IA - Gabriel McFarland, 4 mos, dies of head trauma, Des Moines, 22 April 2014

Discussion in 'Recently Sentenced and Beyond' started by Lovejac, Apr 24, 2014.

  1. Lovejac

    Lovejac These boys are my heartstrings!

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    :tantrum:

    Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/nat...e-dad-charged-article-1.1767653#ixzz2zrUD9cRx
     
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  3. Lovejac

    Lovejac These boys are my heartstrings!

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  4. CHERIE.T

    CHERIE.T Former Member

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    Oh my! This is beyond sad!
     
  5. katydid23

    katydid23 Verified Juanette

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    Just a month ago, he was the new son of an Iowa couple who adopted him at birth from a teenage mother they supported financially and emotionally throughout her pregnancy.

    On Thursday he was found dead, his tiny body lying in a chair, a bottle of milk at his side.

    His 16-year-old mother had changed her mind in March and reclaimed her baby. She had left him in the care of his 17-year-old father, Drew James Weehler-Smith, on Thursday while she ran errands.
    =====================================================

    was that a bottle of milk or formula? Because if it was MILK, not formula, that could have been a problem. Hopefully the teen father knew better than to give a newborn regular milk from the grocery store.
     
  6. Dogface

    Dogface New Member

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    How could anyone leave a small, defenseless child alone? The idea of a baby crying and someone not being there to hold them just breaks my heart.
     
  7. QueenD

    QueenD New Member

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    Typical on how the system works. I think when a child is adopted legally the birth parents should not be able to do anything legally and it should be the child's chose when he/she reaches adult age. So sad for this baby!
     
  8. Cubby

    Cubby fly the W!

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    The infant’s mother had only been gone a few minutes Thursday when a friend phoned her to ask if she trusted Weehler-Smith with Gabriel.

    The friend had just come from the couple’s apartment and saw Weehler-Smith holding the baby.

    It wasn’t clear what alarmed the friend, Halifax said.

    “There’s some kind of history with the father, but we’re not certain of the details,” he told The News.

    The mother asked her friend to go back to the apartment. When the friend got there, she saw the dad driving away


    Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/nat...e-dad-charged-article-1.1767653#ixzz2zvWoq3TQ


    I wonder why the friend didn't stay with the baby if she was concerned enough to call the baby's mother after the baby being alone with dad for only a few minutes. I'm not blaming the friend and I can see a teenager possibly being afraid of saying something in front of the dad.




    Such a sad sad case.
     
  9. Cubby

    Cubby fly the W!

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    You bring up a good point here katydid', though, I kind of hope this was a case of ignorance and not knowing cows milk could harm the baby-versus maliciousness.

    If milk was given to a 4 month old could something happen in such a short amount of time that would have killed the baby?

    When my son was about 12 mo's he couldn't tolerate cows milk. It would curdle and come right back up. He was 3 or so before he could tolerate cows milk.
     
  10. katydid23

    katydid23 Verified Juanette

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    I just wondered if the baby might have thrown up and then choked. Especially if he was left alone and/or on his back. Tiny infants can choke very easily.
     
  11. Lovejac

    Lovejac These boys are my heartstrings!

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    Wow. I wonder what she saw him doing. And why would she leave?
     
  12. gxm

    gxm New Member

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    The medical examiner has concluded that the baby died of head trauma. It was murder, not an accident. This has to be one of the saddest cases I've ever read. A child was taken from a loving home only to be murdered by his father.

    Four-month-old Gabriel King McFarland died of abusive head trauma, a medical examiner determined.

    http://www.desmoinesregister.com/st...8/father-charged-murder-infant-death/8422785/
     
  13. jjenny

    jjenny Active Member

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    Adoption wasn't yet completed when teenage mother changed her mind.
     
  14. AnaTeresa

    AnaTeresa New Member

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    I don't think it's fair to say that he was taken from a loving home, as if to imply that the baby's current home wasn't loving. By all accounts, his mother loved him. She hasn't been charged, and is distraught.

    It's a terrible, terrible thing that happened. But we shouldn't paint the mother with the same brush as the murderer, in my opinion.
     
  15. craftybatchy

    craftybatchy Verified Odd Duck

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    I'm confused about this one. Afaik, Iowa law stipulates that a birthmother has 96 hours to change her mind. If there is a clear and compelling reason she may move to reverse/disrupt the adoption no later than 30 days, but the circumstances must be extraordinary. This makes me wonder if there was a legal issue with this adoption from the beginning, thereby allowing the mother to regain custody without a court battle.

    http://adoption.laws.com/iowa-adoption

    http://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/adoption-truth/adoption-facts-faqs/adoption-laws-by-state/
     
  16. DairyGirl

    DairyGirl New Member

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    I used to wonder why some adoptive parents fight so hard to keep the child they are adopting when some loophole sends them back to birth parents. I remember one case it was because the baby was part native American and that takes precedence over legal adoptions. The family had the child for a year or so. I think in the end he was turned over to the birth father.
    My son was adopted and from the second he was placed in my arms my biggest fear was the birth mother changing her mind. In Oregon she had until he was 6 months before the adoption was finalized. Of course, even after the adoption was complete I had fear that something would allow her to take him back.
    My son and his wife are in the process of adopting right now. That is my biggest fear from them as well. After all they have gone through and are going through, to have a baby in their arms and then have it ripped away would be beyond devastating. That is why I am hoping the baby they get is from out of state. They are working with two different agencies. One is a program that places newborns locally and the other is a program that finds homes for African American babies from Louisiana, from extreme poverty situations. I truly hope that is what they find because hoping being further away would make it more difficult to take back the child.
     
