Police Dept. Status Update

Discussion in 'News that makes you smile!' started by Yoda, Oct 26, 2012.

  1. Yoda

    Yoda Master

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    This is brilliant!
    :floorlaugh:

    Brimfield Police Department Status Update:
    Dear College Halloween-ers,

    Hello from the Brimfield Police Department and your favorite (not) public servant, Chief Oliver. It’s that time of year again, when you all dress up, go to Kent and drink your favorite alcoholic beverages. The Kent Police Department will have a bevy of officers there to ensure public safety and watch you throw-up through your “Iron Man” mask. We will be sending officers, as will numerous other agencies, so I am confident with all of the officers present, things in Kent will be under control….

    Some of you choose to go to Kent and then come back to your off-campus housing here in Brimfield to continue the party. Please read the following advice, from your friendly neighborhood police officers. It may save you bail money and court costs….

    •Please stay out of the roadway. A couple years back while responding to a call, I nearly mowed down all of the Disney princesses. Although I have seen all of the Disney films and don’t remember the princesses being so scantily clothed….it was for sure Belle, Snow White. Cinderella and a few other princesses who were highly intoxicated. They nearly went the way of a herd of groundhogs, lying on the side of the roadway with tire marks across them. I could never explain to my daughters that their father was responsible for the death of Cinderella.

    •Keep the noise to a level acceptable to sober people. Noise draws attention. Loud noises bring the police. If we show up to Hallo-Palooza at your apartment, someone will be leaving with us. There will be a quick costume change from you portraying “Pirates of the Caribbean” to you being someone from “O’Brother, Where Art Thou”. Read: Jail clothes…..

    •Know your limit and be able to hold your liquor. We do NOT want to arrest you. We want you to have fun. We really DO NOT want to see you throw-up. It makes us all a little queasy.

    •It is never okay to throw bottles at us. If you do, we will chase you down and arrest you. If we cannot catch you….our dogs run like Olympic sprinters. They are undefeated in foot races and have also kept pace with cars six-cylinders and under. When bottles start flying the dogs get very protective of us…so, place all of your glass in the proper recycle containers.

    •If you fail to heed these little nuggets of advice and get arrested, you will be coming to a modern department with cameras located everywhere. Although in a drunken state it may seem “cool” to moon the camera or shout obscenities, in the long haul, it can be detrimental to finding gainful employment. What we do is public record and we are a transparent group. “Drunken Captain America Moons Police Camera” may sound funny…until a potential employer sees it while doing a background check. Yikes….that’s embarrassing.

    Have fun, be safe and act responsibly…….Chief Oliver.
     
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  3. carbuff

    carbuff There but for the grace of God go I

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    Rofl!!!
     
  4. scorekeeper

    scorekeeper New Member

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    Love it!!

    Sent to both of my kids in college since tomorrow is their big Halloween!!

    :floorlaugh::floorlaugh::floorlaugh:
     
  5. EGirl

    EGirl #RockportStrong

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    Love this! :rocker:
     
  6. Yoda

    Yoda Master

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    I love the 'he saw all the princess movies but didn't remember them dressed so scantily'!!
     
  7. tiredblondy

    tiredblondy New Member

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    LOL great thanks for sharing!
     
  8. oh_gal

    oh_gal New Member

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    I live near Brimfield, and this guy is one of my favorite people!!! He just tells it like it is. They have a facebook page, too, in case anyone would like a few more grins and giggles :) (Brimfield Police Department).
     

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