Found Deceased CA - Jennifer Evert, 34, Crescent City, 21 May 2013

Discussion in 'Located Persons Discussion' started by CatFancier, May 22, 2013.

  1. all4justice

    all4justice Seeking Justice for Violent Crime Victims

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    I'm so sorry for your loss, sgt809. May God comfort you and your boys during this difficult time.

    Sent from my SPH-D700
     


  2. mamacita

    mamacita New Member

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    Sending my love and hugs to you and your family and friends SGT. you have an amazing support system in place... it might be hard to believe in a time like this, but you are incredibly blessed.. as are your kids. they have an awesome father to look up to and follow footsteps of.

    Happy Father's Day. *HUGS*
     
  3. AzPistonsGirl

    AzPistonsGirl Detroit to the Bone

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    I never check in here on the weekend. but Jennifer has been on my mind. I want to honor her in some way, and I didn't even know her... Perhaps I will plant something and dedicate it to her, call it my "Jennifer" plant, and be reminded to communicate and practice self-care whenever I tend it...

    just wanting to send some more love out into this thread for as long as it is here.
     
  4. cocomod

    cocomod Well-Known Member

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    I haven't posted, but my heart is broken.

    :rose: R.I.P. Jennifer :rose:

    To Jennifer's husband, family, and friends - my heart is aching for you. I know that the loss feels like a physical pain. Although you know that Jennifer is now out of pain, you now are bearing a burden of the pain of losing her. I know that pain - I have felt that pain - and I extend my most heartfelt condolences to you. Stay strong. Find a way to live happy - FOR Jennifer. Find something to HONOR her. She made an impact on your heart. You made an impact on hers. Love her - remember her. My prayers are with you as you strive to find peace.
     
  5. sgt809

    sgt809 Verified insider - Jennifer Evert case

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    Hi folks, thanks for all the kind words. Something I didn't post here yet is that I actually help people in my profession with PTSD and overcoming critical incidents. Whenever there is an incident where a person takes their own life, I give the surviving spouse or family a plant with a note. I did this for Jennifer after her husband took his life. This is what I write:
    "This is your grief plant. It is still young now, but in time it will grow. As it grows, and as you water it, take the time to grieve for the person you lost. The more it grows, the more of your grief it takes in. This plant is nourished by your grief. One day, maybe years from now, as your initial grief subsides, and your fond memories return, this plant will start to wilt. Without enough grief it can grow no longer. One day you will look at it and realize it too has passed. You can proudly take this plant, bury it in the backyard, along with all the tears you have shed. Fond memories will take over, and you too will realize that life goes on, however painfull it may be now."
    Jennifer's plant was still alive and well the day she died...and I have now taken over care of it. The pain of not knowing was much worse than the pain of her death. I know she is finally at peace now. Although I did not agree with her decision to end her life, I appreciated that she did everything possible to make sure I was not the one who found her. She will forever be in my heart, even as that plant one day will wilt, her memory never will.
    Thank you to all the sleuths who helped out. It seems to hold true that the easiest explanation is generally the correct one. the conspiracies I was coming up with in my mind were elaborate, but plausible. I knew in my heart she was gone since the second day, but hoped upon hope I was wrong. When that knock on the door came on Wednesday night, I knew it was finally the end. I will take my wife, and her late husband, and sprinkle their ashes together at lake Tahoe in the very near future. I hope they both have the peace they deserve, and spend an eternity together. My heart is broken, but my spirit must be strong for my two boys...this too shal pass.
     
  6. sgt809

    sgt809 Verified insider - Jennifer Evert case

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  7. Elainera

    Elainera Well-Known Member

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    You are a very strong person sgt, even if you don't realize it. You are firmly centered in your heart and allow it to guide you. And that's all that's needed. Bless you and your sons, and Jennifer, all the best to you!
     
  8. sgt809

    sgt809 Verified insider - Jennifer Evert case

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    Hey slueths, I wanted to come back after some time had passed, and give you all some information that may help you in other cases.
    1. Jennifer was found 42 miles from her home, the exact calculated distance when we figured she would run out of gas. The truck was out of gas.
    2. Jennifer appears to have taken her life the first day she was missing, probably before I even made it off work.
    3. Jennifer was not in the truck, but some distance from it on foot. Jennifer had left a second note, and although I have not seen it yet (nor do I intend to) the Sheriff said it was similar to the first.
    4. The truck was indeed in a location I could not have reached in my sedan. She was found by mountain bikers who were biking the remote backwoods of the area. Usually this is a better traveled road, but due to the extreme heat during these weeks, few people dared to traverse this part of the country during the hot days. I do believe her intentions were to be found quickly, by adults, but not by me.
    5. It does not appear there was any outside help or collaberation. She had in her possession exactly what I knew about.

