So fed up and I'm about to commit child abuse

[peeples]

Correct Jeanna

It was a boy who choked him

Now it's a girl being cruel to Isaac.. Alec said she's mean to the girls as well.

This girl has been talked to before about her treatment of her classmates (not specifically Isaac) and was being watched carefully by the teacher, however Isaac's teacher left until next year to have surgery. Now it's an ongoing rotation of subs till the end of January, and she's already starting up. LIke i said Isaac is soo nice.. too nice at times and won't tell, he just shuts down. But what i found out today is that she's now sitting next to him and every time he tried to talk or raise his hand she'd whisper, "No one cares what you ****ing think *advertiser censored*" "no one wants to listen to your stupid *advertiser censored* mouth Isaac". According to Alec she was bragging about it on the playground and thinks it's hilarious she's had to move desks everyday because she's mean to everyone.
Obviously I'm getting this second hand from a 4th grader lol so i'll check my facts, but when confronted today Isaac admitted she's treating him like this. He won't admit it though unless someone else tells. He will NOT be the one to tell.

 

[JeannaT]

Hmm. What is the flipside here, peeples? Does Isaac have friends? It seems like from your writing he has friends - and this weirdo girl is victimizing him, and this boy bully has now been silenced.

 

[peeples]

Isaac says he has no friends, that all he has is Alec. School counselor says she sees him sitting and talking with other kids at lunch. But unless Alec plays with him at recess, he stands against the wall.

 

[believe09]

My son turned 10 Nov. 8th. He's and his twin brother are in 4th grade.

WHen he was choked they were in gym class. The boy who choked him is in spec. ed with an IEP. The school is limited on what they can do with an IEP child, (I have 2 other kids that have IEP's). As long as the parents can prove that the act was related to the child's disability that the IEP is based upon, the schools hands are pretty much tied, so i do have some sympathy for the school there..

However.. this child also has a 1 to 1 para educator assigned to him. According to what I was told, kids were supposed to be picking up the balls and the para. left the gym and the gym teacher went in her office to do something as well as grab the squirt bottle that the kids like being sprayed with after gym, and that is when everything happened.

No, they arent limited-there is an option to home school or invest resources for tutoring or placement elsewhere. The child who choked your son is not safe in a supervised integrated classroom or specials setting. JMVHO.

Choking does not spring to mind as a solution to whatever pressure that child is feeling. Someone outside of the home and the school needs to help to determine what holes need to be filled-again, jmvho.

 

[believe09]

Correct Jeanna

It was a boy who choked him

Now it's a girl being cruel to Isaac.. Alec said she's mean to the girls as well.

This girl has been talked to before about her treatment of her classmates (not specifically Isaac) and was being watched carefully by the teacher, however Isaac's teacher left until next year to have surgery. Now it's an ongoing rotation of subs till the end of January, and she's already starting up. LIke i said Isaac is soo nice.. too nice at times and won't tell, he just shuts down. But what i found out today is that she's now sitting next to him and every time he tried to talk or raise his hand she'd whisper, "No one cares what you ****ing think *advertiser censored*" "no one wants to listen to your stupid *advertiser censored* mouth Isaac". According to Alec she was bragging about it on the playground and thinks it's hilarious she's had to move desks everyday because she's mean to everyone.
Obviously I'm getting this second hand from a 4th grader lol so i'll check my facts, but when confronted today Isaac admitted she's treating him like this. He won't admit it though unless someone else tells. He will NOT be the one to tell.

Sounds like the school committee is a better and better option for you. Document, document, document.

Physical safety in school is paramount, then emotional safety....at least in my experience it is up to us to defend our children and make sure the schools are walking the walk with the anti bullying problem-does your school system include teasing as an example of bullying?

 

[PeggyAnnMcKay]

That is something I long to do, but was not cut out for unfortunately

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. Isaac is a very lucky little guy to have such a loving mom on his side.

If you ever want to talk about homeschooling, I'm in my 14th year homeschooling my kids and I'd be happy to help you in any way that I can. I know it isn't for everyone, but if you want to talk - I'm here for you.

 

[keeponsearching]

Peeples, I feel for you. My son was never touched but emotional bullied too. He sounds just like your son.
Now my son has told me some of the boys are fighting at recess, and he just runs from them. I asked him, like play fighting, he says no I don't think so. I want him to make friends because he has none, the teacher also told me he is always around kids, but does that mean they are friends. SO now he stands around the boys that are making trouble and I sit here and have to tell him to move on, because you will get in trouble to by just being there. There is no end

Where are the teachers that are suppose to be supervising the children. I walk my kids to the playground in the morning, and I see some activities the teachers that are suppose to be supervising are missing. These things should not go unnoticed.

