Melissa Huckaby and the Unthinkable Sex Object

Discussion in 'Sandra Cantu' started by Cherokee, Apr 20, 2009.

  1. Cherokee

    Cherokee Member

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    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/debora..._b_188921.html

    Melissa Huckaby and the Unthinkable Sex Object

    Deborah KingPosted April 20, 2009 | 12:19 PM (EST)

    As horrifying as the murder of an 8-year-old is, the truly unimaginable aspect of the Melissa Huckaby case, for most people, is her use of a foreign object to rape Sandra Cantu. How could a woman, a mom (!), do this to a little girl? How . . . why . . . with what kind of an object? It's unfathomable, hard to think about, dark, evil. The only "safe" conclusion is that the woman must be insane. In fact, along with other experts, I doubt if Huckaby is insane. And as I know both from personal experience and from working with many abused women, rape with a foreign object is not as unusual as one would like to think.
    More...
     
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  3. cinsbythesea

    cinsbythesea Active Member

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    What courage for her to have written this article. Thanks for posting it Cherokee- a great read and very informative. Hopefully she's right about the possible insanity plea not flying...
     
  4. goofeegyrl

    goofeegyrl New Member

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    Thank you for posting this, I just read it and was coming over here to post it myself. This is so well written and I hope everyone keeping up on this case reads the article.
     
  5. lngrid

    lngrid Inactive

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    Cherokee, you're such an inspiration. Thank you so much or posting and sharing. It's so comforting to find people like you, especially when we have to find out about the MH's of the world.
     
  6. nursebeeme

    nursebeeme Registered User

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  7. SeriouslySearching

    SeriouslySearching Active Member

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    Cherokee~ We aren't allowed to posts articles in their entirety. We normally only post the important part (paragraph or two) and the link so people can go to the site to read it.

    Thanks for posting the article. It is an interesting take on things even if I happen to disagree with some of it.
     
  8. Kat

    Kat Kind words do not cost much

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    Indeed nurse, it does offer more insight into the "unthinkable sex object". Thank you very much.

    About the OP:

    I have to admit that when I read the article posted in the OP, the phrase that struck me most were "Sexual molestation is not so much about sex as it's about power. Rape, with or without a foreign object, is an act that disempowers the victim..."

    The rest of the article in the OP while written with passion and from the reference point of being once a victim, is what I believe to be the writer's personal opinions.

    There are a great many posters here, that have not only been victims of crimes and victims of violent crimes but many have also experienced sexual molestation and I, personally, think it's insulting to suggest that they experienced where "somehow sexual titillation got linked" to the object or to the act of molestation. I call BS, from a very personal perspective.

    That leads me to Nursie's article that she posted:

    I have great difficulty reconciling the last known video of Sandra, spinning her arms, skipping in the sunshine -- with the descriptive words and phrases of what "genital trauma consistent with forcible penetration." really means to a 45 pound 8 yr old little girl. Along with the phrase above we read the words, "vaginal tearing or lacerations".

    No I'm sorry but my personal opinion is that after I think those thoughts through, no way---no how---do I have any room for sympathy in my heart for MH. Just my humble opinion.
     
  9. goofeegyrl

    goofeegyrl New Member

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    Yes, this was from a blogger on HuffPost, I read it there this morning.

    However, it is true that in *many* cases, "sexual titillation", as stated, can be linked to abuse in the past. For example, many people into S&M were abused as kids.

    I was a victim of sexual abuse as a child, but I'm not insulted by what she says. It has not been my experience, but I would bet $ that it is the experience of many. I have studied/ read a lot on this subject as well.

    Many here are angry about abuse being brought up in MH's history, whereas I think it's important to note, just so that OTHER people can be helped from the knowledge. Obviously, she's a lost cause.

    Someone here said in a post last week, I apologize if this is not word for word:

    Most people who were abused do not become abusers.
    Most abusers were abused.
     
  10. Kat

    Kat Kind words do not cost much

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    I appreciate your candor and opinion goofeegirl, as a victim myself also, I am insulted. But that is my own opinion.
     
  11. goofeegyrl

    goofeegyrl New Member

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    Thank you. One of the reasons that I responded to your post is that I knew from reading WS that I would be able to give my opinion and just let it be, and you would accept it as such and not attack me, as I was not attacking you.
    :blowkiss:
     
  12. oceanblueeyes

    oceanblueeyes Well-Known Member

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    I certainly respect your opinion, goofee, that you think when women do sexual acts against children it is because they were abused.

    However I don't believe that is true. I think women don't have to have abuse in their lives to become an sexual deviant that preys on small children.

    This is an except of one of the links in the "female pedophilia" thread.

    Sex Offenders or Pedophiles.
    "Approximately 15% to 25% of women and 5% to 15% of men were sexually abused when they were children.[11][12][13][14][15] Most sexual abuse offenders are acquainted with their victims; approximately 30% are relatives of the child, most often brothers, fathers, uncles or cousins; around 60% are other acquaintances such as friends of the family, babysitters, or neighbors; strangers are the offenders in approximately 10% of child sexual abuse cases. Most child sexual abuse is committed by men; women commit approximately 14% of offenses reported against boys and 6% of offenses reported against girls.[11] Most offenders who abuse pre-pubescent children are pedophiles,[16][17] however a small percentage do not meet the diagnostic criteria for pedophilia.[18]

    "Under the law, "child sexual abuse" is an umbrella term describing criminal and civil offenses in which an adult engages in sexual activity with a minor or exploits a minor for the purpose of sexual gratification.[19][4] The American Psychiatric Association."


