NJ - Mallory Grossman, 12, committed suicide after cyberbullying, family sues school, Rockaway Twp., June 2017 *settled $9m*

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Dianne and Seth Grossman announced that they planned to sue the Rockaway Township School District, claiming officials there failed to stop abuse that they believe led to Mallory's death.

In addition, the family is contemplating taking legal action against the parents of the students who allegedly bullied Mallory as well.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news...idnt-do-enough-save-their-daughter/532165001/
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/new-jersey-family-sue-school-district-after-12-year-old-n788506

170801-mallory-grossman-1-ew-1156a_da5bc6a79d665b3e53f5d52466b4773f.nbcnews-ux-320-320.jpg
 
I hope this is not considered victim blaming, but what rationale do parents like these give for continuing to allow their (young not even teenage) child access to social media when they find what is posted there offensive enough to notify the school multiple times? I don't have children, but I have considered this topic. If my 12 year old child were getting beat up at a bowling alley regularly, I would not allow my child to go to that bowling alley. There are phones where parents can allow emergency calls only. No need for an iphone with social media access.

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I suspect envy or extreme jealousy mixed with resentment is what drove those bullies. Something I have seen in the past with Lori Drew, South Hadley 6, Andres Arturo Villagomez and Karinthya Sanchez Romero, and Michelle Carter.

No surprise that envy drives bullying.
https://nobullying.com/envy/

Unsurprisingly, envy often drives people to commit murder, mass murder, and terrorism like with Jodi Arias, Elliot Rodger, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, Adam Lanza, Seung-Hui Cho, Omar Mateen, and Osama bin Laden.

Envy drove them to extreme rage.

Murderous Envy
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/keeping-kids-safe/200905/murderous-envy
 
I hope this is not considered victim blaming, but what rationale do parents like these give for continuing to allow their (young not even teenage) child access to social media when they find what is posted there offensive enough to notify the school multiple times? I don't have children, but I have considered this topic. If my 12 year old child were getting beat up at a bowling alley regularly, I would not allow my child to go to that bowling alley. There are phones where parents can allow emergency calls only. No need for an iphone with social media access.

Sent from my SM-G550T1 using Tapatalk

I respectfully disagree with your viewpoint.

You are saying that a person being bullied should:

1) Avoid the bowling alley, even if all of their friends go there.

2) Avoid having an electronic device that might allow others to bully them.

And, as stated in their parents interview, they were looking into changing schools.

Why should they need to change schools?

Sadly, as we have seen in so many of these incidents, the offenders thought it was all a big joke. They refused to back down, and ended up pushing the victim to a breaking point.

We have no access to the things being said, and done, to this young child. Every bit of it should come out, and shine a spotlight on the ugliness in the bullies' hearts.

We (currently) have no access to the environment in the bullies lives; and why they would treat young Mallory in the manner they did.

Perhaps a trial would give all of us more insight, into what drives a bully to keep pushing their victim.

Mallory, her family, and her community, were all victims in this case. We cannot ever forget that.
 
I hope this is not considered victim blaming, but what rationale do parents like these give for continuing to allow their (young not even teenage) child access to social media when they find what is posted there offensive enough to notify the school multiple times? I don't have children, but I have considered this topic. If my 12 year old child were getting beat up at a bowling alley regularly, I would not allow my child to go to that bowling alley. There are phones where parents can allow emergency calls only. No need for an iphone with social media access.

Sent from my SM-G550T1 using Tapatalk

I understand what you are saying. But the problem is that you want your child to be able to communicate and take part in the social activities that their friends do. So if you take away the ability to speak by IMs, or post messages to other students, then you are shutting them off from the positive experiences too.

With 20/20 hindsight, that might have been the best decision, but at the time, they probably though that being able to talk to her positive friends was important too.
 
I think it's not just about taking away Mallory's phone, or let's say the victim's phone. It's about the bullies having access to THEIR phones, and their friends, and things that are being said to other children in the school about the victim, and what the other school kids are reading/saying/hearing/witnessing. It has next to nothing to do with whether or not the victim, herself, actually has seen them first hand on social media. Kids can be very very cruel. All it takes is 5 kids to stare at her as she walks down the hall to ruin a person's self-esteem, especially NOT knowing what they DO know, it's a killer.
 
