Dealing with opposition from victims' families

Discussion in 'General Information & Discussion' started by Snick1946, Jan 2, 2012.

  1. Snick1946

    Snick1946 Active Member

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    Brief philospohical question; what advice can anyone give when a person who claims to be either a family member of a victim or close friend starts giving you hell for talking on line about their loved ones' murder? Do you try to explain to them that you have good intent or do you just go on, or what?

    I will not get too specifric here for apparent reasons. I am participating in an online discussion on another crime orientated board. The crime was the murder of a child in the late 1960's. Someone who claims they are a close family friend has been shaming me for talking about it. She asks if I have any idea how even knowing people are discussing this is hurting the victim's family. We have had a minor flame war and I have now told her three times that while I have sympathy for the family, it is unfair for her to try to stifle discussion. What seemed to have triggered all this was mention of crime scene evidence that would look to implicate a family member, so you know what I am thinking here..

    So far I think I have handled the criticism pretty well. I am sure this person filed a complaint with the mods but my comments are still out there. It was 40 years ago and won't be solved, but there is always hope. Thanks for any input.
     
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  3. LadyL

    LadyL Well-Known Member

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    I think the mods need to intervene & enforce whatever rules apply there. I would continue posting but don't engage the person at all. That rule works here but I don't know if it's part of the TOS there. Do you have the option of ignoring that poster? That will eliminate the issue for you I think.
     
  4. Snick1946

    Snick1946 Active Member

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    The forum in question does not have that option, so I will just ignore her in the future. I really think she doesn't understand what crime forums are all about and was expecting to read nice things, etc. The case in question was the molestation/murder of a young girl found in her own home with the screen window cut. Someone had posted that LE had determined at the time that the screen was cut from inside the home. In the house at the time were her father, mother and an older brother. DNA done recently allegedly ruled out a family member.

    I know this posters name and Googled her and have reason to think that she is married to the older brother. I have communicated privately with the administrator of the forum who shares my belief that our dfiswcussion may have touched a nerve with these people. So be it.
     
  5. suntap

    suntap New Member

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    Hi Snick

    as the mother of a daughter who was murdered; I can empathise with the family member that contacted you.

    If your (living) child was being discussed and referred to on the internet, would you not be a bit upset and prefer to protect your child's right to privacy and anonymity? My daughter may not still be here in body; but she is still my child and I am still her mother. I have had to suffer my daughters name and photos in the media for several years now. There were many lies told about my daughter, by her killer and his family, and the media have printed these as truths. I asked for the lies to be refuted during the trial process but was told by the Prosecutor that he was not there for my daughter, not there for me, but there for the state. They didn't have the time or inclination to refute claims if they did not actively hurt their prosecution of the case.

    So yes, when I see mentions of my child, it hits me like a huge blow to the chest. My instincts are to protect her still. But I have not objected; apart from that one request to the public prosecutor, to refrain or remove mentions of my daughter. I have to swallow that particular pain and hope that any publicity may eventually lead to finally receiving justice for my daughter.

    Obviously people and cases are all different. They may well have ulterior motives. Just please remember that these people you discuss online are not just statistics, crime figures or victims. They are people who have family and friends that loved them dearly. A child murdered is not something a parent over "gets over", no matter how many years pass.
     
  6. zapped

    zapped New Member

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    While I can sympathize with the person in question, I have to ask what did she expect on a crime discussion board that reviews old cases?

    If it hurts her this much she has the option of not viewing it and quite frankly, if I was a family member with a missing loved one I would be thankful that someone was showing an interest.......unless I had something to hide.
     
  7. Tulessa

    Tulessa Well-Known Member

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    This right here! ^^^ I have already told hubby that if I go missing, for him to join and start a thread on WS for me. He has agreed. I, myself am the victim of losing two family members to a brutal crime. I could not have pulled through it without you guys. Snick, go with your heart, but keep a steady line of communications ongoing with the administrators. If need be, they will inform you on what path to take. Good luck, and keep up the good work. Victims need a voice.
     

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