FL - Fendra Molme, 11 months, dies in hot car while parents attend church, Palm Bay, May 2023 *arrest*

[BrownRice]

What would any of us say to a dear friend who left their baby in the car? Something to think about.

I had occasion to find out. I hope comfort is what most of us would give. A young friend, a very good Mom with three boys, called and asked me to come over as she needed to talk about something. When I got there, she tearfully told me that she had left her youngest (about a year old) in the car for 20 minutes on a warm day while she ran into Target to get a few things. She had forgotten he was there and when she came out, her car was surrounded by angry people and the police were there. He was OK, but she was devastated, destroyed, to think she had forgotten him.

She said to me, “Can God ever forgive me?” No excuses, just humility and remorse! I wrapped my arms around her and said “Of course!” and we cried together and talked about faith, love and forgiveness (in between kiddo interruptions). I’m not sure she ever forgave herself though. But I know she learned from the reason (not excuse) it happened (as we all can)…lots of family visiting and she thought he stayed home with his grandpa as had been planned. As in most of these cases, it was a slight change in the routine or plan that caused the memory lapse. Had she been charged, I know she would have accepted whatever punishment the court decided. As it was, CPS got involved and she had to take a parenting class.

She’s a good person, a good Mom. This one big mistake does not change that. I’m not going to ever say “I would NEVER forget MY child.” I’m not perfect, even though I was a very careful Mom like my friend. Good people who are careful Moms and Dads can make terrible, life-altering mistakes for very human reasons. They will pay the price, of course, and it will be a far steeper price than any court can impose.

If the mother on this thread were your good friend, what would you say to her?

JMO

Thank you for this kind post. We read so many horrible parenting stories, especially on WS. But many of us parents are just one bad judgment call or moment of forgetfulness away from being featured on a post. I assume most parents who forgot their children in their cars, including your friend, always thought how could a parent do this. I still don’t completely understand it, but it happens a lot. And it’s horrific. Sure, there’s the parents who do this purposefully and they should be imprisoned, but the ones who simply forgot…how do you live with yourself? It’s tragic and I truly grieve with them.

There was a young father, last year I think in VA, who left his baby in his car and remembered hours later. I think he died by suicide before the wife even came home to find the situation.

Kindness and compassion go a long way. And unless I hear otherwise about this mother, I will keep her and her family in my heart and hope she can one day find forgiveness.

 

[Ozoner]

What would any of us say to a dear friend who left their baby in the car? Something to think about.

I had occasion to find out. I hope comfort is what most of us would give. A young friend, a very good Mom with three boys, called and asked me to come over as she needed to talk about something. When I got there, she tearfully told me that she had left her youngest (about a year old) in the car for 20 minutes on a warm day while she ran into Target to get a few things. She had forgotten he was there and when she came out, her car was surrounded by angry people and the police were there. He was OK, but she was devastated, destroyed, to think she had forgotten him.

She said to me, “Can God ever forgive me?” No excuses, just humility and remorse! I wrapped my arms around her and said “Of course!” and we cried together and talked about faith, love and forgiveness (in between kiddo interruptions). I’m not sure she ever forgave herself though. But I know she learned from the reason (not excuse) it happened (as we all can)…lots of family visiting and she thought he stayed home with his grandpa as had been planned. As in most of these cases, it was a slight change in the routine or plan that caused the memory lapse. Had she been charged, I know she would have accepted whatever punishment the court decided. As it was, CPS got involved and she had to take a parenting class.

She’s a good person, a good Mom. This one big mistake does not change that. I’m not going to ever say “I would NEVER forget MY child.” I’m not perfect, even though I was a very careful Mom like my friend. Good people who are careful Moms and Dads can make terrible, life-altering mistakes for very human reasons. They will pay the price, of course, and it will be a far steeper price than any court can impose.

If the mother on this thread were your good friend, what would you say to her?

JMO

What I would say to her is that, according to psychologists, <modsnip>, and that she only needs to worry about forgiving herself, or better yet, I would say, "Just move on and don't do it again."

 

[imstilla.grandma]

Responders discovered that the girl had been left in a car for approximately three hours by her mother — 37-year-old Bulaine Molme — as the suspect and her family attended services at the church.

Florida mother arrested after baby left in hot car for 3 hours dies

Responders discovered that the child had been left in a car for approximately three hours by the mother as she and her family attended church services.

www.clickorlando.com

A person who causes the death of any person under the age of 18 by culpable negligence under s. 827.03(2)(b) commits aggravated manslaughter of a child, a felony of the first degree, punishable as provided in s. 775.082, s. 775.083, or s. 775.084.

Statutes & Constitution :View Statutes : Online Sunshine

www.leg.state.fl.us

 

[Lilibet]

The crime of Aggravated Manslaughter is a First Degree Felony that is punishable up to 30 years in prison and $10,000 fine. (From the link below.)

