Our family chose to adopt after we had our three birthchildren. I resisted foster care like the plague. I have the utmost respect for foster parents but I just didn't think I'd be able to play the "game" of attempted reunification. We chose 11 children to adopt who'd already had their parental rights terminated. They grew up and I got very sick. Our huge house was empty and my husband had to spend all his time at home anyway, caring for me. The state approached us about high level DD foster parenting. We already had the systems in place and we were downright bored. We decided to take a leap and try it. DHS knew going in that my health was going downhill fast but my husband is strong and healthy and we have a wonderful support system--family, therapists, doctors, behavior specialists, the school, local LE, juvenile justice, the DA. I'm still good at online advocacy. It was just too much work to set it all up not to keep using the resources....especially when kids were waiting.
Within two short months (man...they fast-tracked us), we had two really sweet older teens. Lots and lots of issues and very low functioning but we were having fun. They were loving and sweet and so dependent on us. We had to cut their food and read bedtime stories. I loved it. Then, two months later, we got a placement of a teen who was very troubled and recovering from a lithium overdose. It was very hard to read her. Something about the dynamics in our home, changed overnight.
I'll never forget three weeks in 2009. We had a total of 23 run-aways in those three weeks. The kids (14-17) would feed off each other. We've since learned this is very common. The police would bring them home and they'd go right out the back door. Caseworkers would simply park out in front of our house and try to talk kids down from leaving. Due to state laws, foster parents cannot even give the impression of restriction of egress. Not even for safety reasons. All you can do is calmly talk, try to redirect, and call the police if they run. Oh, it was tiresome. Two girls hit the freeway and hitch-hiked halfway to Portland, after LE lost sight of them. Thankfully, they were found. One boy walked out in his jammies and ended up downtown with a group of transients being dared to pull his pants down....in the snow. The next night he held me captive on the front porch with an umbrella, threatening to stab me, until an alert neighbor called the police. He was 300 lbs. and I'm 105. The police can only talk to the kids--and that's tough when the teen has a 50 IQ and is armed with an umbrella and refusing his meds. There's no shelter, no after hours emergency plan. LEOs can't even touch the kids. They just bring them home. The capping climax was when we caught (we were both full time parents and the kids had eyes-on supervision as we slept in shifts) the two girls lowering one little poodle after another in a sling to the ground from an upper story window late at night. They were going to sneak off with their favorite pets. We got the dogs back but the girls went maniacally giggling into the night. have no doubt that if I'd stood in their path, they might have hurt me. If I'm not mistaken, between the three of them, they'd had a total of 52 placements during their short lives, prior to our home.
A week later, the two oldest were placed in adult homes and the younger girl stayed. Long story short, she's doing GREAT. Three years in and I can't imagine life without her. But, oh what a ride it was, settling in and going through the testing stages. You know what, though? As hard as it was, I still get DAILY emails from the two older kids. They remember all the fun stuff and have forgotten the tough stuff. I still love them but I don't think we'd choose to do it again. We feel blessed to have permanently impacted this last young lady. She's our swan song.
Treatment foster parenting is not for the faint of heart. But it's surely not boring either.
