Melissa Huckaby and the Unthinkable Sex Object

[goofeegyrl]

no disrespect intended with my post so please i ask you dont take it that way .
you know what i do suffer ill effects even to this day .. dreams .. no sleep .. pain .reliving it .. BUT i NEVER blamed myself because im NOT the one who did it .. i had it done to ME ..the person who did it to me was the sick b*****rd with the issues .. that is the key dont blame yourself ever ..i know its easier said than done but if i can do it i feel anyone can ,im not a very strong person beleive it or not.. i was just a target because i was easy to get to he knew my family very well .. he chose to do this to me .. i hold him accountable not myself

Agreed. :blowkiss: I do not blame myself either, and for that I am thankful.

 

[Buzz Mills]

You have to admit that this area of the country comes up with some great cases. Tracy and Modesto are close to each other.

 

[goofeegyrl]

You have to admit that this area of the country comes up with some great cases. Tracy and Modesto are close to each other.

Nothing like CA!!!

Shout out to 95014!! I grew up in Cupertino

 

[Buzz Mills]

You have to admit that this area of the country comes up with some great cases. Tracy and Modesto are clsoe to each other.

 

[Cherokee]

I want to make clear to everyone that I did not post/link to the above article as an excuse for MH's actions. Even the author says possible childhood sexual abuse in no way excuses what MH did, nor does she say that all people who suffer sexual abuse go on to become abusers themselves.

My heart goes out to all, including the posters here, who suffered sexual abuse as a child. You are a survivor of something too horrible for most people to contemplate, and the life you have built, in spite of the trauma you've suffered, is a wonderful testament to how you have overcome a painful past and not visited it upon the next generation.

I want to repeat, not all people who are abused go on to become abusers. However, some who are abused DO become abusers themselves. In addition, as others have pointed out, there are those who sexually abuse others who were never abused themselves. The easy access to child *advertiser censored* through the internet has created a section of our population who have become desensitized to the evil of sexual abuse. Children are dehumanized and become objects of gratification. In time, it's like a drug addict who needs bigger and more powerful hit. After viewing the images over and over, some develop a need to act on what they see in order to get the same gratification. In other words, they go from being passive viewers of molestation to active participants.

It is too simple, and a grave error, to say that the reason a person became a sexual abuser is because they were sexually abused themselves. I am not saying that, and I don't believe anyone here is saying that either. There are many other factors involved, and every individual is too complex for that to be true. As has been stated, many who have been abused do NOT go on to become abusers, and the very thought is abhorrent to them.

Many who survive sexual abuse go through a time of healing and are able to live a life full of love and compassion. Others fall into a downward spiral of self-loathing, drugs, and broken relationships. And then there are those who go on to revisit their own abuse on others. Everyone is different, and how they respond to the abuse in their lives is varied.

MH may, or may not, have suffered childhood sexual abuse. Either way, it does not excuse what she did to Sandra OR adequately explain it. Some people have a difficult time understanding how a female, and a mother, could do such a thing. The article above is relevant because it gives a possible explanation into one of the factors that could create such a mindset.

I appreciate all those here who understood my intent in posting the article. As someone who advocates for abused children, I know too well the horrors they suffer, and I would never excuse ANYONE, including MH, for committing such a terrible crime against an innocent child.

 

[goofeegyrl]

Many who survive sexual abuse go through a time of healing and are able to live a life full of love and compassion. Others fall into a downward spiral of self-loathing, drugs, and broken relationships. And then there are those who go on to revisit their own abuse on others. Everyone is different, and how they respond to the abuse in their lives is varied.

I appreciate all those here who understood my intent in posting the article.

Bolded, and snipped, a lot

Thank you so much for your well written comment.

 

[6angels]

As someone that was molisted for years I can honestly say those that abuse because they was abused is using a cop out. I am sorry but YOU have a choice to abuse or not to abuse. PERIOD you know right from wrong once your a adult ect. I get so sick of hearing ohhhhhh they was abused..... that explains why they abused XYz. UH No. you can either carry on the abuse your family has shown or pick your self up and break that Cycle. Thank God I made the choice to break it.

 

[Cherokee]

As someone that was molisted for years I can honestly say those that abuse because they was abused is using a cop out. I am sorry but YOU have a choice to abuse or not to abuse. PERIOD you know right from wrong once your a adult ect. I get so sick of hearing ohhhhhh they was abused..... that explains why they abused XYz. UH No. you can either carry on the abuse your family has shown or pick your self up and break that Cycle. Thank God I made the choice to break it.

