Found Deceased PA - Matthew Mindler, 19, MU student, did not return to his room, Millersville, 24 Aug 2021

Discussion in 'Located Persons Discussion' started by GuyfromCanada, Aug 26, 2021.

  1. Filly

    Filly KICKING AND SHINING

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    @MyJoey there are no words I can type to say how immensely sorry I am.

    You get this. You understand this. You've been overly kind and brave to share the story of your beloved child. Age 24 or age 4 this is your child.

    If there's anything I can add is to anyone going through this.....it is NOT YOUR FAULT!

    JMO if Matt was still using or picked up he had dope with him. If not and he couldn't hack that scene he knew where to go to cop.
    If he hadn't used in a while either way his tolerance was not the same.

    IF a tox screen is reported my guess is absolutely fentanyl with a bunch of other garbage.

    I know for fact in Philly overdose tox screens are coming up zero heroin. Zero. They're cutting this poison with things I've never heard of. Most all of it has cocaine in it which shocks the LIVING person who had OD'D.

    Sorry again to preach. Ages 19 and 24! I see it all the time. It hearts my heart.
     


  2. KatieLH

    KatieLH Active Member

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    I am a recovering addict (just hit my 6th year of sobriety) and just want to say that I very much agree with you here. My addiction/mental health issues really ramped up when I went to university but were at their worse when I was in my early/mid-20s and actually living at home with my parents. I was literally under their roof and losing myself to addiction and they had no idea what to do and couldn't control me or my actions or even really "do" anything about it. I was an adult – they couldn't keep me locked up or physically prevent me from leaving the house and engaging in harmful behaviours (although now I wish they had!).

    My parents are incredible people and incredible parents who have raised 4 children, the other 3 who have never had any issues with addiction. Knowing how to treat a loved on who's in addiction is so hard, especially when they're legally of an age where they have full autonomy and you can't stop them from doing things. The topic is still very taboo and there are still no guidelines for what is "best" to do. Would I still be sober now if my parents had forced me into an earlier recovery? Who knows. More and more I just think I am here by luck. I think most addicts are. Six years later and sometimes I still feel the same way I did back then. That I managed to get to this point, where I can manage my triggers a little better, is pure luck – luck that none of my suicide attempts worked out, that someone was always there if I drank or took too much of something.

    I lost a friend to suicide 3 years ago – he was 30 and died in a foreign country, and I remember his mother told me, "I wish I'd just stopped him from going, no matter how angry he would have been," and it broke my heart because, of course, she couldn't and wouldn't have ever done that. She would have always let him go, because he was her son and he was his own person and she put that above her own pain and worries. If Matthew's death was related to drugs/addiction or suicide, my heart breaks for him and for his family, even if his family didn't pick up on certain signs or do "everything" (as perceived by outsiders) to help him. Because no matter what you do, if it ends in this way you will never ever feel like it was enough. I hope this makes sense, I feel like I'm rambling now, argh. Just so, so sad. Poor guy.
     
  3. KatieLH

    KatieLH Active Member

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    I'm so so sorry for your loss. I'm guessing that's your son in your picture – so beautiful. Sending you so much love.
     
    Marg from Oz, HulaMum, abr and 4 others like this.
  4. wyome

    wyome Well-Known Member

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    For all of you touched by this...are needle clinics something you see as a good thing or something contributing to the evil? How do we begin to control epidemic we see in our cities and suburbs?
     
  5. Filly

    Filly KICKING AND SHINING

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    Congrats on your six years clean. That's huge @KatieLH .

    Your post helped alot!

    Know I am so sorry about your friend. So sorry for his mom.

    JMO your parents could have locked you in a room and tossed you a bucket for five days. Then what? Your friends mom could have him 302'd. He gets out then what?

    You did this for you. Nobody else. Keep going girl. Be proud! Ain't easy.
     
  6. Peppery

    Peppery Well-Known Member

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    Did I miss an article that stated his death was related to drugs?
     
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  7. wyome

    wyome Well-Known Member

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    Not necessarily. It was unattended death. (originally deemed unintended by reporter, which led to the discussion).
    Unattended gets attributed to any death found days later. Still could be overdose or suicide, we don't know yet.
     
  8. KatieLH

    KatieLH Active Member

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    I am 100% for harm reduction centers, safe needle exchange sites, and people who know and love addicts or are addicts themselves being able to possess things like Narcan. I know some people disagree with harm reduction measures on the grounds that they "enable" addiction but I think it is possible to make sure some can use as "safely" as possible and still encourage them to get help and eventually stop using. When I was in active addiction and it was really bad, I didn't care about my health or potentially dying anyway. The amount of times I heard, "You'll die if you carry on like this"...and it had absolutely no impact on how I chose to live. Being able to safely and "cleanly" use is not this massive enablement of drug addiction or "go ahead" signal that a lot of people think it is, IMO – the majority of addicts will still continue to use and use to the same degree with or without these measures or harm reduction sites. They don't really have much bearing on the want or need to use, IMO, and that seems to be what people who disagree with them are saying: that harm reduction sites = encouraging more using. I very much disagree with that.
     
