Jacyee Dugard's Journal

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Steely Dan

Steely Dan

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I didn't find a thread about this yet after searching if this is a double thread, sorry.

Link

(CNN) -- Jaycee Dugard kept a journal during 18 years of captivity, at times writing about how she yearned for freedom, court documents filed Thursday reveal.

"It feels like I'm sinking," she wrote in 2004, when she was 24 and being kept with her two daughters in the backyard of Phillip and Nancy Garrido. "I'm afraid I want control of my life. ... This is supposed to be my life to do what I like."

"How can I ever tell him I want to be free," she wrote a year earlier. "Free to come and go as I please. ... Free to say I have a family. I will never cause him pain if it's in my power to prevent it. FREE."
 
This part of that article makes me mist up;

"I got [a cat] for my birthday from Phil and Nancy," she wrote in July 1993. "They did something for me that no one else would do for me, they paid 200 dollars just so I could have my own kitten."

:furious::furious::furious::furious: This part infuriates me to no end!!! :furious::furious::furious::furious:

"Mr. Garrido has asked me to convey that he doesn't harbor any ill will toward [her] or the children and loves them very much," the letter stated, according to Pierson's declaration.

Somebody just needs to punch him in the face after he says something like that!!
 
he doesnt harbor ill will towards her cause he's still waiting for her to come to his rescue.
good luck with that phil.

i think the range of what she went thru is evident.......in 1993 she is obviously totally under there control.
by 2003/4 she is starting to question why this has to be her life, why she cant be with her family ect.
 
kbl8201 said:
i wondef if when she said 'free to say i have a family' if she was talking about her girls, her other family, or both?
Click to expand...
I'm guessing the girls, because they wouldn't even allow her to claim to be the mother of them- that role got reserved for Nancy:razz:, even though Jaycee had no say in whether she bore children for them or not. It wasn't like she was an adult surrogate mother.
 
BeenaBobba said:
Oh, and another thing: Jaycee must've had a good hiding spot for her journal.
Click to expand...

I don't think so. "I am afraid he doesn't see how the things he says makes me feel like a prisoner...........Why don't I have control of my life! I feel I can't even be sure my daughters are my own." suggests that they had been discussing those issues without resolution, and she was expressing frustration at it. She probably had a box full of journals too, they mentioned one entry in 1993, another in 2004. I expect that they are mostly filled with more mundane things though.
 
Natal said:
I don't think so. "I am afraid he doesn't see how the things he says makes me feel like a prisoner...........Why don't I have control of my life! I feel I can't even be sure my daughters are my own." suggests that they had been discussing those issues without resolution, and she was expressing frustration at it.
Click to expand...

I disagree. In one of her entries, she wrote about being afraid to tell him how much she desired freedom because she didn't want to hurt him. If he read her journal on a regular basis, I can't help but doubt that she would write that for him to see. I mean, why would she be so conflicted about letting him know if she knew he was going to read it himself?
 
BeenaBobba said:
I disagree. In one of her entries, she wrote about being afraid to tell him how much she desired freedom because she didn't want to hurt him. If he read her journal on a regular basis, I can't help but doubt that she would write that for him to see. I mean, why would she be so conflicted about letting him know if she knew he was going to read it himself?
Click to expand...

I doubt he read her journal, but she probably didn't hide it either. If there was a real risk of something bad happening if he did happen to find it, she would never have written stuff like that in it. It would have been too dangerous. The fact that she was keeping a journal at all implies a certain level of comfort in the situation. Its all very bizarre. It would be interesting to know what else is in the journal but we will probably never know. I wonder what happened in Sept 2003 and July 2004 to prompt those entries though? And if she was having those sorts of thoughts back then, why did they never coalesce into a more proactive action plan to address the situation? That suggests to me that the entries were more frustration at specific incidents rather than a general feeling, otherwise she would have walked a long time ago.

Granted, those are only a few sentences form the journal, but you allmost get the sense that she had served her purpose and he didn't know what do do with her but couldn't let her leave.
 
songline said:
MONDANE :furious:
Maybe it is filled with rape, fear, terror... and they did not want to print those.
:waitasec:
Click to expand...

