TX 43 y/o man & end of life decisions,almost ex-wife or parents?

[al66pine]

Another situation w end-of-life issues.

After 43 y/o man has heart attack and is unable to communicate decisions,
who should serve as his surrogate for medical decisions:
----wife, he has been estranged from for 5 years, or
----his parents.

Can we discuss, even though this poor man has died? RIP Mr. Mace.

From a law school professors' blog on April 2:
http://medicalfutility.blogspot.com/
March 6: Collapsed at home
March 18: Estranged wife arrives from Colorado (separated for 5 years and in midst of divorce proceedings)
March 20: Wife authorizes DNR
March 22: Wife authorizes removal of CANH
March 24: Williamson County, TX court grants TRO blocking wife's decisions
March 27: Court grants temporary guardianship to father
March 29: Hospital puts Mace on "comfort care"
April 1: Mace dies at 1:00 a.m.

A short article from a few days ago:
http://www.keyetv.com/news/features/top-stories/stories/texas-man-at-center-end-life-battle-dies-17150.shtml

Running into paywall at Austin TX Statesman link.
Off to find more info & links.
Mod: if this belongs elsewhere (jury room?) pls move.

 

[popsicle]

I hope that hospital has some signed paperwork from the family regarding removing the IV and feeding tube.

 

[hipmomx2]

I feel for all involved. I'm 35, my father is 57, usually so healthy and energetic, just found out his "cold" is Stage 3 throat cancer. His wife, ONE YEAR OLD THAN ME, is not a very...warm person. Capable of the "actions" of caring for him but doing it lovingly, Idk. His parents, my grandparents, and I are extremely scared about the decisions being hers to make. Like this man, they have only been married a couple years I absolutely understand the legal part but our hearts tell us her only concern is his money (always has been). He raised my brother and I alone and we feel, along with his parents, that we love him and care more about him as a person and wish that those type of decisions, if it becomes necessary, were ours to make. I would kill her myself before I allow her to put him in an institution.
Unlike this man, my father has all his faculties and a clear head. So how do you say to someone "I don't trust your wife to care for you?" Again, my heart goes out these families.

Sent from my LG-MS770 using Tapatalk

 

[al66pine]

I hope that hospital has some signed paperwork from the family regarding removing the IV and feeding tube.

From the law school prof's blog, from OP link:
"The family's lawyers say they believe there was a "communication barrier" between Mace's family and the hospital. .... They believe the hospital didn't explain "comfort care" to the family properly, and if they had known his tubes would be taken out, they would have gone back to court to have them reinstated."

Makes me wonder what if anything parents signed.

 

[michmi]

I feel for all involved. I'm 35, my father is 57, usually so healthy and energetic, just found out his "cold" is Stage 3 throat cancer. His wife, ONE YEAR OLD THAN ME, is not a very...warm person. Capable of the "actions" of caring for him but doing it lovingly, Idk. His parents, my grandparents, and I are extremely scared about the decisions being hers to make. Like this man, they have only been married a couple years I absolutely understand the legal part but our hearts tell us her only concern is his money (always has been). He raised my brother and I alone and we feel, along with his parents, that we love him and care more about him as a person and wish that those type of decisions, if it becomes necessary, were ours to make. I would kill her myself before I allow her to put him in an institution.
Unlike this man, my father has all his faculties and a clear head. So how do you say to someone "I don't trust your wife to care for you?" Again, my heart goes out these families.

Sent from my LG-MS770 using Tapatalk

I think, before it possibly metastasizes to the brain and impairs his judgment, you do need to have "that" conversation.

It's hard, no doubt. If you wish, you could nicely portray it as "dad, if you make someone else your health care power of attorney, that would take such a huge burden off your wife" or something along that line of thinking.

If he still refuses, you at least know you had that difficult conversation and he refused. It can bring some peace to you--you know you did what you could.