Thanks to Ines on the Proboards79 site: http://helpmadeleine.proboards79.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=1500&page=6 #86, 87 & 89 Section I The entry for the fateful day Madeleine McCann vanishedMay 3, 2007makes chilling reading in her mothers diary, because it started out so NORMAL. Mum-of-three Kate, 40, records that it began much like any other since the family arrived at the Mark Warner Ocean Club in Praia da Luz on Portugals Algarve coastone long, happy round of swimming, tennis, kids club, games and fun. But knowing what is about to befall them turns Kates simple account of the childrens evening bedtime routine into a tense drama... THURSDAY, MAY 3: Milk and biscuits for the kids. I left them with this and books and games and went to have a quick shower/wash my hair. M (Madeleine) tiredsitting on my lapI read the story of Mog (favourite childrens book). Brush teeth. To the bedroom with the kids. M pulls away and puts her head on pillow. Kisses goodnight for M. Pulled the door to as far as possible without shutting it. Silence. Dry hair. Put make-up on. Glass of wine. Restaurant. (During dinner nearby with friends dubbed the Tapas 7the group took turns to check the children. At 10pm Kate discovers Madeleine gone. The McCanns and helpers frantically scour the area until 4am.) FRIDAY, MAY 4: No sleep, Gerry and I started looking through the streets around 06.00 as it was starting to get light. Nobody around. Why not? Desperate. Minutes seem like hours. Outside of the apartments masses of people asking questions about that night and for descriptions of Madeleine. Long day. (Then Kate, Gerrry and their seven friends were taken to the Policia Judiciaria, or PJ, headquarters in nearby Portimao to give statements.) Nobody from the police introduced themselves. Nobody offered us a drink or food. All the police dressed informally and smoking. No sympathy was shown and far from inspiring. I believe my statement would have been around 15.00 and such. They allowed G (Gerry) to come in with me but seated behind me. Translator present. The police officer who took us by car to the station was the one asking the questions and afterwards typed the answers on a typewriter. Morose. We left the police station around 7.30pm to 8pm. After 15 minutes we received a call from the PJ saying we had to go back but they didnt tell us why. We turned around and flew back at around 200 kilometres an hour. Once again frightening. Did they find her? Please God. Is she dead? Prayers. We arrivedthey showed us a photo of a girl theyd forgotten to show us from the close circuit TV footage. Not M. Devastating. SATURDAY, MAY 12: (Madeleines birthday) Madeleine is four years old. Day at resort with holiday group. Special Mass for Madeleine at 18.00 in Praia da Luz. MONDAY, MAY 14: I slept well last night after a not very good end of the day, frustration with the FLO (Portuguese police family liaison officer) asking me where would my little M be. I got up at 06.50. I dealt with some trifles and got myself ready for the statement to the press at 08.00. I tried to put on a slightly more presentable and healthy air. Gerry again gave a great performance. Following on we answered about four questions. I almost responded to the first one asking how we were, but I didnt. I did answer a question on our possible return home. I replied that obviously I didnt even think about that. Anyway, it seemed to have gone well. After breakfast and our having left S and A, (twins Sean and Amelie, then aged two) we went to church to pray in silence. Very good, calming. After getting back I decided to go runningfor the first time since THE day (already 11 days ago). I knew that it was going to be physically difficult, but I also knew that I wasnt going to give up, because it was for Madeleine and also because the level of pain is far higher now. No cameras or journalists, which was great. I went running towards the beach and then along it and again climbed that hill so steep without stopping! (I carried a photo of M in my hand to keep me going.) On the last hill past the tennis courts my legs completely weak, but I managed to keep myself walking. I managed to reach the apartment then time to stopto thinkI felt really quite calm. WEDNESDAY, MAY 23: Gordon Brown (then Chancellor and PM in waiting) called and spoke with Gerry -very kind and giving encouragement. Feeling a bit emotional afterwards. SATURDAY, MAY 26: We went to an amusement park with the kids. Some phone calls, emails etc. Not a very good day for either the two of ussome dark thoughts/ frustrations/ desperation creeping in. Some tears. (Then in a moving little message to Madeleine) I love you so much XXX SUNDAY, MAY 27: Clarence (Clarence Mitchell, Foreign Office family liaison at the time) spoke to us about a possible trip to the Vatican. It seems that it really is going to happenmain story on the news! Spoke to Dad. I went for a walk to the beach with Sean and Amelie. Frozen. Beachslippery, wet feet. We all had dinner when we got back to the apartment. We have to keep looking. We have to find you beloved xxxxx. (Kate signed off the days entry by drawing a heart with I LOVE MADELEINE inside.) WEDNESDAY, MAY 30: (After trip to see Pope detailed above) The kids went to bed again around 9pm!!! Low point of tonightbecoming desperate/without hope because of the lack of information. They are acting like they have no leads at all. Very worried. Tomorrow it will be 4 weeks since Madeleine was taken. Four weeks since we saw our special little girl. We are not certain that we will ever see her again, but know that we have to keep up our hope and strengthfor the others, at least. Exhausted. I love you so much, Madeleine. You must come back! X FRIDAY, JUNE 1: Quite fed up...I cant stop thinking about Madeleine, about her fear of pain. How can I go on knowing that her life could have ended like this? This week I have been quite overtaken by black thoughts. Please, God, bring her back. Bedtime is becoming more and more of a challenge. SATURDAY, JUNE 2: I cant remember today (which is now yesterday!). The morning was spent doing paperwork. I wrote a letter to JK Rowling, asking for her help in keeping M in the public eye. She has a new Harry Potter book which will come