TN - Timothy Reid, 15 mos, dies in hot car, Chattanooga, 1 May 2007

[crash676]

I hate that this happened to this poor child. But I know how these things happen. One morning not long ago I was on my way to work. I had not gotten enough sleep the night before and was deeply exhausted. I was driving down the expressway when I heard a voice from out of nowhere. Mommy where are we going the school is back that way? I had driven 21 miles down the interstate on my way to work and forgot to drop off my 3 year old at daycare. I just thank god that he is able to talk and let me know when something is wrong. I was mortified mainly because I had forgotten to do something so simple and angry at myself that could happen. I am not excusing it by any means but can honestly see how it happens. The best thing a parent can do and I do it is to put something that reminds you of your child on the passenger seat next to your purse etc. When my other half would take my son to daycare when he was a baby I would make sure he put the diaper bag on top of his briefcase on the passenger side. That way if he forgot he would see the diaper bag and figure why the heck it was there. Not a perfect solution but an answer none the less.

 

[narlacat]

No question about this, narlacat. But I am talking about the father in this case, and there is absolutely nothing I've read about this situation that would lead me to think this opinion applies to him in any way, shape or form

You've got to be joking South- he FORGOT about his BABY, left him in a hot car for seven hours and the baby DIED- that's enough for me to know he shouldnt have been in a position for that to happen, nothing is more important than your kids-
This guy didn't deserve to have kids- obviously what was going on for him was more important than the welfare of his child.

 

[shopper]

I never said I was perfect, I don't believe I am, yet I will still stand by the fact that I would never ever leave my child in a car. This is why I choose pharmacies only with drive through service.
Can I imagine it? Perhaps, in my worst nightmare yes. And I bet you this is what is happening to this father. I can not fathom how this can happen, that is what I am saying. Of all the things that could happen during the day to trigger that something isn't right, and none of them happened to save this poor baby's life. A phone call from the wife, the alarm going off on the car, someone asking him about how his kids are doing, something, ANYTHING, but instead, nothing.

I can be pretty ditzy at times. I get myself into situations that just plain suck sometimes. On Tuesday I had to run back home with my 2.5 year old in the car to get my checkbook real quick. (I was gone MAYBE 30 seconds) I went through my garage which is off my kitchen and my checkbook was on the table. I left the car running since I had the AC on, it was a hot day. I got back to the car to find all the stupid doors are locked. My keys in the ignition, my purse and phone in the car, my son strapped in the carseat. It's a 2 door so the unlock button is too far for him to reach. Out of some luck, the back window hatch was unlocked so I climbed through that way.
I once slammed my son's fingers in a car door, I have hit his head on a door frame while carrying him, sometimes I hit his head on the ceiling of the car when I'm getting him in his car seat.
I am not perfect, never will I claim to be. It does not take a perfect person to be able to wonder how the hell someone can leave their 15 month old strapped in their car seat and go about their day.
I would expect, if out some of irony, it ever happens to me, that you will be here to start a thread about me and tell me what a horrible parent I am and how stupid I am. I would deserve it.

I do have mixed feelings about the father being charged. Losing a child is losing a child is losing a child. Whether it be from this, a car accident, murder, whatever, the grief is still the same. I believe his acts (hopefully) were not intentional and that he should be able to be with his family.
However, I also feel that keeping these stories in the spotlight helps to show parents about the dangers out there and to always make sure you don't leave your baby in your car.

I agree that keeping a story like this in the spotlight will make people aware, I never said that things like this should be kept private.

And no ma'am, I would not be the one to start a thread about what I horrible parent you were if this ever happened to you. I'd be here posting about how awful I feel for you and that such a tragedy occured. I wouldn't be bashing you or saying how your other kids should be taken away from you. I'd feel nothing but compassion and offer my deepest sympathy.

I guess my thing is, look at the parent(s) in particular. Do they have a history of leaving their very young children at home alone? Leave them in shopping carts unattended while they look for something 2 aisles away? Let them roam around the neighborhood, never bothering to check on them and keep an eye on them? Are the kids filthy, hungry all the time? If parents have a pattern of neglect and then they leave their kids in a hot car all day, then IMO the criticism is warranted and deserved. But if the parents have never been anything but exemplary and the epitome of great parenting, then IMO I think the situation should be called for what it is, a tragic accident.

That's just me and my way of thinking. If you or anyone else wants to be so harsh and unforgiving then that's your right.

 

[southcitymom]

You've got to be joking South- he FORGOT about his BABY, left him in a hot car for seven hours and the baby DIED- that's enough for me to know he shouldnt have been in a position for that to happen, nothing is more important than your kids-
This guy didn't deserve to have kids- obviously what was going on for him was more important than the welfare of his child.

Not even joking a little bit!