I respectfully disagree with your viewpoint.

You are saying that a person being bullied should:

1) Avoid the bowling alley, even if all of their friends go there.

2) Avoid having an electronic device that might allow others to bully them.

And, as stated in their parents interview, they were looking into changing schools.

Why should they need to change schools?

Sadly, as we have seen in so many of these incidents, the offenders thought it was all a big joke. They refused to back down, and ended up pushing the victim to a breaking point.

We have no access to the things being said, and done, to this young child. Every bit of it should come out, and shine a spotlight on the ugliness in the bullies' hearts.

We (currently) have no access to the environment in the bullies lives; and why they would treat young Mallory in the manner they did.

Perhaps a trial would give all of us more insight, into what drives a bully to keep pushing their victim.

Mallory, her family, and her community, were all victims in this case. We cannot ever forget that.

I understand what you are saying. But the problem is that you want your child to be able to communicate and take part in the social activities that their friends do. So if you take away the ability to speak by IMs, or post messages to other students, then you are shutting them off from the positive experiences too.

With 20/20 hindsight, that might have been the best decision, but at the time, they probably though that being able to talk to her positive friends was important too.

I think it's not just about taking away Mallory's phone, or let's say the victim's phone. It's about the bullies having access to THEIR phones, and their friends, and things that are being said to other children in the school about the victim, and what the other school kids are reading/saying/hearing/witnessing. It has next to nothing to do with whether or not the victim, herself, actually has seen them first hand on social media. Kids can be very very cruel. All it takes is 5 kids to stare at her as she walks down the hall to ruin a person's self-esteem, especially NOT knowing what they DO know, it's a killer.

Exactly. The bullying happened at school and in person.
 
I think it's not just about taking away Mallory's phone, or let's say the victim's phone. It's about the bullies having access to THEIR phones, and their friends, and things that are being said to other children in the school about the victim, and what the other school kids are reading/saying/hearing/witnessing. It has next to nothing to do with whether or not the victim, herself, actually has seen them first hand on social media. Kids can be very very cruel. All it takes is 5 kids to stare at her as she walks down the hall to ruin a person's self-esteem, especially NOT knowing what they DO know, it's a killer.

BBM

Exactly. An associate's daughter did the same, as a very young teen. It was before anyone really knew about cyber bullying (but cyber bullying started almost as soon as the internet opened up to the public). It was all over kids being cruel, same as they were to this child. She was a pretty girl, who seemed popular, and well-liked, but a few got it in for her, and it wasn't til after, that her parents knew how bad it was for her. The school can't be held responsible though. The school's hands are tied. They might could stop them from verbal attacks on school property but cyber attacks can happen anytime the children had access to a computer and that access can be gained nearly anywhere now. Have a library card? Have access to a computer. Friend with a cell phone? Have access. I have been in I.T. since before there were hard drives in p.c.s. I installed locking software, and set up individual logins, with keyword locks, timers, and parental review logs, because I knew what was out there. I had one kid that could still breach nearly any parenting software package that I put on there, so I had to be one step ahead at all times. This was before kids had laptops, ipads, and smartphone, at reasonable costs, and at arms length everywhere they went. So I only had to worry about one desktop. Maybe it should be just great fun to get on the internet and chat with your friends and never worry about bad things, but, there's lots of bad things on the internet. Mine hated me for my computer rules.
 
I hope this is not considered victim blaming, but what rationale do parents like these give for continuing to allow their (young not even teenage) child access to social media when they find what is posted there offensive enough to notify the school multiple times? I don't have children, but I have considered this topic. If my 12 year old child were getting beat up at a bowling alley regularly, I would not allow my child to go to that bowling alley. There are phones where parents can allow emergency calls only. No need for an iphone with social media access.

Sent from my SM-G550T1 using Tapatalk
I agree. I would never victim blame either. in the old days, there was a phone on the wall and my parents answered the phone. They knew who was calling me and knew who I was talking with and what I was exposed to. Bullying is horrible. Very young children on social media scares me.
 