out in July. I asked if it would be possible to do something like a bookmark with M on. An enjoyable afternoonI never felt so relaxed. I felt it was wrong. S and A had fun and that was important. I also worried about what people might think, like How can they manage to...? It seems that Sean is liking the beach more these days. We had tea in a nearby restaurantgood, despite still thinking that I had to do normal things without feeling guilty. We left around 7.30pm and the kids were completely exhausted. Fed up again poor M. Once again it took a long time before S and A were sorted. Finally went to church for 10 minutes. Private worship (despairing!). Cried again in bedI cant avoid it. I need her close to me. Thinking about her fear of pain breaks my heart. Thinking about paedophiles makes me want to tear at my own skin. Of course these people, like psychopaths, arent normal human beings.I was never in favour of the death penalty, but these people should be kept in a secure place. I wouldnt even complain if it was in nice surroundings, but, certainly in the case of paedophiles always distanced from any type of contact with children. Whose human rights are more important? Those of a paedophile or of a vulnerable, defenceless child? TUESDAY, JUNE 5: Woke up relatively late again, around 7.30am, with a good morning wake-up call from S and A. Adorable!! I just wish it had been all three of them that came into the room. After a shower and breakfast, I took S and A to the Kids Club. I asked if they could make birthday cards for their Grandma and Gerrytoday is his birthday but I had forgotten which is not surprising! THURSDAY, JUNE 7: The Press conference went well. People are always asking how we are managing to cope, how we can manage to run a campaign, as if we are strange because we are able to appear calm and controlled and arent going under all the time. They know so little. Nobody should judge or criticise because, unless they have already been in this situation, they have NO IDEA how they would be and certainly NO IDEA how painful it is. NO IDEA AT ALL. I love you so much Madeleine xxxx I cant bear this. I cant bear being without Madeleine. Its like torturea slow, painful death. I hope her suffering, if she is suffering, is much less. Please God. SUNDAY, JUNE 17: Cherie Blair (then the Premiers wife) phoned to find out how we were. We talked about everything in general, including about them leaving Number 10. She agreed as well to make a 20-second video clip for our broadcast on YouTube about Madeleine and children who have disappeared. I also had the chance to speak to Tony (then Prime Minister) who told me that we werent to hesitate to ask him if there was something he could do to help. On Sky News tonight they suddenly said the Portuguese police had stated that the crime scene had been contaminatedbecause of usand that fundamental evidence had been lost. How dare they insinuate that our daughters life could be put in danger because of us. Very angry. Very upset. I want to speak to someone now, but its too late. I changed my mind and I sent a text message to Ricardo (Portuguese police family liaison officer). I dont know if was a sensible idea but I feel really annoyed. My darling little Madeleine, you know that we wouldnt do anything to put you in danger. I love you very much and I am in agony right now. I only have to hope that God helps us all now and that he brings you back to us, safe and sound, very soon. I need you to come back Madeleine. You are the best thing in my life that has ever happened to me. XXXXX I ended up feeling very upset. Everything overflowed. Terrified that we might not get Madeleine back. I simply cannot face that. Tears, despair, rage, helplessness. I spoke to Gerry, recited prayers. Please God, bring her back XX I fell asleep after 1am. MONDAY, JUNE 18: I spent a few lovely hours with Sean and Amelie building a sandcastle with a moat, getting big hugs from Sean, ice creams. Shower, lovely meal and a little playtime with the kids. (But as night closes in Kates anguish returns.) I cant stand living like this. Its so painful and distressing. Dear Lord, PLEASE answer our prayers. PLEASE send Madeleine back to us. PLEASE. I love you so, so much Madeleine, more than anything XXXXX. TUESDAY, JUNE 19: Last night I didnt manage to get to sleep until around 1am because I was so upset again. Its so painful to be without Madeleine and I cant stand to think that it could be like this forever. This simply cannot happen. Good night, good night Madeleine,Im longing to read you a bedtime story again. I love you my little darling X. Im longing to read you a bedtime story again. I love you my little darling X. WEDNESDAY, JUNE 20: There is still no sign of Madeleine. I didnt feel like it so I decided not to go running. Went to pick up Gerry from the airport. It was so good to see him. Just before we reached the apartment we saw a man lying in the middle of the street, so we stopped the car and got out. It was no surprise to see that he was drunk (weve all been there!) but he recognised Gerry and me immediately. Gerry walked him round to his apartment. THURSDAY, JUNE 21: I went to the church around 9.20pm to pray a bit by myself, in peace. I got a bit annoyed, I dont understand why God doesnt answer my prayers. I think I need a sign of some sort. I miss her so much. It is so painful and I dont feel my life is complete and I wont ever feel it is complete, if she doesnt come home. Gerry came down later on to be with me. Apart from a glass of wine, chocolate and this diary, theres nothing much else to tell. I LOVE YOU MADELEINE. GOOD NIGHT GOOD NIGHT X X X. FRIDAY, JUNE 22: I miss Madeleine loads and thats a real understatement. Sometimes I think I must have done something so bad. (Then Kate recalls the IVF treatment she needed to get pregnant) It was so difficult and painful trying to have Madeleine and now this!!! Why??? Bad luck??? A sick joke??? And then I think I dont want to think about meIm an adult, but Madeleine, dear, sweet, vulnerable, beautiful Madeleine... and I just feel like screaming. WHY? Dear Lord, I continue to ask, continue to hope, continue to try to have faith in You. Please help us. Put an end to this nightmare. Please help Madeleine. PLEASE LORD.