Everybody needs the comfort of a Teddy Bear once in a while.

Discussion in 'Bizarre and Off-Beat News' started by Steely Dan, Aug 5, 2010.

  1. Steely Dan

    Steely Dan Former Member

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    Link


    Real Bear Steals Toy Bear From New Hampshire Home
    07/28/10 03:13 PM | AP

    LACONIA, N.H. — A black bear walked into a New Hampshire house through an open door, ate two pears and a bunch of grapes, took a drink from the family fishbowl and grabbed a stuffed bear on its way out the door....

    Police have listed this guy as a "bear of interest".

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  3. Steely Dan

    Steely Dan Former Member

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    BTW, it seems odd he didn't fill a PIC-A-NIC basket for himself and take that too. :waitasec:
     
  4. tlcya

    tlcya Well-Known Member

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    lol thanks SD, I can always count on you for the offbeat bizarre news and a chuckle :)
     
  5. Steely Dan

    Steely Dan Former Member

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    [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYkWWnZm6-w[/ame]
     
  6. Steely Dan

    Steely Dan Former Member

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    Maybe he took it home for his kid? :crazy:

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  7. hoppyfrog

    hoppyfrog Retired WS Staff

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    It's good that LE put his pic out there, but it would be helpful if they could list his height, weight, eye color, and a description of the vehicle he was driving.
     
  8. Steely Dan

    Steely Dan Former Member

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    He escaped in a taxi;

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  9. Kat

    Kat Kind words do not cost much

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    I heard he had lost his license for being a bad bad bear. I think he took this:

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  10. Steely Dan

    Steely Dan Former Member

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    [​IMG]

    The caught the ringleader of this burglary group;

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    His mother has been pleading with him to turn himself in.

    "Please Barry, turn yourself in. You're shaming our entire family and you know grandpa's hasn't been sleeping well since the last hibernation." Mrs. Black begged. "I just hope you turn yourself in before your father gets back from his fishing trip. You know what he'll do to you if gets to you first. The police wont maul you, you're much better off turning yourself in."

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  11. Steely Dan

    Steely Dan Former Member

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    Here's his latest mug shot

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  12. Kat

    Kat Kind words do not cost much

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    Meanwhile back at the Den, Father Bear expressed his displeasure at Barry having shamed the family (luckily Barry had already turned himself in)

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  13. bogeygal

    bogeygal Registered User

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    You guys are so funny!!!

    What a story!
     
  14. SunnieRN

    SunnieRN Active Member

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    rofl!!!!!!!
     
  15. Steely Dan

    Steely Dan Former Member

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    Geez, these bear perpetrated crimes are getting out of hand!

    Now they're joyriding in stolen cars!!!

    Link

    Bear steals car in Larkspur, Colorado: Blames Toyota for crash
    July 26, 4:23 AMRVing ExaminerJulian Gothard

    A hungry bear in Larkspur, Colorado broke into an empty car Friday and attempted to escape with both a peanut butter sandwich and the 2008 Toyota Corolla. The bear apparently couldn’t get out of the car and panicked, knocking the automatic transmission into neutral in the process. The car then rolled down a steep drive and crashed into thick undergrowth about 125 yards from Ben Story’s family home. At some point prior to the impact the bear must have regained his sense of composure as he turned the four-way flashers on and sounded the horn a number of times as the car rolled down the hill backwards....

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  16. nervous_nellie

    nervous_nellie Carpe Noctem

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    good lord! look at the inside of that car! TRASHED! lol ... does auto insurance cover bear attacks? prolly only if you have a picture like this to prove that it was a bear and not your teenager....
     
  17. Steely Dan

    Steely Dan Former Member

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    I would think that only comprehensive coverage would do it.

    I think this bear crime wave is the result of the conditions in the inner forest. These bears are hunting and fishing all day long just to feed themselves and then they see some gangster bear in a nice fur coat with honey's dripping off his arm. It's tough to ignore. Have you seen the conditions they live in? They're grizzly. Personally, I'd find it unbearable.

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    Sadly, fighting just becomes a way of life for them.

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    They're disrespectful too!

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    They steal camera equipment.

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    Some only steal as means to eat but still.

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    These gangsters reel them in early by paying them to be lookouts as kids.

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    It's easy to get trapped in that lifestyle.

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    Just lyin around stoned.

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    Fortunately some are led down a better path by the Bear Scouts.

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  18. Steely Dan

    Steely Dan Former Member

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    Barry Black's Attorney Jose Bearez Sits down for an interview with cub reporter Steely Dan
    Steely Dan
    08/08/2010 9:45EST

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    Barry Black has been arrested for, allegedly, eating a couple of pears, a bunch of grapes, drinking fish water and stealing a teddy bear.

    Jose Bearez is an eccentric lawyer who is best known for not knowing very much. He has been hired by Barry Black to represent him in his latest scrape with the law.

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    Mr. Bearez has agreed to sit with us to discuss this case after a payment of 450 full honey pots.