I hope this is not considered victim blaming, but what rationale do parents like these give for continuing to allow their (young not even teenage) child access to social media when they find what is posted there offensive enough to notify the school multiple times? I don't have children, but I have considered this topic. If my 12 year old child were getting beat up at a bowling alley regularly, I would not allow my child to go to that bowling alley. There are phones where parents can allow emergency calls only. No need for an iphone with social media access.

Sent from my SM-G550T1 using Tapatalk

I'm sorry. I can't let this go. First of all, if you have to qualify a statement by saying you hope something isn't considered victim bashing you most probably are, indeed, victim bashing. What you are suggesting these parents should have done or even admonishing these parents for failing to do is punish the victim.
I assume you would be outraged is someone told a rape victim she should have chosen a more modest outfit or she should not have gone to the bar/club/party she went to where the rape took place. You would rightfully place the blame where it belonged, on the rapist. You would say he should not have raped her. So how is this different?
This girl was bullied by text, social media, and in person on school grounds. So she should be banned from her phone (now she is without help should the bullies see her in person)and her social media, all the ways kids communicate with each other. By doing this she also loses any support she has out there. She should lose computer privileges for the same reasons. But wait, the bullies still have ALL their privileges.
This girl should also stop going to school where she is an excellent student and stop participating in sports. So as a victim she loses her right to an education and the extra curriculars that accompany school. But wait, the bullies still GET TO go to school.

Why on earth are we, in 2017, still punishing the victim and blaming the parents for not punishing the victim and acting as if the bullies are just a fact of life and bear no responsibility to act like DECENT HUMAN BEINGS.

I realize that you do not have children yet, but someday you will understand that if you have a child who is being bullied in any fashion, you as the parent are in a no win situation. It is agonizing. You want to take them away from the nastiness, take their pain away, protect them from mean words, you want to punish the bullies, you want to beat on their parents, you want the school to stop calmly saying "we will look into it" and then do nothing, you want to force your child to fight back, you want to cry. And you can do none of that. You can only give your child encouragement and support and love, and hope the people who can do something step up and do it.

So to make a long rant longer, if you have kids and they are getting beat up at the bowling alley you will not keep your child home. You will march down to the bowling alley and demand that the guilty parties be punished and banned from the bowling alley. You may have to go with your kids to the bowling alley for a while, but make sure the right children are being punished.

TL;DR
Girls shouldn't be told how to dress or walk or where to go so as not to bring on a rape. Boys should be taught rape is wrong. Don't do it. You will be quickly and strongly punished if you do.
Kids shouldn't be kept from their phones and SM and school so as not to bring on bullying. Kids should be taught bullying is wrong. Don't do it. Anywhere. You will be quickly and strongly punished if you do.
 
I'm sorry. I can't let this go. First of all, if you have to qualify a statement by saying you hope something isn't considered victim bashing you most probably are, indeed, victim bashing. What you are suggesting these parents should have done or even admonishing these parents for failing to do is punish the victim.
I assume you would be outraged is someone told a rape victim she should have chosen a more modest outfit or she should not have gone to the bar/club/party she went to where the rape took place. You would rightfully place the blame where it belonged, on the rapist. You would say he should not have raped her. So how is this different?
This girl was bullied by text, social media, and in person on school grounds. So she should be banned from her phone (now she is without help should the bullies see her in person)and her social media, all the ways kids communicate with each other. By doing this she also loses any support she has out there. She should lose computer privileges for the same reasons. But wait, the bullies still have ALL their privileges.
This girl should also stop going to school where she is an excellent student and stop participating in sports. So as a victim she loses her right to an education and the extra curriculars that accompany school. But wait, the bullies still GET TO go to school.

Why on earth are we, in 2017, still punishing the victim and blaming the parents for not punishing the victim and acting as if the bullies are just a fact of life and bear no responsibility to act like DECENT HUMAN BEINGS.

