Pocket-
I'm determined to finish my thought/theory, and as succinctly as I'm able, lol.
Travis began regretting breaking up with Lisa even before the had left Mesa. The April texts & TA's journal of April reveal that same regret.
The relevant question imo is why Travis expressed regret then, and whether or not his regret was a reliable indication of how he actually felt about Lisa.
Throughout May, Travis became increasingly preoccupied with his breakup with Lisa, and increasingly depressed. He spoke of not being able to sleep for nights on end, of sitting in his dark room at night, despondent, and of not being able to focus on what he needed to get done.
In the days before he finally spoke with her by phone, he told his friends that he felt an absolute imperative to speak to Lisa, and to UNBURDEN HIMSELF to her. From what else he wrote, especially just before and just after he spoke with her, the unburdening he referred to had nothing to do with telling her he loved her or wished they hadn't broken up, or anything of the kind.
What Travis felt desperate to tell her was a confession, and the confession was that he had LIED TO HER. That he told Lisa he had lied, and what he had lied about, isn't speculation. It's fact.
What had he lied to her about? He had lied to her about what happened on one of the nights the had slashed tires, and about another night as well. On both nights, Travis had actually seen the in his/Lisa's parents' house, though he told Lisa he had not.
Why he lied to Lisa is a tangle I'm going to sidestep for now, and possibly forever, lol, at least when it comes to posting about it here.
The why of it isn't relevant to what I'm trying to express.
It is the fact that Travis lied to Lisa that matters, because it was the fact that he had lied to Lisa that had so tormented Travis for almost all of May.
Travis CAME CLEAN to Lisa, and felt "happy as a lark" afterwards. For a brief while.
's cresting of craziness fell squarely in this same timeframe. Travis tried to communicate to the that she needed to come clean (remember what he said to MariaM? About not being angry, but that she needed to come clean, that he would accept her no matter what, since she was a child of God? ) That was May 21 or 22.
I think Travis wanted to feel that way, and maybe he even did up until some point on the 25th, best guess.
What came exploding out of Travis on the 26th IMO was as much related to his own lying to Lisa as it was the lying to him.
Read the Gchat with that possibility in mind, and it reads very differently.
What he's expressing is his fury at realizing he had "sacrificed" so much of what he most valued for the , including his own integrity, honesty, and sense of self. And that he had done so for nothing and less than that, because all the reasons he had lied for her and to cover up her craziness to his friends were based on lies, start to finish, and told by a lying liar who refused to tell him the truth, even when he abjectly begged her to.
(Have lost the rest of this FOUR!!!!!TIMES! Grr.
, but I don't have the stamina to type all this up instead).
