KatieCoolady Holds 'Court' - The Dedicated KCL Thread

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marlap

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KCL punkin, I just read your blog about Laura. I'm so sorry you lost your friend!

Your poem Flawless is really beautiful...
 

susan1122

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Kathy your blogs really touch me. I totally understand your Abuse post. While I have thankfully never been physically abused by anyone, now that I have been estranged from my mother for a long time, I can say with certainty that there was definitely some emotional/psychological abuse that went on.

Without getting into too many details, I have attempted several times to reconcile with her. I now realize I do not miss her. I miss the idea of her, and who she used to be. The last time we spoke was the straw that broke the camels back. She has never shouldered any blame for what happened in our childhood but we were tensely trying to make small talk and got into a small argument where she threw out he completely unrelated "Yeah? Well your precious dad isn't so innocent. He cheated on me you know!"

That was it, I was done. Nothing we were talking about had any relation to my dad, and even after humiliating him before and through their divorce, she still continues to point the finger at him and drags his name though the mud. While I can't say whether the incident she refers to did or did not happen, it's coincidental that I've never heard about it before and she was saving it for a convenient time. :rolls eyes:

I also had issues with her and letters. She would write these sappy letters begging me to take her back and have a relationship with her... And in the next sentence blame me for everything. I never understood it. I used to read them and be hopeful and then just break down and cry, I finally just stopped opening them, just like you did with Marjorie's diatribes.

Anyways there is no rhyme or reason to this post, but your blog entry really hit home for me.

I hope everything is well in Sedona and that Alphonse is enjoying his mountain view.

That is so hard, Coeur. I am so sorry. I do understand to a degree. My husband doesn't have a relationship with his mom. It is the same thing....he misses the idea of her. Every time he is tempted to get in touch he realizes he'll never get what he needs. It is sad. My mother apologized to me for not being a good enough mom. I feel very fortunate that she is able to recognize it, admit it and apologize. This all just happened a couple weeks ago. I am processing still.....but I know it is a beautiful thing. Btw, when I was younger she told me all about my dad cheating. There are some things that maybe shouldn't be dumped on us.

Susan
 

susan1122

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Coeurfragile,
I have a Father who is a master at the quiet removal of affection.
All my life I have waited to be remembered.
He has no idea who I really am.
I may have not been what he deems a success.
But, I'm content with myself, and at the same time feel unworthy of affection.
We humans are just all messed up.
My mommie is my best friend.
She has been through so much sorrow, and abuse, that started at age 3.
She cried as we walked down Main Street, Disneyland. She'd never been on a vacation.
I am her protector. I'm rambling..I guess what I'm saying is: I love you.
..and I think my hormones are wonky today!! Pre-menopause!
Like you said, we realise now, we need to let it go, and take care of ourselves.
my keyboard is soggy.

It sure can be hard being human.
 

katiecoolady

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Kathy your blogs really touch me. I totally understand your Abuse post. While I have thankfully never been physically abused by anyone, now that I have been estranged from my mother for a long time, I can say with certainty that there was definitely some emotional/psychological abuse that went on.

Without getting into too many details, I have attempted several times to reconcile with her. I now realize I do not miss her. I miss the idea of her, and who she used to be. The last time we spoke was the straw that broke the camels back. She has never shouldered any blame for what happened in our childhood but we were tensely trying to make small talk and got into a small argument where she threw out he completely unrelated "Yeah? Well your precious dad isn't so innocent. He cheated on me you know!"

That was it, I was done. Nothing we were talking about had any relation to my dad, and even after humiliating him before and through their divorce, she still continues to point the finger at him and drags his name though the mud. While I can't say whether the incident she refers to did or did not happen, it's coincidental that I've never heard about it before and she was saving it for a convenient time. :rolls eyes:

I also had issues with her and letters. She would write these sappy letters begging me to take her back and have a relationship with her... And in the next sentence blame me for everything. I never understood it. I used to read them and be hopeful and then just break down and cry, I finally just stopped opening them, just like you did with Marjorie's diatribes.