    I do think, as one member mentioned, that she began the planning weeks in advance, hence the extra effort on her part to have a great few weeks before she passed. It must have been that much of a relief to her to know she would soon finally be at peace, that she could be happier in life for a short time.

    I have been fighting anger and sorrow for the last few months. I do know that the suicide cycle has stopped with me. I will start to dedicate more of my time to suicide prevention, and teaching folks how to recognize more than the traditional signs of suicidal ideation. I have made a decision to move forward with my life, with Jenn always in my heart. I am too young to lay down and give up on life.

    I have sprinkled Jenns ashes with her late husband at Tahoe, as requested by her. I have packed all but some special items up, and given it to the family. I have one box, pictures and memories of Jenn. No amount of time will ever erase her from my heart and mind. Her family is moving out of the area, and out of state.

    My boys and I are now concentrating on LIVING...and learning from this experience. I will give some advice to my fellow members on these type of situations; and hope to participate in the forum if needed/wanted:

    1. Please, if the spouse of a missing person comes in here looking for help, give them great latitude to vent. Often, forums have misinformation, something which is very frustrating for the person left behind. When I first came to this forum, I was so angry I was in tears. I was grateful that the mods got a hold of me, calmed me down, and helped me be constructive in getting the information out.

    2. READ ALL THE POSTS related to a case. There were quite a few posts where the same questions were repeatedly asked; I will note that this happened most often with folks that only posted once or twice, not the regular posters.

    3. Keep in mind that the most obvious answer is usually the right one. Conspiracy theories abounded when I first came here (and they still do, believe it or not) My advice would be to listen to the gut of the person left behind, and use their feeling to concentrate the search area. Had the police listened to me, we would have found Jenn a lot quicker.

    4. A lot of you did this here, which was awesome; but make calls for the person left behind. If you find a resource, call it and see if you can at least prime the resource for the person left behind. During the time she was missing, I was gettin up to 85 calls per day...these calls were from friends, family, and tipsters. I barely had time to eat, sleep and take care of two boys, let alone call potential resources during business hours.

    5. Encourage the person left behind to take a day to do nothing but cry. Two days before she was found, the wind was knocked out of me. I think I had finally come to terms with the fact that my angel was gone. At the urging of friends, I took a day to do nothing but eat, sleep and cry. It was hard, but refreshing, and helped prepare me for that fateful knock at the door.

    6. Make sure the person has a "buddy" system. There needs to be someone, anyone, who can either call or come to the house the minute they get news about their loved one. I will elaborate on this below. Someone who can be called at 2 in the morning if needed, and just talk, listen, and if possible, give a big hug.

    The night I got the news about Jenn was like a nightmare. I was typing a post for this site on my computer, when I decided to go out for a cigarette. As I stood up I noticed a Sheriff car pass by. My heart stopped for a second, but the car continued down the road. I walked out the back door to smoke when something told me to go back inside. As I walked in the kitchen I heard a knock at the door. I immediately knew.

    I went to the door, and this poor deputy was just a kid. His eyes were red, he had obviosuly been crying. He asked if he could come in to talk. I have made these notifications in my line of work before, so I interrupted him. I said "Is she okay?" The deputies shoulders sagged, and he just shook his head "no." I thanked him for his service and time. He suggested I call the investigator. I closed the door and collapsed to the floor. I stumbled to the garage, lit what would be the first cigarette out of two packs of cigarettes, and called the investigator. He was on scene, and to make a long story short, he assured me she did not suffer, and the death likely occured before I even got the note, so there was nothing I could have done. The ME report confirmed this later. He asked if he should make the calls to her family. I told him no, thanked him, and started making the calls. I spent the next 6 hours on the phone with every friend and family member who cared for Jenn. It was only through my prior knowledge that I knew how to arrange for the cremation and transportation of Jenn back home. Most people have no idea what to do after a loved on dies. Having burried 8 friends over the last 10 years, 6 of them in the last 3 years, I knew the routine. It took me four days to have my complete breakdown because I was so busy. Her family was not capable of helping mentally, physically or financially(long story) so I was left dealing with everything by myself. i posted the service on Facebook if anyone cares to look at it.

