GUILTY NJ - Jonathan Worley charged in brutal rape, Trenton, 18 Aug 2010

Discussion in 'Recently Sentenced and Beyond' started by gitana1, Aug 26, 2010.

  1. gitana1

    gitana1 Verified Attorney

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  3. Filly

    Filly KICKING AND SHINING

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    G, that was in Trenton. I saw that on the news.

    I'm fairly sure they said they had the victim's statement of what he looked like and all. Plus the tape. Then he came back which they figured would be quite possible not feasible but he's a brainyard the guy.

    So they matched the description and that outside tape to him inside. If that made sense.

    Scary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone with young daughter's I'd recommend they be shown that. Broad freakin daylight. That quick he pulled her behind that van. That poor girl was helpless. Then again I told my DD to watch it and she said "I saw it. I'd fight back. I have a weapon". Can't tell them nuttin. Noooooooooooo you have a cellphone in your hand you're texting on not paying attention to anything around you. Someone grabs you and drags you there's not a thing you can do but pray he spares your life.

    Sorry for the rant. Seeing his smug face in that camera made me sick. His braids were pretty identifiable I thought actually.

    Prayers for this poor girl. I hope she can find some peace.
     
  4. gitana1

    gitana1 Verified Attorney

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    I think this video really shows how predators get their victims. I have been taught to be super aware, to avoid men when I am walking alone, to walk with a huge amount of confidence and to let potential perps know I will not be an easy target.
    Here's what my dad trained me to know since I was little. It's called the three T's, or the three things predators do before they attack. (He got it from a victims advocate guy on t.v. years ago and it's only one part of a whole bunch of stuff my dad taught me to keep safe!)

    1. TEST. Predators always test their victims to see if they will be an easy mark. They do this by asking for the time, or for a light or by saying hi to a woman or child who is in a vulnerable position, like be herself, or in a darkened parking lot, etc. They test to see if the potential victim is polite, helpful or timid. My dad taught me that if I was by myself, no man should ever approach me to ask for anything. He should go find another man to ask. One night years ago, I went to meet my brother at the neighborhood bar. It is a pretty safe neighborhood except it gets a little less so near the bar. I was walking towards the bar, just about a building away from it, when some guy across the street said, "Hey, miss! Do you know the time?" My reply, "Go screw yourself! Keep the he!! away from me, got it?" He didn't say another word. He just turned on his heel and walked away. Make sure to fail their test!

    2. THREATEN. The next thing predators do before an attack is threaten. This could be verbally, like "Come with me or I'll shoot you." This could be physically, by invading your personal space - getting closer. This could also be by saying something scary, not about you, but to show you they are dangerous. This too happened to me one night. I was out with some girlfriends (again, years ago). Some guys came and sat at our table. One guy sat next to me and talked to all of us. He gave me the creeps. At one point he told me how he "had" to hit his girlfriend the week before. I took that as a threat to my own safety, especially the manner in which he said it. So, I looked him dead in the eye and told him, "Any guy who ever hit me would find himself dead. You wife beaters have to sleep sometime." He left soon after that.
    In the video, I think this guy threatened her by invading her space. He stopped to let her pass. Why? He was maneuvering closer and I think that was threatening behavior. When this creep moved aside to let her pass, she should have been immediately aware that that was dangerous body language and veered right into the middle of the street while looking hard at him with a fierce look on her face, as if to say, "I see you and I know what you are up to buddy. Don't even try it." She should not have meekly passed him by. Keep your body or at least your head facing the perp and keep space between you and the predator. Do not let their threats work. Show no fear, only confidence. Don't let them come close and never turn your back on them.

    3. TRANSPORT. The last T is for transport. Predators always transport their victims before the attack. Even if it is just around a corner. You must fight tooth and nail not to let that happen. Because once they have transported you, you could be dead. My dad used to drill me on what to do if someone came up behind me and said they had a gun and to come with them. The answer is to not go, but instead to scream, yell and run, or all of the above. I would rather be shot in the open, where I might be able to get medical help, than go with some freak who might torture me repeatedly before they killed me. So never let them transport you. The gal in the video should have let her feet go out from under her like a dead weight, while screaming as loud as she can and thrashing violently. You know how hard it is to move the dead weight of an adult? You can see by her legs that she walked along, even though she may have been trying to dig her heels in or to get free from his grip. Dead weight, would have been better as well as gouging with her fingers at his face, or his groin. This is it. This is the time to fight like the devil. Fight like a viper and they may give up. Predators like easy targets, not fighters.

    I don't know why I chose to write all this right now it's just that this video sparked something in me. It is the scenario my dad always told me about and trained me to avoid or get out of. This is scary stuff. I'm glad my dear ol' dad trained me well!
     
  5. gitana1

    gitana1 Verified Attorney

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    Of course! I'm so used to everyone being dead and unable to ID anyone! I hope you kept talking to your kid. Kids today have to be raised like warriors, ya' know? Always aware of their surroundings and potential danger. My dad hammered that into me to the point that it was just automatic - how I walked, how I approached my car, etc. But you're right. Teens think they are invincible. And that freaks me out!
     
  6. Filly

    Filly KICKING AND SHINING

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    Bless your daddy, Gitana. He did good.;)

    I was raised by a cop. I'm right with you. In fact in the Jury room we have a really great thread on safety and we all shared. My dad saw things everyday people didn't so you know I got it drummed into me.

    In all honesty the moment he stepped aside I'd have been in traffic. In fact I may have crossed prior to him even stopping. Of course in no way am I blaming the victim. Poor girl. She should be able to walk wherever she wants to, but unfortunately people like that fool a*s is out there.

    Yessssssssssssss I keep talking to my DD. Constantly. Trying to get a happy medium where she's not drowning me out. Having absolutely no fear is a very bad thing. That's my DD. Invincible. My DD already has been held up at gunpoint. Ya think you'd be a little less cocky right?

    That video though sort of saved the day. At least saved another victim.
     
  7. nosysw

    nosysw Active Member

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    Gitana: with your permission, I'd love to copy your post into an email for the women I know. It is awesome. I read a book many years ago, called "The Gift of Fear" before I began working as an in-home therapist in several inner cities, going to many of the worst projects (most of which have thankfully been torn down by now). It talks about something you mentioned: Women don't even like to look back when they think they're being followed for fear of looking silly or "offending" someone. Being "polite" as you said. It was an excellent book which also talked about how we ignore our inner instincts for so long that we stop even feeling them. I recommend it to all women. It was written by a guy (I know his first name is Gavin but I can't think of his last name) who worked security for Oprah and many other high profile figures.


    But you really spelled it out perfectly and clearly (without needing to read a whole book!)...Thank you and thank your dad for teaching you the important lessons in life...
     
  8. Missizzy

    Missizzy New Member

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    Well, FWIW, I just drug three unsuspecting young people up to my bedroom and sat with them while we watched that video. One is a 21 year old male (in 2 days), one is a very special needs 22 year old young lady, and one is a very special needs 16 year old young lady. A lot of good dialogue. A lot of silence. I think, a lot of shock as to just how fast that happened.

    I can still hear our children's rapist's attorney attempting to cast doubt on how our children's rapes could have occurred in broad daylight with parents or teachers close by. This is how!! Rapists and pedophiles are fast and they are ruthless.

    I'm not happy that I ruined my children's evening but I did give them something to think about. In the big picture, they will be safer. Thank you Gitana.
     
  9. Missizzy

    Missizzy New Member

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    Wait I forgot something. To you and your Daddy, Gitana:

    (((hugs)))

    Missizzy
     
  10. Lovejac

    Lovejac These boys are my heartstrings!

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    (((((Gitana)))))))

    I could not just "thank your post".

    I have to thank you so very much for posting that lifesaving information. I have printed it and will pass it to every woman I know.

    Your dad must be one he!! of a man and must love you so very much.

    Thank you again! Catherine
     
  11. Lovejac

    Lovejac These boys are my heartstrings!

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    Gavin De Becker!! LOVE that book! I bought it because it was recommended by MANY here, on this awesome forum. I passed it on to several people.

    ITA about people not wanting to offend anyone or not being polite.
     
  12. nosysw

    nosysw Active Member

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    That's it! I wanted to say Gavin LeDecker so I was close, lol! I, too, gave my copy away years ago. This year I ordered another one to give to a beautiful, tiny young teacher I'm working with who lives in the neighborhood of the inner city school we work in, walks to school every day, and sticks out like a sore thumb! I pray she read it...
     
  13. Lovejac

    Lovejac These boys are my heartstrings!

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    A great, great gift to give, in my opinion. I learned so much from reading it. We all have that God given inner voice and often try to explain it away.

    BTW, the book was sitting next to me in my bookcase :crazy: My SIL recently returned it after reading.
     
  14. gitana1

    gitana1 Verified Attorney

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    Go for it! I actually feel less fear with the knowledge my dad gave me. I have something to work with instead of just waiting to be a victim.
     
  15. Filly

    Filly KICKING AND SHINING

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    We love your dad, G!!!!!!!!!!

    Love "You wifebeaters have to sleep sometime". :clap:

    Again with teens and young people. Note Miss Izzy's kids who she just made watch the video.:D They just don't get it. Also we teach our kids to be polite. That's one of my pet peeve's. No, you don't have to always be polite. I have to admit younger I would have given that dude the time and probably been hit over the head.

    Last week I was sitting with an elderly neighbor out front. He said "Who is this guy coming up the steps?" Chick across the streets latest beau. He got to step number two and held up a ciggie and goes "I need a light". I said "GTF Off the step". He backed down and stood on the pavement and goes "Can I use a cell to call my girl?" Brazen. I go "GTF outta here or I'll call the cops".

    He left cursing me, but I could care less. When I was young I'd never have done that. That dude was up to no good. Probably casing my older neighbor's house or something.

    Thank you again, G. Prayers for that poor girl.
     
  16. Missizzy

    Missizzy New Member

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    Gitana--Thank you for giving us permission to spread the word. Talk about timely. My incredibly beautiful (hey, I'm her Momma) 25 year old daughter is traveling from Santa Monica, CA to spend a week in Manhattan with a friend. She's never been back east. She's packing tonight and I'm sure expected a sweet little send off from me. You know what I did? I told her my friend, Gitana, had some advice for her and I sent her the clipped post along with the video. She just texted me and said "Wow, I just learned a lot."

    She's lived in LA for four years and even survived a hold up--she's a manager at an Anthropologie store, but I'm not sure she's ready for NY. Your advice makes me feel that I'm giving her better tools. She's a tiny little thing but pretty tough. She's got 9 brothers after all. She's got a mouth on her too. Got it from her Daddy. Did I mention, she's Korean. I've learned one does not mess with most Korean women.

    Anyway, the biggest hugs possible. You've touched a lot of people with your post. Is your Dad still with us? If so, please please thank him for all us. If he's passed on, we'll all thank him.

    And folks, remember that this is not just great advice for women. The same goes for children and guys.
     
  17. Belinda

    Belinda Doer of Things

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    Gitana - Great information. Thanks so much. I have copied and sent it to all of my friends and family.
     
  18. 2goldfish

    2goldfish Active Member

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    Gitana I want to add my thanks for that. I also thought of the de Becker book as I read it - you and he are absolutely right.
     
  19. Belinda

    Belinda Doer of Things

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    Gitana - I really thought that post was awesome. It was the most succinct, yet informative piece I have read on personal safety. It really gave me some food for thought and made me realize that my good manners could place me in danger. I always stop and address anyone who speaks to me or asks for the time, a cigarette, etc. I need to re-think that in terms of safety. I have a bad tendency to be way too trusting.
     
  20. 2goldfish

    2goldfish Active Member

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    I cant recommend de becker's book enough - he says what gitana said only in a lot more words :D

    but one thing she said was something he said and nearly word for word - a man will pretty much NEVER approach a woman alone (esp in the dark) unless he is up to no good. none of this time telling junk etc. de becker also says to make eye contact; do NOT shy away! be rude if you have to...much better than dead or hurt, cause a guy who isnt out to hurt you will totally understand your reaction.

    gitana's father taught her very well.
     
  21. Missizzy

    Missizzy New Member

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    Gitana--I just got a phone call from my daughter. I picked up and she said, "So, who is this chick, Gitana?" I just laughed as I knew she'd gotten my email. I sent her the video and your post.

    I asked her where she was calling from and she said the East Village in NY. She'd gotten off the plane last night and was sitting in a coffeehouse waiting for one of our older kids to meet up with her. He lives in Brooklyn. She said that she read my email while she was waiting for her baggage.

    Gitana, this young woman is sharp but she's never been to NY. She was raised in a small northwest college town. She now lives in Venice, CA and works in Santa Monica. She knows what parts of LA to stay out of.

    She said to tell you that you totally freaked her out but probably will save her life. She knew much of what you wrote about already--far more than I did. She pointed out all the mistakes that poor woman made who was raped. She told me that she usually does give guys the time and then smiles a mean smile and squints her gorgeous Korean eyes and tells them to go "F off". I did not teach this baby these skills. Maybe her Auntie Filly did!!

    Anyway, could anything be more timely? I feel far more comfortable with my girl in the big city today.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
     

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