I will talk to my son again, he is 7 and in second grade. And I will be talking to the principal about this issue.

I can not home school either. But I wonder if I made a huge mistake on the move we made, more of a city school, but the bullies were back in the country too.

I just can't believe the school has done nothing for you. I see no reason why brothers can not be in the same class. In both schools my kids have been to, they allow.

 

[JeannaT]

Isaac says he has no friends, that all he has is Alec. School counselor says she sees him sitting and talking with other kids at lunch. But unless Alec plays with him at recess, he stands against the wall.

So it sounds like he's not being rejected by most of the kids - he's just not engaging?

Our school district allows parents of twins to make the decision about whether to place their children in the same elementary classroom or separate them - and it's kind of a hard decision.

Best wishes.

 

[MayraMM]

My son is being horribly bullied.. it's not just emotional, but has escalted to physical. A few weeks ago he was chocked unconcious, and then upon waking had an asthma attack so severe he had to be rushed to the ER.


I've had conferences with the principle, teachers, school counselor.. it's not getting any better.. the child that choked him was suspended and then allowed back into school into his class. That child leaves him alone now... but now it's yet another child doing the bullying.. I've confirmed that Isaac has never ever even raised his voice in class. He's my kind of meek child. Teachers principle, and counselor all say that when the kids are talked to they all say Isaac did nothing to them. (just wanted to make that clear as I'm not one of those parents that thinks my child can do no wrong). I'm going to the school yet again tomorrow, and this time, i'm thinking of telling the princple that if she doesn't do something about this child.. I WILL!

ETA: Isaac is such a good boy you guys, he never complains We didn't even find out he was choked until at the hospital and only because other kids in the class told what happened, then Isaac told us..... He also has a twin brother, they are in seperate classes, but Alec tells me what goes on.

I agree with filing formal charges, but I think you also need to do something to help your child help himself. I strongly suggest a good martial arts program geared towards children; not so he can beat up his attackers (although that is an added benefit), but so he will have self confidence exuding from his every pore. He will no longer be a target. Predators, even children predators, instinctively know how to pick out their victims.

My son was special ed. I was worried when he went from home schooled to a public school that he would be made fun of and picked on. He's a little guy, thin, short (tho he's sprouting up now), where's glasses, the whole shebang. He also had been in martial arts for 3 years by the time he got to school. Twice he was messed with. One time someone was poking him with a pencil. He snatched the pencil, broke it in half, and threw it aside, then went back to what he was doing. The guy left him alone. The second time some guy was trying to tease and puts hands on him. He grab the kid's hand, squeezed, and told him he picked the wrong person to mess with. The kid left. Neither time did he hit anybody, raise his voice, or cause a scene. Now, everyone loves him, calls him ninja, and think he's great. When he walks on campus, I hear people greeting him from across the school. He walks with confidence because of his training, and because of his training he knows how to protect himself, which comes across in his bearing. More importantly, because of his training, he knows when NOT to use it.

I highly recommend it for any bullied child.

 

[SapphireSteel]

My kids are grown and didn't go through hardly any bullying, but there were a couple of incidents. Here's my experience -

My daughter was being bullied and she'd told me about it. I can't recall the actual details but it was a "first year in high school" type of thing where the girls are as nasty as wet cats.

We went to the school, the guidance counsellor, they "counselled" the bullies and nothing changed...until the day my kids were at the local shops and the little madam and her crew started their act in there, on both of them.

I found out who she was, and where she lived.

I drove to the house, parked and waited just after school got out.

Mum turns up with little madam and a couple of other kids.

I stroll on up to her in the driveway and introduce myself. Little madam doesn't even both to say hello to anyone approaching her mum so had already ran off.

I told the mum, sorry, but I'm around here to let you know that Cassie has been bullying my daughter.

A cup of tea later, I was her new best friend and knew all the troubles, incidentally, what had been going on in that house wasn't pretty and (not surprisingly,) Cassie was a victim herself of a bullying older sibling. Poor mum was completely at a loss, grieving over the older sibling who was in jail, had lost control over her daughter, had no support from her husband.