Oh, rest assured that anything like that would definitely have been included by the prosecutor since it would better support their opposition to the motion. These angsty excerpts are probably as bad as it gets in the journal. Most of it is more likely routine things, like the kids fighting, stuff that happened at work, something funny that happened that day, something that annoyed you that day, being sick, being happy, being sad and all the other sorts of things people put in their journals.
 
Natal said:
I doubt he read her journal, but she probably didn't hide it either. If there was a real risk of something bad happening if he did happen to find it, she would never have written stuff like that in it. It would have been too dangerous. The fact that she was keeping a journal at all implies a certain level of comfort in the situation. Its all very bizarre. It would be interesting to know what else is in the journal but we will probably never know. I wonder what happened in Sept 2003 and July 2004 to prompt those entries though? And if she was having those sorts of thoughts back then, why did they never coalesce into a more proactive action plan to address the situation? That suggests to me that the entries were more frustration at specific incidents rather than a general feeling, otherwise she would have walked a long time ago.
Granted, those are only a few sentences form the journal, but you allmost get the sense that she had served her purpose and he didn't know what do do with her but couldn't let her leave.
Click to expand...

WALKED - didnt you read she felt in prison (several enteries) :waitasec:
She wanted her life to live and do what she liked but could NOT...Did you miss that part :waitasec:

That yard was a hovel, she could have written things, he would have no clue where to look.
She may not even know what rape is (till she got home) she was only 11 his words were different - he told her "we are going to do what God wants us to do"
 
Natal said:
I doubt he read her journal, but she probably didn't hide it either. If there was a real risk of something bad happening if he did happen to find it, she would never have written stuff like that in it. It would have been too dangerous. The fact that she was keeping a journal at all implies a certain level of comfort in the situation. Its all very bizarre. It would be interesting to know what else is in the journal but we will probably never know. I wonder what happened in Sept 2003 and July 2004 to prompt those entries though? And if she was having those sorts of thoughts back then, why did they never coalesce into a more proactive action plan to address the situation? That suggests to me that the entries were more frustration at specific incidents rather than a general feeling, otherwise she would have walked a long time ago.

Granted, those are only a few sentences form the journal, but you allmost get the sense that she had served her purpose and he didn't know what do do with her but couldn't let her leave.
Click to expand...

Yes, what could have possibly brought on these feelings? The child was kidnapped at age 11, had a child at 14.
:rolleyes:
 
jazerelle said:
You can see from her entries how much she wanted to let her girls know that she was their mom

"Free to say I have a family".

He is such a manipulator. He kidnaps her. Holds her, probably in that sound proof shed with no windows, for 1.5 years and then on her 13th birthday he and Nancy (which would be shortly after releasing her from that shed) gives her a cat saying "no one else would give you a $200 cat". Like he is this great person or something. Well I know for a fact that in 93 you could get a cat for next to nothing. I recently adopted 2 for less than $100 with their first shots and fixed. He was just trying to make her think they did something great. Lies are what he always tells.

However, also from her journal you see that Nancy was right there with good old Phil. So much for the defense that "she didn't know what was going on in that back yard." which someone on here once suggested she could claim.
Click to expand...

Exactly. If they told her the cat was a thousand $, she'd probably believe that too. Children generally don't have a good understanding of the value of money.
 
Natal said:
Oh, rest assured that anything like that would definitely have been included by the prosecutor since it would better support their opposition to the motion. These angsty excerpts are probably as bad as it gets in the journal. Most of it is more likely routine things, like the kids fighting, stuff that happened at work, something funny that happened that day, something that annoyed you that day, being sick, being happy, being sad and all the other sorts of things people put in their journals.
Click to expand...

No doubt the journal is filled with butterflies and rainbows.
:rolleyes:
 
Natal said:
Oh, rest assured that anything like that would definitely have been included by the prosecutor since it would better support their opposition to the motion. These angsty excerpts are probably as bad as it gets in the journal. Most of it is more likely routine things, like the kids fighting, stuff that happened at work, something funny that happened that day, something that annoyed you that day, being sick, being happy, being sad and all the other sorts of things people put in their journals.
Click to expand...

