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Greatest news all year...

Discussion in 'News that makes you smile!' started by NotVeryBright, Dec 30, 2019.

  1. NotVeryBright

    NotVeryBright Active Member

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    First, Merry Christmas and Happy New year's to all....
    My adventure began December 22 at 11pm. My wife, youngest daughter, both dogs and a loaded trailer hooked to our Cherokee left Maryland headed to Georgia to drop the rest of her belongings off. Ah, college. Right, so all began good. Cold, windy but hey, the damn seats are heated so I'm thinking "oh yea, were good" and that was the last time I would think that on our trip.
    Uneventful outside of Bobo still under the impression he can drive and believing his Avenue to doing so is smooching each of my ears while cleaning them with that freaking lizard tounge of his. I love my boy but not cool while driving. The rain started in Virginia. And if you've driven 85 enough between Maryland and Georgia, then you know how sketchy it gets and just dark through there, now rain. Then the spasms in my back started and when they happen it locks me up for hours. My wife has never pulled a trailer and um, well I'm convinced her right leg is either full of lead or she's bionic, in either case she scares me. (She knows) so her driving had me nervous. Not 20 minutes later, "honey, the tarp is shredded" well son of a b@*$#.
    I get what's left tied back and its pouring and it's all getting soaked. I gimped back in, laid in back between dogs and passed out. Somewhere in south Carolina I woke up, still raining but at least I feel I can drive.
    We finally after what seemed forever got there. I started pulling things off and putting them inside under her fans. The very last item, her great granny's sewing machine. Now it's not so much heavy as its awkward. It's got this half door on the back that swings open to allow machine out. I picked it up not remembering that damn door and CRACK! that door had swung violently and absolutely beat my ass. Got me right above my left eye. Now my wife's standing behind me and kinda keeps me from dropping. Then she sees my head and "oh honey, oh my God. Oh **** that's HUGE!" So I touched it ,felt a knot, thought eh, I've had tons worse and proceeded to carry the cabinet in. Well. Then my daughter sees it, then I notice the blood. Now I'm panicking. Alot. And being a paranoid schizophrenic with a gimpy heart whoms not supposed to stress. Yep check. Got ice she takes me to the er. At least its almost empty. Got glued together, and back to kids house in about an hour and a half. Then we got her settled and we went to our hotel cause I just wanted a joint and rest.
    Its warm, finally even though its weird cause its Christmas but good to just sit out and puff away. I smoked something called Kavier. The pot store sells it and it's well, wow. It's got a little of everything in it but knocks me on my ass. Unbeknownst to me, I had eaten 3 chocolate coins in the ER! My wife gave them to me to help my anxiety. I didn't remember it lmao. Nope. No head wound at all. And by now I'm just floating.
    At some point I end up in the bathroom, just standing in front of the mirror, shirtless, blowing my nose. (Relax, it's worth it) So I'm blowing and not sure am I just that high, or did a foriegn object literally just leave my brain via nose holes.
    So I'm looking around, then glance down and then I notice my chest hair is white. Fascinating the hell outta me. I'm playing with my white man hair then my nipple looks odd, I'm thinking that's not supposed to be there, and that's when I looked in the mirror and saw it. The foriegn object. What I was sure was at least a golf ball turned out was just a good old fashioned booger. And it rested on my bottom lip. And my lovely bride of 34 years is recording every bit of it. Because she loves me and all that crap. Enough to make sure our kids watch it, their friends, pretty sure her entire office when she returns tomorrow. She gets the laugh, I get part of my head held together with Elmer's glue..
    Oh,so what's the great news out of all this?
    The great news was the fact I came within a millisecond of licking my lips and had I not looked up at my worried nipple at that moment, I'd be a booger eater for life! Whew...
    Happy New Year ok bye now Lucky out
     


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