I read numerous posts after an article about this of people who knew this man and his family. Everyone who knew them speak very highly to his character, devotion, love and stamina as a parent.

The only obvious thing about what happened to him and his infant child is that he made a terrible, life-altering mistake.

As I've stated repeatedly on this thread, I think this type of thing can and does happen to excellent parents. Most parents have a "what-if" story or two or twenty - I know I do, and others have shared theirs on this thread. Most of us don't have to pay the ultimate price like he did, but that doesn't make us better parents, it makes us luckier parents.

I personally don't even understand the mentality that "this guy doesn't even deserve kids." I'll bet his three remaining children feel differently.

I respect your opinion, but don't "get" it. Perhaps our parenting experiences have been different along these lines.

 

[tennessee]

I feel only sorrow for this man and his family.

I only wish I were as perfect as some other parents and never did anything that could ever harm one of my children. I will never be up for sainthood because I am far from a perfect parent.

May this man and his family find the strength to get through this tragedy and help others learn from this horrible accident.

 

[SewingDeb]

You've got to be joking South- he FORGOT about his BABY, left him in a hot car for seven hours and the baby DIED- that's enough for me to know he shouldnt have been in a position for that to happen, nothing is more important than your kids-
This guy didn't deserve to have kids- obviously what was going on for him was more important than the welfare of his child.

I wouldn't want him caring for my child. Sorry, no sympathy for him...he had all day (not really because it doesn't take long for a car to heat up) to remember and did not. My sympathy is for the mother and siblings who had to hear the bad news and have to live with the loss of their loved one in this senseless manner.

 

[narlacat]

Not even joking a little bit!

I read numerous posts after an article about this of people who knew this man and his family. Everyone who knew them speak very highly to his character, devotion, love and stamina as a parent.

The only obvious thing about what happened to him and his infant child is that he made a terrible, life-altering mistake.

As I've stated repeatedly on this thread, I think this type of thing can and does happen to excellent parents. Most parents have a "what-if" story or two or twenty - I know I do, and others have shared theirs on this thread. Most of us don't have to pay the ultimate price like he did, but that doesn't make us better parents, it makes us luckier parents.

I personally don't even understand the mentality that "this guy doesn't even deserve kids." I'll bet his three remaining children feel differently.

I respect your opinion, but don't "get" it. Perhaps our parenting experiences have been different along these lines.

Perhaps they have been- I'm sorry but it is unforgiveable that this parent forgot about his child- there are no excuses for that- if people have to get a car seat that tells them their kids in it- there's something wrong with society-

 

[southcitymom]

Perhaps they have been- I'm sorry but it is unforgiveable that this parent forgot about his child- there are no excuses for that- if people have to get a car seat that tells them their kids in it- there's something wrong with society-

I KNOW this isn't news to you, sweet narla!

I don't really deal in unforgiveables, but I do understand the sentiments behind those feelings.

 

[narlacat]

I KNOW this isn't news to you, sweet narla!

lol you're right, it's not!


:blowkiss:

 

[narlacat]

I KNOW this isn't news to you, sweet narla!

I don't really deal in unforgiveables, but I do understand the sentiments behind those feelings.

Forgiveness is not my thing remember- but I work on it- I really do-

This kind of thing is a sign of the times- its all work and no play- everyone is tooo busy these days- and too stressed out and preoccupied

 

[Dena]

I agree that keeping a story like this in the spotlight will make people aware, I never said that things like this should be kept private.

And no ma'am, I would not be the one to start a thread about what I horrible parent you were if this ever happened to you. I'd be here posting about how awful I feel for you and that such a tragedy occured. I wouldn't be bashing you or saying how your other kids should be taken away from you. I'd feel nothing but compassion and offer my deepest sympathy.

I guess my thing is, look at the parent(s) in particular. Do they have a history of leaving their very young children at home alone? Leave them in shopping carts unattended while they look for something 2 aisles away? Let them roam around the neighborhood, never bothering to check on them and keep an eye on them? Are the kids filthy, hungry all the time? If parents have a pattern of neglect and then they leave their kids in a hot car all day, then IMO the criticism is warranted and deserved. But if the parents have never been anything but exemplary and the epitome of great parenting, then IMO I think the situation should be called for what it is, a tragic accident.

That's just me and my way of thinking. If you or anyone else wants to be so harsh and unforgiving then that's your right.

It is not my goal to come across as harsh and unforgiving. The forgiveness from me is pretty irrelevant, it is not me who needs to forgive him. It is his family, his other children, his wife.
I don't think that he should have his other children taken away, I never said that. I think that this family will need some serious counseling, and it will be up to the mother of his children (and court if she chooses) whether or not he should be with his children.
If it were me, I can not answer honestly if I could forgive my husband. My answer would be 99%, no, I don't think I could forgive him or look at him the same way. But this is me, and I don't expect everyone to agree with me.

