The Sleeping Twins

[kiltubrid]

It is very heartbreaking ThoughtFox, what I dont understand is how could Kate be sick of dealing with her children if they were in creche for the most part of everyday, the parents had a lot of me time but not a lot of kid time.

She still would have been involved in daily routines such as getting the children up and dressed, getting them to eat at mealtimes, giving them baths and putting them to bed. Those times can be the most trying times of all for parents, even when both parents are involved and the kids are generally well-behaved. They are all favorite battle and meltdown times for kids.

Add to that equation being in a strange place, a father who sounds like more of a playmate for his children than a help-mate to his wife, a child with behavior problems, and three children under the age of four, and I get exhausted just thinking about it. I can understand how Kate must have felt very frustrated, especially if she thought of this time as her vacation, too.

I recently read an article that that talked about what a great father Gerry was and gave as an example that on the evening of May 3, while Kate fed the twins in the restaurant, he had Maddie nearby on the beach, playing with her, and she was laughing and shrieking "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" Anyone with children knows the worst thing you can do with a child right before bed is to rile her up with a lot of horseplay. A good and responsible father would have taken her back to the hotel, given her a bath, and read her a few stories to settle her down, giving her some quality one-on-one time.

If Kate did lash out at Maddie at bedtime (and I know that's a big if at this point), she might have actually been more frustrated with Gerry and sick of the situation in general, and simply took it out on Maddie when the child refused to settle down.

I may be in the minority here, but I do think it's possible for a good mother to snap.

 

[BethInAK]

I may be in the minority here, but I do think it's possible for a good mother to snap.

You aren't in the minority. I have mornings where wrestling a toddler into his shoes is incredibly friustrating. On two occasions I have lost my temper and yelled much more loudly than necessary.

I think I'm a pretty good mom, except for the occasional screw up like that. Makes you feel just awful as soon as you yell too.

 

[CaliKid]

If Kate did lash out at Maddie at bedtime (and I know that's a big if at this point), she might have actually been more frustrated with Gerry and sick of the situation in general, and simply took it out on Maddie when the child refused to settle down.

According to a therapist I once knew, it's known as the "kick the dog" syndrome. Most families have pecking orders and for some parents it's so much easier to lash out at the defenseless kids than your spouse.

 

[ThoughtFox]

She still would have been involved in daily routines such as getting the children up and dressed, getting them to eat at mealtimes, giving them baths and putting them to bed. Those times can be the most trying times of all for parents, even when both parents are involved and the kids are generally well-behaved. They are all favorite battle and meltdown times for kids.

That's a good point, but let's face it - she is dealing with three kids who are all under 4 years old, and she had no nanny or relative to spell her off from it. Anyone would be overwhelmed by it, so I sympathize (I have three kids).

Having said that, I must also add that resenting kids because they have to be fed, bathed, and cared for at night is not normal. That's what parents have to do, and you just accept it if you are mature enough to be a parent.

Add to that equation being in a strange place, a father who sounds like more of a playmate for his children than a help-mate to his wife, a child with behavior problems, and three children under the age of four, and I get exhausted just thinking about it. I can understand how Kate must have felt very frustrated, especially if she thought of this time as her vacation, too.

Then they shouldn't have taken a "family vacation."

I recently read an article that that talked about what a great father Gerry was and gave as an example that on the evening of May 3, while Kate fed the twins in the restaurant, he had Maddie nearby on the beach, playing with her, and she was laughing and shrieking "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" Anyone with children knows the worst thing you can do with a child right before bed is to rile her up with a lot of horseplay. A good and responsible father would have taken her back to the hotel, given her a bath, and read her a few stories to settle her down, giving her some quality one-on-one time.

It sounds to many of us as if they just wanted the kids out of the way, instead of having that quality time.

I may be in the minority here, but I do think it's possible for a good mother to snap.

I don't think that is a minority view at all. In fact, I would say every mother snaps sometimes, but that could be ominous for Kate that people understand that even an angelic-appearing mother can have another side.