Anyways there is no rhyme or reason to this post, but your blog entry really hit home for me.

I hope everything is well in Sedona and that Alphonse is enjoying his mountain view.

Oh boy couer, that just sounds really difficult, being your own mother and all. I don't have any words other than hoping you feel less alone in your pain/predicament. I will write soon about the final severance of that relationship (before she died) so maybe that will resonate for you as well.

Her sisters and all her nieces and nephews are alive and follow me on Facebook..never have had any problems with them at all BUT they also didn't know of any of this. I'm also sure none of them knew she cut my brother and I out of her Will. So many secrets.

Well one of them contacted me this week telling me she'd been reading my blog and felt so bad for all we "endured" with her Aunt and hoping we could still be friends as she had so many fond memories of us all growing up together. That made my day!

Just to hear from another person who validated my experience and believed me and didn't reject me over it...that kind of emotional terrorism can really have long term effects.

My heart goes out to you as well.........maybe you should write about it..it's very cathartic!
 

katiecoolady

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Coeurfragile,
I have a Father who is a master at the quiet removal of affection.
All my life I have waited to be remembered.
He has no idea who I really am.
I may have not been what he deems a success.
But, I'm content with myself, and at the same time feel unworthy of affection.
We humans are just all messed up.
My mommie is my best friend.
She has been through so much sorrow, and abuse, that started at age 3.
She cried as we walked down Main Street, Disneyland. She'd never been on a vacation.
I am her protector. I'm rambling..I guess what I'm saying is: I love you.
..and I think my hormones are wonky today!! Pre-menopause!
Like you said, we realise now, we need to let it go, and take care of ourselves.
my keyboard is soggy.

I heart you too my Peeps.
 

Spellbound

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KCL, would you prefer our comments on your blog go here or on the blog site?

Your latest blog post really touched me in deeply personal way. Thank you.
 

Spellbound

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Kathy your blogs really touch me. I totally understand your Abuse post. While I have thankfully never been physically abused by anyone, now that I have been estranged from my mother for a long time, I can say with certainty that there was definitely some emotional/psychological abuse that went on.

Without getting into too many details, I have attempted several times to reconcile with her. I now realize I do not miss her. I miss the idea of her, and who she used to be. The last time we spoke was the straw that broke the camels back. She has never shouldered any blame for what happened in our childhood but we were tensely trying to make small talk and got into a small argument where she threw out he completely unrelated "Yeah? Well your precious dad isn't so innocent. He cheated on me you know!"

That was it, I was done. Nothing we were talking about had any relation to my dad, and even after humiliating him before and through their divorce, she still continues to point the finger at him and drags his name though the mud. While I can't say whether the incident she refers to did or did not happen, it's coincidental that I've never heard about it before and she was saving it for a convenient time. :rolls eyes:

I also had issues with her and letters. She would write these sappy letters begging me to take her back and have a relationship with her... And in the next sentence blame me for everything. I never understood it. I used to read them and be hopeful and then just break down and cry, I finally just stopped opening them, just like you did with Marjorie's diatribes.

Anyways there is no rhyme or reason to this post, but your blog entry really hit home for me.

I hope everything is well in Sedona and that Alphonse is enjoying his mountain view.

Sweet coeurfragile, thank you for sharing this. Unfortunately, it is quite similar to my own relationship with my mother. I didn't realize until I was nearly 60 that I could not make her love me. Letting go was hard, but I feel much less anxiety now that our contacts are very limited.

(((coeurfragile))))
 

Spellbound

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Breaking News! I have been found by a bonafide Fairy Godmother! :seeya: she found me!!

:woohoo::cloud9:
Super dooper fantastically wonderful news! I am sooo happy for you!

And thank you for answering my question!
 

DEPUTYDAWG

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I just caught up and started reading your blog.

Gosh darn it girl, you have such a GIFT in writing. You really do!

Hugs,

DD (I've been DD here for so long, but after the Arias trial and having to read "DD" aka Dr Drew typed here, I confuse myself, haha!)
 
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