Outrage Over Parents Who Had Down Syndrome Child Undergo Cosmetic Surgery

[ShannonOhara]

My daughter is very oversized in the chest area...she was a double D at when she was 14 years old, shes 15 now and I pray she is finsihed growing. She is miserable, shes says its horrible to have "the biggest *advertiser censored*" in the school, embarrased and always wearing jackets a sweatshirts to help cover it up. SHe is miserable, kids are mean, they say things, boys say crude remarks. She has asked for a reduction, the doc said to wait a while longer. Im all for doing any kind of procedure that will put the child in a situation that they are more comfortable in their body. Kids are mean and cruel, the make fun of other kids...for any reason that makes them different. I have a friend whos kid had enormous ears, he was picked on constantly, she had them fixed and the teasing stopped, he no longer dreads going to school.

More power to the parent who wants to improve the experience the child is going to have regarding their self esteem.

 

[Brefie]

Ms Boyes said: "Society must learn to accept people with Down's syndrome for what they are - people who happen to have Down's syndrome. Giving in to prejudice and ignorance by hiding the outward signs of the disability is no solution."

I hate to be cynical, but don't hold your breath. There will never be a day when all different people are accepted by all people. it only takes a few ignorant cruel people.

I also saw that quote. My thoughts on that are while you may want with all your heart for everyone to accept all Down's children and realize 'hiding the outward signs of the disability is no solution', most parents will do ANYTHING to minimize their OWN child's pain.

 

[sherri79]

i am really unsure how i feel about this. this child will never have a easy life but this may make it easier. on the other hand you can not change her condition and this may be a way her parents can hope to deny the reality they must face. i think this comes down to a parents right to make choices for their child. without proof that they do not love their child more than any of us love her or proof that they have abused her in someway i say leave them alone. they live with her every day and will care for her forever. i think they really are doing what they think is best. the fact i might make a different choice is irrelevant.

 

[nanandjim]

My daughter is very oversized in the chest area...she was a double D at when she was 14 years old, shes 15 now and I pray she is finsihed growing. She is miserable, shes says its horrible to have "the biggest *advertiser censored*" in the school, embarrased and always wearing jackets a sweatshirts to help cover it up. SHe is miserable, kids are mean, they say things, boys say crude remarks. She has asked for a reduction, the doc said to wait a while longer. Im all for doing any kind of procedure that will put the child in a situation that they are more comfortable in their body. Kids are mean and cruel, the make fun of other kids...for any reason that makes them different. I have a friend whos kid had enormous ears, he was picked on constantly, she had them fixed and the teasing stopped, he no longer dreads going to school.

More power to the parent who wants to improve the experience the child is going to have regarding their self esteem.

Shouldn't your medical insurance pay for a breast reduction for your daughter? I'm sure that it is causing severe backaches. I know that I would let my daughter have it done and see if my insurance would pay for it. I also am all for doing whatever it takes to help someone feel good about him/herself. Watch a few episodes of Nip/Tuck. In fact, we just watched one where a Down's Syndrome boy came in and told the PSs that he wanted surgery to make him look like his brothers and sisters. The Nip/Tuck guys changed his nose to make him look like his siblings. He was tickled pink.

 

[imthemom]

I saw this earlier and at first I was very concerned then I read what she had done, which was actually very mild procedures. I know it is true that better looking people are treated better but does that mean if my child were not so attractive I would have them undergo plastic surgery or liposuction, not!! I actually seen a show about parents who did this to their 3 year old. He underwent drastic plastic surgery. The cameras were there when he woke up and he was in so much pain and crying and swollen like a balloon, it was so sad. I cried for days about it. The parents looked regrettable but in the end said they would do it again to make him look normal and more like his dad. I have a cousin with Down's Syndrome and I think he is perfect the way he is.

 

[Taximom]

This website wouldn't exist then for the most part. :crazy:

But I completely agree.

Paladin, and others, I hope you know what I mean. I think this is one of those decisions that comes from the heart, and until you are in their shoes, it's none of anyone else's business!

 

[Taximom]

My daughter is very oversized in the chest area...she was a double D at when she was 14 years old, shes 15 now and I pray she is finsihed growing. She is miserable, shes says its horrible to have "the biggest *advertiser censored*" in the school, embarrased and always wearing jackets a sweatshirts to help cover it up. SHe is miserable, kids are mean, they say things, boys say crude remarks. She has asked for a reduction, the doc said to wait a while longer. Im all for doing any kind of procedure that will put the child in a situation that they are more comfortable in their body. Kids are mean and cruel, the make fun of other kids...for any reason that makes them different. I have a friend whos kid had enormous ears, he was picked on constantly, she had them fixed and the teasing stopped, he no longer dreads going to school.

More power to the parent who wants to improve the experience the child is going to have regarding their self esteem.

