Hey slueths, I wanted to come back after some time had passed, and give you all some information that may help you in other cases.
1. Jennifer was found 42 miles from her home, the exact calculated distance when we figured she would run out of gas. The truck was out of gas.
2. Jennifer appears to have taken her life the first day she was missing, probably before I even made it off work.
3. Jennifer was not in the truck, but some distance from it on foot. Jennifer had left a second note, and although I have not seen it yet (nor do I intend to) the Sheriff said it was similar to the first.
4. The truck was indeed in a location I could not have reached in my sedan. She was found by mountain bikers who were biking the remote backwoods of the area. Usually this is a better traveled road, but due to the extreme heat during these weeks, few people dared to traverse this part of the country during the hot days. I do believe her intentions were to be found quickly, by adults, but not by me.
5. It does not appear there was any outside help or collaberation. She had in her possession exactly what I knew about.
I do think, as one member mentioned, that she began the planning weeks in advance, hence the extra effort on her part to have a great few weeks before she passed. It must have been that much of a relief to her to know she would soon finally be at peace, that she could be happier in life for a short time.
I have been fighting anger and sorrow for the last few months. I do know that the suicide cycle has stopped with me. I will start to dedicate more of my time to suicide prevention, and teaching folks how to recognize more than the traditional signs of suicidal ideation. I have made a decision to move forward with my life, with Jenn always in my heart. I am too young to lay down and give up on life.
I have sprinkled Jenns ashes with her late husband at Tahoe, as requested by her. I have packed all but some special items up, and given it to the family. I have one box, pictures and memories of Jenn. No amount of time will ever erase her from my heart and mind. Her family is moving out of the area, and out of state.
My boys and I are now concentrating on LIVING...and learning from this experience. I will give some advice to my fellow members on these type of situations; and hope to participate in the forum if needed/wanted:
1. Please, if the spouse of a missing person comes in here looking for help, give them great latitude to vent. Often, forums have misinformation, something which is very frustrating for the person left behind. When I first came to this forum, I was so angry I was in tears. I was grateful that the mods got a hold of me, calmed me down, and helped me be constructive in getting the information out.
2. READ ALL THE POSTS related to a case. There were quite a few posts where the same questions were repeatedly asked; I will note that this happened most often with folks that only posted once or twice, not the regular posters.
3. Keep in mind that the most obvious answer is usually the right one. Conspiracy theories abounded when I first came here (and they still do, believe it or not) My advice would be to listen to the gut of the person left behind, and use their feeling to concentrate the search area. Had the police listened to me, we would have found Jenn a lot quicker.
4. A lot of you did this here, which was awesome; but make calls for the person left behind. If you find a resource, call it and see if you can at least prime the resource for the person left behind. During the time she was missing, I was gettin up to 85 calls per day...these calls were from friends, family, and tipsters. I barely had time to eat, sleep and take care of two boys, let alone call potential resources during business hours.
5. Encourage the person left behind to take a day to do nothing but cry. Two days before she was found, the wind was knocked out of me. I think I had finally come to terms with the fact that my angel was gone. At the urging of friends, I took a day to do nothing but eat, sleep and cry. It was hard, but refreshing, and helped prepare me for that fateful knock at the door.
6. Make sure the person has a "buddy" system. There needs to be someone, anyone, who can either call or come to the house the minute they get news about their loved one. I will elaborate on this below. Someone who can be called at 2 in the morning if needed, and just talk, listen, and if possible, give a big hug.
The night I got the news about Jenn was like a nightmare. I was typing a post for this site on my computer, when I decided to go out for a cigarette. As I stood up I noticed a Sheriff car pass by. My heart stopped for a second, but the car continued down the road. I walked out the back door to smoke when something told me to go back inside. As I walked in the kitchen I heard a knock at the door. I immediately knew.
I went to the door, and this poor deputy was just a kid. His eyes were red, he had obviosuly been crying. He asked if he could come in to talk. I have made these notifications in my line of work before, so I interrupted him. I said "Is she okay?" The deputies shoulders sagged, and he just shook his head "no." I thanked him for his service and time. He suggested I call the investigator. I closed the door and collapsed to the floor. I stumbled to the garage, lit what would be the first cigarette out of two packs of cigarettes, and called the investigator. He was on scene, and to make a long story short, he assured me she did not suffer, and the death likely occured before I even got the note, so there was nothing I could have done. The ME report confirmed this later. He asked if he should make the calls to her family. I told him no, thanked him, and started making the calls. I spent the next 6 hours on the phone with every friend and family member who cared for Jenn. It was only through my prior knowledge that I knew how to arrange for the cremation and transportation of Jenn back home. Most people have no idea what to do after a loved on dies. Having burried 8 friends over the last 10 years, 6 of them in the last 3 years, I knew the routine. It took me four days to have my complete breakdown because I was so busy. Her family was not capable of helping mentally, physically or financially(long story) so I was left dealing with everything by myself. i posted the service on Facebook if anyone cares to look at it.
The reason I wanted you to know that is because I want you to know that the story is far from over after the person is found. Once someone is found, the person left behind often loses all the support they once enjoyed from friends, family, and even sites like this. In my small town, baseless rumors have started that I somehow was responsible. I know this is normal, because I watched Jenn deal with it too. It is very painful to hear, and angers me greatly. I also know it will blow over in time.
I know my story is the same as many others, and I only hope it is learned from. Thank you again for all your help and support, and keep up the great work. I only hope I will have the strength to one day come back and help also.