I realize that you do not have children yet, but someday you will understand that if you have a child who is being bullied in any fashion, you as the parent are in a no win situation. It is agonizing. You want to take them away from the nastiness, take their pain away, protect them from mean words, you want to punish the bullies, you want to beat on their parents, you want the school to stop calmly saying "we will look into it" and then do nothing, you want to force your child to fight back, you want to cry. And you can do none of that. You can only give your child encouragement and support and love, and hope the people who can do something step up and do it.

So to make a long rant longer, if you have kids and they are getting beat up at the bowling alley you will not keep your child home. You will march down to the bowling alley and demand that the guilty parties be punished and banned from the bowling alley. You may have to go with your kids to the bowling alley for a while, but make sure the right children are being punished.

TL;DR
Girls shouldn't be told how to dress or walk or where to go so as not to bring on a rape. Boys should be taught rape is wrong. Don't do it. You will be quickly and strongly punished if you do.
Kids shouldn't be kept from their phones and SM and school so as not to bring on bullying. Kids should be taught bullying is wrong. Don't do it. Anywhere. You will be quickly and strongly punished if you do.

Please copy & paste and send this to every news station (Twitter?!), School System, and Parent, that you know. With instructions to share it out to the world. And, while we're at it, let's end War! Make Peace & Love, Not War!

Rant over. I seriously agree with EVERYTHING that you wrote, 2ManyHorses. I think I got that right? I so wish we could find the way to get rid of the evil in people's hearts. Sigh.
 
I'm sorry. I can't let this go. First of all, if you have to qualify a statement by saying you hope something isn't considered victim bashing you most probably are, indeed, victim bashing. What you are suggesting these parents should have done or even admonishing these parents for failing to do is punish the victim.
I assume you would be outraged is someone told a rape victim she should have chosen a more modest outfit or she should not have gone to the bar/club/party she went to where the rape took place. You would rightfully place the blame where it belonged, on the rapist. You would say he should not have raped her. So how is this different?
This girl was bullied by text, social media, and in person on school grounds. So she should be banned from her phone (now she is without help should the bullies see her in person)and her social media, all the ways kids communicate with each other. By doing this she also loses any support she has out there. She should lose computer privileges for the same reasons. But wait, the bullies still have ALL their privileges.
This girl should also stop going to school where she is an excellent student and stop participating in sports. So as a victim she loses her right to an education and the extra curriculars that accompany school. But wait, the bullies still GET TO go to school.

Why on earth are we, in 2017, still punishing the victim and blaming the parents for not punishing the victim and acting as if the bullies are just a fact of life and bear no responsibility to act like DECENT HUMAN BEINGS.

I realize that you do not have children yet, but someday you will understand that if you have a child who is being bullied in any fashion, you as the parent are in a no win situation. It is agonizing. You want to take them away from the nastiness, take their pain away, protect them from mean words, you want to punish the bullies, you want to beat on their parents, you want the school to stop calmly saying "we will look into it" and then do nothing, you want to force your child to fight back, you want to cry. And you can do none of that. You can only give your child encouragement and support and love, and hope the people who can do something step up and do it.

So to make a long rant longer, if you have kids and they are getting beat up at the bowling alley you will not keep your child home. You will march down to the bowling alley and demand that the guilty parties be punished and banned from the bowling alley. You may have to go with your kids to the bowling alley for a while, but make sure the right children are being punished.

TL;DR
Girls shouldn't be told how to dress or walk or where to go so as not to bring on a rape. Boys should be taught rape is wrong. Don't do it. You will be quickly and strongly punished if you do.
Kids shouldn't be kept from their phones and SM and school so as not to bring on bullying. Kids should be taught bullying is wrong. Don't do it. Anywhere. You will be quickly and strongly punished if you do.

As someone who has been in the computer/tech industry for a very, very, long time, I personally would not allow a 12 year old to have unfettered access to the internet, nor would the bullies be permitted to have access to my child's s.m. if it were anything more than a spat between friends. IF I had a 12 year old who had a FB, their FB would be monitored, as I stated in my previous post, with a parental monitoring software tool(s) of some type. Not because I am a controlling, helicopter style, mean, un-trusting, parent, but because I know what is out there and what it can do to a pre-teen / teen (I've seen the internet ruin adults' careers because of poor choices, or impulsive choices.). Restriction of the *advertiser censored* purveyors, and perverts, alone, is worth the price of the software. The monitoring software's data logs come in very handy if one ever needs proof of harassment to take to other parents, the school, or even to LE if it goes that far. There's time-stamps on the logs (at least the one's I used had them) to show when they and the kids they are communicating with, are getting online. The time-stamp allows you to see when the bully is getting online to send their attacks, which would narrow down WHERE they are getting online.