And I am also thankful you made that choice.

My point is exactly what you said ... "you can either carry on the abuse your family has shown or pick your self up and break that Cycle."

Some do not make the same choice you did, and they "carry on the abuse" to another child. That's all I am saying. I am not condoning, or excusing, those who say they abuse because they were abused.

I will say it again - if HM was abused, it does not excuse what she did to Sandra Cantu, but it is a known fact that some who have been victims of sexual child abuse will, in turn, victimize others.

A possible explanation is NOT a possible excuse.

 

[Salem]

~ Respectfully snipped and bolded ~

My point is exactly what you said ... "you can either carry on the abuse your family has shown or pick your self up and break that Cycle."

Some do not make the same choice you did, and they "carry on the abuse" to another child. That's all I am saying. I am not condoning, or excusing, those who say they abuse because they were abused.

I will say it again - if HM was abused, it does not excuse what she did to Sandra Cantu, but it is a known fact that some who have been victims of sexual child abuse will, in turn, victimize others.

A possible explanation is NOT a possible excuse.

Also nice post above this one Cherokee. I hear what you are saying and it is something we as a society need to pay attention too. Some do go on to abuse - and it is important for society to figure out WHY. Once we know why, we can take better steps to prevent this from happening.

The other side of this coin, though is the "nature versus nuture" argument, which I personally find fascinating. Where do these other abusers come from and why? Just looking at KC Anthony - what happened to her? And Joe Duncan - it does not appear that he was abused but he was a monster beginning at a very early age. So many others, some of the most notorious with NO history of abuse in their backgrounds - where did they come from? Mind boggling.

Salem

 

[lne1970]

I think it was on Nancy Grace or something, where I saw that by definition, the "foreign object" is anything that is not a sex organ. So "rape with a foreign object" could be anything, including hands. Not trying to make it sound better or worse, but just want to put it out there that by law, this charge does not necessarily mean what we would think of as a "foreign object". I guess we'll know later on.

 

[kageykaren]

Upon hearing about Sandra's perpetrator it led me into investigating "Mothers who abuse sexually. This is a touchy taboo subject and one of many crimes not reported due to shame and not being believed by the adults they confide in. One organization that helps with the sexual abuse of girls by their mothers is called MDSA and stands for "Making Daughters Safe Again". This crime of mothers sexually abusing also effects males as well. The article is too long to post so I suggest googling this subject and you will be alittle closer to understanding how & why this happens. It appears to me that sweet Sandras perp. falls under this category of women.

 

[kageykaren]

I think it was on Nancy Grace or something, where I saw that by definition, the "foreign object" is anything that is not a sex organ. So "rape with a foreign object" could be anything, including hands. Not trying to make it sound better or worse, but just want to put it out there that by law, this charge does not necessarily mean what we would think of as a "foreign object". I guess we'll know later on.

Girls that have reported their sexual abuse by a woman report that the abuse was much more forceful when using objects to rape and many are left with ongoing medical issues involving the vagina and rectom. So sad to read about this form of abuse and how it effects a childs soul for the rest of their lives. Keeping our daughters & sons safe from these perverted sick people is an ongoing & everlasting job of educating & advocating within the home and in our communities. Society has a difficult time accepting that what is supposed to be a nuturer is a pedophile. It seems to be all about power more than the sex act itself.

 

[lngrid]

As someone that was molisted for years I can honestly say those that abuse because they was abused is using a cop out.

Respectfully snipped by lngrid.

Thank God I made the choice to break it.

6angels, people like you are what keeps my faith in humanity alive. You're inspiring. Thank God for you.
:blowkiss::blowkiss:::blowkiss:
:clap::clap::clap: :clap::clap::clap: :clap::clap::clap:

 

[oceanblueeyes]

As someone that was molested for years I can honestly say those that abuse because they was abused is using a cop out. I am sorry but YOU have a choice to abuse or not to abuse. PERIOD you know right from wrong once your a adult ect. I get so sick of hearing ohhhhhh they was abused..... that explains why they abused XYz. UH No. you can either carry on the abuse your family has shown or pick your self up and break that Cycle. Thank God I made the choice to break it.[/QUOTE]

I find your statement profound, 6angels and this is exactly the way I look at it too.

Nothing infuriates :furious: me more when a criminal lamely tries to excuse their perverted actions away by saying past abuse was the cause. EVERY adult in life has free will, everyone in life makes their own choices and this IS the choice they and they alone made.

