If your child was murdered

Discussion in 'JonBenet Ramsey' started by pageantmom, Aug 14, 2013.

?

Would you be thinking about what to wear to the press conference?

  1. Only that I need clean, presentable clothes ready for whenever it happens.

    34.5%
  2. Yes, I'd plan out in advance what I thought would look best.

    15.5%
  3. No, I'd put on whatever clothes that were there and I'd not be thinking at all about how I looked.

    45.2%
  4. Other please explain

    4.8%
  1. pageantmom

    pageantmom New Member

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    ...would you think a lot about what kind of outfit you should wear to the press conference? I sure wouldn't. I keep reading that patsy said things like (paraphrasing, I don't have the quotes saved) "when the day comes that we have a press conference to announce the killer/our innocence etc I'm going to wear a blue dress because blue looks good on television".
    Really??
    I know blue looks better on tv, so logically it makes sense. I don't like blue but I wear a lot of blue because it looks better on me than any other color does. But I just. cannot. imagine. even CARING about any of that when planning a press conference about my murdered child. I mean, really? I am a person who cares about how they look. I don't come downstairs til my hair and makeup are done. Yet, I just cannot imagine caring at all about any of that when it had to do with my child's well being, safety or god forbid murder. Wouldn't your appearance just be the last thing on your mind? That kind of comment from Patsy makes it seem like she doesn't even understand the gravity of what happened.
     
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  3. Daisy1975

    Daisy1975 New Member

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    I used to somewhat think the way that the Ramsey's acted after their daughter's murder was normal. Now that I have a young daughter of my own, they seem like they were from another planet. I know I wouldn't even be able to attend a press conference, let alone give interviews. I would have to be so heavily sedated to even begin to deal with my grief.
     
  4. eileenhawkeye

    eileenhawkeye Active Member

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    I don't really see it as a big deal. She was talking about a press conference where the killer of her daughter was found, not a press conference right after JBR went missing/was killed. Most of the time, when I see parents of missing or murdered children on TV...Well, it's very uncommon for them to look like a complete mess. Most of the ones who I see on TV do put effort into their appearance, and many receive criticism for it.

    I don't really understand expecting people to know exactly what they would do if their child was murdered, and there was a PC to announce the real killer was found, years later.
     
  5. bettybaby00

    bettybaby00 New Member

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    Horrid to consider, but getting into these types of cases often make us ponder such things, especially since most people judge the human behaviors of those involved---rightly or wrongly!

    Good point, I wasn't even aware of this little "Patsyism." I have heard however, the whole desire to emulate Jackie Kennedy stories!!!

    I can't even wrap my head around how I would act in such a situation. Again, I have to give PR a pass on a certain level, b/c people who do focus on things like this might actually be using it as a defense mechanism, and or denial. A way to maintain control and focus on a situation that is otherwise wildly out of control. In considering the question, I immediately thought of the book/movie "Ordinary People." Specifically the scene where the dad (donald sutherland) angrily questions his wife (mary tyler moore) years after the sudden and tragic death of their son why she was so focused on what he should wear to his funeral!!
     
  6. Nom de plume

    Nom de plume New Member

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    I'm with you pageantmom. Who actually thinks about those trivial matters when it concerns the murder of their child? Shallow, selfish, narcissistic people IMO.

    It goes right back to the "trunk shows" she had before the funeral. Really? In that vast wardrobe of hers she (or PP) couldn't find one suitable black dress to wear? I actually feel sorry for Patsy (only concerning this one thing) that she was so wrapped up in herself, so selfish, that even concerning the death of her daughter, it was all about how she looked.

    I have no doubt that the morning of the 26th, even with her dead daughter in the house, she couldn't be seen by anyone without freshly done make up and hair. Why just imagine! All those people, friends, LE, etc. seeing her in yesterday's make up! Oh the horror! What a pathetic woman...
     
  7. time

    time New Member

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    Just a note, but this appears on the main page without any context of what a press conference would be for so the results are probably off as you can vote right there.... then you come here and find out it's about a dead child.
     
  8. pageantmom

    pageantmom New Member

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    What do you mean..I thought the poll just appears right above the first post in the thread?
     
  9. pageantmom

    pageantmom New Member

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    I'll see if I can edit the question and votes.Does anyone want their vote taken off? Edited: ok I don't know how to change the poll ..
     
  10. LadyL

    LadyL Well-Known Member

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    well, my child wasn't murdered but when she died, I can tell you that I went shopping before the funeral for a dress/jewelry for her and also clothing for me

    I cared what I looked like because it was respectful to her IMO

    this is something I don't judge Patsy on (although I still detest pretty much everything else about her)
     
  11. bettybaby00

    bettybaby00 New Member

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    *hugs* for you
    Yea, pretty much this!
     
