Just me again...I see that a couple of people have asked why BC and I broke up. He was not cheating on me (that I knew of) but who knows?? To be honest, I truly could not deal with the emotional rollercoaster of being with him...the ups, the downs, the pouting, the sulking, the threats, the belittling...ask him what's wrong and get a snarky "nothing", have him pout for a week and then he suddenly erupts with a month's worth of things. The comments and the belittling ("you know you can never do better than me", "you know this is the best relationship you've ever been in", "you know you could never get someone who can afford the life you want like I can", "no one will ever love you like I do", "you'll never leave me, you know how good you have it with me", "you look like in that", "that makes you look fat", "no one will ever look at you in that", etc.). It took a huge toll on me personally, my self esteem, my being.
I am not a materialistic person. He wanted everything that made him look like he could afford all, even if he couldn't. He always wanted the car that made everyone look, the clothes that everyone always complimented him on, the physique, the everything. He just needed to look like he always had it all. I don't care about material items, I want my friends and my family and laughs and that was so far from his mind. Me me me.....it became unbearable.
There were other issues as well but these were some of the issues and I just couldn't take it. For a time, I couldn't leave it either because I had come to believe that he was right. Here was an attractive man telling me these things. Maybe I couldn't do better, maybe this was it. Thank god for my friends and my family to have finally convinced me that I could get out of it, that I did deserve better and that the things that he had tried to push into my head and control me with were untrue. It has been a long hard road away from that time and even now, the unhealthy aspects of that relationship still haunt me.
Too much information, I'm sure.
