"A cautionary tale for couples using surrogates"

[RubyJune]

How did they find out through the "press"? Was it birth announcements in the paper or another means?

 

[pedinurse]

How is it you can "buy" a baby through a surrogate, but it is illegal to sell a baby? This never made sense to me.

That's why you have to use a donor gamete. Plus you are buying the "use" of someone else's body.
It's really an odd ethical / medical situation.

 

[MREG2]

I totally agree. Some people just really want that genetic link into the family... like you said, maybe they already have their own genetic children, and want that link to the siblings.
That being said, I was adopted. So I think that adoption is great. But, some people would rather not go that route. Personal choice for them.
It also can really decrease the waiting time for a newborn (for adoption). Looking at some quotes... costs can be the same. And, if you USED a donor egg... there would be no genetic link to the baby from the surrogate, so the surrogate couldn't come back and say "I want to keep the baby." Otherwise, surrogacy using the surrogates egg is basically an adoption using donor sperm that just so happens to be the sperm from the adoptive father (at least, legally by the state of florida!)

Adoption is great. So is surrogacy. When we wanted to have a 3rd child, I was very open to adoption and did all sorts of research into agencies, etc. After a month or 2 my hubby and I talked and he told me that he really didn't want to adopt. He was having a hard time dealing with the biological ties. I completely understood where he was coming from (and I felt horrible for not being able to give him another child) but I wanted a baby and I didn't care how. So I also began to do alot of research on surrogacy. The costs in some cases were not that different. In the end it did not matter because I ended up pregnant (ahhh but that's another thread for another time). Traditional surrogacy (where the woman carrying the baby is the biological mother) is alot cheaper than gestational surrogacy (where a donor egg is used; normally the egg from the intended mom). There are many surrogates who do traditional surrogacies that do not come back stating they want the child. But in either case you need to have a contract in place and depending on the state that the contract is done, it is very binding. Also, most reproductive clinics will not proceed with with a surrogate unless she passes a psychological test. All in all it is a great way to have a family if unable to carry your child....

SeriouslySearching - I'm a little offended by your comment. Surrogacy is not "buying a baby". It is not a black market for buying babies. Couples who turn to surrogacy do so as a last resort, a last attempt to have their own family. I know several couples who wish they were not in that situation. No surrogate "sells" a child. The surrogate is not pregnant and then one day decides she is going to sell her child to the highest bidder. Even if the surrogate uses her own egg it is not selling a child. Dear Lord...that's like saying adopting is selling a child. The surrogate sets out in hopes to help a couple to start or complete their family. The positive outcomes are far more than the negative ones.

 

[pedinurse]

Adoption is great. So is surrogacy. When we wanted to have a 3rd child, I was very open to adoption and did all sorts of research into agencies, etc. After a month or 2 my hubby and I talked and he told me that he really didn't want to adopt. He was having a hard time dealing with the biological ties. I completely understood where he was coming from (and I felt horrible for not being able to give him another child) but I wanted a baby and I didn't care how. So I also began to do alot of research on surrogacy. The costs in some cases were not that different. In the end it did not matter because I ended up pregnant (ahhh but that's another thread for another time). Traditional surrogacy (where the woman carrying the baby is the biological mother) is alot cheaper than gestational surrogacy (where a donor egg is used; normally the egg from the intended mom). There are many surrogates who do traditional surrogacies that do not come back stating they want the child. But in either case you need to have a contract in place and depending on the state that the contract is done, it is very binding. Also, most reproductive clinics will not proceed with with a surrogate unless she passes a psychological test. All in all it is a great way to have a family if unable to carry your child....

SeriouslySearching - I'm a little offended by your comment. Surrogacy is not "buying a baby". It is not a black market for buying babies. Couples who turn to surrogacy do so as a last resort, a last attempt to have their own family. I know several couples who wish they were not in that situation. No surrogate "sells" a child. The surrogate is not pregnant and then one day decides she is going to sell her child to the highest bidder. Even if the surrogate uses her own egg it is not selling a child. Dear Lord...that's like saying adopting is selling a child. The surrogate sets out in hopes to help a couple to start or complete their family. The positive outcomes are far more than the negative ones.

