GUILTY MN - Christopher Bjerkness slashed exercise balls at fitness center, Duluth, 2009

Steely Dan

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I thought this was a joke but it appears to be real;

bjerkness17_150px.jpg


WANTED FOR BUSTING BALLS!!

LINKAGE

You may have to join a free membership to the paper to view. Not a big deal.

Duluth police search for rubber ball fetish burglar
A Duluth man with a history of burglary to satisfy a self-professed sexual fetish for slashing large rubber exercise balls has been at it again, according to a complaint made public on Thursday.

By: Mark Stodghill, Duluth News Tribune

A Duluth man with a history of burglary to satisfy a self-professed sexual fetish for slashing large rubber exercise balls has been at it again, according to a complaint made public on Thursday.

Christopher Neil Bjerkness, 31, is accused of breaking into the St. Mary’s/Duluth Clinic West building at 4212 Grand Ave., where he allegedly slashed exercise balls, apparently with a sharp knife.


:eek: :crazy: :loser:

You've got to have pretty big balls to do something like this over and over again! :bang:
 
OT but you icon almost made me slap my screen. Our doors open at work and there are a bunch of flies in here. I thought it was one crawling on my screen!

Maybe he should buy some balls that he can bust all he wants without going to jail. Heck, he could probably get a frequent buyer card and wholesale prices.

I guess I don't see the sexiness in popping balls.
 
A Duluth man with a history of burglary to satisfy a self-professed sexual fetish for slashing large rubber exercise balls has been at it again, according to a complaint made public on Thursday.
(SNIPPED BY STEADFAST)

Lying prone, yet again, on the unyielding gym floor, Chris looked into the leering, sweaty face of Brandon, the cruel jock who never tired of hurling the medicine ball hard -- so very hard -- at his puny chest . . .
 
OT but you icon almost made me slap my screen. Our doors open at work and there are a bunch of flies in here. I thought it was one crawling on my screen!

Maybe he should buy some balls that he can bust all he wants without going to jail. Heck, he could probably get a frequent buyer card and wholesale prices.

I guess I don't see the sexiness in popping balls.

That's part of the fun!!!! :woohoo:

The balls cost about $70 a piece so it's doubtful he'd buy his own. It might also be part of the sexual thrill to break in and do it. :eek:

What the hades do you do with a guy like this? IMO, he's obviously dangerous to society because of his fetish and his fearless attempts to get them but putting him away for a long time will be difficult

Lying prone, yet again, on the unyielding gym floor, Chris looked into the leering, sweaty face of Brandon, the cruel jock who never tired of hurling the medicine ball hard -- so very hard -- at his puny chest . . .

 
smiley_scared.gif


I have one of those balls upstairs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <gasp!>

You need to move it into a triple locked closet and keep a loaded gun by your bed!! :balloons: :eek:

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzUNYtVy1HM"]YouTube - Jim Pops Dwight's Ball - The Office[/ame]
 
He sounds like he's kind of, but not quite, up there with the patio table guy, vacuum guy and the pinecone lady. :eek:
 
I heard they is DNA on each and every one of them their balls too.......Wonder what kinds of DNA they done found? :Banane06:
 
This is the sweetest, calmest, most gentlemanly little Maltese God ever put on the earth...
UNTIL I got out my large Pilates balance ball a week or two ago. Out came the MONSTER dog. He's extremely afraid of them.

I actually KILLED my balance ball when he kept on shaking and hiding. Took a kitchen knife and speared it and let him watch the air go out once and for all.

I guess if a little sweet and smart dog can be afraid of the big balls, a man can too.
I wouldn't give my well-balanced dog a psych. eval., but would offer the man one, LOL.

Maria
 
This is the sweetest, calmest, most gentlemanly little Maltese God ever put on the earth...
UNTIL I got out my large Pilates balance ball a week or two ago. Out came the MONSTER dog. He's extremely afraid of them.

I actually KILLED my balance ball when he kept on shaking and hiding. Took a kitchen knife and speared it and let him watch the air go out once and for all.

I guess if a little sweet and smart dog can be afraid of the big balls, a man can too.
I wouldn't give my well-balanced dog a psych. eval., but would offer the man one, LOL.

Maria

In relation to this thread.....how did you "feel" when you sliced that ball? Maybe it will help us to better understand.
 
I wonder if this little fetish began with popping packing peanuts.
 
Bjerkness...that surname seems like one who would enjoy ball slashing. :)

Is this a post from the Onion?
 
UPDATE

Man With Exercise Ball Fetish Pleads Guilty

It may have been a self-professed fetish for slashing large rubber exercise balls that led a Duluth man to break into medical building Duluth in May.

Thirty-one-year-old Christopher Neil Bjerkness pleaded guilty on Wednesday in St. Louis County District Court to third-degree burglary.

He was charged after someone broke into the SMDC-Duluth Clinic West building on May 30 and slashing the exercise balls there.

The plea agreement calls for Bjerkness to spend a year at the Northeast Regional Corrections Center and participate in a sex offender treatment program.

Bjerkness told Duluth police he slashed the rubber balls to satisfy a sexual urge. He tells the Duluth News Tribune that he can't explain his fetish but says he suffers from other mental disorders
.

How can the leader of the sex offender treatment program keep a straight face while dealing with this guy? :eek:
 
LMAOROTF Thank you so much for Laughs I needed it after reading the other stories here.

I vote that we should have a thread for weirdo funny crimes like this here.Helps to even out the sadness after reading the other threads.
 

They should play that for Christopher Neil Bjerkness before they release him.Seriously how do you know you cured him?:crazy:I would get a set of big balls:angel: and put them in the same area as him. Then I would play this clip for a week , if he can keep his hand's from busting his set of big balls:angel: he can go home:dance:.LMAOROTF
 

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