Court says sperm donor liable for child support

Discussion in 'Up to the Minute' started by csds703, Dec 1, 2007.

  1. csds703

    csds703 Former Member

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    A Nassau County man who said he donated sperm to a female co-worker as a friendly gesture -- and then sent presents and cards to the child over the years -- is legally considered the father and may have to pay child support for the college-bound teenager, according to a judge's ruling.

    "What's the saying? No good deed goes unpunished," said Deborah Kelly, a Garden City lawyer for the man, who acknowledged that he is named as the father on the child's birth certificate.

    Like all the involved parties, the man remains anonymous because of privacy concerns.

    Nassau County Family Court Judge Ellen Greenberg ruled on Nov. 16 that despite the mother's willingness to have the child's DNA tested, the man was barred from seeking a paternity test to determine if he is truly the father because the results could have a "traumatic effect" upon the child, who is now 18 years old and lives in Oregon with the mother. The next step is a meeting with a support magistrate to determine the amount of child support payments -- if any -- the man would have to pay until the teen turns 21, Kelly said.

    The magistrate will determine child support based on the mother's earning capacity; the reported income of her female partner; and the income of the father.

    Even without genetic evidence, the man's interactions with the child over the years had a patriarchal nature, said Jeffrey Herbst, an attorney who represents the mother in the lawsuit through a federal agreement called the Uniform Interstate Family Support Act.

    "It's still a parental relationship," Herbst said.
    http://www.newsday.com/news/local/l...1,0,4274952.story?coll=ny_home_rail_headlines
     
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  3. golfmom

    golfmom Former Member

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    :snooty: This is so unbelievable. If she wanted child support and his parental responsibility, why did she wait 18 years to try and collect? Or did she wait until he wouldn't be able to exercise his own parental rights?
     
  4. JanetElaine

    JanetElaine Active Member

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    Might be that she lost her job and is on welfare or something like that, and they want him to chip in.
     
  5. SLP

    SLP New Member

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    Agreed. This seems so wrong to me on so many levels.

    First, this guy was a sperm donor and I am guessing treated as such for all the years of childhood so why is she pursuing him now?

    Second, it really burns me when mothers wait until a child is no longer a child to collect on child support. How convenient to get all of those years to yourself (and have the ability to fully control them and share them with whoever you choose to) but have the ability to now get money out of the "dad" when it is too late for him to be involved.

    Third, why do kids need child support until they are 21? They are no longer a child!! In nuclear families there are lots of kids whose parents do not support them when they become an adult and expect them to get loans and/or scholarships to pay for college. I would like to have the option of how much I help my children out when they are adults (based on their school performance, involvements and how I feel they are doing at that point) but in this day and age if I get divorced I will be made to support my children when they are an adult (until 21) even if they are out doing bad things or living lifestyles that I do not agree with. I really do not agree with it.
     
  6. csds703

    csds703 Former Member

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    This bothered me as well.
     
  7. csds703

    csds703 Former Member

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    You are forgetting that even with student loans etc. Child support is for a roof over their head and food in their stomach. I could never help my daughter with college with out my child support payments, and believe me if anything I could use more support now than ever before. If my child were not in school, then my ex could always go to emancipate her. In the meantime, trust me when I tell you that loans and scholarships are not that easy to get. When she applied for loans they took into consideration, my income, my husbands income because I remarried plus my child support.
    She got no aid because they added my husbands income. Why is that fair? He doesn't and shouldn't support her. Her father should.

    Back on topic, in this particular case, the mother waited 18 yrs to ask for support. Give me a break!
     
  8. golfmom

    golfmom Former Member

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    Did ya'll read the link? He was definitely a sperm donor ... she was a co-worker and she and her female partner wanted a child. They had a verbal agreement and he allowed his name on the birth certificate to benefit the child. No good deed does go unpunished.
     
  9. Amraann

    Amraann Former Member

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    I am not really buying this...

    Why put his name on the BC???? That would have prevented this.
    Sending gifts and cards IMO indicates he was in some small way a "parent" NOT a sperm donor.
     
  10. csds703

    csds703 Former Member

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    I saw it as he was a nice guy and he did want to be involved in some small way.
     
  11. Cubby

    Cubby fly the W!

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    I don't know that I would make the assumption this mother waited 18 years to file for child support. We don't know how long he has been fighting child support, requesting paternity via dna despite his name being on a birth certificate. Unmarried women can't just add a mans name without them signing the birth certificate or a voluntary acknowledgment of paternity.