 

[Texana]

That's a good point, but let's face it - she is dealing with three kids who are all under 4 years old, and she had no nanny or relative to spell her off from it. Anyone would be overwhelmed by it, so I sympathize (I have three kids).

Having said that, I must also add that resenting kids because they have to be fed, bathed, and cared for at night is not normal. That's what parents have to do, and you just accept it if you are mature enough to be a parent.

Agreed.

 

[kiltubrid]

Having said that, I must also add that resenting kids because they have to be fed, bathed, and cared for at night is not normal. That's what parents have to do, and you just accept it if you are mature enough to be a parent.

Agreed. But what I was trying to say is that I'm not so sure she resented the kids as much as she may have resented the fact that her husband was no help.

I know many women in this situation who silently stew for long periods of time, and then just erupt. The dads typically think they're very good fathers because they play with the kids for a half-hour a few times a week but when there's real work to do, they check out. Many of them believe that they put in an 8-hour day at work (and a doctor is likely putting in even more time) and they deserve to relax when they're at home.

This sort of dynamic could really come to a head during a vacation, when Kate might reasonably have been expecting her husband to take on more responsibility with the children, since he didn't have the "have to go to work" excuse.

 

[Edwards20]

My child is a deep sleeper and could sleep through a tornado. She is not hyperactive. So, I don't think you could judge all children's personalities based on their sleeping habits.

As I was reading this post, I kept wondering how Kate could feel so overwhelmed with the children (if this is the case), yet have time to write a diary. I only have one child and ME time is not that often.

How long were they actual on this "holiday"/family vacation before this happened ? Not that long, right ? So do we think she could not handle them for just this short time and then snapped ?

Help me out here. I thought they had a Nanny but left her at home for this trip. If that is the case, then perhaps Kate NEVER had to deal with baths, and getting the girls to bed, etc.

So do we think the particular duties with this trip overwhelmed her ? Or did she EVER care for them at home ?

... just some random thoughts I had while reading this thread.

 

[BethInAK]

Agreed. But what I was trying to say is that I'm not so sure she resented the kids as much as she may have resented the fact that her husband was no help.

do we know gerry was a lazy-*advertiser censored* while Kate did all the childrearing and household stuff? I thought I remembered that the McCanns spoke of a nanny at home.

 

[southcitymom]

....I also have quite a bit of trouble when any parent says that their very young children are "hysterical." All young children have at least one little tantrum a day, and while we all get tired of dealing with that, it's a phase they go through while they test the limits, and after all they don't have control of their emotions. So while I agree that it is normal for any mother to be overwhelmed with three young kids, Kate seems to have had time away from them. What she seemed to resent is that her husband had "more" time away than she did, and that bothers me.

These kids were very close in age, and having Twins in addition to Maddie must have been quite a burden for anyone. But once you start believing that crying or arguing from a four-year-old is "hysteria," you can start to believe almost anything, and I just wonder if people might have had some depression going on.

I haven't read much of this thread yet, but - as someone who keeps journals - you would find entries in mine describing my kids negatively and bemoaning the fact that my life had changed post-children so much more than my husband's had! Additionally, there are plenty of times when I have seen 4-year-olds in hysteria - call it a tantrum or whatever you want - but it's still hysteria.

Journals are where you pour your feelings - and I couldn't begin to condemn a mother of 3 children for what she wrote in hers. Unless these journals contain detailed descriptions of a plot to kill and hide her daughter, I suspect they are just one more red herring. They'll give us plenty ot talk about, but they are not a real clue as to who's got this little girl.

 

[southcitymom]

....Cali - I think this is a very good line of questioning. I mean, you can't have it both ways. Either the children were hyper or they were good sleepers (which, generally, means a calmer type child).

Well I did and still do. My boys are bouncing off the walls when awake, but go to sleep well and sleep like rocks when asleep!

 

[Texana]

do we know gerry was a lazy-*advertiser censored* while Kate did all the childrearing and household stuff? I thought I remembered that the McCanns spoke of a nanny at home.

Yes, they did have a nanny. It's a fact not mentioned often.