Anyway she called Cassie in and I told her who I was, what I was doing there, what I knew about her behaviour and that she needed to quit right now before I got the police involved. Her mum was a bit teary so I said...do you want to cause your mum even more grief? because I assure you I will have you charged if you don't pull your head in.

Little madam had come straight back at me with hands on hips until I said that about her mum. Then I saw the hurt, angry, sad little girl she really was...she burst into tears and ran away.

Mum and I promised to have coffee together and hugged.

My daughter came up to me next day at school and said, "mum, you are AWESOME" and high fived me. Which never happened.

Cassie had apparently taken one look at my daughter at school the next day, and melted into the woodwork, along with her cronies...never to reappear (I had told Cassie I intended to track down every last one of their parents, too).

My daughter proceeded through her high school years without one single incident from that day on.

Momma bear=1 Bullying = 0 :rocker:

I remember being very annoyed at the school's reaction to it all...it was almost a "sweep it under the carpet" sort of thing. They didn't even contact the bullies parents about it. Not good enough. I strongly believe the only way to deal with bullies is to drag them into the daylight. It's everyone's problem.

I hope someone gets something out of my story.

Oh I also approached a feral father of a feral kid at soccer, who was bullying my son. He said he didn't know. I said, you do now so I expect it to stop. Then I gave the kid a glare from the 9th ring of mum hell and that problem seemed to evaporate as well.

Not that I would necessarily advocate my approach, certainly not in more serious cases, but I personally had no choice, it was instinct...I had to defend my cubs.

:cow:

 

[margarita25]

I'm looking, but not seeing (probably bc my eyes are shot from the DR thread and pages about the unconnected fishing pole:banghead

Have you spoken to the parent? I teach special ed. I am here to help however possible, pm me if you need to.

 

[txsvicki]

Is the main problem during gym? If so, maybe that is where there is lack of supervision and the kids play way too rough and get out of hand. Since your son was choked maybe he is now afraid of getting hurt. Maybe he would appreciate having his counseling during recess for awhile or going to a class instead. Maybe you could request an ard meeting and get your own iep. I would probably demand a change of class room or even a transfer to another school based on state or federal laws. Some state laws even say that a school can be made to pay for private school if they ignore bullying and don't give a child an appropriate education. Most adults couldn't even imagine being forced back into the same situation after being choked into the ER but kids are expected to just carry on.

 

[PMLsmom]

That is something I long to do, but was not cut out for unfortunately

I was not cut out to homeschool either, but I found K12 public schools on line. The curriculum is on-line based (with accompanying book work, etc), and there is a teacher in the area that physically checks on their progress and meets with you and child.

Check and see if the free, public school is available in your area. They send you the books, every thing the student needs, even a computer and printer if you need it...

http://www.k12.com/

 

[BethInAK]

I hope someone gets something out of my story.

It most certainly supports my belief is that most kids aren't BAD- they are troubled. The girl you describe was acting out because her home life sucked, and while what she did was awful, she was not an awful girl.

I hope that people can approach bullying situations with that in mind. Bullying is usually a parent issue and not a kid issue. Kids need to be taught how to act, and some parents are too stupid to realize that.

My kid has been bullied and teachers, the head of security at the school and the counselors at aftercare did nothing to help me stop it. I ended up speaking to the kids directly - the same way I would if my kid did something unacceptable (Except nicer, because if my kid bullied another, he'd be in some serious ***** with me). It usually helped. One time it helped for a couple of months and then it started back up again - this kid was obviously troubled himself - and probably picked on himself.

In the end, we changed schools. The new school is much more in tune with my ideals about what appropriate behavior is. While it was hard "breaking in" in a school with little or no census change in 2nd grade (he is the only new 2nd grader) over the past few months he has made several friends, and people seek him out. I think he has found his place.

 

[Sha]

Maybe they should have armed guards at recess too. Damn, this makes my blood boil. My autistic son was bullied too, and these kids should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Maybe not ARMED guards... that's going a bit too far. But at least scary looking ex-marines, you know?? I hate bullies.

Peeples, I feel for you. My son was never touched but emotional bullied too. He sounds just like your son.
Now my son has told me some of the boys are fighting at recess, and he just runs from them. I asked him, like play fighting, he says no I don't think so. I want him to make friends because he has none, the teacher also told me he is always around kids, but does that mean they are friends. SO now he stands around the boys that are making trouble and I sit here and have to tell him to move on, because you will get in trouble to by just being there. There is no end

Where are the teachers that are suppose to be supervising the children. I walk my kids to the playground in the morning, and I see some activities the teachers that are suppose to be supervising are missing. These things should not go unnoticed.

