Christmas and a missing child

Discussion in 'Lisa Irwin' started by passionflower, Dec 21, 2011.

  1. passionflower

    passionflower Just 1 tip to find a killer

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    I had no idea where to put this.
    I was reading about Adam Walsh in his fathers book today in the hospital waiting area.
    It was heartbreaking ho the Walsh's friends and family went out searching for Adam.
    Their lives were NEVER the same.
    How can some of these parents of 'missing' children go on Trick or Treating?
    Have normal? Thanksgiving? Christmas? a Happy New Year?
    I can see trying hard for normalness for the other children in the family, but IMO, I would have to ask my best friend's or relatives help.
    I would not be able to go through the motions of decorating etc.
    Even if innocent of any wrong doing as in Mrs. Walsh's case;
    I would go crazy looking for my child.
    The cases I am thinking of right now are Haylee Dunn, Skye, Zahra,
    Lisa Irwin,just a handful.
    and husbands like Scott & Drew Peterson...........
     
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  3. Jacie Estes

    Jacie Estes Medical Marijuana Advocate

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    BBM

    Jeremy and Debbie are receiving help from their family and friends. It's not about normalcy, it is about putting one foot in front of the other. Lisa's brothers have to go to school and continue activities. This means Debbie and Jeremy have to feed, clothe, house and provide for them.

    We are not there with them to see their breakdowns, to see the moments when they want to scream and we are not there to 'gauge' their sorrow. A few statements to the media are not 24/7/365 in their lives. They have the right to some privacy as they deal with day to day.
     
  4. passionflower

    passionflower Just 1 tip to find a killer

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    This has nothing to do with Privacy.
    What I do not understand is celebrating anything so soon, while you have a missing person out there.
    Like EB decorated for Halloween KNOWING she murdered Zahra.
    Darlie held a BIRTHDAY party at the graves of her sons with silly string,
    Haylee Dunn's mother had a party while her daughter was missing,
    and Christmas...the hardest of all holidays (if you are religious).
    With someone missing in the family unit, it would never be the same.
    How heartless in some cases that the people are responsible for the
    death like Scott Peterson, yet he went on cooking and celebrating like nothing ever happened.
     
  5. Truthwillsetufree

    Truthwillsetufree New Member

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    My new GrandBaby was born 6 days ago, 4 weeks early, she is in the NICU. The doctors informed the family that she would have to probably stay for 10 days. I informed the family that we will not be celebrating Christmas in the normal fashion of sitting around laughing, joking, eating, opening presents, playing games until our precious, smallest member of our family is home. It was heartbreaking to even think about having a good time while a little one was fighting for her life....I wasn't going to do it and no one else was either, not at my house anyway.
    I don't know how the parents of missing children are able to go on..."Normal" for me would be changed forever. Prior to Christmas I think I would have been begging and pleading ( on media) to bring my baby home for Christmas. My gift to my other children would be to show them that if something happened to them I would never give up looking. I would work with LE to find them and life would not just go on without them.
     
  6. passionflower

    passionflower Just 1 tip to find a killer

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    thruthwillsetufree
    Congratulations! On your new bundle of JOY!
    We also had a premie over Easter and delayed our celebration til he was home wih us.
    I feel the same as you totally!
    It is all about caring about each other as a tight family group.
    Children also have to learn by what they see.
    No way could I sit by a comfy fire, eating, drinking, laughing, exchanging gifts while someone was out in the cold missing.........maybe even deceased.
    some people can, I guess. Not me.
    Years later, yes, life goes on but not that first year or so.
    I keep thinking of Caylee Anthony's family and how they did things.
     
  7. highflyer

    highflyer New Member

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    As for myself I wish the Irwin/Bradley's and their extended families the best holiday they are able to have. Can imagine what it must be like but hope there is at least some happiness and joy in the house. Have not enough information to place blame on anyone, am not privy to police and FBI investigations and anything else is speculation. This is all so bizarre that it makes the mind reel. Merry Christmas to Baby Lisa, your brothers and family.
     
  8. Nixie

    Nixie New Member

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    They parents took their 2 other children trick or treating.
    How does anyone know what the Irwin/Bradley household is even doing for the holidays? How does anyone know the family and friends aren't the ones doing the work?
    Those boys deserve has much happiness and joy has they can have! They deserve Christmas with their sister but just because that is very unlikely doesn't mean they don't deserve some sort of holiday. What good would it do to take those memories from the boys? Why would their parents take things away from them like trick or treating? They deserve every smile they can have. I could see if the parents were having some wild party but things for the boys should still be done.
     
  9. norest4thewicked

    norest4thewicked Karma is a beautiful thing ~

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    Back to the topic of this thread (it is not about the guilt or innocence of any person and should not be hijacked into being so) - I agree with you passionflower...I would be just so devastated at the loss of one of my children that I couldn't probably ever celebrate a holiday again. Every holiday would make me remember that child and how we celebrated it when they were with us. I always have thanked God for never giving me this burden because he truly knows that I could never be strong enough to handle it. I admit that I don't understand the strength of the parents who seem to be able to be on TV the day of or even a week after. I would still be on the floor writhing in agony.

    I pray for all of these families...and especially for the little ones lost.
     
