When I watched some of the family interviews, I reacted like many, if not most on here did. It is hard to not be judgemental when the life an innocent baby is involved. I also think it is human nature to look at the sum of the somewhat inappropriate appearing demeanor and chaotic environment of family members to say "of course" this was a case of familial neglect, or even suspect some kind of passive or direct family involvement.
I live in a suburb with good schools, a better than average standard of living and all of the amenities that go with that. I sometimes feel under-dressed when I go to the grocery store if I am wearing old shoes or no makeup. Nice cars and landscaped lawns are the norm in my little bubble.
However, we have a small community just a mile away. But in other ways, it is a world away. One of my sarcastic friends said it was must be where all the cast members for the "people of walmart" website move.
I am not going to lie. It is rough. A trip to the store there guarantees sightings of butt cracks, toothless grannies, dirty faced babies, cussing mommies, unsupervised kids running around, people having public arguments, beer bellies in tight wife beater t-shirts..well, you get the picture. It isn't pretty. And it isn't all about poverty. I have been poor and I never lived like that.
This is the lifestyle most of these people were born and raised in. They are raising their children and grandchildren in this setting. I have a friend that is a teacher in this community and she has her hands full because many of these parents do not have the slightest notion of how to parent their children in a positive way and education is not highly prized. That combined with the continual rotation of significant others between the caregivers, trouble with the law with different family members, and a higher than average rate of alcohol and drug use in the households is just part of what is normal in the homes of most of her students. It isn't shocking to them because this is the 'normal' for them, and their neighbors, and their relatives. It was also 'normal' for their parents and in most cases, their grandparents. Most never leave the community and the rate of unemployment and government assistance is high. I imagine their social media pages are also full of all kinds of drama.
I know most of you can identify with communities like this as well. Sometimes I think it amazing that there are not more tragic events where the children in these environments are concerned. But the truth is, most of them are resilient. It may seem like neglect and even abuse when compared with the childhood my (or yours) children had.
But I think we need to take a few steps back when taking the leap that these circumstantial and even at times, superficial, appearances imply that there is more than one real deviant, unspeakable evil person in this sad, heartbreaking tragedy in Spencer.
How these people lived and conducted themselves may not have been in the best or even healthiest manner. It may not have been the optimal nor even in the best interest of this precious baby. But I do not think it is anywhere all that different than how many, many people in this country live everyday...people who manage to raise their children and grandchildren to a ripe old age.
I just think I need to step back from being overly judgemental regarding the initial perceptions I had when viewing the odd interviews and from there making assumptions that may be very unfair and presumptuous on my part. They have lost their baby and no matter how inarticulate or unprepared and unsophisticated they may appear when dealing with the media, I am sure the full extent of their grief has not even begun to sink in.
I will add that I have recently experienced the deepest of grief myself and know firsthand that the first few weeks I was still in shock and not fully able to process what had happened. I went through the motions of life with a numbness that may have looked like a lack of emotion to a casual observer. Even now, after 6 months, I still save my outward expressions of pain for my most private moments away from anyone's eyes. I hope no one judges me for that.