I will talk to my son again, he is 7 and in second grade. And I will be talking to the principal about this issue.

I can not home school either. But I wonder if I made a huge mistake on the move we made, more of a city school, but the bullies were back in the country too.

I just can't believe the school has done nothing for you. I see no reason why brothers can not be in the same class. In both schools my kids have been to, they allow.

 

[SapphireSteel]

Maybe they should have armed guards at recess too. Damn, this makes my blood boil. My autistic son was bullied too, and these kids should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Maybe not ARMED guards... that's going a bit too far. But at least scary looking ex-marines, you know?? I hate bullies.

An easier answer is zero tolerance.

Schools need to have an anti bullying policy, and enforce it.

I find that it is so common now that it is easier for them just to ignore and keep teaching. This is no longer a good enough response.

Every teacher knows their pupils. They know the pecking order and who bullies whom. They need to get a bit more involved in supporting the underdog in my opinion. A lot of this bullying happens right under their noses.

While I don't think it should be their JOB to sort out the bullies, I do believe that there needs to be a counsellor at every school who actively works to expose (or help!) the bullies, and teachers need better training on how to recognise it and initiate appropriate interventions.

A bullying child is usually a hurting child. We are seeing the results of child abuse right in front of our eyes, but still just blaming the bully. Nine tenths of these kids are bullied at home so learn the behaviour and use it to victimise others.

 

[BethInAK]

An easier answer is zero tolerance.

Schools need to have an anti bullying policy, and enforce it.

I find that it is so common now that it is easier for them just to ignore and keep teaching. This is no longer a good enough response.

Every teacher knows their pupils. They know the pecking order and who bullies whom. They need to get a bit more involved in supporting the underdog in my opinion. A lot of this bullying happens right under their noses.

While I don't think it should be their JOB to sort out the bullies, I do believe that there needs to be a counsellor at every school who actively works to expose (or help!) the bullies, and teachers need better training on how to recognise it and initiate appropriate interventions.

A bullying child is usually a hurting child. We are seeing the results of child abuse right in front of our eyes, but still just blaming the bully. Nine tenths of these kids are bullied at home so learn the behaviour and use it to victimise others.

Also anti bully training for kids - empowering them to stand up against bullies, to know that to not stand up against a bully picking on someone else is the same as going along with one. Giving kids tools to deal with bullies.

 

[rachaellouise]

Unfortunately anti bullying policies in schools are merely there to save face and not Actually enforced. JMO

Peeples I'm so sorry about your son, and I can only imagine the momma bear rage flowing through you right now!

 

[LotsaLatte]

I've been through this with more than one child and I'll tell you, being involved like you are is the best thing! Keep at it - it's exhausting but be assertive. Don't be meek in any meetings and by all means, make your presence known. I don't mean to be aggressive in any way, just assertive. You and your children have a right to safety along with the education THAT YOUR TAX DOLLARS finance. I am not familiar with the regulations in your state but I would be very aware and prepared whenever you meet about anything. Knowledge is power.
There is so much great input in all the posts above! We did martial arts - builds confidence and trains for self-defense. I home schooled and then you may have some online options for education in your area. As well, I completely agree that law enforcement should be involved. The day your son was choked - that is where it should have started with law enforcement. I had the same thing happen with one of my sons. The kid choked him (my son also has asthma), the police were called and the other kid went to juvenile detention and there was an automatic restraining order. Listen, if one of the teachers choked another teacher - guess what? The police would be involved. Why is it that children have to suffer the BS of bullying when it is treated as a crime in the workplace, home, etc.? I am a firm believer that the earlier you show that there are REAL consequences for your actions, the better. It is NEVER okay at any age to choke someone until they pass out. Period. I feel for you, it's heartbreaking and I applaud your patience and parenting. On another note, I find it odd to automatically put related students in separate classrooms for no other reason than that they are related. We don't have that policy here.

 

[Sonya610]

My son is being horribly bullied.. it's not just emotional, but has escalted to physical. A few weeks ago he was chocked unconcious, and then upon waking had an asthma attack so severe he had to be rushed to the ER.

Peeples can you enroll him in a martial arts class? To build up his confidence and teach him how to defend himself?

The school should fix the problem but they probably won't. Teach him the skills he needs and help him overcome this problem.