What is aggravated manslaughter in Florida? (It's a defense attorney website, but I found it easy to understand as a layperson.)

If this goes to court without some kind of plea bargain, I can see the argument fought being on the matter of reckless disregard for human life, and the defense trying to claim it was just basic negligence.

MOO

Agree. I don’t see that this rises to the level of “culpable negligence” as explained in your link:

What is aggravated manslaughter in Florida?

Aggravated Manslaughter is a First Degree Felony that is punishable up to 30 years in prison and $10,000 fine. See when this occurs and possible defenses.

swiateklaw.com

Every person has a duty to act reasonably towards others. If there is a violation of that duty, without any conscious intention to harm, that violation is negligence. But culpable negligence is more than a failure to use ordinary care toward others. In order for negligence to be culpable, it must be gross and flagrant.

Culpable negligence
Culpable negligence is a course of conduct showing reckless disregard of human life, or of the safety of persons exposed to its dangerous effects, or such an entire want of care as to raise a presumption of a conscious indifference to consequences, or which shows wantonness or recklessness, or a grossly careless disregard for the safety and welfare of the public, or such an indifference to the rights of others as is equivalent to an intentional violation of such rights.

The negligent act or omission must have been committed with an utter disregard for the safety of others. Culpable negligence is consciously doing an act or following a course of conduct that the defendant must have known, or reasonably should have known, was likely to cause death or great bodily injury.

JMO

 

[katydid23]

If she truly thought someone brought her daughter inside, then she truly thought someone brought her daughter inside. She didn't purposely leave her in the car. MOO.

Why did she think that though? Did someone tell her they were going to go get her baby? Why wouldn't they do so? And why would the parents get out and leave a baby in the car, not checking that someone was there to take care of her? I don't understand.

I don't believe she purposely left her in the car. Not for a minute. It is just frustrating that so little care was taken in protecting that baby from a very gruesome death.

 

[wary]

Why did she think that though? Did someone tell her they were going to go get her baby? Why wouldn't they do so? And why would the parents get out and leave a baby in the car, not checking that someone was there to take care of her? I don't understand.

I don't believe she purposely left her in the car. Not for a minute. It is just frustrating that so little care was taken in protecting that baby from a very gruesome death.

Was the car locked? If so, who had the keys?

This story might clarify the charge. If you leave your child in a hot car, and tell someone to get the child, you haven’t forgotten the child—you’ve just decided that your priorities are elsewhere.

MOO

 

[MyBelle]

Was the car locked? If so, who had the keys?

This story might clarify the charge. If you leave your child in a hot car, and tell someone to get the child, you haven’t forgotten the child—you’ve just decided that your priorities are elsewhere.

MOO

BBM. I agree. Asking someone else to go to your vehicle, remove a child from her car seat and bring her indoors is a big ask. And, where was the diaper bag? Was the friend supposed to haul that inside, too?

I think the charges appropriately reflect what LE observed on the scene.

JMO

 

[Gardenista]

https://twitter.com/x/status/1664669588871696384

 

[Cedars]

BBM. I agree. Asking someone else to go to your vehicle, remove a child from her car seat and bring her indoors is a big ask. And, where was the diaper bag? Was the friend supposed to haul that inside, too?

I think the charges appropriately reflect what LE observed on the scene.

JMO

I was wondering whether there's been a dispute between the mother and the person she thought had taken care of the baby. Like maybe the mother blamed that person, threatened to sue, etc. Police might lay such a serious charge to make it clear where responsibility lies, and protect the non-parent in this particular case. (In other cases, I can see a negligent babysitter).

Just speculation...

ETA, but that raises the issue:
what if a babysitter left the baby in their own hot car, would the parents be so quick to forgive?

 

[TxLady2]

Ross Harris?

I don't remember the name, sorry. After a few years this old brain forgets some details.

I understand that people make mistakes and accidents happen, I try not to blame the parents because.... well, stuff happens. But I do think that if people would just not get so distracted and keep their wits about themselves, probably this would not happen as much. I had a great solution, personally. I did not EVER leave my children in the car alone... for any reason. It worked for me and it might nor for others but I did not take chances with any of them. Children are precious and they cannot be replaced.

 

[Dpdan]

I think it could have been a child who was asked to take the baby inside. Otherwise wouldn't a different adult be the one held responsible, not the mother?

 

[wary]

I think it could have been a child who was asked to take the baby inside. Otherwise wouldn't a different adult be the one held responsible, not the mother?

Good point—but what if someone says they didn’t hear it? Or, what if they don’t remember the color of the car; they go out, peek in the only blue car in sight, see no child, and assume that someone else took the child in?

 

[musicaljoke]

I don't remember the name, sorry. After a few years this old brain forgets some details.

I understand that people make mistakes and accidents happen, I try not to blame the parents because.... well, stuff happens. But I do think that if people would just not get so distracted and keep their wits about themselves, probably this would not happen as much. I had a great solution, personally. I did not EVER leave my children in the car alone... for any reason. It worked for me and it might nor for others but I did not take chances with any of them. Children are precious and they cannot be replaced.