    The reason I wanted you to know that is because I want you to know that the story is far from over after the person is found. Once someone is found, the person left behind often loses all the support they once enjoyed from friends, family, and even sites like this. In my small town, baseless rumors have started that I somehow was responsible. I know this is normal, because I watched Jenn deal with it too. It is very painful to hear, and angers me greatly. I also know it will blow over in time.

    I know my story is the same as many others, and I only hope it is learned from. Thank you again for all your help and support, and keep up the great work. I only hope I will have the strength to one day come back and help also.
     
  9. cluciano63

    cluciano63 Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for update, sgt809. What a horrible experience for you and her loved ones. But I am glad you are realizing there was nothing more you could have done.

    WS really does try to be helpful and we do not often have the opportunity to communicate directly with a loved one of the missing, so we greatly appreciate and value it when we do. There are a lot of solid resources here and I always hope that people make their way here, even if they choose not to post.

    Take care and all the best to you and your family.
     
  10. Wolf Dreamer

    Wolf Dreamer Active Member

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    Thank you so much for coming back, sgt, and for posting what you have. I wish you and the boys peace xx
     
  11. margarita25

    margarita25 I like taking naps with my dog

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    Thank you sgt.
     
  12. terracotta

    terracotta Active Member

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    Sgt we so appreciate you writing such an informative post. It has been such a tragic experience for you and your kids as well as Jenn's friends and loved ones. I'm so glad that you have the insight to not fold but to embrace life...as it can be lived so fully and wonderfully...something so important for your kids to learn.

    Thank you and I very much wish you well on your journey from here. You have such great insight. I hope you are journaling your thoughts and feelings as you go through this, it is a great learning experience to look back and see our inner thoughts and feelings. It is also an excellent form of venting.

    Good luck to you Sgt809 and again....thank you.
     
  13. sophiebelle

    sophiebelle New Member

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    I appreciate your post and ideas, Sgt809. You have dealt with so many stressful things and have done the very best you could have. Many blessings for you and yours.
    As for those who have to put in their two cents worth, about things they nothing about, I hope you can ignore their ignorance.
     
  14. Kimster

    Kimster Former Member

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    Thank you Sgt! :heartbeat:

    I have thought of you often. Members, I have something to add now that time has passed. When I called Sgt to verify him for this case, I learned that he used to work with one of my close family members. So this case was near and dear to my heart. Remember his words because you never know when you will be called upon to help the one left behind.

    Sgt, let us know when you need us to get the word about about suicide prevention. We would love to help you as you walk the road to help others.

    For Jenn ~ :rose:
     
  15. marlywings

    marlywings Former Member

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    Sgt...thanks for coming back & writing to us. You have a lot of precious memories of Jennifer to hold onto.

    I hope time helps to heal all the hurting hearts.
     
  16. CuriousGrace

    CuriousGrace WS Member

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    Very well said. Thank you for coming back to write to us, Sgt.
     
  17. mpnola

    mpnola Well-Known Member

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    I know this is belated, but I actually came to follow up and see if you had posted how you were since this horrible life event happened to you. I think you are really amazing. You have been and will continue to be a source of strength for many. Being in social service for 16 years, I understand it is easy to get into professional brain and take care of business, as that is what you are used to doing. I hope you have found the time and strength to nurture yourself, as well. I hope this new year brings lots of memorable living moments for you and your boys. You have all been through a lot and deserve a year of smiles! I wish you all the best!
     
  18. Kimster

    Kimster Former Member

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    sgt809, we lost another beautiful woman to suicide, or at least, it appears to be suicide from the reports we're getting so far.

    Thank you for your post here. It really helped me and others here as well. You and Jenn's loved ones are still in my prayers! :rose:
     
  19. Wolf Dreamer

    Wolf Dreamer Active Member

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    Thank you for bumping this up, Kimster... Leanne's case made me think about Jennifer and sgt809's words.
     
  20. Hap

    Hap Wisher & Dreamer

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    My sincere sympathy to you, sgt809. And thank you for returning to write the message. Wishing you all the best as you move forward.
     

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