I would like to state that all the crimes that I write about are true, not figments of my imagination. When I was a brand new patrolman, an old sgt once said to me, "Boy, if you stay here long enough to get a pension, you will see everything there is to see, at least once." He was right, and I assure you that the crimes I depict actually happened. I am not going to present just my experiences, I keep in touch with a lot of the retired guys due to a fraternal order we belong to, and will relate stories they tell me. Ok, here we go. First of all, I am not going to limit myself to murder, or rape or robbery, but will concentrate on the odd things that people do to each other, or have done to them by others. This was not my case, it was a friends, but I am repeating it almost word for word. This is not a very pretty case, but it was odd. One of the things that made it odd was the fact that the person charged in this case was the first person charged with this crime in nearly a hundred years. One day a woman walked into the station house, and stated that she wanted to make a complaint about her husband. The officer sat her down and she related the following story. She said that her husband had been having sexual intercourse with their pet cocker spaniel for about three years, and she had finally got to the point where she couldn't stand it any more. The officer asked her to tell him more, and she replied that her husband would use lubricating jelly and have relations with the dog. She said that was bad enough, but what drove her over the edge and caused her to come into the station to make her complaint was that the previous day her husband went to have relations with the dog and realized he was out of lubricant. He then used mayonaisse from a jar in the refrigerator. As a result of using the mayonaisse, he left a pubic hair in the mayo. And that was her real complaint. The officer at first thought she was a nut, but went to the house and interviewed the husband, who admitted everything. The officer charged the man with bestiality, which was an old charge which the presiding judge later said had not been used for almost a hundred years. The husband pled guilty, and on a plea bargain received a year's probation and a fine of one thousand dollars. The dog was removed from the home. The strange part was that the wife continued to live with him. Had he not used the mayonaisse she would have never complained, evidentally.