  9. azure

    azure Well-Known Member

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    If you search for MM, the only site mentioning a*diction (not adding to the fracas) I can find is WS...I hope everyone is working with good information here.
     
  10. KatieLH

    KatieLH Active Member

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    Thank you so much! That really means a lot. It definitely isn't easy, but it is worth it – over the past six years I've definitely had to adjust my expectations when it comes to what things are worth. Like, being sober is so hard a lot of the time and requires constant hard work and questioning yourself and reworking through trauma and before, to me, that kind of life would not be classed as worth it or even liveable – but now it is so worth it that I wake up every day and choose to remain sober for it.

    I think a lot about your "JMO" point because my friend was actually sectioned and in a psychiatric hospital not long before he left the country, and I remember saying to my sister that, while involuntary sectioning can be awful, I wished he could have been held there for longer, and she was like "...And then what? Held until when?" and I was like...eesh, yeah. You're right, my parents could have locked me in a room with a bucket – I actually got sober for a month to "prove" to my family I could, and as you predicted, as soon as the month was up I went straight back to my old life in a snap. Actions like that don't change you mentally, and they don't give you the help you need (that IMO so many parents cannot and should not be expected to provide – the help many addicts need is way beyond love or parental care, I needed medication, psychiatrists, people who had literally spent their lives figuring out how addiction works and presents itself). Time spent away from a substance, especially under duress, alone does not have the impact we want it to have. I was a dry drunk for months. Something triggers me now and I am right back there, wanting to relapse, feeling like I stopped drinking only yesterday. And I think about my friend and how I wanted him to essentially be "locked away" until he was better, but that's not how it works, and a big part of recovery – all of recovery – is having to live in the real world, and accept that you never get better, only that you learn how to live with whatever ails you in a way that is as healthy and worthwhile as possible. I struggle every day with the fact that I am here and somehow got through all the **** well enough to live, and he didn't. It's weird and sad and I don't know what could have made it better.
     
  11. wyome

    wyome Well-Known Member

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    Thank you so much for sharing this. My daughter carries narcan and volunteers at a needle extrange site. She's a 3rd year med student with heavy emphasis on drug addiction. She's going into Family medicine and hopes to serve those most vulnerable.
    I so appreciate your take. I've battled my own demons lately watching my mom die from dementia. I get depression and I also get needing anything to end the pain.
     
  12. heartgoesout

    heartgoesout Well-Known Member

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    I am so very sorry about your son.
     
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  13. KatieLH

    KatieLH Active Member

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    Wow, so much love and respect for your daughter! It always warms my heart soo much when I see people who are determined to help those struggling with addiction, because it still often feels like such a dirty word/dirty illness, if that makes sense...so much taboo and misunderstanding around it.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mom – I can't even imagine having to go through something so gutwrenching. My dad was critically ill a while ago (he survived it, miraculously) and having to navigate such an emotionally traumatic situation completely sober was a sharp learning curve. I was pretty new to sobriety then, too, and was new to learning how to navigate emotions without taking or using something to, as you said, end or numb the pain. It's terrifying. You mentioned you're battling demons – I really hope that they lift for you soon, friend. Sending you and your daughter lots of kind thoughts and love.
     
  14. MyJoey

    MyJoey Verified Family ~ Joseph “Joey” Ressler III

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    Aweeee want to say thank you all very much, Websleuths has the most caring people (((hugs))). Definitely didn’t want to make this about me and my son. My heart hurts so much for Matthew and his family. No matter how he died, a mother lost her son. I’m positive he either took his own life or it was drugs….I lean more towards drugs.
    @KatieLH congratulations, your a survivor. So proud of you and keep it moving forward.
     
  15. MyJoey

    MyJoey Verified Family ~ Joseph “Joey” Ressler III

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    Love this! Your daughter must be amazing. With the depression obviously it comes with loss, please talk to your Dr. there are meds that help. I finally did that a few months ago and it is helping.
    I’m hopeful in time Matthews family will use this to advocate change, to help others. I can see his beautiful face, as the face of a movement for change.
     
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  16. SaucyWalker

    SaucyWalker Well-Known Member

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    You would be surprised. Some parents don't realize the extent of their children's drug use. As long as the kid is getting up, going to school, has no legal problems, and manages to graduate, the parents will sometimes justify sending him or her away to college, even if they do so with serious reservations and anxiety.
     
  17. Shamrock1

    Shamrock1 Well-Known Member

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    100% this. My father was board-certified in addiction medicine (mom was involved SAHM) and missed my sibling’s heroin for years and years.
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2021
  18. MyJoey

    MyJoey Verified Family ~ Joseph “Joey” Ressler III

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    I agree, I shouldn’t have said that. I tend to relate things to my own experiences but they are all different to some degree. Some addicts/ users are more transparent and progress quicker then others.
     
  19. Hexinwynd

    Hexinwynd New Member

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    Police mentioned he was found by friends who mentioned he had taken pictures in a wooded area near the University. I searched from the very beginning for social media and found nothing …. Did he go by an alias?
     
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  20. Hexinwynd

    Hexinwynd New Member

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    I as well searched everywhere-today the news stated he was found in a wooded area when a student/friend alerted the authorities of pictures he took around that area and posted on social media?
     
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