    SD: "Mr. Bearez, it seems your client Mr. Black has a rather extensive rap sheet. He's been accused of breaking and entering, theft, dealing grubbs and berries on the black market, bringing in soft feathered brown Australian emus with the promise of jobs dancing and then turning them into poll dancing fur shavers, he was arrested for selling placebo's that were billed as 6 month sleeping pills, trafficking in herons, and finding Dane Cook funny."

    JB: "First let me get the most important things out of the way first. Mr. Black doesn't find Dane Cook funny! How could anyone find him funny!"

    SD: "I don't find him funny at all, I'm assuming you don't find him funny either?"

    JB: "He's hysterical but my clients love of Dane Cook isn't on trial here. The fact he stole whatever the crap it is he stole is the issue."

    SD: "So you're admitting that he is guilty. Are you going to try to work a plea?"

    JB: "I never said he was guilty! In fact we have solid reports placing the teddy bear in Orlando, Florida at Disney World with Zanny the Nanny goat. While it's been 31 days since Barry saw the teddy he knows he's ok."

    SD: "You just said that the accusation he stole things were factual. Has he spoken to the teddy bear recently?"

    JB: "If you are going to hold me to the things I say during this interview I'll get a work product injunction prohibiting you from ever being able to publish this."

    SD: "You don't need to growl at me. Let's try to continue this with some civility. Can we agree to be civil."

    JB: "Yeah, yeah," he says while dipping his paws into a honey pot and scratching his enormous behind. He sits down and starts pawing through some legal papers, (I can't help but notice that the amateur doesn't even use legal pads.) licking the honey off the corners from his honey stained paws. He reaches around and scratches his hairy behind. "Ok, look at this," he says thrusting a sticky piece of paper into my hand. "Ya see that picture that shows the teddy bear in orlando with his nanny goat."

    SD: "This is an old postcard from Disney World welcoming President Nixon with a teddy bear and goat drawn on it in crayon, poorly." :waitasec:

    JB: "Ya like that my kid did it."

    SD: "I have to say that's really good for a pre-schooler."

    JB: "No, no he's 27 and he's been in law school for the past four years. This fall he will be a sophomore. He also drew pictures of them visiting Niagara Falls. (whispering to himself) note to self bears can fall off edge and die in the Niagara River and never be found."

    He stands up and turns around and I see a piece of paper stuck to his butt. I carefully peel it off his fur and read it;

    JB email: Haven't decided on which story to go with yet. We're testing in front of focus groups who know this is work product and thusly cannot be talked about. So far the most popular has Barry breaking out of jail running to Niagara Falls seconds too late as the nanny goat kicks a similar teddy into the raging river never to be seen again. See if Boo Boo can set it up and remind the actors that it's work product and nobody can see it ever.

    Call my brother's ex, Nannette, she's a 10 and that works.


    SD: I slip that paper into my briefcase under my legal pad. "The point I'm trying to make here is that this isn't a photograph it's a poorly drawn picture of a goat and teddy bear greeting a now deceased former President Nixon in the last month"

    JB: "I assure you I can find an expert willing to testify that they are the real deal." (He's frantically looking for something now). Did you see a piece of paper with an outline of our outrageous stories for getting Barry off?

    SD: "No, not at all." He glares at me pulling back his lips and showing his sharp canines.

    JB: "You do know that's work product and reading it would be a third degree felony. Looking at one alphabetical letter is a misdemeanor that would have you in jail for 45 years, right?"

    SD: "Sir I'm trying to report, factually, the story I'm writing."

    JB: Oh, the "gotcha" media. I heard about you guys from an Alaskan Kodiak I know. I say something and then you turn it all around on me. I say that it's a fact he stole that stuff and you make it sound like I'm saying he really did steal that stuff. :waitasec:

    You don't report the news you make it up. The smell of burned stuffing in the back of that taxi wasn't BB's stuffed bear. The driver hit a stuffed squirrel that got burned on the catalytic converter. Later on the driver threw a dead stripper in the back with a rotting pizza. She was a dwarf. (He turns to me.) That makes sense right? The stripper would have to be about the stuffed bears size to make the stains equal out, right. :waitasec: Anyway this little person stripper dies due to Barry trying to quiet her with chloroform. Ummm, I meant it was Jesse Grunt with the chloroform. Anyway, Barry's father is known to have a hot temper. He threw Barry's grand dad through a sharp thicket during one of their fights. He was the last one to see the bear alive."

    SD: "I thought you said Barry was in the taxi with the bear? :waitasec: Wouldn't that make him the last to see him? :waitasec:

    JB: "Ok Mr. Gotcha Media Man. This interview is over. I have enough trouble trying to make an obviously guilty bear look innocent. This interview is over and it's work product. The only way you can publish this is if you have both eyes closed and nobody reads it or it's a felony."

    [​IMG]
    Barry Black awaits trial at A Ticks Prison in upstate New York.
     
  19. Tuffy

    Tuffy Not really that tough...

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    I think we see evidence of bears being led astray throughout history. One of Barry's ancestors may have been in the Nazi Party:

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  20. Steely Dan

    Steely Dan Former Member

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    It makes sense that's a polar bear in the picture. He looks Aryan. :crazy:
     
  21. Steely Dan

    Steely Dan Former Member

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    Uh oh, he's escaped and is on the lam wearing a disguise.

    [​IMG]
     

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