  10. 4Jacy

    4Jacy New Member

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    Well norest, all I can say is that you are one of the most truthful and honest people on the forum that I know. You are brave, you have courage, you are responsible.

    BBM And I would be right beside you writhing in agony if it had ever happened to my children or grandchildren.

    God bless all the little babies and little children.
     
  11. Camille

    Camille New Member

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    Why wouldn't they? They murdered them why would they feel compelled to mourn them even during the holidays?


    With the parents of the missing and of the deceased you have to at least go through the motions not only for the remaining children but for yourself. Otherwise you curl up and die inside a little more everyday. The easiest thing to do is spend all of your days and nights mourning what you have lost, the hardest thing to do is to attempt to live and regain some semblance of a normal life.
     
  12. Sparklin

    Sparklin New Member

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    I believe that 'normal' is relative. There is a certain normal, until circumstances change it .. and then there is another 'normal'. I don't know how they go on either. I have said before, I would be catatonic. I truly think I would be in a mental institution. There would be nothing coherent coming out of my mouth. I would not be able to think about celebrating anything .. ever! That would be true regardless of how my child passed away or went missing. But...I see parents and children carry on and become a new 'normal', because the alternative would be that institution.
    A mom of three children was killed in a freak accident here Wed. morning and I was upset all day thinking of THAT Christmas morning. Two years ago, my girlfriend lost her husband and two little girls when a train hit them during a freak snowstorm in March, she said she wanted to jump in front of a train too, but she carried on. She complained that so many people stopped talking to her because they just didn't know what to say. Even wishing her a Merry Christmas that first year was difficult...or Happy Birthday ~ ugh! I kept thinking she was going to ask me if I was crazy, that it wasn't possible ~ but she chose to carry on for her son so she had to create a normal they could live with.
     
  13. Chris_Texas

    Chris_Texas New Member

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    I am wishing the entire Irwin family a very merry Christmas.
     
  14. askfornina

    askfornina New Member

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    Merry Christmas to the Irwin/Bradley family, I hope those boys had the best Christmas possible under the circumstances. Come home soon, Lisa.
     
  15. TxLady2

    TxLady2 New Member

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    Problem is, you don't know what you would do until you're faced with it. You might surprise yourself and be able to go on for the sake of your other children. Their needs might supercede your own grief, as well it should. You can only guess what you might do, and eight times out of ten, you would be wrong. People don't know their inner strength until they are faced with a horrible situation. Besides... if you had other children, wouldn't it be a little bit selfish to just give up and do nothing but stay in bed and moan and groan 24 hours a day? It's not about being "normal" because there is no such thing. One person's "normal" is not the same as another person's.
    We don't know what Deb and Jeremy do or how they are coping. But life goes on... unless you choose to kill yourself and that's the most selfish act there is.
     
  16. greenpalm

    greenpalm I don't say much unless I've really thought it thr

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    I know that losing a parent is not the same as losing a child. I also know that the certainty of death is not the same as the uncertainty of missing.

    That said…

    The night my mother died, I was at home alone with my two-year-old. My husband was out of town on business. My father called me to tell me, and I begged him to come to my house, but he refused. I wanted to die, but it was just me and the toddler. I had to go through the motions of getting him into bed. I gave him a bath. I sang to him. I felt as though my heart had been carved right out of my body, but I had to feed him, I had to. I didn't sleep one wink that night.

    My husband had gotten on the first possible flight, and he walked in the door the next morning. I didn't know what to do with myself. My two year old was enrolled in Kindermusik, and we went. All three of us. It was about 12 hours after I'd gotten the phone call. I just had to put one foot in front of the other. In some ways I think I was distracting myself because I couldn't stay sane if I didn't. I couldn't curl into a ball, because I was restless. I would sit, then I would jump up and pace. It was absolute agony, but nothing I could do, or not do, was going to change anything, so I started by going into auto-pilot, and eventually, after time, there became a new normal. She's been gone ten years, and the hollow she left behind has never been filled. Being alive is about being adaptable. That doesn't mean forgetting… not even close.
     
  17. bellesmomm

    bellesmomm New Member

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    my sister ran away when I was a child I was young 11 years old. I remember my mom going out with my cousin all over town checking hotels and all these places looking for her. She thought the police were not doing a good enough job. She did this for weeks. they eventually found her and everything turned out. (was a strange situation) But what Im saying is SHE DIDNT act anything like how these people are acting. I was still in school and knew what was going on. I was young we did have things normal and things were stressful. She wasnt kidnapped or anything though so I know that is different. She also wasnt a baby she was grown. I just know I watched my parents go through hell.
     
  18. DeepThinker

    DeepThinker Find Kyron

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    Reading this thread made me think of Kyron Horman's mom, Desiree. I respect her so much for her strength through all of this, maintaining her composure, carrying on for the rest of her family - all the while working towards getting her missing son back home. Same with Kane - he has to carry on for the baby. The holidays must be very bittersweet.

    I don't even have words for how I feel towards TH

    So, I can see where the parents have to soldier on...for the sake of the other kids. They need a break from all the drama - they are victims too...they deserve to have as normal a holiday as possible, even with the underlying emotions. It's like the elephant in the room - everyone knows it's there, but no one wishes to acknowledge its presence.
     

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