YESorNO
The Queen (aka "mrsmuir") SWBB
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2013
- Messages
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For some people, the only way out of Hell is through it. She went through it, instead of avoiding it altogether by following her MD's advice. Maybe she couldn't help herself.
"Madness" can be a kind of freedom, in a way, of not taking responsibility for the things you do, IMO. "Oh- she has a MI, so you must forgive the unforgivable." Can we forgive?? That's a hard "pill" (excuse the reference, since this was one of JS's problems )to swallow.
Finding her way back to a simpler time and place, when she didn't have a MI—seemed to be a very hard thing for her, and maybe for most who have a MI. Acknowledgement to what has happened is even more terrifying—a non-acknowledgment of the madness is even more madness. There's more chaos- the deeper down you go, the harder it gets to have the life "before MI" and before she shot her children.
Madness, is for some, the only means for expression of their being lost and confused in a world which has caused them deep hurt and pain( in their eyes). Regardless of the options she had chosen, she felt damned- the "correct" choice was too hard to achieve. Each coping mechanism that she has employed has led to failure and has not brought JS out of the unlivable situation that was her life. Her life is like a carousel - going round and round- and not being able to ever get off. She has become completely detached. But this detachment is only from the typical standards of the world. She remains haunted by the visions of her previous life and the way it was.
Being deemed “not normal”, feelings of always being alone and not understood, JS departed to a world where she remained alone from people and her family. Her trust had been shattered time and time again because no one can begin to understand her experiences and her thought processes, even tho' they (PS, MDs, etc) had tried to understand. "Get your life together" must be hard for people who have a MI.
The MI person, JS, having lost her equilibrium, is upset, is very literally upside down, psychologically, and therefore, sees things reversed than the "normal" person.
I was previously leaning more towards guilty- MI, not insane, but after rethinking the situation, so far (the second MD made some sense to me, in regards to "how" JS thinks in her MI ), I am now sitting in the middle, which is neither here (guilty of premeditated murder) -nor -there (guilty, but insane) right now.
I also need to hear from more MDs with different points of view. I need more. I, too, need to hear from PS and others who actually lived the life.
Was she angry at PS?- certainly she was and , IMO, I think she was generally angry at her whole situation- her life the way it was, but her thinking was flawed in many ways that she wasn't aware of, IMO- through no fault of her own?- I don't know yet.
Anyway- I'm not "there" right now with a verdict and won't be 'til the end of this trial.
This is hard.
(Thanks for all the tweets provided- it's the only way to get info on this trial for me- which really stinks.)
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The Meaning of Madness
Thinking of 'mental illness' as more than just illness:
‘Mental disorder’ is difficult to define. Generally speaking, mental disorders are conditions that involve either loss of contact with reality or distress and impairment. These experiences lie on a continuum of normal human experience, and so it is impossible to define the point at which they become pathological. Furthermore, concepts such as schizophrenia, depression, and personality disorder listed in classifications of mental disorders may not in fact map onto any real or distinct disease entities; even if they do, the symptoms and clinical manifestations that define them are open to subjective interpretation.".....
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201209/the-meaning-madness
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Meet the jurors:
http://www.courtchatter.com/2014/05...m_campaign=Feed:+CourtChatter+(Court+Chatter)
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Everyone's experience is unique and equally valid. It must be very hard to make a correct diagnosis for any MD.