  12. ScarlettScarpetta

    ScarlettScarpetta When the going gets tough, drink coffee

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    No one knows what they would do. Who can even ponder it. I have seen women whose husbands died who laid in bed for weeks and some who called that day to get their hair done.

    I don't know what I would do. I can think that some people may see it as something to focus on so that they did not have to think about what they had to do.

    Some people start focusing on the little things they can control and not the big one they can not.
    Some people starve themselves in trauma and some eat themselves into obesity.

    I think if you are used to caring about your appearance it is a reflex to fix up.

    I love this place, I do. I love the work that goes into the cases but this to me?
    I don't know..

    MY son was missing one night in february and I thought I would lose my mind. I still don't remember all of what happened.

    But I would hope if I had to go on tv and talk about it, No matter what I did, People would listen to what I was saying and not what I looked like.
     
  13. danzn16

    danzn16 For the missing

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    I really don't think anyone would ever know what they would do until they live it.
     
  14. pageantmom

    pageantmom New Member

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    I just think it's suspicious. Again, not evidence. But suspicious. I don't think there is much hard evidence against the R's, but a lot of things they do make them look suspicious. This is one of them.
     
  15. ScarlettScarpetta

    ScarlettScarpetta When the going gets tough, drink coffee

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    However suspicious to one is not suspicious to another.. Suspicion really comes from what you think not what someone else does.

    For me nothing is suspicious to me. If there is no evidence, no true fact there, Then it means nothing to me.
     
  16. pageantmom

    pageantmom New Member

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    That's a good point, that we think things are suspicious based on our own ideas, our own personalities, our own histories, etc.
     
  17. Ausgirl

    Ausgirl Enough Is Enough!

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    When a person is seen as guilty it doesn't matter what they do -- everything's reason for further suspicion.

    If my daughter was murdered, it kill me twice over to be thought of as responsible for her death. I cannot imagine how much that would add salt to the wound....

    And as I happen to think it not very likely that Patsy Ramsey would a/ harm JonBenet, and b/consent to her small, beloved daughter's body being left in the cellar and violated in such a horrible manner, I also tend to wonder -- well, what if she IS completely innocent?

    How much more pain did all the nitpicking and accusing add to that woman's grief?
     
  18. madeleine

    madeleine New Member

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    Out of respect for my child I wouldn't wanna look like a clown so I guess I wouldn't grab just anything that comes to hand....but I would choose something decent....and simple...
     
  19. 2 percent

    2 percent New Member

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    There is no greater pain to a parent than the death of their child. It's always awful to lose them to murder or accident but to watch them slowly fade away from things like cancer or other diseases is torture. I haven't gone through it myself but I watched a family member watch his daughter die from leukemia. It quite literally destroyed his soul. After her death he was a little obsessed with how she would look. She showed obvious signs of her illness and he wanted her to look like she used to, the way most people remembered her. He, too, shopped for her before her burial.
    My sincerest condolences :grouphug:

    After having said that, though, I would like to say that the circumstances are different. The shock of murder usually renders the parent almost catatonic and very uncaring of anything but the pain and shock. One of my students was abducted, raped and murdered by a neighbor. Of course we didn't know anything but that she was abducted for three days. The school was not in a good part of town and most of the parents were either on assistance, lived hand to mouth or were into drugs. I would put my student's mother in the last category and painful as it is to say she was a careless parent at best. But she was just like most of the other parents of abducted children (when they're not involved, that is)...in such a state of shock she could barely function. I can say that what she was wearing, the state of her makeup, was the very last thing on her mind every time she was on camera before we knew my student's fate. And after, she was never the same. I had her other child in my class two years later and she still walked around looking shocked.
     
  20. ScarlettScarpetta

    ScarlettScarpetta When the going gets tough, drink coffee

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    I just don't think you can put all parents of murdered children into one category. I have seen parents when a child dies. Sometimes they mourn and rage, sometimes they become catatonic and sometimes even though they are sad they turn to faith and seem strong. Some just shut down and start focusing on crazy things not to think about it.

    I think that the death of a child is unique no matter how many times it happens across the globe but until it happens to you, You have no possible idea how you would react.
     
  21. carbuff

    carbuff Well-Known Member

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    I'm not a person who usually dresses up or wears makeup or anything, but I think I would probably put a lot of care and effort into my appearance for press conference, funeral, etc.

    Partly it would be because I know from previous losses that the focus on trivia helps me get through the day. Partly because for a formal public event like that, it wouldn't be respectful to my loved one or to the surviving family members to show up looking like a slob.
     

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