Abused victims can go on to be a part of the solution or they can go on to be a part of the problem for society's children. It is up to each individual and those who are the problem, who are sexual predators, are no better than their past abusers, and they should be dealt with harshly so that our society supports all of the children who have been victimized that crosses their destructive path.

But I am not sure the link to past childhood abuse and pedophile predators lies within an abusive past. Most who commit these type of sadistic crimes weren't abused at all. It has to be another common denominator that spawns these dregs of society.:waitasec: Maybe it is all about power and control over the weak. Maybe it is the twisted lust and urges of these monsters. I really don't know but to me they are pond scum who are sapping our children's lives and leaving them to deal with the abuse and the scars it leaves behind.

No past excuse of abuse will ever make this acceptable or understandable imo. For me when they try to blame others for their own wrongdoings is when I get so angry.

imo

 

[Cherokee]

For me when they try to blame others for their own wrongdoings is when I get so angry.

So do I.

 

[mysteriew]

Does previous sexual abuse excuse or justify a person becoming an abuser? I think we can all agree that it doesn't. But maybe, just maybe it might explain why the abuser took that step over the line.

Not everyone is born with the accepted heterosexual sex drive, we know that. Some are homosexual, some want/need other stimulation like S&M or bondage, some want/need fetishes. Are they born that way or are they made that way through childhood experiences? I personally think that it may be a combination of both. Some may have been born that way, but for some it may be learned behavior.

It is my understanding that some admitted pedofiles don't touch kids personally. They may look at *advertiser censored*, they may watch kids they know and fantasize, but they don't touch them. But some pedos do become abusers. So what makes the difference, what makes one person step over the line and not the other? Differences in personality may do it for some, learned behavior from childhood issues of abuse may do for another. For others maybe it is a build up, the fantasy builds up until they finally do something. But having an understanding about what makes a person step over that line could go a long way in helping to understand abusive behaviors. Not excuse them, not to make them acceptable just to understand them. Understanding not to make them more acceptable, but to maybe learn about what makes them a danger. And possibly if we knew what makes them dangerous, possibly we could how to fix it or at least if and who can be fixed.

Little hints they have given about MH makes me think that possibly she may have been abused herself. Hints at poor self esteem, mental health issues, things like that that often show up in adults who were abused as children. Does that give her the right to abuse others? Heck no! Does that give her the right to kill a child? H%&% no! Should that be a reason to not punish her for what she did? No! But perhaps, just perhaps if someone knew MH had been abused herself, if someone had known what the possibilities were- perhaps if people had been alert to this, had put this together with the other girl who had been abused then someone may have been looking at MH after the first time and perhaps could have prevented the second time which ended in Sandra's death.

The majority of people who were abused as children will be observant and very protective of their own children as well as other children they come into contact with. When a problem is discussed, they will be one of the first to question if a child was abused- because they are very aware of the possibilites and will be one of the first to recognize and admit it. Yet they wouldn't dream of abusing themselves. But a small minority will abuse. Why? What makes the difference? What leads one person to be more protective and another person to become abusers?

Until this case I wasn't aware of the statistics of female sexual abuse. Sorry to the men, but I more or less thought of sexual abuse as a problem with men. I apoligize for that men. From the reaction here, I don't think I was alone. This case brings out the female issues, and I welcome the ability to look at it, and question it. Not to excuse MH, but to maybe make me more aware.

 

[athy]

hearing a case like this sure makes you wonder if some of those unsolved sexually abused and murdered children were done by women. being LE was probably looking for a male and not a women.........

 

[Sweetie_PI]

Cherokee, Your post is a good timing to remind those here of the quintessential case from yesteryear: SYBIL. An off shoot of the Sybil (MPD/DID) phenomenon (she was horrifically raped and abused as a young girl) is the psychological phenomenon of Subtle Sybil. IMO this is MH. Doesn't excuse, as IMHO MPD/DID are aware when the executive persona comes back, and know right from wrong and check in with their help infrastructure.

 

[mysteriew]

I appreciate the reference to Sybil, but at this point we aren't hearing any references to multiple personality with MH. Sexual abuse can result in multiple personality for the child, but not all abused children get multiple personality. Abuse can result in many types of mental health problems. And I admit, we (including me) may be jumping the gun in that we (including me) haven't heard any confirmation that MH was ever sexually abused herself.

 

[oceanblueeyes]

hearing a case like this sure makes you wonder if some of those unsolved sexually abused and murdered children were done by women. being LE was probably looking for a male and not a women.........

I have thought about that so often since this case first unfolded.

imo