I so agree with you re: it's not selling a baby... not really. Skipping using the donor gamete with the gestational surrogate has to be a lot cheaper, and is probably less riskier in regard to pregnancy losses (transfering the embryos, miscarriages for the surrogate, having to "try again"...) right?

It is basically simplifies the whole procedure... and I think that less invasive measures can probably be used (you could probably just do insemination vs. more advanced technology). Just a guess there.

And reading your post, I agree... I think that EVERY couple using a surrogate wishes they were never in that situation!!

I think that reproductive technology wouldn't have "come to this" (for lack of a better term) if it weren't very much needed for families. The numbers of women who are infertile... but want to have children... are just astounding. And to tell them that they can't have a child with their genetic link is just crushing!!! So, we have this technology... and to not use it would be kind of... a waste, you know? It would really be breaking a lot of families apart. A lot of childless couples would be out there!!

I'm glad that you were able to concieve! Congrats to you! Isn't it funny how life works out!

 

[MREG2]

I so agree with you re: it's not selling a baby... not really. Skipping using the donor gamete with the gestational surrogate has to be a lot cheaper, and is probably less riskier in regard to pregnancy losses (transfering the embryos, miscarriages for the surrogate, having to "try again"...) right?

It is basically simplifies the whole procedure... and I think that less invasive measures can probably be used (you could probably just do insemination vs. more advanced technology). Just a guess there.

And reading your post, I agree... I think that EVERY couple using a surrogate wishes they were never in that situation!!

I think that reproductive technology wouldn't have "come to this" (for lack of a better term) if it weren't very much needed for families. The numbers of women who are infertile... but want to have children... are just astounding. And to tell them that they can't have a child with their genetic link is just crushing!!! So, we have this technology... and to not use it would be kind of... a waste, you know? It would really be breaking a lot of families apart. A lot of childless couples would be out there!!

I'm glad that you were able to concieve! Congrats to you! Isn't it funny how life works out!

Yes, it is cheaper because it is less invasive plus the intended parents do not need to find and pay for an egg donor, which in itself can be very difficult. And yes, it there is less risk to the pregnancy. But I don't know the stats on if one ends in pregnancy more often.

No, no couple wants to have to use another woman to carry a child for them, be it a biological child or not. Unfortunately there are many infertile couples. It is very hard to go through. Being told you can not have a child (or another child) either because of infertility or because of medical reasons is a very traumatic and depressing blow. There are alot of emotions involved from anger, to guilt, to depression.... It's very hard.

We do need to be thankful that this is an option for couples. I applaud the medical field for their advancements in infertility.

Thank you. It was a very difficult time after we found out we were pregnant. We did not know if we would have to terminate due to my cardiomyopathy. But after MANY prayers and talking to a high risk OB, my cardiologist and my priest, we went ahead with the pregnancy. My little boy is now 5 months old and his 2 big sisters, his mommy and his daddy love him dearly. He was just meant to be.

 

[SeriouslySearching]

SeriouslySearching - I'm a little offended by your comment. Surrogacy is not "buying a baby". It is not a black market for buying babies. Couples who turn to surrogacy do so as a last resort, a last attempt to have their own family. I know several couples who wish they were not in that situation. No surrogate "sells" a child. The surrogate is not pregnant and then one day decides she is going to sell her child to the highest bidder. Even if the surrogate uses her own egg it is not selling a child. Dear Lord...that's like saying adopting is selling a child. The surrogate sets out in hopes to help a couple to start or complete their family. The positive outcomes are far more than the negative ones.

I apologize if you are offended. I didn't mean to offend anyone, but I honestly have wondered about the legality and how they get around it. You give money to another person to conceive, carry, and deliver a baby which is then immediately turned over to you (while paying for their care and other benefits)...Correct? How does this differ from a mother who carries a child for 9 months and then decides before (or after) the child is born to give it to a childless couple for a "price"? Both women make some profit and the end result is the same. Someone also makes a profit during the adoption process...which is the Attorney.

I understand the why involved just not the legality of the financial arrangements . I think it is great that people have this alternative method for having families. :clap: