Kyron Horman's stepmother is a profile in contradictions....

[Jade2010]

Did Desiree's other son not live with her?

... J stayed with the Tarvers in Roseburg and Kyron and Q went with Desiree to Medford...

 

[gardeness]

I didn't see anything in this article that would lead me to jump off the fence one way or the other, in terms of TH's alleged involvement in Kyron's disappearance.

Lots of info on family history, definitely some weird behavior on TH's part with the bookshelves of the roommate, but nothing that would necessarily lead me to conclude that TH is a kidnapper or murderer of children. Bad roommate? Maybe. Kidnapper or murderer? IDK.

MOO

Right!

The story about the bookshelves is strange in its own way, too--when I hear one of these stories, it just makes me feel like I haven't heard the entire scenario, lol--because it doesn't make sense. I can only imagine my former college roommates remembering/revealing something negative about me--especially since I was pretty oblivious back then--I probably wouldn't even know what they were talking about! (hmmmmm...a phone bill "debate" w/one roommate [remember $500 long distance phone bills?!]~that's the worst I can remember, but there must have been even worse disagreements because I remember how happy I was when I got my own apartment, lol!)

 

[Calliope]

I wonder if they kept up with the sign language..

Interesting catch. My daughter did the same with my grandson; he still signs at times for fun (he's only 4 though).

 

[human]

No, not at all.

Coming from a teacher's perspective, I would have appreciated a parent like Terri asking about her son's behavior every day. IMO, there must have been a discipline problem. The only way to change that behavior is constant monitoring and consequences--and consequences do not equal abuse.

As a teacher, I disagree . Yes, monitor the behavior and be in cooperation with the school.

However, I had children on behavior plans that worked on "catching them being good". Within a couple of weeks, I can get children to change by positive reinforcement. And I would send home a daily report where the parent would reward the child at home if they had a good day, which always occurred within a 2 week period.

The rewards at home were having the parent read a special book to a child, make cookies, play a game or any non monetary reward. Shaming a child does not work in the long term.

I cannot tell you how upsetting Terri's behavior towards Kyron is to me.

I don't know how to say this , so I will have to come off sounding as a know it all. But this topic is of such importance to me.

We had a special grant program because of No Child Left Behind and I had an evaluator sit in my classroom and write down everything I said and did for an entire 8 hour day.

I work in a very low income school. He talked to me for a long time after the day and he could not believe how well the children behaved and how well they got along with each other and how respectful the children were.

I treat the children how I would want to be treated as a human being. I think I will just stop here.

 

[Jade2010]

Weird how Desiree described Kaine's style as strict and structured, implying that Terri's wasn't (when they were interviewed by the Oregonian and talking about Kaine and Terri's son). And Terri's son calls him strict, too. But this article makes sound as if Terri is the one being overly-strict. I'd be interested in knowing if her requesting info from the teacher every day is true, and if it was because of what Kaine had said about working with Kyron to get him to mind in school.

Unfortunately, it seems as if this article created more questions than answers. For me, anyway.

I caught that too Calliope. So Kaine is good strict but Terri is bad strict.

Oh except she seems to get glowing reviews as to how she is with children.

 

[sorrell skye]

Right!

The story about the bookshelves is strange in its own way, too--when I hear one of these stories, it just makes me feel like I haven't heard the entire scenario, lol--because it doesn't make sense. I can only imagine my former college roommates remembering/revealing something negative about me--especially since I was pretty oblivious back then--I probably wouldn't even know what they were talking about! (hmmmmm...a phone bill "debate" w/one roommate [remember $500 long distance phone bills?!]~that's the worst I can remember, but there must have been even worse disagreements because I remember how happy I was when I got my own apartment, lol!)

Yeah - roommates - who needs 'em, right? Ugh. Glad those days are long gone & behind me.

 

[Calliope]

I take some of that with a grain of salt, because it comes from Kaine - but her wanting a daily report from the teacher makes me wonder - according to that email she sent, there was a possibility of Kyron having some sort of seizures - could TH have been asking for the daily update because she was suspicious that there was a medical problem?

Could be ...

My first reaction to this is why then punish him if it's something he can't help but what if she was trying to determine if he COULD help it. IOW, if it stopped because he knew he'd get in trouble at home, then she could rule out it being d/t an organic cause.

I've not had any experience with a child with ADD. Are they able to control their behavior to avoid punishment?

