My Poison Valentine
Romantic Ways to Say ‘You Can’t Cook’ and ‘You’re Getting Fat’

By Buck Wolf

Feb. 10 — As Valentine's Day approaches, so many men need a "Queer Eye" makeover, America may be facing a severe shortage of stylish gay men.

More and more, Valentine's Day has become Makeover Day — a time when we try to (lovingly) fix what really bugs us about the people with whom we share our lives.

Five years ago, giving a woman a plastic surgery gift certificate seemed like a surefire way to get hospitalized … or at least inducted into the Clod Hall of Fame.

Now, cosmetic surgeons throughout the country offer Valentine's Day gift certificates. The stigma is gone, at least in some circles, and under the right circumstances, it's an affirmation of sexual interest.

Now, Valentine's Day is when we play Pygmalion and try to turn our lovers into less sloppy, more interesting companions. And to do this, we need newfangled Valentine's Day gifts that say things a box of chocolate can't — unless, of course, they're low-carb chocolates.