Quite honestly, we have no idea if he was the type to leave his child in the cart or leave them in the car when he ran to get cigarettes. Neighbors wouldn't know these things, perhaps not even his wife, only he knows. So to use that at a basis for whether or not he was a good father, I don't agree.
There are people who would say I'm a wonderful mom, and others (my in laws probably) would say I wasn't.

My final thoughts on it is that I would love nothing more than for this family to be able to get through this ordeal and somehow remain a close family. I have no ill thoughts for the family, I just will never understand how nothing clicked in his brain that he left his baby in the car. I just don't get it, never will.

 

[kahskye]

It is not my goal to come across as harsh and unforgiving. The forgiveness from me is pretty irrelevant, it is not me who needs to forgive him. It is his family, his other children, his wife.
I don't think that he should have his other children taken away, I never said that. I think that this family will need some serious counseling, and it will be up to the mother of his children (and court if she chooses) whether or not he should be with his children.
If it were me, I can not answer honestly if I could forgive me husband. My answer would be 99%, no, I don't think I could forgive him or look at him the same way. But this is me, and I don't expect everyone to agree with me.

Quite honestly, we have no idea if he was the type to leave his child in the cart or leave them in the car when he ran to get cigarettes. Neighbors wouldn't know these things, perhaps not even his wife, only he knows. So to use that at a basis for whether or not he was a good father, I don't agree.
There are people who would say I'm a wonderful mom, and others (my in laws probably) would say I wasn't.

My final thoughts on it is that I would love nothing more than for this family to be able to get through this ordeal and somehow remain a close family. I have no ill thoughts for the family, I just will never understand how nothing clicked in his brain that he left his baby in the car. I just don't get it, never will.

If it were me, I can not answer honestly if I could forgive myself for not calling my husband and making sure my kids were all dropped off safely. Maybe I missed it, but was this the dad's normal routine to take the baby to daycare, or did the wife usually do it? I know that if I normally drove my kids and my dh did it one day, I would make darn sure I called him just for a peace of mind. My dh and I rarely go 7 hrs w/o a phone call to eachother. I can almost guess when the phone rings, that dh is calling to say "hi" and see how my day is going or how our dd is doing.

My thoughts and prayers are with this family. Maybe parents need to develop a "buddy system" and communicate w/ eachother more about their children to prevent these accidents in the future.

 

[southcitymom]

Forgiveness is not my thing remember- but I work on it- I really do-

This kind of thing is a sign of the times- its all work and no play- everyone is tooo busy these days- and too stressed out and preoccupied

I agree with this. I don't consider it an "excuse" but a reality. I think we see a larger reflection of the world in individual tragedies such as this.

 

[southcitymom]

These two parents will play Monday morning quarterback for the rest of their lives. Any parents would.

Their only true chance at healing, growth and understanding starts with forgiving themselves and each other. That's why forgiveness is vital.

Like prayer, forgiveness is never irrelevant - even from stranger to stranger.

 

[eve]

These two parents will play Monday morning quarterback for the rest of their lives. Any parents would.

Their only true chance at healing, growth and understanding starts with forgiving themselves and each other. That's why forgiveness is vital.

Like prayer, forgiveness is never irrelevant - even from stranger to stranger.

Amen, South. :blowkiss:

But for the grace of God go I. I certainly hope some of the harsher posters on this issue never have to eat their words or worse. I too have had the experience of realizing how terribly fallible I am, even in my most important job as parent. As the parent of two teens and a 20 year old, I have even less control over safety issues than when they were babies.

Forgiveness is always relevant, I agree with you. I pray for this family.

Eve

 

[LovingTheChaos]

If it were me, I can not answer honestly if I could forgive myself for not calling my husband and making sure my kids were all dropped off safely. Maybe I missed it, but was this the dad's normal routine to take the baby to daycare, or did the wife usually do it? I know that if I normally drove my kids and my dh did it one day, I would make darn sure I called him just for a peace of mind. My dh and I rarely go 7 hrs w/o a phone call to eachother. I can almost guess when the phone rings, that dh is calling to say "hi" and see how my day is going or how our dd is doing.

My thoughts and prayers are with this family. Maybe parents need to develop a "buddy system" and communicate w/ eachother more about their children to prevent these accidents in the future.

I agree with this. I also have an agreement with my sitter (it is an in home sitter situation). If she has not seen me by the time she expected me, she calls me. There have been a couple of times when the kids were sick, & I neglected to call her before 9:30 AM or so to tell her we aren't coming. She always calls to make sure everything is OK. She is family, & a friend, & a mother, I love her to death - & we have had talks about this in the past. I would never hold her to it, after all, it is my responsibility, but boy does it make me feel good about her when she calls to see if we are OK.