I had four little preschoolers, all of them in car seats. I would not physically be able to take all four out of the house together and get them into their car seats, nor could I get all four out of their car seats together and carry or walk them back into the house. It might have been possible if I had 8 arms. So every car trip meant that kids would be left alone in the car.

Even so, I'm sure I would be criticized for leaving my little ones in the car.

It's a hostile world for mothers of young children. We who have had children and know how complicated things can be need to uphold those mothers who have all good intentions in how they care for their beloved children.

 

[katydid23]

I think it could have been a child who was asked to take the baby inside. Otherwise wouldn't a different adult be the one held responsible, not the mother?

If so, that could be devastating for the child---especially if an older sibling. The rest of their life they would be feeling so awful about it. And even worse, they may be a scapegoat...who knows at this point.

 

[katydid23]

I had four little preschoolers, all of them in car seats. I would not physically be able to take all four out of the house together and get them into their car seats, nor could I get all four out of their car seats together and carry or walk them back into the house. It might have been possible if I had 8 arms. So every car trip meant that kids would be left alone in the car.

Even so, I'm sure I would be criticized for leaving my little ones in the car.

It's a hostile world for mothers of young children. We who have had children and know how complicated things can be need to uphold those mothers who have all good intentions in how they care for their beloved children.

No one has a problem with leaving 2 kids in the car at a time, while you take the other to the porch. The problem is if you take 2 in and , for whatever reason, don't unstrap the others and bring them in, before they fry to death in the heat. It is a brutal, painful death.

I have a friend that has never gotten over a childhood incident---she and her 5 yr old sister were playing with their puppy and ended up putting him in their car in the driveway---hours later he was found dead from the hot car. They were both devastated and felt so guilty. I cannot imagine how it would feel if it was a child.

Maybe this mom has a valid explanation---I do not know for sure---I am just sad and frustrated with the amount of hot car deaths that are still happening all of the time. It is so unnecessary and easy to avoid. If you Ask your oldest child, or a nice neighbour to remove your child from your car, that's fine. But then double check, just for safety's sake. JMO

[There have been 3 kids dead from hot car incidents just this week. ]

Three Kids Died In Hot Cars In Just The Last Week

That brings this year's total hot car deaths to six, and summer hasn't even officially begun.

jalopnik.com

NBC reports that since last weekend, three children have died in hot cars in separate incidents in Washington state, Florida and Texas. And in all cases, the weather was in the 70s and 80s, so while it was warm, it wasn’t noticeably hot. Because a car acts as a greenhouse, though, it’s possible for the interior temperature of a car to cross 100 degrees even when outside temperatures are in the low 70s.

The recent fatalities bring the total number of hot car deaths this year to six, which is reportedly twice the number we saw this time last year. And it easily could have been higher. In Houston, a four-year-old boy was found with a two-year-old girl in an unlocked parked car with the temperatures in the high 80s. Both were rushed to the hospital, and doctors managed to save the girl but not the boy.

 

[neesaki]

Family members can help stay safe by putting something in the child’s car seat and moving it to the front when they are in the seat, putting something important in the seat with the child and/or setting it up so daycare will call if the child is not dropped off.
Baby dies in hot car while parents attend church, police say

maybe folks should start putting their phones in the carseat with baby. Pretty sure the number of these types of deaths would plummet. Sad commentary on today's priorities.

I will never understand how one, much less two, can forget THEIR baby. Mine was always first and foremost on my mind. And believe me, I never claim to be a perfect mother. What a screwed up world we have become.

 

[neesaki]

Double post

 

[neesaki]

How the *advertiser censored** does this keep happening?

I think I’m losing it. So all parents have to do to rid themselves of a child now, is leave them in a car in the sweltering heat. Ala Ross Harris. Am I right?

 

[mickey2942]

Good grief, it would be safer to put the baby in the passenger seat. At least it wouldn't die being in the car burning up.

 

[ifindedout]

Here's one scenario I think could've happened:
Arriving to church late, she exits the car, takes her purse and whatever materials she needs for the service. This requires two hands, and she could not carry DD in arms, nor did she come prepared with a sling or other carrier. She enters through the Sunday school and delegates a child to fetch DD from the car. Wasting no time, she heads for the pulpit alongside DH. In her haste she has neglected to give the child the car key (or key fob). The child heads to the car but finds it locked. However, service is now in full swing with the First Lady present, and the child is either not assertive enough at whatever age, or dares not interrupt the pastor, First Lady and elders, and (most importantly) God. The child, not aware of the dangers of hot car deaths, also obediently knows their place in Sunday school (or perhaps the main service itself), and fails to tell anyone of their quandary, which is quickly forgotten. With this gaping chasm in communication, DD, locked inside the car, succumbs to hyperthermia over the next three hours.
MOO