    Perhaps he paid her directly without the courts involvement and suddenly stopped at which time she filed.

    I guess the article just doesn't give me enough information, and I couldn't seem to find anything else regarding this couples situation.
     
  12. deanws

    deanws Former Member

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    Sounds like she is looking for a way to support her kid through college. I think there is something strange about this story. I don't think we know the whole truth on either side.:confused:
     
  13. nanandjim

    nanandjim Former Member

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    Maybe, the guy didn't feel that he should be forced to pay for her college or pay beyond this girl's 18th birthday. So, the mother took him to court to force him to pay. I really do not see how they can force him to pay for her college. I think that this has been successfully challenged in court with the reason being that it discriminates against children who are in an intact home. Children who are in a home where the parents are married cannot force their parents to pay for their college. So, why should a child from a divorced home be able to get a college education funded by an unwilling parent?

    This case sounds different as he was a sperm donor. However, in other cases, I would hope that both parents want their children to be successful and to go to college. I disagree that support should be paid directly to the mother, though. I think the Dad can help his child by paying the school.

    I can tell you that my husband cut ties with his ex-wife as soon as he was able. He pays directly to his son or to the school.
     
  14. Amraann

    Amraann Former Member

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    Then he wanted to be a slacker parent???
     
  15. golfmom

    golfmom Former Member

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    Read the article Am ... it really appears that he was just a nice guy, and it's now biting him in the butt. If the mother wanted him to behave as a father, pay support, and enjoy visitation, then what took her 18 years to file? She was involved in a relationship, he was married ... it wasn't an affair. It was an agreement for him to donate his sperm and acknowledge that he was his child. That way the child didn't have the whole life trauma, of who's my daddy ...
     
  16. csds703

    csds703 Former Member

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    I don't have all the information, but from the article, it seems he agreed to be a sperm donor. It also seems that he felt it would be good for this kid to know him as a biological father.
    The fact that she waited 18 yrs to ask for child support is the part that bothers me. I think she just wanted a sperm donor, but now she wants more.
     
  17. golfmom

    golfmom Former Member

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    Even she and her lawyer don't dispute the fact that he did donate sperm, they are arguing that the laws don't have a distinction for known donors ... if he was an anonymous donor, he wouldn't have to deal with this crap.
     
  18. csds703

    csds703 Former Member

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    That's how I read it as well.
    He tried to be nice about donoting his sperm and now she's looking to take advantage.
     
  19. golfmom

    golfmom Former Member

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    Here's a website talking about the advantageous of a known sperm donor. They also list cost savings and quicker service.

    http://www.sharedjourney.com/iui/known.html

    Where do you Find a Known Sperm Donor?
    Known sperm donors are typically men with whom you have a close, personal relationship. Usually, couples are familiar with a known donor’s familial, psychological, and medical background, and keep in close contact with him on a regular basis. If you are looking to find a known sperm donor, you may find one:

    * at work
    * amongst your relatives
    * in your group of friends
    * at a support, community, or religious group

    Knowing The Father
    Having to use an anonymous sperm donor can be an emotionally and physically daunting prospect. For some couples, not knowing the biological father of their child can be upsetting and unnerving. By using the sperm of a close friend or family member, many couples find that they are able to go through the IUI process with less anxiety and worry. Using a known donor enables you to know, firsthand, their personal, medical, and psychological history.

    ---------

    Closer Relationships
    The idea of using a known sperm donor appeals to many couples because it can offer children the benefit of knowing who their biological father is. Anonymous donors typically have no contact with any children conceived with their sperm. However, a known donor can have a much closer relationship, particularly if he lives in your area.
     
  20. MeoW333

    MeoW333 New Member

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    Why don't the mothers and the child move to Cali; if they live there as residents the child can go to a school there for free.
    It's unbelievable they would bother the sperm donor about child support, especially as he did it as a favor for them; and they wait 18 years then ask??
     
  21. csds703

    csds703 Former Member

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    From the link:

    Even if you are using a close friend as a sperm donor it is a good idea to hire a lawyer to draw up a donor agreement. This is a contract that outlines exactly how and when your donor will be involved in your pregnancy and subsequently, your child’s life. A donor agreement can prove invaluable in circumstances in which your parental rights may be threatened.
     

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