make her pity you because she thinks you are jealous of her. In her mind, she is prefect. Why wouldn't someone want me? Why doesn't the world revolve around me. Travis was the first man in her life that truly turned his affection off from her because she could not fool him. He knew what she was, a master at manipulation and a cunning liar. Self esteem comes into play with how you look at yourself and the value you feel toward your own life. Once you build upon how you view yourself, it gets easier to love who you are and forget that someone made you feel less than your worth

 

[AlwaysShocked]

Wow, I figured there were some others here who had PTSD, but I had no idea there were so MANY of us! I have found it to be very interesting and enlightening to read everyone's stories.

FWIW I do want you younger folks to know that mine continued to fade as the years went by. I just figured it out - my triggering event was 27 years ago now. And I was an adult when it happened, which I suspect can make somewhat of a difference in the outcome.

Just wanted to thank you all for posting!

 

[westies4ever]

I was diagnosed with PTSD after a 20yr. marriage, (the violence). It's so hard to read all of the painful stories on this thread. My heart goes out to all of you.

KristiPetit

Travis was the first man in her life that truly turned his affection off from her because she could not fool him. He knew what she was, a master at manipulation and a cunning liar.

You put into words something that has been nagging me for some time. In Jodi's diary she wrote something like "I don't know about that boy...but something is just off with Travis". I do believe it was like you stated, that he had rejected her, wasn't head over heels for her and was beginning to see through her". This was totally foreign to her.

The defense is using it as if she was writing about TA's alleged pedophile leanings, which is totally unfounded.

I don't believe for a second that JA had/has PTSD. She shows absolutely no signs and symptoms.

 

[KristiPetit]

She also makes mention of Detective FLores being "weird." She couldn't fool him and it bothered her. I agree, no PTSD and no abuse... I pray for her to be convicted and that real sufferers of both get help and find peace.

 

[Sha]

I'm trying to wean myself off of my psych meds and going back to what worked for me when I was younger - exercise. So lately I've been having "flashbacks" of my dad beating my brother. I hear my brother crying "No, Dad. No!" I worshipped my brother and still do. These flashbacks are very painful. I hope I don't have to be on these meds for the rest of my life. They have caused me to put on tons of weight.

 

[ella971]

I suffer from PTSD from childhood abuse and I'm so sorry for those who suffer with it and the people in our lives who really don't understand it. It is horrible. Any noise makes me jump or in some cases I actually scream. Everything I do feels like I can feel impending doom in ever corner. I was taking celexa for about five years and in Feb not being able to pay for a doctors visit was forced to stop taking it. I have to say that I had forgotten how intense the panic is while not taking celexa. Clearly it helped in some way. It's been hell off of it.I feel like a feral cat. I'm always wanting to get up and get out. I tell myself this will pass and it does however so hard when it's happening. Thanks for this thread it helped me reading all of the people who suffer from this.

 

[Sha]

I know what you mean, feeling like a feral cat.

 

[Sha]

Do any of you PTSD sufferers drink like I do??

 

[ella971]

Sha, Flasbacks all the time in most cases it's not until after I realize why I reacted to whatever it was that happened. Same thing with nightmares. I'm very sensitive to noise and bright lights. I just moved into a condo and had to disconnect the doorbell because someone rang it and I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Besides the terror that we feel I think the hardest part for me is to explain to whatever person I'm with why I don't want to do something or I can't do something. Like I said before not being able to take the Celexa it's brought me straight back to that horrible feeling and what helps me is to catch the panic before it gets me. Deep breathing, praying, distraction is always the way if I can get myself to motivate. I know your pain.

 

[Sha]

Loud noises bother me too. I scream and jump and yell "WTH was that?" My husband always comments about how "jumpy" I am.