    I think most child sexual predators have a lustful urge and an insatiable desire to rape and molest children. I think more often it is about control over someone vulnerable, and the power they hold over them, rather than lashing out because they may have been abused in the past.

    So I just don't think that most who abuse were abused. Somehow their wiring is wrong and they gain much pleasure from having sex or doing sexual acts with young children. It is the acts with these children that spurs their lust and that is why they are the dregs of our society.

    As a survivor of childhood abuse I do not believe that all people who sexually abuse young babies and children were abused themselves. Simply imo they are sexual deviants. Now I do believe that there is a minority who claim they were abused that do go on and abuse but like everyone else, they too had choices in life, but chose to stay on the side of darkness instead of following the light out of the darkness into the sunlight.

    imoo
     
  13. zadari

    zadari New Member

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    there are lots of people who never were abused that become abusers too .. and i have been raped before when i was a child turning teen and i was raped by someone who had never been beaten abused or raped by another man .. i certainly didnt and dont want to reclaim any power by hurting another child .. just the mere thought of a child going through what i did makes me want to vomit .. i think its how sick in the head the individual is and what they decide they are gonna do about it .. get help or make another thier victim ..either she is covering for a man that did it and he is threatening the life of her child if she tells or she did it and needs the DP
     
  14. oceanblueeyes

    oceanblueeyes Well-Known Member

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    I totally agree. All I have ever wanted ....was to love, honor and respect our five beautiful children. I would cut my own throat before I ever hurt any of them or any child. I may have been too overprotective at times but I darn sure have shown them the love and respect they all deserve every minute of their lives.

    I have read many articles where it said most serial killers weren't abused as children.

    I don't think there is a logical reason to explain the pedophile and why they are the way they are. All I know is they are the most vile, depraved, sadistic, disgusting monsters put on the earth destroying innocent vulnerable children's lives and leaving them shattered to pick up the pieces.

    imo
     
  15. Salem

    Salem Former Member

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    ~my bold~
    So is this person saying every rapist was at one time abused? The statistics don't support that. Only about 25% of men and 15% of women were abused. That's from the recent articles in the "women who abuse" thread. (See post 11 above - thank you OBE) I don't believe what Huffington is saying - and I don't think MH was abused - except in her own mind.

    Salem

    PS - Cherokee - I do appreciate your posting the article. Thank you. :)
     
  16. oceanblueeyes

    oceanblueeyes Well-Known Member

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    I tend to look at articles with a critical eye if it is on a feminist site, which I feel Huffy is one. They seem to always want to paint the female as having some excuse why they do depraved evil acts. While the article was interesting and I am glad Cherokee linked it, I do not believe that most men or women pedophiles were abused and the stats just dont show that either.

    I am like you....I don't think MH was abused.

    imo
     
  17. txsvicki

    txsvicki Active Member

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    I'm another who doesn't believe that all sexual abusers were abused as children. Many people were and are sexually abused so it stands to reason that some who are caught would have been abused though. I also think that some of the convicted criminals are lying because they are psychopaths who want sympathy especially in the years after this defense became popular. For me to believe that Melissa was sexually abused by a relative is going to take a lot more proof from other siblings and relatives. And, most especially won't believe the repressed memory business.
     
  18. goofeegyrl

    goofeegyrl New Member

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    I'm willing to bet that nobody believes that all abusers were abused. ;)


    I'm saddened to read that so many people think that everyone who is abused has no ill effects to the way they behave.
     
  19. Salem

    Salem Former Member

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    Oh goofeegyrl - I don't think so many people think that people who have been abused don't suffer ill effects. I think many of us would acknowledge that many bad decisions, drug and alcohol abuse, depression and anger issues do frequently result from abuse. There are many posters on this board that have survived the horror of abuse, physical, mental and sexual (love and blessings to them all!). However, I do think many posters here do not believe prior abuse is an excuse for abusing others and statistics have been posted to support that thought.

    I also think it is a very important AFFIRMATION to all the survivors of abuse, that statistics show they are NOT likely to abuse others, or their children.

    Salem
     
  20. zadari

    zadari New Member

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    no disrespect intended with my post so please i ask you dont take it that way .
    you know what i do suffer ill effects even to this day .. dreams .. no sleep .. pain .reliving it .. BUT i NEVER blamed myself because im NOT the one who did it .. i had it done to ME ..the person who did it to me was the sick b*****rd with the issues .. that is the key dont blame yourself ever ..i know its easier said than done but if i can do it i feel anyone can ,im not a very strong person beleive it or not.. i was just a target because i was easy to get to he knew my family very well .. he chose to do this to me .. i hold him accountable not myself
     
  21. goofeegyrl

    goofeegyrl New Member

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    I said that exact thing, in fact, I just went back to bold it. If people missed that, I understand the responses now. If not...


    I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse. After working through some stuff, I have a loving husband, two great girls, am a Girl Scout Leader to both their troops, volunteer in their classrooms and organize events at the school....and so work with many kids. I have never had any desire to harm any kids....I am one of those of which you speak.

    However, I can not understand how it is offensive to people to repeat that most people who are abused do not go on to be abusers....yet many abusers were abused. I get upset that so many immediately want to shoot down the idea that suffering atrocities as a child might make you a monster when you grow up.

    Nor do I understand why people think that uncovering that abuse or other things might have happened to them in their lives might not be nice to know. Not ONCE in this whole conversation has anyone said MH should be let off the hook for what she did.

    I want a better world for my kids, I want a better world for everyone. Being an ignorant society that does not learn from it's mistakes is not going to get us there.
     

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