 

[STEADFAST]

I will say this about the article, It shows that Terri is incapable of commitment, to anything, its like she gives a 150 percent for awhile then just throws her hands up and walks away, you can see her lack of commitment in her inability to hold a husband, a business, a job, she gave up on body building and evetually her kids, starting with J, she was frustrated with the baby and now Kyron is gone, if this article did anything at all it was to confirm to me that she is capable of at least getting rid of Kyron, maybe she sold him or adopted him out in an underground network, With her personality I could see her doing that, maybe not physically harming him, but getting rid of him just like she has everything else in her life. Maybe this is why LE and Kaine and Desiree feel he is still alive.

What a good point! That insight just flew right over my head. She does discard things in her life right and left.

 

[DairyGirl]

ITA. It sounds like she had access to as much money as she wanted. And she spent it without consulting with him.

That's what you do in a marriage-consult about money. I work and my hubby works. He works out of town so I sign his name on his paychecks and deposit them in our account. He says that he doesn't think that he could sign his paycheck because they wouldn't accept his signature.

I spend what I want and he spends what he wants. But that's for daily things. Anything that is a purchase that is more money like even a hundred dollar item we discuss.

I feel that's what you do in a marriage so that everyone's needs are met without making your family go bankrupt. It's prudent.

It sounds like Terri has gone through a lot of money in her life and doesn't mind getting it from others.

I bet her former in-laws are upset that they paid for her very expensive education and then she stuck her ex with a hefty child support payment. That is just plain nasty. I would be enraged and feel totally used because MY child is being cheated (their son Richard)

Ugly ugly ugly

I couldn't agree with you more. Her poor ex husband, RE, got screwed big time. To this day paying child support for a child that isn't his, he doesn't see, and lives with his bio father. And he paid for her college, too. I don't blame the in laws for not liking her, either. And she sure doesn't seem to mind taking, does she. Sued the business for $250,000.00. Where did that money go? I think she does spend freely, earns very little and doesn't care about others feelings.

 

[gardeness]

I love that attitude. I got told off by one of my children's teachers because I wanted daily updates just for a couple of weeks or so when there was a behavioral problem, she said she has so many other children in her class that it was asking too much to put a daily cross in a column. Guess she'd rather deal with the behavioral problems than try to let the parents help deal with them...

Now he's got a new teacher and they have a daily feedback system like that and it works wonders.

Wow, I can't imagine not wanting the parents' help and reinforcement--seems like that would make the job harder on oneself...

I hope your son has a better year with his new teacher!

 

[Donjeta]

Right!

The story about the bookshelves is strange in its own way, too--when I hear one of these stories, it just makes me feel like I haven't heard the entire scenario, lol--because it doesn't make sense. I can only imagine my former college roommates remembering/revealing something negative about me--especially since I was pretty oblivious back then--I probably wouldn't even know what they were talking about! (hmmmmm...a phone bill "debate" w/one roommate [remember $500 long distance phone bills?!]~that's the worst I can remember, but there must have been even worse disagreements because I remember how happy I was when I got my own apartment, lol!)

The bookshelf thing looks slightly different if she just moved it out of the way for a few hours while she rearranged things to fit her stuff meaning to take it in shortly and the weather suddenly changed without her noticing, or if she truly thought that it was her right to move her roommate's books and furniture into permanent outdoor storage, without even asking.

I don't know how anyone can manage to move a bookshelf still stacked with books. Is that what bodybuilding is good for?

I used to have two phantom room mates. One listened on her door and only came out to the kitchen and to use the bathroom if she was sure I was in my own room. The second one nominally lived there but wasn't usually seen there at all except she came in occasionally when I wasn't there to throw her bills unopened in the garbage bin.

 

[Breathe]

I take some of that with a grain of salt, because it comes from Kaine - but her wanting a daily report from the teacher makes me wonder - according to that email she sent, there was a possibility of Kyron having some sort of seizures - could TH have been asking for the daily update because she was suspicious that there was a medical problem?

That's a good point, she could have been. But if they were worried about the seizures being part of his inattentiveness, would they still have grounded him to his room? He can't control that part of his brain. (I know you can't answer that. I'm just wondering how they think.)

He said when Kyron brought home anything but a green card she wanted Kaine to discipline him by grounding him to his room for the evening, eliminating play time or not letting him watch movies.

"There was no room for error," Kaine said.

The couple frequently argued about disciplining Kyron, he said.

http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/08/terri_horman.html

 

[Calliope]

what? really? You find it surprising that the person who busts their butt at a job daily should question and have an issue with the way their sah spouse is spending money like water w/o consulting with them????

