Yesterday - I tried to read. I tried. I couldn’t do it. I just kept thinking - why do I do this to myself? Why don’t I just mind my own business? Why do I immerse myself in grief and sadness? Because. I care. I don’t want to. I turned the iPad off and threw it across the room. Tears erupted. My gut hurt and I felt my knees begin to crumble. I had to stabilize and hold onto the wall for a minute. I couldn’t read anymore. I wanted that feeling to go away and pretend I didn’t see all those words. Idk how his mother will survive this trial. No, Idk how, but I know she will. That evil thing is sickening, nauseating, repulsive, revolting, repugnant, abhorrent and detestable. I hate that woman. Hate, hate, hate! her. I pulled weeds all day, pretending I was pulling her head and limbs from her body. I felt sick that I felt so much glee pulling her apart, piece by piece. My hands hurt. At the same time, it felt cathartic. Blood, sweat and tears… I’m gonna try it again today. I need to reread all the comments and let it really sink in. With feeling. Without feeling. I just don’t wanna feel anything right now but determination to pick apart her words. To continue to stuff her image down a deep hole into purgatory with zero purification.