Bullying is not the only concern with allowing children to roam freely on the internet. You wouldn't send your child out to play, on a street that you knew had pedophiles living on it, would you, so why would you send them out into the world wide web, unprotected, where they can readily be approached by those same pedophiles, sent *advertiser censored* over their I.M., be coaxed to meet a new "friend" at the park across town, not to mention be emotionally abused to the point of suicide? The internet requires the growth of a tough skin for adults.

There is parental software available for phones, laptops, desktops, etc... There should be a push to make parents more aware of the types of monitoring software that is available to them. You don't have to read your child's every conversation, but you can scan logs for "keywords", and if you see those keywords, decide whether to read the logs, or not. It is a big, and sometimes dangerous, world out there online, and parents have to educate themselves in how to protect their children from those dangers. I have personally used Kaspersky and Net Nanny, although it has been quite a few years ago, so I can't vouch for either of them in 2017, but they were of great assistance to me, when my kids were young.

Here are some of the parental software packages available today. Some of them have the social media monitoring tools that I used to track my kid's activities, and s.m., back in the day, in addition, in our home, there were no "private" passwords to their sm account(s), our home was not a democracy. If you used the p.c., I had the right to see what was being sent, and received, browsed, or downloaded, on their profiles, at any time I wished. It was not punishment, it was protection.

If it were today, and on FB, and someone started bullying one of my kids, that person would be removed from, and restricted from, their friend lists (if they didn't get the picture after that, then I'd likely take a copy of the software logs to their parents, and have a sit down with them, and see how it went from there). It's a very tight rope to walk, because how one handles it, can determine whether your child becomes even further ostracized, or can comfortably walk the halls, at school, at the end of the day.

https://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2346997,00.asp
 
I hope this is not considered victim blaming, but what rationale do parents like these give for continuing to allow their (young not even teenage) child access to social media when they find what is posted there offensive enough to notify the school multiple times? I don't have children, but I have considered this topic. If my 12 year old child were getting beat up at a bowling alley regularly, I would not allow my child to go to that bowling alley. There are phones where parents can allow emergency calls only. No need for an iphone with social media access.

Sent from my SM-G550T1 using Tapatalk


I understand what you are saying.

The primary purpose of school is for academics, not to be "hanging out" with friends.

Even outside of school time, time spent with friends should be limited and constructive. No hanging out on street corners.

MOO the parents of the 12 year old should be suing the families of the bullies, not the school.
 
Also - public schools need to ban mobile devices/social media during class time.
 
Mallory Grossman was a bright, loving, kind little girl who committed suicide on June 14, 2017, several hours after her parents once again met with school administrators about the constant bullying she was facing every single day at school, on-line, at cheerleading, at choir practice. She was 12 years old. 12 years old... my heart breaks once again just thinking that.

This has been big news here in Morris County, New Jersey for the last year. Rockaway Township officials are absolutely disgraceful in the way this was handled. No parent should lose a child because the Adults in her school are afraid of the consequences if bad reports are filed with the State. The parents of the four girls who bullied Mallory should be named in the suit as well. The Grossman's did everything a parent is supposed to do, and yet no one listened, no one helped and they buried their daughter.

I get so choked up I can barely read her mom's posts on Facebook without the tears rolling down my face. I have to say I so admire Dianne Grossman for the way she has become such a spokesperson for anti-bullying. She has certainly made sure that her beloved Mallory did not die in vain.
#Mallory's Army.

Bullying Of Mallory Grossman, 12, Detailed In Wrongful Death Suit
 
I can understand the difficulty of the school in such situations as cyber anything, including bullying is very hard to stop.
 

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