Oh, gosh, Shannon. I went through this. I never had the surgery though. Kids are mean, and I can still hear the taunts in my head some 30 years later! I don't know what I'd do if my dd was in the same boat. I do think the doc is right in telling her to wait, but I feel sorry for her in the meantime. I'll keep her in my prayers.

 

[White Rain]

Oh, gosh, Shannon. I went through this. I never had the surgery though. Kids are mean, and I can still hear the taunts in my head some 30 years later! I don't know what I'd do if my dd was in the same boat. I do think the doc is right in telling her to wait, but I feel sorry for her in the meantime. I'll keep her in my prayers.

me to. I am a size 42dd now, but was always well ahead of the other kids...but thankfully I was never picked on.
I DO hate my chest size though. Don't have insurance to help with the problem unfortunately. My mom had breast reduction and she was either a 48 EEE or 48 F. Can't remember.

 

[Littledeer]

Whew..........shaing antlers! Hi All...:blowkiss:

This one hits very very close to me. My favorite "Uncle Bobby" was mentally retarded...........he was classifed as a "mongoloid". (Hopefully, that is correct in terminology).

In reading everything so far..........the parents want to change the "look" of their daughter............

All the surgeries they do on their daughter will never change "the look of a beautiful person" and it will not provide her with the abilites of that we have.

As much as I hate the word "*advertiser censored*" or "retarded"..........it's the word that has to be used. Uncle Bobby was retarded. But he had so much love, and laughter.....no hate for anyone...........loved to dance (Elvis was his MAN) and he lived until he was 58. Unheard of for a "mongoloid" to live that long. But for me..........I was blessed. He was my 'BEST FRIEND" and playmate when I was younger and as he grew older..........my confident. I still miss all the times we spent working on Bobby making a letter A, B, C. D, E, F, etc. in his notebook. I still have them all today.

So.........what's my point?? I won't judge why the parents feel that surgery has to be done to change the shape of their child's natural features will help........

But, IMHO.........it won't make a difference at all. She will still be a "beautiful mentally retarded person" who will grow up to give much love to those who love her.

So in essence...........I'm against the surgery.

 

[ShannonOhara]

Shouldn't your medical insurance pay for a breast reduction for your daughter? I'm sure that it is causing severe backaches. I know that I would let my daughter have it done and see if my insurance would pay for it. I also am all for doing whatever it takes to help someone feel good about him/herself.

The Doctors concern is that she is not finished growing, shes 15 now. Bra shoping is a emotional nightmare. There is this looming fear that she will be a larger size. It usually ends with her crying. "I want cute pretty bras, these look like old ladys bras, I hate this", then she usually has to sit in the dressing room for a minute or too to pull herself together.
Insurance will pay for it but the doc just says we have to wait a while longer....

 

[txsvicki]

I'll bet the surgery to shorten the tongue was painful. The girl is still going to have the health problems associated with Down's Syndrome and surgery won't change her abilities. I hope that there's not big problems with men or boys someday who might think the girl is normal and consenting to something .

 

[Taximom]

The Doctors concern is that she is not finished growing, shes 15 now. Bra shoping is a emotional nightmare. There is this looming fear that she will be a larger size. It usually ends with her crying. "I want cute pretty bras, these look like old ladys bras, I hate this", then she usually has to sit in the dressing room for a minute or too to pull herself together.
Insurance will pay for it but the doc just says we have to wait a while longer....

Yeah, you don't want to have the surgery if she's not finished growing yet! I remember walking down those lingerie aisles wishing I could wear all that pretty lingerie!

 

[czechmate7]

:clap: :clap: :clap:

I think people should mind their own business when it comes to the decisions people make about their children.

 

[sherri79]

The Doctors concern is that she is not finished growing, shes 15 now. Bra shoping is a emotional nightmare. There is this looming fear that she will be a larger size. It usually ends with her crying. "I want cute pretty bras, these look like old ladys bras, I hate this", then she usually has to sit in the dressing room for a minute or too to pull herself together.
Insurance will pay for it but the doc just says we have to wait a while longer....

speaking as a double D since i was 15 i say get the surgery as soon as she stops growing. i totally get why she needs to wait until then. god forbid she get them done now and continues to grow and need another painful surgery. now for cute bra's try lane bryant or torrid. torrid has bras starting at 38DD and up. lane bryant is having a few web site issues tonight so i cant check their sizes. if she is a 36DD it shouldn't be too hard to take in a inch on each back strap. in either store she can find a good bra that is cute and frilly.

 

[Indy Gal]

I wont judge them, but for myself I would NEVER have this done. Most here know there is a big chance my little angel will have DS. There is no way I would have this done to improve her looks. Now if it improves her health then yes I would have surgrey for her. This is why I say I wont judge them as it sounds as if one of the surgeries will help her. But just to imrove her looks no way.

 

[Gabby]

To me, people with Down Syndrome have a kind, sweet, gentle look.

I don't think this is a decision I would make as a parent, but I am not willing to judge them poorly for making it.

SCM I work with Mentally Challenged people. Downs Syndrome is one of the many diagnosis' that falls under that heading. Downs children & adults do look peaceful and usually they are kind, happy and loving. Dual diagnosed (MHMR) individuals are not as loving or as happy because of the MH diagnosis.

I agree with you on this and praise you for your understanding.

 

[Utopia]

Whew..........shaing antlers! Hi All...:blowkiss:

This one hits very very close to me. My favorite "Uncle Bobby" was mentally retarded...........he was classifed as a "mongoloid". (Hopefully, that is correct in terminology). No it is not correct, it is both archaic (and frankly racist. It is how people born with Down's Syndrome used to be referred).

In reading everything so far..........the parents want to change the "look" of their daughter............

All the surgeries they do on their daughter will never change "the look of a beautiful person" and it will not provide her with the abilites of that we have.

As much as I hate the word "*advertiser censored*" or "retarded"..........it's the word that has to be used. (Why must it be used? Think about why you hate it.) Uncle Bobby was retarded. But he had so much love, and laughter.....no hate for anyone...........loved to dance (Elvis was his MAN) and he lived until he was 58. Unheard of for a "mongoloid" to live that long. But for me..........I was blessed. He was my 'BEST FRIEND" and playmate when I was younger and as he grew older..........my confident. I still miss all the times we spent working on Bobby making a letter A, B, C. D, E, F, etc. in his notebook. I still have them all today.

So.........what's my point?? I won't judge why the parents feel that surgery has to be done to change the shape of their child's natural features will help........

But, IMHO.........it won't make a difference at all. She will still be a "beautiful mentally retarded person" who will grow up to give much love to those who love her.

So in essence...........I'm against the surgery.

LD, I'm glad you had such a good relationship with "Uncle Bobby", it sounds like you both cherished each other's company. However, I have to disagree with you on your use of language. Forget "political correctness", as I say above, these words are archaic and incorrect, not to mention cruel. Imbecile, idiot and moron used to be "classifications" used by the medical profession to label people with intellectual disabilities, would it be okay to have these words used to describe someone you love? I doubt it. As I expressed in another thread, words have the power to evoke both positive and negative images and ideas. It is important to understand what is behind the language we use and WHY some words are offensive, not just that they are.

You said "it won't make a difference at all. She will still be a "beautiful mentally retarded person" who will grow up to give much love to those who love her". I appreciate your sentiment but with respect, I think it is misplaced. What anyone looks like SHOULD not make a difference, but we all know it does. What WILL make a difference to this girl will be the attitudes of the people she encounters in her, the respect she receives as a human being, and most importantly the opportunities she may or may not have to grow, reach her full potential and achieve her goals and dreams. All of these things are inextricably connected.

Having a disability - whether physical, intellectual or otherwise, need not prevent us from reaching our full potential, unfortunately the attitudes of others can and do.

IMO (and experience)

 

[ShannonOhara]

speaking as a double D since i was 15 i say get the surgery as soon as she stops growing. i totally get why she needs to wait until then. god forbid she get them done now and continues to grow and need another painful surgery. now for cute bra's try lane bryant or torrid. torrid has bras starting at 38DD and up. lane bryant is having a few web site issues tonight so i cant check their sizes. if she is a 36DD it shouldn't be too hard to take in a inch on each back strap. in either store she can find a good bra that is cute and frilly.

Thanks for the tip, she will be excited to finally get some frilly bras

 

[GlitchWizard]

Well, in the end, if it gets the child the nurturing she needs from Mom, and helps ease her way in society also, than it is not the worst thing for her, right? Still...that is sad. Very sad...

I don't agree that it's sad, but I do agree to the rest of your post!

She will form her self worth based on people's reaction to her. MOST people would unconciously wrinkle their faces in disgust at someone whose tounge protrudes. (I couldn't eat the other day when the tv was on, showing a girl like that.) Tucking the girl's tounge back in her mouth is a beautiful gift to her, in my opinion.

Heck, I put braces on my kid - 3 years of pain for a beautiful smile. I don't think it's sad, either. Oh yeah, and the beautiful smile... comes from OTHERS because of how she looks.

 

[eve]

I don't agree that it's sad, but I do agree to the rest of your post!

She will form her self worth based on people's reaction to her. MOST people would unconciously wrinkle their faces in disgust at someone whose tounge protrudes. (I couldn't eat the other day when the tv was on, showing a girl like that.) Tucking the girl's tounge back in her mouth is a beautiful gift to her, in my opinion.

Heck, I put braces on my kid - 3 years of pain for a beautiful smile. I don't think it's sad, either. Oh yeah, and the beautiful smile... comes from OTHERS because of how she looks.

Right Glitch, and to think of it further, why should a person with Down Syndrome have fewer opportunities than any of us? That goes for life enhancements and improvements such as this, unless they are exploitative or extreme, IMO. Why not?

Eve