I can honestly say I spent the night (many nights) with a very close family member and I was sexually molested by this trusted family member...no red flags for anyone to pick up on and No, I never told as I was too scared...I'm now 60 yrs old and the only person who knows is one of my sisters who is 5 years older than me. Sadly, she was sexually abused by this same family member. We only had this discussion between ourselves 3 years ago when she mentioned she didn't want to attend a family gathering because this family member was going to be there. I immediately recognized her pain and that is when we discovered that both of us had been abused by this monster. She now lives with the guilt that if she had said something maybe she could have " saved" me...I tell her no, it probably would have happened anyway as those were the days (50 years ago) that children were not believed!
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Respectfully Snipped By Me
I am close in age. In those days, my Mother and other adults referred to "them" as perverts. So did we (the neighborhood kids). My Mother (and Father) were highly educated and taught us that our bodies belonged to us, and no adult had the right to touch us.
I didn't tell. I couldn't even grasp exactly what this crap was to be frank. It was a trusted male.
When I was approaching puberty-I told (I grasped it. I had a voice. I challenged. I was able to answer back.), but I was older than I was when my earlier run-in occurred and it was a different predator-a trusted female employee.
The times were different then, but I immediately told and my Mother questioned me only very, very briefly. She left the area where she was immediately (Without me-I recall she refused to allow me to be there during her confrontation.), confronted her employee and fired her on the spot. There was not the same kind of open discussion I had with my own children when raising them, but my freedom was not curtailed.
I also recall my Mother laying into an older adult male whom likely was grooming my brothers one summer. I can recall her verbally laying him out after she noted he was supplying my brothers with bank quarter rolls (for pinball machines and pool table games, etc). He had befriended the summer group of kids and somehow he always appeared at the community center when we, the summer kids, were there without our parents. She noted that. Again, the times were different and it wasn't discussed in the same manner that I and she discussed with my children, her grandchildren.
I told my Mother about my earlier incidents only when she was in her 70s. She cried like a baby. With regard to trusted friends and family members, the child must be educated and the education needs to be ongoing and revisited and age-appropriate. The parent and child need to have open communication. However, obviously, still no guarantee.
I believe there should be no secrets. So did my Mother, and she could not have been alone. It happens. Personally, I believe discussions about sexuality should begin early-healthy, age-appropriate sexuality. The world is not made up of predominately predators and pedophiles, but they are among us and likely have always been. But children, pre-teens and teens must be allowed age-appropriate freedom and independence. Childhood, healthy sexuality and age-appropriate independence should not be destroyed nor sacrificed.
Even with an openness between parent and child, there is no guarantee one's child is safe. We are on a crime board. We are attuned to these realities for whatever reasons. Others continue to learn.
Education from an early age-an on-going education, openness between parent and child as long as possible, an openness about healthy sexuality and discussion about ownership of the child's own body as well as, IMO, a healthy disrespect or ability to challenge authority figures, can help, but again not a guarantee.