Assume that the last 10 years he had stop raping her (NOT)
but what about the first 8 years...Dos that not count.... do you think they would print it all in a paper, on the Internet...in a magazine.... I DONT.
But, You may be right there may be a few of those mundane days too...

HOW could I have been so stupid to think you considered the girls souls :waitasec:
Geshhhhhh I am so :blushing: unembarrassed to have given you that credit.

But now it is very clear..
Thank you linask for being alert...I did not sleep last night so my hinky meeter must have tipped over.
 
jjenny said:
No doubt the journal is filled with butterflies and rainbows.
:rolleyes:
Click to expand...

of course.
volumes upon volumes of his 'heartwarming' story.
maybe a couple of book length esseys on his talking box......
 
Why would this thread need to be merged with the G's attorneys thread? Her journal has nothing to do with P&N's attorneys. I think it's valid to have a separate thread to discuss Jaycee's journal. It's no different than the "PG's court case" thread you started, songline, when that was already being discussed in the G's attorneys thread, also.

Her journal entries broke my heart. Even though they're only short excerpts, they say SO MUCH. I'm so proud of her for finally having the courage to be able to stand up for herself and her girls after so many years under the G's control! I'm happy for her that she is finally 'FREE'. I'm also glad that she doesn't want to see them. Good for her! JC and her obvious strength never cease to amaze me.

It looks like the DA is picking up where Mr. Scott left off and definitely has JC and the girls' best interests in mind. I guess we don't have to worry about JC not having an attorney, anymore, the DA doesn't seem to be taking any shhhhhhhhh from the G's or their PDs. It's funny, really. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when the G's heard this latest news. HILARIOUS! Sorry, Phil. JC says "NOT A CHANCE, CREEP!" :laughbig: Phil, Nancy and their attorneys are a bunch of jackasses.
 
seriously, if the lawyers thought jaycee was gonna come running to theyre rescue, the laywers are just as nuts as they're clients.
 
Well this could be a thread dedicated to our thoughts on that journal without it getting lost among all that other legal stuff. That being said here is my thought.

In 2003 she wrote "I don't want to hurt him. … Sometimes I think my very presence hurts him. … " She was 23 at the time. I think her very presence did in fact hurt him. He probably wanted his skinny little sex slave back and so looked at her in disgust.

And on Natal's behalf because he said he didn't see where she thought she was a prisoner. . . "I am afraid he doesn't see how the things he says makes me a prisoner . . . Why don't I have control of my life! I feel I can't even be sure my thoughts are my own." This is when she was 24.

You can see how he was using word and actions to totally control and manipulate her. I think one of those two years were when the parole agency had a chance to free her if they did their job (but then I could have my dates wrong).
 
the entries from 2003 and 2004 i see jaycee struggling with her desire to be free of the garridos, to be with her family ect, but feels helpless to do anything about it.

this makes me wonder more if she lied about who she was more because of threats then anythingelse
 
jazerelle said:
Well this could be a thread dedicated to our thoughts on that journal without it getting lost among all that other legal stuff. That being said here is my thought.

In 2003 she wrote "I don't want to hurt him. … Sometimes I think my very presence hurts him. … " She was 23 at the time. I think her very presence did in fact hurt him. He probably wanted his skinny little sex slave back and so looked at her in disgust.

And on Natal's behalf because he said he didn't see where she thought she was a prisoner. . . "I am afraid he doesn't see how the things he says makes me a prisoner . . . Why don't I have control of my life! I feel I can't even be sure my thoughts are my own." This is when she was 24.

You can see how he was using word and actions to totally control and manipulate her. I think one of those two years were when the parole agency had a chance to free her if they did their job (but then I could have my dates wrong).
Click to expand...

The little I've read from it makes me want to cry. It seems she is a good case study for some kind of mind control and this journal should be of great interest to psychologists.

It looks like he and his lawyer are trying to regain that control so she won't testify or if she does she'll recant. Fortunately, it appears she has escaped that grip.

I'm curious how she hid the journal from him.
 
recant lol
sorry that struck me as funny......if they are hoping that it's gonna be a real bummer for them ;)
 
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