 

[joeskidbeck]

Amen, South. :blowkiss:

But for the grace of God go I. I certainly hope some of the harsher posters on this issue never have to eat their words or worse. I too have had the experience of realizing how terribly fallible I am, even in my most important job as parent. As the parent of two teens and a 20 year old, I have even less control over safety issues than when they were babies.

Forgiveness is always relevant, I agree with you. I pray for this family.

Eve

Well said Eve. I managed to raise my two daughters without any major "accidents", but I had an "attention getter" happen to me on this very subject.

I take my eight year old granddaughter to school every day, no exceptions, whether or not I have to work. One day, my daughter asked me to take my 14 month grandson to daycare too. She put his car seat in my car and strapped him in before me and the g.d. came out of the house. (he was never alone-I'm walking out of the door as she pulling out of the drive).

I dropped my g.d. off at her school and then proceed to go to work. My grandson's car seat was behind my seat and he fell asleep as soon as that car started rolling. I was almost to work when I heard him wake up and laugh. Had to turn around, but I was truly thanking God, because what if he hadn't woken up? I would like to believe that I would have seen him in the back before I locked the car, but who can know for sure?

My sympathy is with this man and his family. They need all of our prayers and good thoughts.

 

[shopper]

It is not my goal to come across as harsh and unforgiving. The forgiveness from me is pretty irrelevant, it is not me who needs to forgive him. It is his family, his other children, his wife.
I don't think that he should have his other children taken away, I never said that. I think that this family will need some serious counseling, and it will be up to the mother of his children (and court if she chooses) whether or not he should be with his children.
If it were me, I can not answer honestly if I could forgive my husband. My answer would be 99%, no, I don't think I could forgive him or look at him the same way. But this is me, and I don't expect everyone to agree with me.

Quite honestly, we have no idea if he was the type to leave his child in the cart or leave them in the car when he ran to get cigarettes. Neighbors wouldn't know these things, perhaps not even his wife, only he knows. So to use that at a basis for whether or not he was a good father, I don't agree.
There are people who would say I'm a wonderful mom, and others (my in laws probably) would say I wasn't.

My final thoughts on it is that I would love nothing more than for this family to be able to get through this ordeal and somehow remain a close family. I have no ill thoughts for the family, I just will never understand how nothing clicked in his brain that he left his baby in the car. I just don't get it, never will.

It's your right on whether or not to forgive anyone for anything, loved one or stranger. If my husband did the same thing, I would know that it was an accident because he is nothing but a loving and attentive father, so I'd know he didn't purposely harm our child. I pray I never find out how I'd react, as I'm sure you do too.

I guess I just think that all parents know how hard it is to work, take care of the kids, do a million other things, manage to get enough sleep, and find time to take care of ourselves without making the slightest error in judgment that would cause harm to our children. And honestly, there may have been a time that you were thisclose to something happening to one of your kids, when your eye was turned away, or you were sleep deprived or stressed to the max. Something you couldn't see or imagine in a million years happening to you or yours because you think you are 100% on your game, 100% of the time. That's why it's never a good idea to be so unforgiving (even to a stranger) when an obvious ACCIDENT happens, you never know when karma may come back on you.

Again, that's just me.

 

[less0305]

I feel only sorrow for this man and his family.

I only wish I were as perfect as some other parents and never did anything that could ever harm one of my children. I will never be up for sainthood because I am far from a perfect parent.

May this man and his family find the strength to get through this tragedy and help others learn from this horrible accident.

Excellent sentiment and wording. I agree wholeheartedly, Tennessee.

 

[Dena]

I guess I just think that all parents know how hard it is to work, take care of the kids, do a million other things, manage to get enough sleep, and find time to take care of ourselves without making the slightest error in judgment that would cause harm to our children. And honestly, there may have been a time that you were thisclose to something happening to one of your kids, when your eye was turned away, or you were sleep deprived or stressed to the max. Something you couldn't see or imagine in a million years happening to you or yours because you think you are 100% on your game, 100% of the time. That's why it's never a good idea to be so unforgiving (even to a stranger) when an obvious ACCIDENT happens, you never know when karma may come back on you.

Again, that's just me.

Karma and forgiveness are two different things in my book. Forgiveness IS irrelevant when it does not matter to the person you are forgiving. I can tell you this guy could care less if I forgive him.

How did I become the bad guy? All I have ever said is that I don't understand how someone could leave their baby in a hot car for 7 hours. Telling me about karma won't change my mind on that.
I also never said I was 100% on my game 100% of the time. Again, I don't have to be to not understand how this could happen. I didn't understand it last year, and I won't understand it next year.

You know, there was the little boy that fell into a septic tank. It was an accident, but there were many people that crucified the father for leaving him alone for a minute. IMO, this is the same difference. Maybe that dad was tired and not thinking correctly? Avery & Tristan White... parents crucified.

I think I'm done posting on this one.