  17. jjenny

    jjenny Active Member

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    I think mother has 96 hours to change her mind after she gives up her parental rights. In this case, it sounds as if legal papework hasn't been completed. So 96 hours would not apply. Per this article, mother has 3 months + 31 days to change her mind about adoption. People are afraid to adopt in the US, and it's very clear why.

    "Under Iowa law, a birth mother has three months, plus a 31-day probationary period, to change her mind about adoption."

    Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/nat...e-dad-charged-article-1.1767653#ixzz30PP8dQHR
     
  18. K_Z

    K_Z Verified Anesthetist

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    This exact situation is why my husband and I were unwilling to even consider a domestic adoption, and why we adopted internationally. With international adoption, there is no chance the birth parent will come looking for the child and demand a do-over take back, and there is no chance for the birth parent to be a disruptive presence in their life as they grow up.

    I have known 2 situations where the birth mother re-claimed the infant, as well as personally knowing several situations where a very disruptive birth mother created ongoing havoc and chaos in "open adoptions."

    Personally, I don't believe that most of the American adoption laws have the best interests of the child in mind. They are crafted to give birth moms (who don't want to be parents, and typically have a ton of social problems) what they want on their terms-- ongoing access to the child, but relieving them of actually parenting the child. There is no regard for the child's mental and emotional well-being in open adoption policies, IMO. And "take back" laws beyond a few days are never in the best interest of the child, IMO. The birth mom needs to make a decision and stick with it, for the best interest of the child, IMO. Raise the child themselves, or make an adoption plan and stick with it.

    I also strongly believe that "open adoptions" are almost never a good situation for the child's well being. I know they work for some people, but as a general policy from social workers, I think it's a disaster for the child. I believe the child should have a chance to grow up in a secure and non-chaotic situation, free from the imposed additional situation of the birth parent. Once they're 18, if the child wants to know the bio parent, and the bio parent wants to know them, then let them meet. The adopted child deserves those 18 years of their ONLY childhood to grow up and form an identity apart from the bio parent, IMO. I grew up with one of those chaotic birth parents periodically showing up and inducing emotional havoc, so the issue is near and dear to me.

    I know there are isolated circumstances where open adoption seems to work, but I personally think kids should not be burdened with the "needs" of the birth parent to be in their lives while they are growing up. Open adoption is all about the wants and desires of the birth mom to have it "both ways"-- let someone else do the hard work of parenting, and show up as the "birth mom" when it's convenient. As a social policy, I think open adoption is pretty wrongheaded.

    At our pre-adoption classes, we had to sit thru a panel discussion, and other episodes where bio moms in open adoption situation talked to us about their circumstances choosing the couple to adopt their baby. I could not believe that 2 of these bio- moms actually talked to us about circumventing adoption agency policies to create little "tests" for the parents who eventually adopted their child. If the prospective parents wouldn't play their little games, the bio mom crossed them off the list.

    My husband and I know full well that there probably isn't a pregnant teenager on the planet who would consider us "cool" enough to adopt their baby, so we never seriously considered domestic infant open adoption.

    My heart aches for this poor baby who was killed, and for the couple who loved him. That child was much better off with the loving couple, than with 2 immature young teenagers. Just because someone can breed, doesn't make them a good parent. That baby was not better off with his 16 year old mother. Yes, that's very opinionated, but that's how I feel.
     
  19. Linda7NJ

    Linda7NJ New Member

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    I too am an adoptive parent and agree with every word you wrote:)




    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  20. al66pine

    al66pine New Member

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    I had sometimes wondered about the positives of international adoption for ppl in US and your answer is so enlightening about a huge negative aspect of US-to-US adoptions I had overlooked.

    snipped for focus
     
  21. al66pine

    al66pine New Member

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    K_Z
    You said as a social policy, generally 'open adoption' is wrongheaded and I agree.

    Seems like one of those ideas that look good on paper, so to speak, but in practice does not tend to achieve the desired results for the adoptive parents or the child.
    Maybe works for very few.
    With all the problems DIVORCED PARENTS have in child-rearing issues, it seems virtually impossible that bio-moms and adoptive parents would be able to achieve harmony in child rearing in real life w extensive continued interaction of bio-mm and child.

    Thanks again for enlightening me - and undoubtedly others here.
     

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