I have always been the primary breadwinner in my family and if my hard earned income was being p*ssed away without my knowledge or approval you're damn straight I'd have a problem with that.

If my husband expect me to get his approval before spending "his" money, then damn straight we'd have a major problem on our hands lol.

Perhaps she should charge him the going rate for housekeeper, laundry service, cook, daycare, shopper, chauffeur, etc.

Especially the "etc."

And then send him a bill with accumulated interest for services rendered over the last 7+ years. Minus her half of the food, rent and utilities, of course.

Then maybe he'd keep his mouth shut about "his" money.

 

[Donjeta]

Wow, I can't imagine not wanting the parents' help and reinforcement--seems like that would make the job harder on oneself...

I hope your son has a better year with his new teacher!

Yes, it's looking good so far. They get a cool stamp for every lesson that goes well and if there are enough stamps at the end of the day they get a sticker and at the end of the week they bring the paper home and he's very proud of every sticker he's got There is no punishment involved, just the reward of knowing you've done good.

 

[Donjeta]

Could be ...

My first reaction to this is why then punish him if it's something he can't help but what if she was trying to determine if he COULD help it. IOW, if it stopped because he knew he'd get in trouble at home, then she could rule out it being d/t an organic cause.

I've not had any experience with a child with ADD. Are they able to control their behavior to avoid punishment?

Maybe to some degree but it didn't help my son anyway. The first teacher I mentioned above was big on punishments but it just seemed to make things worse. Rewards for good behavior seem to work much better.

 

[wondering1]

Wow, I can't imagine not wanting the parents' help and reinforcement--seems like that would make the job harder on oneself...

I hope your son has a better year with his new teacher!

daily feedback on one child is one thing, but what if all 25-30 parents want daily feedback. Personally, with all of the ways that teachers are required to accommodate every little thing, teach to the tests, deal with helicopter parents, etc. etc. I can't see how they find time in the day to actually teach.

 

[gardeness]

As a teacher, I disagree . Yes, monitor the behavior and be in cooperation with the school.

However, I had children on behavior plans that worked on "catching them being good". Within a couple of weeks, I can get children to change by positive reinforcement. And I would send home a daily report where the parent would reward the child at home if they had a good day, which always occurred within a 2 week period.

The rewards at home were having the parent read a special book to a child, make cookies, play a game or any non monetary reward. Shaming a child does not work in the long term.

I cannot tell you how upsetting Terri's behavior towards Kyron is to me.

I don't know how to say this , so I will have to come off sounding as a know it all. But this topic is of such importance to me.

We had a special grant program because of No Child Left Behind and I had an evaluator sit in my classroom and write down everything I said and did for an entire 8 hour day.

I work in a very low income school. He talked to me for a long time after the day and he could not believe how well the children behaved and how well they got along with each other and how respectful the children were.

I treat the children how I would want to be treated as a human being. I think I will just stop here.

bbm

I haven't seen anything about shaming a child, FWIW.

It's very interesting how different children respond to different techniques. Some children could care less about positive reinforcement (treats, stickers, etc.). Some children would hate to miss out on any "treat". A balance of positive reinforcement along with consequences is perfect, IMO. The children who respond to positive reinforcement will do what is needed to achieve their goal; the ones who could care less about positive reinforcement will do what is needed to avoid negative consequences (some of which are natural consequences). IMO, if you cover both bases, your students will all be achieving and there will be very little discipline necessary.

I'm sure that Terri, as a trained teacher, knew all of this. Kaine probably doesn't even realize the positive reinforcements that Terri probably offered Kyron, because he wouldn't have seen them as the *label* "positive reinforcement"... MOO

 

[Calliope]

Did Desiree's other son not live with her?

... J stayed with the Tarvers in Roseburg and Kyron and Q went with Desiree to Medford...

It came out not too long ago that she didn't fight to get custody back from neither Kaine nor her other child's father.

 

[DairyGirl]

This article also points out the disconnect between Terri and Kaine as far as her drug use (to lose weight) and that she was drinking behind his back. Didn't he think that was bad for the kids?

 

[Donjeta]

If my husband expect me to get his approval before spending "his" money, then damn straight we'd have a major problem on our hands lol.

Maybe it's about the amount of money involved...? If Kaine was able to give her a gift of a new Mustang it doesn't seem that they had to pinch pennies.

I wouldn't like it either if I had to account for my husband for every little thing I bought but IMO it goes without saying that both my husband and I talk about it with the other before buying anything bigger, no matter whose money is being used, since at the end of the day it's all money off the family living.