I bought this over from the last thread.
The part about the nephews and nieces... It really struck a chord with me. I had an uncle who my siblings and I were petrified of, he would walk into Nan's place while we were all having lunch and chatting and the mood would turn sombre, everyone would look down and just eat, if he were at the table people didn't speak... We were always scared of him, not scared that he'd do anything specific, but scared to be near him and scared to talk in front of him etc. years later I heard that Nan (his mum) would actually cross the road to avoid him if she saw him down the street (in the shopping area of town).
One night he went to where his ex wife, her partner and his kids were and shot and killed his ex and her partner and left his kids there and drove off. I was only about 16 at the time, but I had no idea he would be capable of that. But at 16, I don't know if you really think about these things happening either.
Looking back, now as an adult, I guess it doesn't surprise me. If Nan was scared of him, I wonder why? Did something happen? Could this have been prevented if the adults around him actually noticed the warning signs? There was obviously something very off about him.
I'd like to think that if I were in a similar situation now, 20 something years on, that I'd be able to pick someone who would be capable. But the reality is, we can't always be fully aware of the monsters that walk amongst us...
TBH, we also forget things! I'd not once thought of my uncle in years and definitely not in relation to any thread I've read on WS, until the above post. Do we compartmentalise and not put things together because we 'hide bad things away' in our memories? Could this be why family are so surprised? Do they now sit there putting it all together? I wonder... Regardless, I feel for them. I know I struggled to deal with the fact that my blood relation is a murderer.
Thanks for sharing this! From your description, you and your family members were unnerved by your Uncle. We can be very primal in ways and can react to people that may lack empathy or seem "off" in a flight or fight manner/survival manner. Your Nan crossed the street to avoid him, the mood changed when he walked into a room. That is every one sensing some sort of danger or not feeling safe without being able to put their finger on it. And to answer your question, yes, other things can definitely trigger long buried memories. They are stored there and can resurface at odd times.
We may "feel" as if people that we know are capable of dark things, but It's another thing to have a feeling and have something actual to report. Alot of the time, our feeling is right.
It was stunning how Ariel Castro's son Anthony and other family members said right away and unequivocally that although shocked at the situation itself, they were not shocked that he did this, they believed him capable of it.
Yet, the neighbors all seemed shocked beyond belief. Him? Ariel? He was so nice. So caring. He gave all of the kids rides on his quad. Nicest guy ever.
He showed his family who he was because he couldn't hide it from them. They knew him his entire life and they were around him more in a more intimate way. But his neighbors, coworkers, friends, and bandmates where utterly shocked.
Sociopaths are so very dangerous because they are so adept at wearing their "mask" that they easily fool people. (think Dzhokar Tsarnaev) Even professionals have been fooled by people with antisocial personality disorder at times. That is how good they can be. They mimic "normal" because they are anything but. They are absolutely empty inside and are driven by only what pleases them. They lack fear. They are brazen, and people only serve as a means to an end. Nothing more.
Its so easy in hindsight to see what is missed, but sometimes when you are close to it you cannot see the forest for the trees.
In Ariel's case, if I were meeting him as a stranger I would be very concerned about all of the secrecy. The mannequin, all of the locks on the doors, the boards on the windows, the domestic violence history. I would be terribly unnerved and would not want him anywhere near me, no matter what kind of mask he wore.
It is not normal to have your house all boarded up while living in it. It is not normal to take 30 minutes to come to the door every time you have visitors. It is not normal to not let people past the kitchen and keep them out of all other rooms. It is not normal to blare music every single time you have a visitor. It is not normal to drive around with a mannequin, scare your nephew with it, and your wife with it. It is not normal to suddenly appear at the park with a six year old girl.Its not normal to come home with bags and bags of McDonalds when you live alone, unless maybe you are bulimic. It is not normal to beat your wife at all never mind when she is recovering from brain surgery. It is not normal to lock your wife in the house and take the key. To beat her over and over again. To pretend that you are leaving only to come right back to check on what she is doing. All of the behaviors he exhibited with his wife he later exhibited with those poor girls. The exact same things. Total control. It is not normal to tell a six year old to "lay down b**tch" while you illegally take your school bus on a personal errand.
The signs were all there that he was a very twisted and dark individual who could not, would not, live within societies norms. Most of his behavior was classically anti social. Still, I cannot imagine that anyone would have thought that he was holding three women captive right under their noses. We tend to "mind" our business or brush things off as off or odd.
It's not that we miss it, we usually
refuse to see it for many reasons. It was all there with Ariel. The writing was on the wall that something was very wrong with him.